What could I have done differently in this situation(approach on a worker)?

[Deicide]

Hello, I was doing some mall sarging this past Friday. I was walking around when I saw this attractive HB 7 Latina standing at her post. I immediately turned my head, and opened her up. Our conversation consisted of me asking her questions in part, and then having a mini-conversation about each topic. Basically, we jumped from hair color, languages, instruments schooling/education, location, cultural specifics, travel, and friends. I used negs throughout that came naturally from doing so many approaches before, and she was laughing at a lot of the stuff I was saying. I didn't intentionally DHV(Like talking about past gfs, I don't really have any) and I didn't kino either. I also didn't use a false-time constraint and she ended the conversation when she had customers come up and I did a number close attempt then and she said she would see me around and rejected it. She did tell me her name though when I asked and I shook her hand.

Though, maybe mentions about me recently getting a Spanish BA from a university, speaking Spanish and learning Japanese, playing guitar, etc... are being perceived as me qualifying to her rather than DHV's?
I don't feel bad about not getting her number, but I do feel that if I had done a couple things differently, I could've left the approach with her number. I think I may be qualifying myself to girls during cold approaches without realizing it. I should've tried to get herself to qualify to me also.

So, what should I have differently in this approach?

 

[Jeffst1980]

Cold approaches are tough, so don't feel bad about this.

The thing to remember is that there are "yes" girls, "maybe" girls, and "no" girls. That means that some girls will reject you no matter WHAT. They could be in a happy LTR, or really interested in another guy, or just plain uninterested in meeting strangers. This girl probably fell into the "no" category and was being polite, since she was at work.

You did a great job just by approaching- that's 90% of it right there! As for conversation, try not to seek rapport right off the bat. Don't qualify yourself; make her qualify HERSELF first. Tease her for something she's wearing, or do random cold reads about her ("I bet you were really into ___ back in middle school"). Alternate between showing interest and pushing her away--that's what flirting is all about.

More importantly, you want to find out as soon as possible which girls are "yes" or "maybe" girls. Don't be afraid of awkward pauses; when you hit one, just pretend to be thinking about something else. If she re-initiates conversation, it's a good sign. Also, use kino to gauge her interest- if she's very resistant, it's a no-go. Body language is usually a pretty reliable indicator of interest in general.

Keep approaching, and remember that rejection is all part of the process. Shake it off and get back in the game!

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Bro we went over this in your journal. And while your approaching skills seem to be improving, the fact is your "look" is going to be a deal-breaker for most women you come across.

I can't exactly remember, but I believe you said something about having multi-colored long spiked hair? And some other oddish type accessories that you wear on a regular basis right? Now I'm not knocking your personal style, if you feel most comfortable in that, then by all means knock your socks off. But the simple fact is when your COLD APPROACHING these women will automatically disqualify you based on your outer appearance IF its something outlandish like the not so normal hair etc.

If you improve your look, you will start having success. Just my 2 cents.




PIMP

 

[Atom Smasher]

"She ended the conversation"...

That makes you appear very weak, like a puppy dog hanging around for attention for as long as possible.

It's best to end the intereaction decisively (after getting the digits, of course). This increases your perceived value as a man with an agenda and with things to do. You probably seemed dependent on her for approval. I've done it mayself, and even slipped into that once last Summer (cringing as I type this).

Always be the one to end the conversation, whether in-person or on the phone (initially).

 

[Fred_Scuttle]

maybe you could of got her name if she was wearing a name tag. she could of been laughing to be friendly or even at you. i agree with the fellow above me you let her end the conversation that is not good. you should end everything you do right up to a kiss goodnight. sounds like you talked for quite a while and should of asked for the number while she was laughing before the customers came. you asked for the number when the customers were coming up and she had to go. not good either. she knew who you were so you should of talked to her more later then got the number. seems to me she wasn't interested in you at all. if she was she would of given it to you herself or even when you asked. not sure why you asked her name when she wouldn't give you her number. that doesn't make sense to me. so that tells you she wasn't interested. then you shook her hand? what for? for rejecting you? if you get her number then you can shake her hand. don't shake a woman's hand when you go away empty handed. theres no purpose for it. that makes you look silly and i'm sure she thought so too.

 

[Deicide]

maybe you could of got her name if she was wearing a name tag. she could of been laughing to be friendly or even at you. i agree with the fellow above me you let her end the conversation that is not good. you should end everything you do right up to a kiss goodnight. sounds like you talked for quite a while and should of asked for the number while she was laughing before the customers came. you asked for the number when the customers were coming up and she had to go. not good either. she knew who you were so you should of talked to her more later then got the number. seems to me she wasn't interested in you at all. if she was she would of given it to you herself or even when you asked. not sure why you asked her name when she wouldn't give you her number. that doesn't make sense to me. so that tells you she wasn't interested. then you shook her hand? what for? for rejecting you? if you get her number then you can shake her hand. don't shake a woman's hand when you go away empty handed. theres no purpose for it. that makes you look silly and i'm sure she thought so too.

Actually, I shook her hand right before the number close attempt. I should've used the correct time frame for that aspect. I left right after she didn't give me her number. I've never had women give me their number before through cold approaches without me asking.

My look: For that day, I had blonde spiked hair, blue jeans, a UFC Brazil shirt, a shiny watch with fake diamonds in it, and old Nike Shox shoes(Yes, I need to upgrade the shoes and my style).
Yes, I'll keep approaching. Since I finished college, I have to consciously go out to sarge instead of having women everywhere as I walk out my dorm(I live in a rural town where I know everyone). So for this week: Tomorrow I'm going to my college town. I'll probably end up approaching a lot of taken women, but it's worth it. Friday, I'm going to this same city that I met this worker, and I'll go to a restaraunt, a couple stores, and then it will be time to test my Nightclub Game once again.

I appreciate the advice from everyone, and I'm working on socially rewarding and punishing people that do me right or wrong, and that should translate well into my overall game. I used to let people flake on me all the time and I'd act like nothing happened. Not anymore, though being a bit of a d*ck to friends is harder than I thought, though worth it when necessary. My overall style still needs a lot of work.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

My point is that after evaluating your game you have to figure out what's not working, and effectively holding you back from seeing results.

Again, don't take this personally, but from your journal you had going it seemed like you were approaching a lot of women, got them laughing, build rapport etc, but once you went for the close you got excuses.

Now every person gets rejected, but if it happens on a regular basis, and it the same fashion repeatedly you have to start thinking "okay what is it about me that is holding me back from closing." From all the details you have posted here, you approaching skills are solid, the only thing left it could be is your look.

Now spiked hair is fine, but I remember you saying you had really tall spikes? Kinda old school punk style right? Well if that's the case and it doesn't suite you, your gonna have issues closing. I also remember you saying you weren't in great shape, well if that's the case address those issues FIRST, before you start approaching so many women.

Outside of your height, you have the ability to change your exterior drastically and you will be surprised what a bit of added muscle, a better hairstyle and new gear will do for your results and confidence.





PIMP

 

[ELMER_GANTRY]

Hello, I was doing some mall sarging this past Friday. I was walking around when I saw this attractive HB 7 Latina standing at her post.

she sounds cute

I immediately turned my head, and opened her up.

good start

Our conversation consisted of me asking her questions in part, and then having a mini-conversation about each topic. Basically, we jumped from hair color, languages, instruments schooling/education, location, cultural specifics, travel, and friends.

sounds like a lot to be talking about in a store when you have limited time. I would of put more of a focus on one subject and focus more on her and her job, because you are at her store.

I used negs throughout that came naturally from doing so many approaches before, and she was laughing at a lot of the stuff I was saying.

that is good but don't over do it. some guys try way too much with negs and they look like more of a joker and too much can be too much. now... right about here is when you should of tried to ask for her number. she was laughing and the convo was going well from what you say. it was at a high point of the convo, not dried up at the end from her ending it. get the number and say you have to go, show you're a busy guy and your time is valuable, and place yourself above her.

I didn't intentionally DHV(Like talking about past gfs, I don't really have any) and I didn't kino either.

don't kino in a store unless she does first or she will think you're a creepy customer and call security on you...too many guys try to memorize lame scripts, try to make themselves appear to be better than what they are, and focus on and worry about things way too much, and lose sight of doing what they wanted to do...which was to get her number. They try to impress her way too much and that is what usually ruins their chances. They place the high value on her, and they lower themselves as soon as they open their mouths, and then you start with a big disadvantage, and you continually have to work your way up. By that time you lowerd yourself dramatically and she quickly loses interest in you. Maybe that is what happened with you here.

I also didn't use a false-time constraint and she ended the conversation

that was a big problem. you took way too much time talking and lost sight of what you intended to do....which was trying to get her number. don't let her end it. you end it after you get her number.

when she had customers come up and I did a number close attempt then and she said she would see me around and rejected it.

you waited way too long for the number close. you tried after she ended it, when the customers were there, she was busy, and you rushed it after you had you're convo going. you tried to do what you intended in a few quick seconds, and that didn't work.

She did tell me her name though when I asked and I shook her hand.

this is a sign of lack of interest and attraction. If she was, she would of volunteered her name to you during the convo, not when you asked her at the end when you didn't get her number. you had to ask her, she didn't give it to you on her own. There really is no reason to get her name and shake her hand without getting a number. Why do you want to know her name when you didn't get a number?

Though, maybe mentions about me recently getting a Spanish BA from a university, speaking Spanish and learning Japanese, playing guitar, etc... are being perceived as me qualifying to her rather than DHV's?

see you're focusing too much on trying to impress her with everything about you. you already placed her above you. you were at a store, and you talked too much about yourself with the limited time you had and lost sight of your goal. you're not at a club or a bar, you're at a store with customers, its a quick chat and a number close.

I don't feel bad about not getting her number, but I do feel that if I had done a couple things differently, I could've left the approach with her number.

yes, next time work quicker, less focus on yourself, don't let her end the convo, try to get her number during the high point of the convo, then get the number and go.

I think I may be qualifying myself to girls during cold approaches without realizing it. I should've tried to get herself to qualify to me also.

you're talking too much about yourself like I said. Was she even talking a lot during the convo or did you monopolize most of it? you put them above you from the start. get them to talk about themselves. it seems like you're looking for their approval because you let them make all the decisions in the convos, and like you need to prove something to them.

So, what should I have differently in this approach?

How long did you talk with her for? If you talked about all those topics with her, you had plenty of time to try to get her number beforehand. I think you introduced way too many topics and talked about yourself too much. Remember, you were at a store at mall, on her time, not yours, so you have to go quicker with the chit chat and get down to the real business which is getting her number.

You worked backwards instead of forwards here. You spent all the time talking and waited till she ended the conversation to get her number. Then you tried to do what you intended to do, which was get her number after it was all done, that doesn't work out too well as you now know. It was rushed and you tried to do everything at the end after she ended it on her terms.

As for your convo, workers at malls are usually polite, and will talk to customers when they engage in a convo with them. Then, when the customers come, they will end it and go about their business just like the girl that you talked with at the mall did. That doesn't necessairly mean that she wanted to give you her number, even though she was laughing and talking with you. You see guys do that when you go out and they usually end up rejected because she had no interest and was just being polite. Maybe she had a boyfriend, but you don't know that for sure. What you do know is that you made mistakes, and she had a lack of interest and attraction. She didn't give you her name, you had to ask for it, you were talking about yourself mostly, she wasn't asking about you from what you wrote, you let the convo drag and she ended it, you tried to get the number at the end, she rejected. If she was attracted, she still would of given you the number even with the mistakes, or she would of ended the convo and given you her number.

Don't feel bad because you tried and that was good, Just be aware of the time, and focus less in yourself, and don't put them above you.

 

[Deicide]

How long did you talk with her for? If you talked about all those topics with her, you had plenty of time to try to get her number beforehand. I think you introduced way too many topics and talked about yourself too much. Remember, you were at a store at mall, on her time, not yours, so you have to go quicker with the chit chat and get down to the real business which is getting her number.

You worked backwards instead of forwards here. You spent all the time talking and waited till she ended the conversation to get her number. Then you tried to do what you intended to do, which was get her number after it was all done, that doesn't work out too well as you now know. It was rushed and you tried to do everything at the end after she ended it on her terms.

As for your convo, workers at malls are usually polite, and will talk to customers when they engage in a convo with them. Then, when the customers come, they will end it and go about their business just like the girl that you talked with at the mall did. That doesn't necessairly mean that she wanted to give you her number, even though she was laughing and talking with you. You see guys do that when you go out and they usually end up rejected because she had no interest and was just being polite. Maybe she had a boyfriend, but you don't know that for sure. What you do know is that you made mistakes, and she had a lack of interest and attraction. She didn't give you her name, you had to ask for it, you were talking about yourself mostly, she wasn't asking about you from what you wrote, you let the convo drag and she ended it, you tried to get the number at the end, she rejected. If she was attracted, she still would of given you the number even with the mistakes, or she would of ended the convo and given you her number.

Don't feel bad because you tried and that was good, Just be aware of the time, and focus less in yourself, and don't put them above you.

Thanks for the in-depth advice! Yes, I have been putting women above me without thinking about it because I've done it my whole life. So, next time I approach(hopefully tomorrow), I'll try to get them to open up to me and act like I can leave the approach at any time. I talked for about 10 minutes. No, she didn't ask me many much of any questions at all.

Pimp: My spikes aren't very tall, they're just about 3-4 inches now. I'm still not in great shape now, though I weighed about 170 in March, which was great. But those last 2 weeks of college were a lot of studying, eating, and less working out, so I gained weight back. I'm taking boxing classes now whenever my work schedule allows it, and I'm running and skipping rope on days I don't do boxing, so I should be back to 170 or even 165 in no time. I weigh between 175-178 now, so I'm not in my best shape. Yes, I have to figure out what this sticking point is that is keeping me from finding success with women beyond phone numbers. I got a number from a HB 7/8 Brunette at my college off a cold approach recently, and when I called her, she acted like it was her sister who answered(sure sounded like her voice), and she gave me "her" number. She hasn't called me since, and that was from a good cold approach. It's like girls think something fishy is going on once they give me their numbers.

 

[ELMER_GANTRY]

So, I assume that you were doing most of the talking right? She just probably chimed in every now and then and laughed at some of your comments. Is that right? Did she introduce any of the topics or was it just you that did?

Our conversation consisted of me asking her questions in part,

I missed this on my first read. You were asking her everything and she was just answering you in a polite way. She has to show some interest in you and from everything you say, it looks like she had none, and you were doing all the asking and talking.


and then having a mini-conversation about each topic.

you asked her a bunch of questions first and then talked about them?


Basically, we jumped from hair color, languages, instruments schooling/education, location, cultural specifics, travel, and friends. I used negs throughout that came naturally from doing so many approaches before, and she was laughing at a lot of the stuff I was saying.

Too many topics in a short time, and I really don't see how some of this stuff you talked about would even be funny. Seems like you were doing more of a Q and A session rather than engaging her.



Though, maybe mentions about me recently getting a Spanish BA from a university, speaking Spanish and learning Japanese, playing guitar, etc...

Yeah, you were talking about yourself and describing yourself to her. I just don't see how any of this would even be funny. What is there to laugh at, about getting a Spanish BA, learning Japanese, and playing a guitar? I think part of your problem is what you talk about with them. You need to fix that as well.

What did you say to open her up? What made you decide to talk about those topics? How was she looking at you when you were talking? Was she close to you, or closed off? What were you saying that made her laugh? What did she say to you when you asked her for her number?

It would be interesting to see what you say about this to get a better idea.

 

[Deicide]

So, I assume that you were doing most of the talking right? She just probably chimed in every now and then and laughed at some of your comments. Is that right? Did she introduce any of the topics or was it just you that did?

No, she responded and seemed engaged in the conversation. She didn't introduce any of the topics though. I've gotten phone numbers off of similar approaches, so I was a little surprised initially why I didn't get that one.
My comments and negs are funny to most women, so that's where the humor comes in. I was in cold approach auto-pilot mode, that's why all these topics appeared. She was looking at me straight in the eyes, close to me. I always give people a lot of eye contact when I talk with them. When I asked for her number she said "That's ok, I'll just see you around".
How should I engage women through cold approaches?