Ok so we dated for about 5 months, then there was a spell of a load of unnecessary arguments that basically killed the spark and she dumped me after a lot of 'It doesnt feel the same' discussions.
I am going through this exact thing right now. Some of my behaviors and our core differences turned her off and lowered her IL to the point where she drifted away.
The problem is that
no amount of logic, reason, or talking it out can ever save a relationship that has reached this point.
During one of my last conversations with my ex, she told me that she knows I would make a "perfect husband and father", that "no one will ever be as good to me as you have," and that "I wish I would wake up tomorrow and snap out of whatever it is that is making me unsure about being with you". Now, what she said may seem baffling (why would a woman
not want to be with a guy she perceives as "perfect?"), but it really is not if you understand that real female attraction is not practical, but
emotional.
You could be the greatest guy in the world, and perfect for her, but if that spark she refers to is gone, there is nothing you can do to bring it back.
She has to bring it back. How? By experiencing life without you. Let her miss you. Let her wonder how you are, if you have moved on. She
will remember the good times and she
will think about you when some other guy treats her badly. But that is only if you drop all contact
now and stop pressuring her, reasoning with her, and trying to win her back.
Remember:
A woman's most fundamental (if unspoken) requirement of a man is that he be stronger than her, and need her less than she needs him.
Each time you contact her and try to win her back, it devalues you in both your and her eyes, and it makes her feel that she is stronger. She is going to be looking for a guy who is stronger than her.
It is possible that at some point down the line,
if you stop reaching for her now, she will suddenly find herself wondering if she made a mistake.
You must move on with your life, date other women, maintain your mind and body, and achieve goals. She has to see that she was not your strength, but that you had an inner strength that let you move on from her and continue to let your life blossom.
Will she come back? Who knows. Do you want her to come back? That answer may not be as clear to you in the future either.
But you cannot live in fear that she will forget you. I promise, she will NOT forget you - but she WILL view you with either admiration or disgust. And by withdrawing and moving on with your life, you will at least be viewed with admiration. I would advise politely and calmly telling her that you regret the way things turned out but that you are moving on with your life, and think it is best that you two are not in contact. Wish her the best. If she feels you are being sincere, this will lay a positive foundation for her thoughts about you in the future. Remember, we tend to think about people from the basis of our last interaction with them. Make it a positive one.
So the bottom line is this: If you want her back, accept that there is nothing you can do now. This is not about action, it is about emotion. The damage is done and the relationship is over. Could it have been saved at some point? Yes. But that point is gone. My relationship also could have been saved, but I can only accept the grief that comes with knowing I did the wrong thing and learn from it. So letting go, ironically, is the only way you can ever have her back.
One last thing: I also went through this situation about 10 years ago. I was 18 and had a VERY intense (though misguided) relationship with this girl. I broke up with her and tried to get back together with her later. She acted interested at first but then changed her mind. She could tell that I had never let go of her. And what she told me was so interesting: "The only way to get me back is to let go of me." She understood about herself what I did not; women do not want a man that cannot live without them.
