What Do I Do Next?

[Just1Guy]

Hi All,

I'm 35, met a woman of 29 at a speed dating event.

We 'matched' and I sent her a well thought out, funny, articulate email message and showed I was interested in getting together sometime for a drink. I left her my cell number, and messenger account. I showed interest, saying I had a good time and hoped she did too etc. etc. without sounding pushy or aggressive. I didn't get a reply back until 10 days later. Her email was not nearly showing the amount of interest I showed in mine however I was still surprised to get anything from her after this amount of time. Basically she thanked me for the great email and said she was feeling overwhelmed by all the great people she met. Let me tell you, I'm sure this girl was on every guys list as she was the best overall package at the event without doubt. (as was also noted by a couple friends I unexpectedly found was attending the same event) . I was surprised myself I even got a match with her. She went on to say she hoped I had a good time and at the end she said to keep in touch. She left no number or any other indication she was interested in anything other than 'keep in touch'.

So, obviously she's probably dating or conversing with guys on her short list. Where do I come in remains to be seen. Question is, how do I play this? I know I'm not gonna respond right away that's a given. But when? how? what do I say when I try to email her again? Do I flat out ask for her number? Do I even attempt to email her again? I'd really hate to give up on this girl as her online profile was right up my alley too.

ps, I also got another match with a cute girl and it was a little more promising but I still got the 'it's been really busy at work, so I won't be able to go out for a few weeks' . She sounded sincere and honest so I might try her again in a few weeks but the other girl is my main objective. Any suggestions? thx.:rock:

 

[WestCoaster]

I'd call her or e-mail her now, you already had to wait 10 days in the first place. Some of this Dj/be cool/wait until the apocolypse comes before calling is waste of big, freaking time. I'd hope by the time we hit 30 we're done with certain waiting period times to call and so forth ... though I don't advocate being desparate.

You've been more than patient. Call her or e-mail (preferably call). If she doesn't want to go out, move on.

Speed dating is just that, speed, meaning people want to cut through the B.S. and get going ... and that speed goes on after the event.

If she's your "main objective" why in the hell are you waiting so long? Plus, you should be dating the other gal and others ASAP NOW, not in a few weeks. Don't focus on one until you get into a long term relationship. Until then, quit this stupid waiting game as advocated by this site. Time waits for no MAN.

Some of the advice on this board is insane.

 

[Just1Guy]

I'd call her or e-mail her now, you already had to wait 10 days in the first place. Some of this Dj/be cool/wait until the apocolypse comes before calling is waste of big, freaking time. I'd hope by the time we hit 30 we're done with certain waiting period times to call and so forth ... though I don't advocate being desparate.

You've been more than patient. Call her or e-mail (preferably call). If she doesn't want to go out, move on.

Speed dating is just that, speed, meaning people want to cut through the B.S. and get going ... and that speed goes on after the event.

If she's your "main objective" why in the hell are you waiting so long? Plus, you should be dating the other gal and others ASAP NOW, not in a few weeks. Don't focus on one until you get into a long term relationship. Until then, quit this stupid waiting game as advocated by this site. Time waits for no MAN.

Some of the advice on this board is insane.

i just got her reply today. This was the first I heard from her. I emailed her first 10 days ago right after the event. If I respond right away, I think that would show I got nothing better to do than to wait for her. I really wish I had her phone number so calling is not an option.

 

[WestCoaster]

Wait a couple hours or till tomorrow, but I wouldn't keep waiting and waiting. I've found a lot of the rules on this site are helpful, but don't apply to everyone. Yes, don't look desparate, but don't wait to long either. Next e-mail, get her phone number.

 

[flexion_]

Its great to not be too available when you have gone on a date but in this case you are still trying to get the phone number... LOL

So... go for it. All you have to work with is an e-mail so simply ask for her phone number. Don't give her your number as she'll never call you first. If she flakes well you know your answer. Its not worth your valuable time to focus on someone that isn't interested.

She did reply at least...

 

[Just1Guy]

Its great to not be too available when you have gone on a date but in this case you are still trying to get the phone number... LOL

So... go for it. All you have to work with is an e-mail so simply ask for her phone number. Don't give her your number as she'll never call you first. If she flakes well you know your answer. Its not worth your valuable time to focus on someone that isn't interested.

She did reply at least...

haha, yeah, the fact that she finally did respond is all I have to go on. She said in her email she was feeling a little overwhelmed from all the great people she met so I certainly don't want to come across as being too pushy. On the other hand I really want to get that first real date in with her (or even just a phone conversation). If that ever happens, I would get a much better idea of where or where not this is heading.

Also, if she was the least bit interested wouldn't she provide a phone number (as i did provide mine in my original email) ? I'm thinking she's totally not interested but who knows, if she is even a little bit I will try. Why must the guy always be the one to ask for these minute details? Why doesn't the woman do anything first?

 

[NewMan]

I would get a much better idea of where or where not this is heading.

As of now this isn't heading anywhere.

Your assumptions are right - she would not wait 10 days to reply to you if she had an interest in you.

Also there is nothing wrong with being pushy. Being nice will never get you anywhere - so be pushy - the only thing that you should do is respect her decision if/when she tells you she is not interested - up to that point you should be pushing forward.

So I'd email her back - give it a day or so - then email her back - tell her (don't ask) to give you her number so that you can call her and arrange to get together for drinks.


If she doesn't email back you know she's not interested.

 

[Just1Guy]

As of now this isn't heading anywhere.

Your assumptions are right - she would not wait 10 days to reply to you if she had an interest in you.

Also there is nothing wrong with being pushy. Being nice will never get you anywhere - so be pushy - the only thing that you should do is respect her decision if/when she tells you she is not interested - up to that point you should be pushing forward.

So I'd email her back - give it a day or so - then email her back - tell her (don't ask) to give you her number so that you can call her and arrange to get together for drinks.


If she doesn't email back you know she's not interested.

well, i'll give it a shot.

Any other opinions appreciated.

 

[MacAvoy]

Never mind when you should email. Whats most important here is what is in your email. When you send it will have no impact on her response if you come across as a funny attractive prize.

Right now your looking at an uphill battle, but at least your still in the war. The fact that she waited 10 days tell us two things.

1) She has at least 2-3 if not 5 guys that were more interesting than you that she's been spending her time with.

2) Good news is, those guys didn't pan out, otherwise she wouldn't be going down to the next person on her list.

3) Ok I lied, you got 3 things going for you. You impressed her enough that she is still willing to give you a chance and contact you. This is the most important factor.

If you have a strong email where you come across manly and attractive. Then that will get you in the door. I have no idea what to say because I'm not good at writing funny emails. I work better in person. The other option is something very short and sweet. Just ask her out and work your magic in person.

I think most DJ's will agree with me to get away from online/emails as early as possible in a relationship. You still have a chance but don't treat her like the prize, remember you are the prize, act like it and she will reward you.

 

[Just1Guy]

Never mind when you should email. Whats most important here is what is in your email. When you send it will have no impact on her response if you come across as a funny attractive prize.

Right now your looking at an uphill battle, but at least your still in the war. The fact that she waited 10 days tell us two things.

1) She has at least 2-3 if not 5 guys that were more interesting than you that she's been spending her time with.

2) Good news is, those guys didn't pan out, otherwise she wouldn't be going down to the next person on her list.

3) Ok I lied, you got 3 things going for you. You impressed her enough that she is still willing to give you a chance and contact you. This is the most important factor.

If you have a strong email where you come across manly and attractive. Then that will get you in the door. I have no idea what to say because I'm not good at writing funny emails. I work better in person. The other option is something very short and sweet. Just ask her out and work your magic in person.

I think most DJ's will agree with me to get away from online/emails as early as possible in a relationship. You still have a chance but don't treat her like the prize, remember you are the prize, act like it and she will reward you.

yep, my thinking is pretty much inline with yours. I'll try to be more asertive in getting the phone number 'cause that's one of my strong suits, the phone conversation.

 

[Vulpine]

Read the DJ bible. Do the bootcamp.

Bottom of the page there's a link "The DJ Bible". The bootcamp is there also.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Hi All,

I'm 35, met a woman of 29 at a speed dating event.

*puts gun to head, pulls trigger*

Right now your looking at an uphill battle, but at least your still in the war. The fact that she waited 10 days tell us two things.

1) She has at least 2-3 if not 5 guys that were more interesting than you that she's been spending her time with.

2) Good news is, those guys didn't pan out, otherwise she wouldn't be going down to the next person on her list.

3) Ok I lied, you got 3 things going for you. You impressed her enough that she is still willing to give you a chance and contact you. This is the most important factor.

If you have a strong email where you come across manly and attractive. Then that will get you in the door. I have no idea what to say because I'm not good at writing funny emails. I work better in person. The other option is something very short and sweet. Just ask her out and work your magic in person.

I think most DJ's will agree with me to get away from online/emails as early as possible in a relationship. You still have a chance but don't treat her like the prize, remember you are the prize, act like it and she will reward you.

MACAVOY sums this up pretty well; you are completely and utterly in her frame. In these moronic, desperate, speed dating situations it all focuses on the woman accepting the man. By default she becomes the PRIZE and you are put into a position of qualifying yourself to her. Don't believe me? How many women did you meet at this event that are pursuing you? You're waiting around hoping she'll accept your job application. Consider this, how many drinks could you have bought for some HB 9 sitting at the end of the bar who's shot down 8 guys before you with the money you spent on doing this speed dating nonsense? Because you're esentially doing the same thing; but at least you get shot down right then and there instead of waitng around for your turn while she spins the plates. Speed dating is anethema to the DJ mind set.

 

[JC9]

Not to derail the thread, but I have a question as to why the speed dating thing is so bad and AFC.

I may be wrong on the particulars, but isn't it something where you go and talk with like 10 or 20 different girls for 5 minutes and then later on you get contact info for those where both parties said it was a match? Then you call them and meet for coffee/movie/whatever.

Sounds the same to me really as talking to 20 girls in a bar. maybe you get 10 interested enough to give you their numbers, then you set up a day 2 and proceed as normal. I'm not sure how the prize mentality is lost, aside from the fact that you might be percieved lower because your at a dating event as opposed to already hooked up with 10 women.

People have commented on the Internet being the same way, that guys have to pursue the women, and I have found the complete opposite to be true.

Please, educate me on my misconceptions.

 

[Just1Guy]

Not to derail the thread, but I have a question as to why the speed dating thing is so bad and AFC.

I may be wrong on the particulars, but isn't it something where you go and talk with like 10 or 20 different girls for 5 minutes and then later on you get contact info for those where both parties said it was a match? Then you call them and meet for coffee/movie/whatever.

Sounds the same to me really as talking to 20 girls in a bar. maybe you get 10 interested enough to give you their numbers, then you set up a day 2 and proceed as normal. I'm not sure how the prize mentality is lost, aside from the fact that you might be percieved lower because your at a dating event as opposed to already hooked up with 10 women.

People have commented on the Internet being the same way, that guys have to pursue the women, and I have found the complete opposite to be true.

Please, educate me on my misconceptions.

You are right in the way speed dating works. I honestly don't think it's bad, it's just another way to meet new people, nothing wrong with it.

 

[DJDamage]

Why do speed dating, pay for it and wait on 8-10 women who are pre selected to be there just because they payed a fee and are not pre selected based on your taste for their looks. What you end up with is that you might have 1-3 of them being decent looking while the rest are butt ugly.

You might as well be better off doing online dating. This way you are paying to look at profiles of hundreds of women whom you choose to contact and not spend your entire evening looking at 7 unattractive women whom you didn't want them to be there in the first place.

The odds are greater that you will meet someone based suited for you online as oppose to speed dating due to the number of women. Or you could also work on your game and thus every woman you find attractive just walking on the streets can become your dating target.

 

[JC9]

Why do speed dating, pay for it and wait on 8-10 women who are pre selected to be there just because they payed a fee and are not pre selected based on your taste for their looks. What you end up with is that you might have 1-3 of them being decent looking while the rest are butt ugly.

You might as well be better off doing online dating. This way you are paying to look at profiles of hundreds of women whom you choose to contact and not spend your entire evening looking at 7 unattractive women whom you didn't want them to be there in the first place.

The odds are greater that you will meet someone based suited for you online as oppose to speed dating due to the number of women. Or you could also work on your game and thus every woman you find attractive just walking on the streets can become your dating target.

The quality of woman arguement makes sense, I wasn't looking at it from that angle. I was curious as to why it was looked at as an AFC thing, when it sounded like you still had to have game to attract those women and have them chase you like you would at other venues.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

We all want our silver bullet, our magic pill to cure us. Speed dating is a scam in the same way eHarmony is a scam. You pay for something - meeting people - that you could and should be doing on your own. You're insulated in this regard from rejection and risk, and these are precisely what you need to develop interpersonal communication skills. Guys rely on services like this because they're deficient in their ability to approach and initiate. Women rely on these services because they tend to be deficient in their ability to attract men in the first place.

And as I stated before, both eHarmony and Speed Dating are designed to put a man in the position of qualifying himself to a woman from the outset.

 

[Sinistar]

Never tried speed dating before. Now if I did, this would be my frame...

ITS JUST A PRACTICE SESSION.

Walk in with zero expectations of # closes, etc. Get yourself solidly into a Alpha/Command-Presence mindset. Own the time. Work on EC, maybe challenge yourself to kino in the short time frame, etc. Sharpen your skills at determining her initial IL/desire. Work on reading her first impression of you - you only get one - did it go as planned? Or anything else you can use the situation to your advantage for.

Then when its over, just walk out and review what you learned. Did you feel like you were the prize, if so job well done. If not, no bid deal, nothing at stake, learn from it.

And then move on, no expectations, no analysis, no nothing. It was just your experiment, your practice session.