What do I do now?

[GetRightLeft]

What's up fellow DJs?

So there's been this hot babe at my gym. Super tight body. We became friendly late last year, nothing serious- just small talk at the gym.
I always keep convo in the gym super short, bc I'm there to work out. She's super passionate about jump roping, she's pretty sick with it too, doing tricks and all that. So during our convo a couple months back she informed me that she was creating her own jump rope brand, which I find pretty cool, it shows that she's passionate, and has goals, etc. My background is in digital marketing, so I told her that if she needed any advice on how to generate traffic I'd be glad to help. So she took my number down, we texted here and there but not a lot.

I haven't seen her for a while until last week- and she came up to me, we chatted it up. I told her it's been a while since I seen her, and she said she hasn't worked out in 2 weeks, and I jokingly said "yes, i can tell, you put on a couple of pounds." I said it in a funny c*cky way, and said I was only teasing. She laughed a little too, and I told her I had to finish my workout and left.

Normally if this was an average girl/a girl who didnt workout/a girl who was over weight I would NEVER make a comment about their weight. But since this girl's super fit I thought I can say it and it not be a big deal bc she's obviously not fat. Now that I think about it, fit chicks are probably the most self conscious of all females- that's why they dedicate all that time in the gym.

So later on that day she texted me asking not to make comments about her weight, but I took it as she's texting me bc she's into me and wants to talk with me. Why else would she message me that, we aren't really close, and she could've told me right there in person. So I responded to her text jokingly saying something like "you should be glad I didn't pinch your belly when I made that comment." She replied in a laughing manner, and I told her I would make it up to her the next time I saw her, after the gym, and no response.

So I saw her a few days ago on the treadmill, and I wanted to talk to her- but I wasn't going to stop her on the treadmill lol. I want tell her something like "I didn't mean anything by that comment. I know we don't know each other that well to joke like that, but I guess I felt comfortable around her as if we've known each other for years." I am not going to give her validation and say "of course I don't think you're fat, you have the hottest body I've ever seen in my life," bc I'm sure she hears that all the time.

As I said, I do not like to make convo in the gym, I really only keep gym convos 45 seconds to 2 minutes long. So I told myself I'll catch her while she leaves, then I can talk with her for 10-15min, maybe we can grab Chipotle after, who knows. But she left before I can speak with her. When she got off the treadmill she saw me, and moved to an area closer to me, she then went in front of the mirror fixing herself, tying her hair into a braid. Maybe I am wrong, but I took it as her fixing herself for me, because as I said over text that I would make it up to her when I saw her. And she was expecting me to talk to her. I got a work related call, and had to go to a quiet area to finish this call with my client, and by the time I was done she had already left. I tried texting her a few hours later, but it turns out she had blocked me lol.

My buddies who are not DJs told me that she wants nothing to do with me, that's why she blocked me, and if I ever see her just give her a head nod, and keep it moving. But one of my female friends told me that this means she's very into me. She was expecting me to go up and talk with her, and the fact that I didn't give her that satisfaction (as I'm sure every guy does) made her get caught in her emotions. And that blocking me means she had an emotional reaction, and if she had no attraction she would've just deleted my number and moved on, but the fact that she blocked me tells her she's psycho, and that she's into me.

I guess my question to you DJs is how should I approach it the next time I see her? Obviously I wouldn't mention that I know she blocked me. I was thinking of just keeping it cool and light-hearted as I always do.

Please help this young Padawan.

Lefty Luv out.

 

[Robert28]

How come you’ve never asked her out? You’ve had her number this whole time, how often did y’all text?

 

[GetRightLeft]

How come you’ve never asked her out? You’ve had her number this whole time, how often did y’all text?

She got my number, texted me her name, and that was pretty much that. I don't ask for dates over texts, I was planning on asking her out this week but now I can't bc I'm blocked lol

 

[Stoic]

You are over thinking this.

Likely, you did hurt her (regardless of your joking tone) about the comment about her weight. You can joke about your male friends weight, but not with women (who are sensitive about their looks).

She blocked you. To try and pursue her after that would seem tone deaf and desperate to me.

You see her in the gym and say hi and see how she responds.

If she responds favorably in the future, say nothing of the incident, and tell her ask her you are going to grab a coffee/smoothie after her work out. If she either accepts or declines without a counter offer, you know exactly where you stand.

 

[Robert28]

She got my number, texted me her name, and that was pretty much that. I don't ask for dates over texts, I was planning on asking her out this week but now I can't bc I'm blocked lol

I mean asking someone out over text isn’t ideal but it’s better than waiting and having the end result that you had. I wouldn’t have asked her out in the first text exchange, but from the sounds of it she text you her name and then the convo just died after that? Or did you reply? The perfect time to ask her out was when she said she hadn’t worked out in two weeks, I’d have been like “wanna workout with me today since you’ve been out for awhile?”.

 

[GetRightLeft]

You are over thinking this.

Likely, you did hurt her (regardless of your joking tone) about the comment about her weight. You can joke about your male friends weight, but not with women (who are sensitive about their looks).

She blocked you. To try and pursue her after that would seem tone deaf and desperate to me.

You see her in the gym and say hi and see how she responds.

If she responds favorably in the future, say nothing of the incident, and ask her to grab a coffee/smoothie after her work out. If she either accepts or declines without a counter offer, you know exactly where you stand.

Very well put, thank you for your insight. I appreciate it.

 

[GetRightLeft]

I mean asking someone out over text isn’t ideal but it’s better than waiting and having the end result that you had. I wouldn’t have asked her out in the first text exchange, but from the sounds of it she text you her name and then the convo just died after that? Or did you reply? The perfect time to ask her out was when she said she hadn’t worked out in two weeks, I’d have been like “wanna workout with me today since you’ve been out for awhile?”.

No, she just texted me her number, I didn't reply. I don't know why I didn't, I know I should've asked her out sooner, and now I am here lol. Anyone reading this- NEVER HESITATE

 

[Robert28]

No, she just texted me her number, I didn't reply. I don't know why I didn't, I know I should've asked her out sooner, and now I am here lol. Anyone reading this- NEVER HESITATE

I mean we all learn from “what if’s” but maybe let some time pass and see what happens.

 

[EyeBRollin]

You fvcked this up OP.

Two major mistakes-
1) you missed your window of opportunity to ask this girl out. She thinks you are a wuss for this.

2) You made an inappropriate comment by her weight. It was not funny at all. Never make a stupid comment like that to a woman. Women do not like put downs; especially about their looks.

These PUA “negging” does not work. Insulting women doesn’t make them want to take their pants off.

 

[BadBoy89]

You fvcked this up OP.

Two major mistakes-
1) you missed your window of opportunity to ask this girl out. She thinks you are a wuss for this.

2) You made an inappropriate comment by her weight. It was not funny at all. Never make a stupid comment like that to a woman. Women do not like put downs; especially about their looks.

These PUA “negging” does not work. Insulting women doesn’t make them want to take their pants off.

Decent points, esp number 2.

Never get personal with a girl; her looks, family, weight, job, etc. The only way you can get personal is if they bring it up and make conflicting statements, then you can trip them up on their own words if you are witty. Even then you do it in a “fun playful way.”

“I haven’t worked out in a couple of weeks”
“Its good you got back into it, nice to see you again.”

 

[EyeBRollin]

“I haven’t worked out in a couple of weeks”
“Its good you got back into it, nice to see you again.”

IMO what I would have said-

“Really? (Give her a quick glance) You still look great.”

 

[GetRightLeft]

IMO what I would have said-

“Really? (Give her a quick glance) You still look great.”

Validation

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Sometimes the hottest chicks can be insecure. But then sometimes they aren’t. The land mine in you razzing her about her weight is you don’t know her history.

Was she fat as a girl and teased all the time? Has she had to work super hard to lose a bunch of weight? Is she completely self absorbed? You have no idea.

My fiancé razzes me about my weight all the time in a funny way (and I’m 5’6” 125) because we’ve both gained a little since we started dating. He’s gone from 160 to 180 on a 6’2” athletic build and I’ve gone from 115 to 125 on a slender althletic build. So he teases me about “love handles” that aren’t really there & I call him fat because he’s gained 20 pounds. We were both too thin really, and I prefer to be at about 118, but that’s simply discipline with diet. I’ve ranged between 110 and 130 all my adult life so I know to look good, I know how to manage my weight and I can take a ribbing about it.

But that’s unusual in a chick. If I ask the classic “Does this make me look fat?” I actually want him to say so if he thinks so. There are things in my closet that I must be extremely thin to wear well and hell…he cannot fit in some of his LA rocker pants right now because his ass and thighs are more full.

My point is that weight and self esteem are closely linked in some (most) people and you need to know someone really really well before making such comments. Alternatively you must own it and understand that makes you *that* ass hole in her mind and big deal drive on.

What you don’t do is what you are doing (mentally) and fall on your sword & worry about it. Was it a bonehead joke to crack? Yeah probably kinda tone deaf. But it’s out there. Own it. Never speak of it again. If she’s blocked you she’s made some kooky indictment of you in her mind. As your female friend suggested this means you are taking up some amount of mental real estate…in her head.

Best thing to do is just be chill. If she feels like an idiot for primping in front of you & you didn’t bite because of work? That’s on her. You do not change your demeanor. She will pay attention to you if y’all are there together.

From there you ask her out on the fly if the opportunity naturally presents itself. A smoothie or post workout bite…and you ask about the jump rope thing etc. Don’t offer any more help, make her remind you about that.

So my advice is do nothing. Be the same dude. She’ll get over it. Patience & nonchalance.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Validation

That’s what she wants. She came over to you.

I don’t know how you’ve been chatting up for a while and haven’t made a move to bone her yet.

 

[GetRightLeft]

Advice from the old lady:

Sometimes the hottest chicks can be insecure. But then sometimes they aren’t. The land mine in you razzing her about her weight is you don’t know her history.

Was she fat as a girl and teased all the time? Has she had to work super hard to lose a bunch of weight? Is she completely self absorbed? You have no idea.

My fiancé razzes me about my weight all the time in a funny way (and I’m 5’6” 125) because we’ve both gained a little since we started dating. He’s gone from 160 to 180 on a 6’2” athletic build and I’ve gone from 115 to 125 on a slender althletic build. So he teases me about “love handles” that aren’t really there & I call him fat because he’s gained 20 pounds. We were both too thin really, and I prefer to be at about 118, but that’s simply discipline with diet. I’ve ranged between 110 and 130 all my adult life so I know to look good, I know how to manage my weight and I can take a ribbing about it.

But that’s unusual in a chick. If I ask the classic “Does this make me look fat?” I actually want him to say so if he thinks so. There are things in my closet that I must be extremely thin to wear well and hell…he cannot fit in some of his LA rocker pants right now because his ass and thighs are more full.

My point is that weight and self esteem are closely linked in some (most) people and you need to know someone really really well before making such comments. Alternatively you must own it and understand that makes you *that* ass hole in her mind and big deal drive on.

What you don’t do is what you are doing (mentally) and fall on your sword & worry about it. Was it a bonehead joke to crack? Yeah probably kinda tone deaf. But it’s out there. Own it. Never speak of it again. If she’s blocked you she’s made some kooky indictment of you in her mind. As your female friend suggested this means you are taking up some amount of mental real estate…in her head.

Best thing to do is just be chill. If she feels like an idiot for primping in front of you & you didn’t bite because of work? That’s on her. You do not change your demeanor. She will pay attention to you if y’all are there together.

From there you ask her out on the fly if the opportunity naturally presents itself. A smoothie or post workout bite…and you ask about the jump rope thing etc. Don’t offer any more help, make her remind you about that.

So my advice is do nothing. Be the same dude. She’ll get over it. Patience & nonchalance.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I really appreciate you going into detail.

 

[GetRightLeft]

That’s what she wants. She came over to you.

I don’t know how you’ve been chatting up for a while and haven’t made a move to bone her yet.

I know, I know smh

 

[Robert28]

Validation

Giving them validation isn’t bad. You just can’t CONSTANTLY do it. Don’t give it away for free. If you’re ever going to give her validation, you gotta do it to get her on a date. Because I mean that’s the goal, to get her out one on one with you outside of the gym.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Giving them validation isn’t bad. You just can’t CONSTANTLY do it. Don’t give it away for free. If you’re ever going to give her validation, you gotta do it to get her on a date. Because I mean that’s the goal, to get her out one on one with you outside of the gym.

To clarify, give them validation when they seek you out. If you don’t, it is considered a rejection and she will have no choice but to get the validation from someone else.

 

[markalem]

You are over thinking this.

Likely, you did hurt her (regardless of your joking tone) about the comment about her weight. You can joke about your male friends weight, but not with women (who are sensitive about their looks).

She blocked you. To try and pursue her after that would seem tone deaf and desperate to me.

You see her in the gym and say hi and see how she responds.

If she responds favorably in the future, say nothing of the incident, and tell her ask her you are going to grab a coffee/smoothie after her work out. If she either accepts or declines without a counter offer, you know exactly where you stand.

agree. move on, and save your dignity. if you try to be overtly nice she may say something mean.

blocking is a BIG red flag (this means she is NOT emotionally mature). she probably have volumes of complexes and insecurities and sublimated by rope jumping and getting toned. i am YET to see a super toned freaky fit girl who does not have some form of mental illness.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I haven't seen her for a while until last week- and she came up to me, we chatted it up. I told her it's been a while since I seen her, and she said she hasn't worked out in 2 weeks, and I jokingly said "yes, i can tell, you put on a couple of pounds." I said it in a funny c*cky way, and said I was only teasing. She laughed a little too, and I told her I had to finish my workout and left.

A comment like this is pretty dumb because it serves no practical purpose. What exactly are you trying to accomplish by making this joke? When you are getting to know someone, your objective is to carry yourself in an attractive manner, correct? Can you imagine any scenario where a girl would become MORE attracted to you as a result of your teasing about her weight? No. Best case scenario is she won't get offended and will take it in stride. Still, it's not going to make her wet. Imagine a girl making a joke about you having a receding hairline. Even if you have great hair, can you see your interest level rising as a result of this joke? Are you really going to think "I wasn't really into this girl before but now that's she made this sarcastic remark, I really want to fvck her!" Probably not.

So, a neutral result is your best case scenario. A far more likely scenario is that she will become offended (women who are gym rats tend to be hypersensitive about their looks) and want nothing to do with you. And that is exactly what happened here.