What Do I Say To An Ex I Haven't Seen In Years?

[DharmaBear]

So, I just found an ex I dated back in '96/'97. We had a great relationship, but in the end I just thought we were wrong for each other and broke it off. We were friends (with benefits) for a short while afterwards, but now haven't spoken in eight years. We just drifted apart.

I just found her on Classmates.com, and am thinking about dropping her a quick e-mail in the hopes to reconnect. Just to clarify: We now live on opposite ends of the states from each other now, she's married with a kid (I learned this through a mutual friend), and I have no interest, of course, in rekindling an intimate relationship. I just thought, on a friendship level, that we had a good connection before and would like to be in touch again.

Question: What do I say in this message to her? I'm thinking short, sweet, and something light and funny. I'm not wracking my brains over this, but I'm curious what you guys might say. I suspect she'd be happy to hear from me, but I don't want to say something that might make her feel awkward.


-Dharma

 

[DharmaBear]

I dig what you're saying, but I seriously doubt she'd consider this a move on my part to hook up with her again. I'd totally agree with you if I were looking at this as a way to get with her again. She lives 3,000 miles away, anyhow. I'm certainly not approaching it that way, and would not say anything to her to indicate that. We were good friends at one point. A different ex contacted me this way last year, and we've been on good friend terms ever since (she's also married). That's how I got this idea.

Any other thoughts?


-Dharma

 

[Sugar Bee]

If I was in her position and you called me, I'd think you were a serial killer.

 

[DharmaBear]

Really? I hadn't thought if it that way at all. That's why I thought it'd be a short, funny note to say hi and let her know I'd like to, at the very least, maybe just communicate by e-mail and catch up. Honestly, I just look at it as two friends catching up after a really long time apart. Am I way off here? Is there any way to approach this without coming off as "stalky?"


-Dharma

 

[italostud]

She has a life now with a husband and kids. Leave well enough alone.

 

[DharmaBear]

OK, I'm starting to sense a theme here.

Maybe I'll let it be, but I can't help wondering if that's a cop-out. I mean, in the global sense of things, should it really matter that we were a couple before? Like, when I'm on my death bed some day, will I think, "Gee, I'm glad I never wrote here, because she maybe might have found it creepy." Or, would I regret NOT doing it? I just think she's a cool chick and friend (at least I hope she still is cool), she thought I was a cool guy and friend, and I wanted to say hi.

I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong. You guys are making me think twice about it.


-Dharma

 

[Qualtran]

I see nothing wrong with getting in touch with ex's as long as you have absolutely no attachement to them anymore. In the last year I've hung out with a couple of ex's that I had serious LTRs with and it was no big deal, and actually pretty cool to see what they were up to and all. I really do not see the harm at all in simply saying "hey, hows life?"

 

[DharmaBear]

Right, no attachment (romantically, anyhow) whatsoever. That's exactly what I was thinking, Qualtran.



-Dharma

 

[Qualtran]

If you were trying to be a DJ in this situation, the other guys would be right. But it is my feeling that since your intentions fall outside the realm of trying to get with her, it is frivolous to say its a "waste of time" to call her. If you want to see how she is doing and know it wont mess up your head, do it.

 

[Skullcrusher]

Being on a dry spell or not being in a relationship for a long time can do this to you.

Hooking up with Exes or trying to Contact them is dumb. I don't give a **** about my exes.

 

[romangod]

Big mistake....

I think you're wasting your time contacting her and more importantly I think you're lying to yourself about your motives.

Why would anyone bother striking up a friendship with a former GF who's married and lives 3,000 miles away? What can you gain?

Nothing but heartache.

Stop lying to yourself.

 

[DharmaBear]

I don't think I can put into words just how over that relationship I am. There's no risk of heartache and there's certainly no oneitis. He!!, it's been eight years and I'm the one who broke it off! It has nothing to do with anything except that I found her on that website and I thought it'd be a nice gesture to say "Hi, how are you?" I can only assure you there are no other motives at all. Does the thought cross my mind, or would cross my mind if we started writing each other, of bending her over a chair and giving it her good pop in my head? Uh, yeah. I'm a dude, and we had good sex, she was hot, so yeah it's gonna enter my mind. No red-blooded guy can control that. But, I guarantee that's not what I'm after, particularly since she's a) married; b) has a kid; and c) lives a zillion miles away.


-Dharma

 

[tx_interface]

I ran into my ex the other day. I had not seen her in 2 years. What did I do then you ask? I backed my car up and ran into her again of course