What do I need to improve on?

[sangheilios]

Ok that's some good insight. So you can start by working on that..... the non-smiling intensity. I think your friend verbalized it well with the comment of coming across as serious and intimidating. That is definitely something you can work on. Smile more, joke more, try to get silly. Also, you mentioned that you used to have a difficult time making friends when younger. Those scars run DEEP and take a long time to heal. They really form who you become as an adult and it can take a lot of effort to undo that damage. One of the BEST ways you can break out of it is to practice social freedom exercises. This means just doing silly awkward sh*t in public that will cause strangers around you to judge you and look at you funny. It is really stepping outside of your comfort zone but doing it helps you become much more confident and care/worry much less about what other people think of you because you will realize that most people literally don't care. Most people will ignore you, maybe chuckle a little bit, maybe give you a funny look, but then they go on their way with their lives and that's it. It's not like back in school where you might say or do one stupid thing and 50 kids then tease you about it for 10 years subsequently. Examples of things to do: Walk up to a random girl on the street and ask her if she will marry you. Stand on a park bench flapping your arms like a bird with a crazed look in your eye. Do the moonwalk or dance down a sidewalk. Do jumping jacks in the middle of the sidewalk. Walk up to a random woman and tell her you have STDs. The goal here is to stop taking yourself so seriously, and to help you realize no one else takes you that seriously either. You need to develop an IDGAF attitude. It will be hard at first, and it will take time to undo those scars, but trust me it will be worth it and you will immediately start to feel better as you see how well it works.

Second thing I notice is that you sound like you are texting women a lot, and it sounds like it's not been working well. IE some women who may have been interested are losing their interest after you text them. Without seeing the texts, it's hard to say what the issue could be, but my experience is that you can't build attraction over texts, and you have to be careful with the amount you text. You should be a popular, busy guy with a lot of opportunity with women. If that doesn't describe you right now, then you need to at least pretend that is the case until it is. How do you do that? Think about a guy who is like that, and what would he do? Would he have a lot of time to text back and forth with one chick? Would he be interested in investing a ton of time texting with a girl he hasn't even slept with yet? No to both. So you text her to setup dates and that's it. You build rapport in person, not over text. If she texts you, you should respond, but only send 2-3 messages back and forth max, and then tell her, "Hey I have to run, but I'm looking forward to Friday night!" Convey that you are busy, but interested in her and looking forward to seeing her. Also, your banker woman story, it sounds like you texted her the same day (within hours) of getting her number. Again, that's not what a busy popular guy with a lot of options would do. He'd wait a couple days and then text her. And when he texted her, it would be to setup a date, not shoot the sh*t. Also, based on your banker story, it sounds like you didn't ask her out on a date, but instead just texted back and forth? Women want a guy who gets to the point quickly, and YOU should want to get to the point quickly so you can determine whether or not you are wasting your time on someone. If you don't get to the point quickly, women will think you aren't confident and that you are waiting for them to give you a sign that it's safe to ask them out. That's bad. If I got that banker's number, I'd wait 2-3 days and text her:

Me: "Hey Sarah, it's _____. Was good meeting you the other day."
Her: "Hey ____, yeah, you too"
Me: "I enjoyed talking to you the other day and would love to meet for a drink soon. How about this Friday 8pm at the Brown Cow Pub?"

If she says she is busy at that time and gives no alternate dates/times, I won't even reply to her. If she says she's busy but gives an alternate time, I'll set the date and tell her I look forward to it and then I will not initiate text again.

Another thing - sounds like you are hitting on a lot of women while they work. This is a viable strategy but in my experience, the odds of success are reduced. It can be easy to misinterpret a woman being nice vs being interested, because it's her job. And second, some women feel like it's wrong or risky to accept dates with customers... like there may be policy against it or other bad things could happen. So if you want to do day-game women who are working, you can do it, but understand the odds will be reduced.

The more details you provide, the more we can help. The girl you went on a golf date with..... what did you text about in the days after the date, who initiated the texts, and how often did you text before she ghosted?

The girl I went on the date with was from the summer, so it is a really long time ago. She told me when she gets our from work and college and verbally told me she wanted to go out again. We texted a bit over ghe next few days and the last text I got from her was one saying she was free that night when I asked her about her plans. After that I hadn't heard from her but tried a couple more times, once a few days later and another time the week after. I think she just wasn't interested anymore and that this had nothing to do with texting.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

The girl I went on the date with was from the summer, so it is a really long time ago. She told me when she gets our from work and college and verbally told me she wanted to go out again. We texted a bit over ghe next few days and the last text I got from her was one saying she was free that night when I asked her about her plans. After that I hadn't heard from her but tried a couple more times, once a few days later and another time the week after. I think she just wasn't interested anymore and that this had nothing to do with texting.

Trying to piece this together. When she said she was free that night, did you ask her on a date or did you just end the conversation there or did you change the subject or what? When a girl says she is free, that means she is wanting you to ask her out. If you don't do it, that's a black mark on you. Also, I never ask women about their plans, EVER. I never say, "So, what are you up to this weekend?" etc. Some might disagree with me, but my reason for never asking is twofold: 1 - It can be seen as a way of tip-toeing around asking a girl out. IE you ask her what she's doing and hope she says "not much" or "I'm free Friday" or whatever, which is your open door to invite her out without risking rejection. Not everyone woman will see it that way, but I prefer to always ask a girl out directly without knowing what her plans are first because it's bold and it's what I want and it conveys the confidence women love. Plus, a lot of women will say they have sh*t going on even when they don't, just to sound busy and popular and if she does that, then you can't ask her out because now you know she "has plans". 2 - It can be seen as sort of stalkerish, like you always want to know where they are and what they are up to. All women who date me casually know that IDGAF what they do when I'm not around. If they want to share with me what they are up to, I will listen with genuine interest and ask questions, but I'm not going to pry. At most, I might ask them, "Did you have a good weekend" but that's different from, "What did you do over the weekend?" Subtle difference, but important.

The other thing is you just mentioned you double or triple texted her. Never do that. If you sent the last message to a girl and she didn't reply. You walk away and never look back. At most, you can send her another text about 5-9 days later, but it shouldn't be to shoot-the-breeze and chit-chat. That's weak. You should text her, "Hey, hope you've had a good week. Would love to catch up over a drink this Friday at 8pm. Let me know if you are free." and that's it. She doesn't respond, then you move on and never text her again. You need to get to the point with women quickly, be bold, and give them space to miss you and see that you aren't an obsessive stalker. You do that by not initiating contact too often, or in a lop-sided way. You should be pursing her, but only to set dates, not to be a pen pal who is waiting for her to give you a golden ticket to an open door.

 

[longtail]

More excuses: "I'm shy" "women are attention hors" "there are no women around".

This is bigdave17 attention horing again.

I'm honestly not in that many situations to meet women. Last girl I asked out was about 2 weeks ago when I was at the verizon store, she was one of the sales staff working with me when I was there. After I was done we were talking for a few minutes and I asked her for her number which is when she said she had a bf.

Other girls I approach are usually at the gym, which always resulted in attention whoring. Asked out a female banker in September who was sitting down with me when I was discussing a loan, she gave me her number and we were texting back and forth that afternoon. Next day she gave me an indirect let down saying she wasn't looking to date at that time.The actual date I went on this year was with a woman I met at a club/bar on a Saturday night, we were talking there for over an hour. A couple days later we met up for a mini golfing date which involved me wrapping my arms around her to putt the ball and at the end of the date her kissing me. We had texted over the next few days and she just ghosted.

 

[longtail]

Q: "What do I need to work on?"

A: "x, y, z"

"But how can I x, y and z when 17 of them are standing in a circle together?!?"

 

[sangheilios]

Trying to piece this together. When she said she was free that night, did you ask her on a date or did you just end the conversation there or did you change the subject or what? When a girl says she is free, that means she is wanting you to ask her out. If you don't do it, that's a black mark on you. Also, I never ask women about their plans, EVER. I never say, "So, what are you up to this weekend?" etc. Some might disagree with me, but my reason for never asking is twofold: 1 - It can be seen as a way of tip-toeing around asking a girl out. IE you ask her what she's doing and hope she says "not much" or "I'm free Friday" or whatever, which is your open door to invite her out without risking rejection. Not everyone woman will see it that way, but I prefer to always ask a girl out directly without knowing what her plans are first because it's bold and it's what I want and it conveys the confidence women love. Plus, a lot of women will say they have sh*t going on even when they don't, just to sound busy and popular and if she does that, then you can't ask her out because now you know she "has plans". 2 - It can be seen as sort of stalkerish, like you always want to know where they are and what they are up to. All women who date me casually know that IDGAF what they do when I'm not around. If they want to share with me what they are up to, I will listen with genuine interest and ask questions, but I'm not going to pry. At most, I might ask them, "Did you have a good weekend" but that's different from, "What did you do over the weekend?" Subtle difference, but important.

The other thing is you just mentioned you double or triple texted her. Never do that. If you sent the last message to a girl and she didn't reply. You walk away and never look back. At most, you can send her another text about 5-9 days later, but it shouldn't be to shoot-the-breeze and chit-chat. That's weak. You should text her, "Hey, hope you've had a good week. Would love to catch up over a drink this Friday at 8pm. Let me know if you are free." and that's it. She doesn't respond, then you move on and never text her again. You need to get to the point with women quickly, be bold, and give them space to miss you and see that you aren't an obsessive stalker. You do that by not initiating contact too often, or in a lop-sided way. You should be pursing her, but only to set dates, not to be a pen pal who is waiting for her to give you a golden ticket to an open door.

This was a really long time ago, but the reality is that for whatever reason that particular woman had lost interest. If a woman is interested texting is not going to make or break anything, assuming of course one isn't doing something weird like sending **** pics, calling a dozen times in an hour, etc. We can try to speculate about that particular individual all we want but all we are working with is a perspective coming from my side. Hell, she could have just been really good at faking everything and just wanted an ego boost, based on all the women I've met who went completely out of their way to troll me I could believe it.

 

[sangheilios]

More excuses: "I'm shy" "women are attention hors" "there are no women around".

This is bigdave17 attention horing again.

Huh? Pointing out things that have happened and the issues I have with them are not excuses. I'm not around countless numbers of single women I would be interested in, most men aren't.

 

[SoSuave666]

Short answer: everything.

 

[sangheilios]

You have to learn how to lead and guide conversations.

You believe you have little in common with women because women are more likely leading these conversations into topics you know little about, which renders you unable to contribute and explore things with them to a great enough extent to actually discover any commonalities.

But when you lead a conversation, you can guide it into topics you can contribute to, participate more and interact more, permitting greater odds to discover more commonalities and differences with people. Things become much more dynamic. This allows you to become much more dynamic too.

What you have to figure out is how to mix this more introverted, cerebral style of yours with the swag @Chi Town was talking about.
It can certainly be done, especially when you know how to create that very dynamic previously mentioned.

One of my plates calls me her "Scientific Rockstar". This is because I am the l total embodiment of closet nerd meets bad boy. I can handle 6 shots of ANgel's Envy whiskey, talk astrophysics with Ivy League grads, talk about the stupidest blonde moments I've ever had while spanking a girl on the ass all at the same time. While this might sound like a clash of traits, I have personaly found it to be a deadly blend.

Good looks, depth & intelligence and a swaggar littered with impish nature are all together very difficult to find in one man. Many men have one of those traits. Some have two of them. Very few have them all. Throw in a ****y sense of confidence broken up with some down to Earth humility and you're going to become a commodety that is too rare for women to pass up on. In fact, many women will begin breaking their own rules just to maintain a connection. You'll get used to women at that point saying, "I usually don't do this....."

Leading a conversation allows you to reveal all of these qualities on your terms.

If I sat back and allowed women to lead these conversations, I would have to sit there listening all about Justin Timberlake and the Housewives of New York or some sh*t, waiting for the perfect "in" on that conversation. All of my assets would go completely unrecognized.

I think part of my issue is really having nothing in common with most women. The only times I ever really had some success was based purely off of just showing a genuine interest in them as individuals and just asking follow up questions. Most people love to talk about themselves, but once they'd start asking me questions it became apparent that they couldn't relate to me and lost interest.

I think another issue has to do with the fact that I'm just not like most other guys and these women don't know what to make of it. I've always been very different and for my entire life most people didn't get me at all. The only people I can really connect with are those who are much older than me and/or those who are more intellectual, the people I know now that I vibe with completely are all PhDs or master degree holders. I can have fun with other people but it is often more superficial and I have to hold back a bit.

 

[sangheilios]

Short answer: everything.

That's why I set goals and try to improve my life. Picked up an extra evening job to be able to invest more money. Starting physical therapy school in the fall. Setting more fitness goals for myself, right now going for 18 minute 3 mile run and other things, etc. This mindset has served me well throughout my life and I'm at my happiest when I focus on goals and completely disregard women, which is interesting. The most stressed and unhappiest moments of my life were always a result of women and me trying to make anything happen with them. I'm unconsciously MGTOW I guess.

 

[longtail]

I called it. More whiny b1tch ass excuses. BigDave17 PART TWO!

I think part of my issue is really having nothing in common with most women.

I think another issue has to do with the fact that...

 

[MillionBillionaire]

Your looks are sufficient, meaning your problems are all internal. I suggest DJ boot camp to get started. You will only learn what works and what does not by approaching hundreds of women, and talking to hundreds of people. At some point, you will gain the ability to read people much better and essentially learn to "play them like a fiddle."

But it takes practice, loads of it. Another good way is to work a couple months in a fast paced customer service business, where you regularly interact with a wide demographic of people.

If I had to sum it up. You have to learn to give people what they want (or at least the illusion of it) while getting what you want.

Read some books too...
1. Dale Carnegie - how to win friends and influence people
2. Men are from Mars, women are from venus
3. The way of the superior man
4. Client-centered therapy. this is dense, but riddled with good psychology.

IMO those books will make you into a huge snowflake beta male. Just my opinion.

I would rather you read.

1) 48 Laws of Power
2) 50th Law
3) Influence Power and Persuasion
4) Mastery (Robert Green)
5) The Game
6) Art of Seduction
7) There was a book about detecting people when they lie, I read it in 2 days it was sooo good I forgot the name...

Stay away from woo

I was just like you.

Now I feel my confidence is much higher than my looks, all I need is a chance.

good luck!

 

[sangheilios]

I'm similar, you just have to go for intellectual women.

That's easier said than done lol.

I'm looking for someone that I'm actually attracted to that enjoys an active lifestyle and takes care of herself and is also at least decently intelligent. I dont drink, smoke or do drugs so I'm looking for someone who is drug free and doesnt have an alcohol issue. It is hard to find a woman like that and I'm sure as hell not going to find it on a dating site or app lol.

 

[In2theGame]

I've only been on one date this entire year, which later resulted in ghosting. I've had women ask me out just to flake on me and ghost completely out of nowhere. I'll have women go out of their way to try to lead me on purely for attention, leaving me with nothing at the end of the day. Tried tinder and online dating a few times and literally got nothing from it.

I have friends and a normal guy, so it isn't like I'm some basement dweller playing wow all day. I'm 6'4", naturally broad shouldered and very fit, so that can't be an issue. Women make everything super difficult for me or in cases where we will run into each other they friend zone me. The one feeling I get from them is that they are looking for something to have an excuse to reject me, I can't explain it but it is a feeling I have. I'm not sure if it's something I'm doing but I'll see these same women having their defenses totally down with other guys that aren't like me physically. I'm actually a nice guy but I'm not sure what to do at this point, because it is obvious I need to be doing something different.

What does your physique look like?

 

[sangheilios]

What does your physique look like?

These are older photos but I'm not quite as lean right now. I'm 6'4" and around 215 to 220. I have a 32" waist and 46" chest. I do full body lifting twice per week and then some swimming and various types of sprints or longer running workouts.

 

[MillionBillionaire]

Stop hitting on women in public and trying to get dates with girls that are working. It is creepy and now you will be that guy because she tells all her other employee friends about you.

In my experience being ultra attentive to a worker instead of playing on your phone is 70% there for you to make her day, give her a hit of dopamine. If you flirt in public it has to be in the tonality and timing. You are not advanced enough yet.

My best result was when an old Chinese woman at the ice cream shop at the mall literally told her 18 year old Korean girl to hook up with me because I'm better than her current boyfriend. Best sex of my life.

This would never have happened if I went straight for the Korean girl in the first place.



Have you been watching PUA? Stop it.

Go to a bar REGULARLY for YEARS. I hate to say it but I have a "family" at my bar.

I got my eyes set on a new 21 yo hottie told me I smell good and gave me a wink and a pose as she walked away. Half or quarter Asian girl... layup.

Bar situation you are at WAR.. in the jungle there are no rules.

Sharpen your social skills by becoming a regular at a bar. Hit on the waitresses there all you want lol see what happens.


Learn and be proud of your social skills.

I would kill to have your looks btw

Anyways good luck.. you seem to be getting a lot of help

 

[Trump]

If I sat back and allowed women to lead these conversations, I would have to sit there listening all about Justin Timberlake and the Housewives of New York or some sh*t, waiting for the perfect "in" on that conversation. All of my assets would go completely unrecognized.

Aren't men supposed to let women do 90% of the talking?

 

[Mike32ct]

Aren't men supposed to let women do 90% of the talking?

I’m not sure about “one size fits all” rules like that one.

If I’m talking to an extroverted chick, then yes, I’ll just let her flap her gums non-stop, and I’ll only drop in a few phrases edgewise.

For some middle of the road ambivert, it will be like 50/50.

For a quiet chick, I’ll lead the conversation more.

 

[AttackFormation]

SHe literally said to me " you have a look in your face that you haven't found your girl yet, but if you ever do, you would do anything for her."

This sounds like a subtle putdown to me, lol. Guess I've spent too much time in the red pill.

 

[sangheilios]

Dude, this feeling you have of women rejecting you is you rejecting yourself. Women are psychic. Trust me bro. They always know how you feel about yourself,

I want you to answer this question honestly....


"Why is it that I am not working out as much as I can and doing what I can to make the most money?"

The answer is you dont love yourself enough. And when you dont love yourself, NO WOMAN WILL.

Theres no value.

You think women can't see through that ****? It is WRITTEN all over your face.

It is in your DNA. Nature makes no mistakes.

I once studied every night. For 6 years straight. I eventually got an MBA. And one day I was in a club talking to a woman with a boyfriend.

SHe literally said to me " you have a look in your face that you haven't found your girl yet, but if you ever do, you would do anything for her."

And I was like "Wow. Every single woman has told me that. It's almost as if you girls can tell I have arrived and became a grown ass man."


Yes bro, they can tell. They can always tell.

After I got my MBA and started owning franchises, all of a sudden, all women could tell that I had integrity. It's not what I own. It's the will and character that it takes to get there.

TL Didint read.

You dont need to improve. You always KNEW you were good enough. Just go with that. Be your unique self. And fvck the w0rld. Do your best to live ur to your own standards and principles.

I workout a lot lol, can't exactly do much more without hurting myself. I'm one of fittest guys all around that you'd ever meet, seriously. I have a 5 figure crypto porfolio, my house is paid off and I'm starting physical therapy school in the fall. There isn't anything else I can possibly improve upon but these women drill into me with questions and always reject me but happily date losers instead, I'm not saying that out of anger but making a factual statement. They go for pot heads, dudes covered in tattoos or those that couldn't read a Dr. Seus book, etc.

When I was in high school I was making 10/hr under the table way back in 2005 through 2008, also had some side gigs where I made even more money and it was all saved up. Summer of 2011 when I was 21 I had saved up 10k in a 3 month time period. Despite all this, I was regulalry told I was lazy and that my work didn't count. Constant criticism and being told no all the time I just did my own thing and kept grinding thinking it would finally be enough.

 

[AttackFormation]

My friend, if you knew me in person, you would know that a woman can ever put me down, lol. But that's another topic for another day.

90% of the time I am feigning humility. I act retarded on purpose just so I don't stomp on anyone's ego.

But if you have an actual point, please tell me. I would be more than happy to "stretch" my knowledge.

My point was that you mentioned her saying that as if it's a compliment, when I see it as essentially saying "you'll make a good simp to some girl some day". I mean, can you imagine her saying what she told you to James Bond? and if you can, can you imagine what his reply would be (I'm seeing a small smirk and underplayed sarcasm).