What can I do right now?

[splinterkb]

Well not exactly repitition, but you need to pretty much catch yourself in the act when you start doing it, and correct yourself. After a while of doing it, you will train your mind into thinking positively. It takes time and determination, but it can be done. It makes sense in a way I guess, but if you look at a situation from every angle, there will ALWAYS be something positive gained.

 

[splinterkb]

I've always believed that in some way or another, but girls ignore me unless I attempt to start a conversation. I really think this is right, but how I can I do this while still making that first connection?

Don't try and think up something if you don't have anything to say that is truly funny and she'll laugh at. If you got nothing, a simple "Hey, whats up?" "I'm ...(name)". After that just go with the flow.. ask a lot of questions because girls like talking about themselves. Don't try and talk about something too complex or deep since you just met her.. keep it simple stupid (k.i.s.s.- good motto to remember). Just talk about current, trendy, hot stuff that you know she has a strong opinion over and has thought about. Ya know? Thats the best I can give you.

 

[mfd1830]

Yep it makes more sense now. Well, your problem can be two-fold:

1: The girl needs to actually be interesting enough to have something cool to say. A lot of them don't. That's why many have "shopping", "party" and "have fun" on their list of hobbies.

2: You need to be interesting enough yourself to make them wanna share that with you. You need to lead first by sharing something about you while at the same time inviting them to contribute.

It takes a lot of practice. Best to post a real conversation you have with a girl here so people can give you better assessments, although it's not easy since what you say aren't matter so much as how you say it (& tonality, voice projection, speed, breaks, timing, posture, gestures).

I will definately do that. I think I have good conversation skills though, in terms of everything you described. It's just that girls are never "into" me. I don't know how to create that though. I'm not even talking about excitement or attraction, but just creating interest in the conversation we're having.

Well not exactly repitition, but you need to pretty much catch yourself in the act when you start doing it, and correct yourself. After a while of doing it, you will train your mind into thinking positively. It takes time and determination, but it can be done. It makes sense in a way I guess, but if you look at a situation from every angle, there will ALWAYS be something positive gained.

I really want to do this but my experiences are always so negative. Even if I feel like total ****, which I do most of the time, if I start to pick out one good thing, then in time all I'll see is the positive things and the negative will be quickly forgotten? That makes sense because I'm not lying to myself, but instead focusing on the positive in a stronger way; just the same as how I'm now focusing on the negative in an unrealistic way.

 

[splinterkb]

I will definately do that. I think I have good conversation skills though, in terms of everything you described. It's just that girls are never "into" me. I don't know how to create that though. I'm not even talking about excitement or attraction, but just creating interest in the conversation we're having.


I really want to do this but my experiences are always so negative. Even if I feel like total ****, which I do most of the time, if I start to pick out one good thing, then in time all I'll see is the positive things and the negative will be quickly forgotten? That makes sense because I'm not lying to myself, but instead focusing on the positive in a stronger way; just the same as how I'm now focusing on the negative in an unrealistic way.

Exactly. Having negative thoughts about everything is completely absurd.. It really just comes down to reminding yourself to have a positive mindset over and over and over.. until its natural and you don't need to think about doing it anymore. I feel that way sometimes, and you just have to catch yourself in the middle of your snowballing negative thoughts, and think about how ridiculous your thoughts are. Maybe even laugh at it. I hope this helps?

 

[mfd1830]

Don't try and think up something if you don't have anything to say that is truly funny and she'll laugh at. If you got nothing, a simple "Hey, whats up?" "I'm ...(name)". After that just go with the flow.. ask a lot of questions because girls like talking about themselves. Don't try and talk about something too complex or deep since you just met her.. keep it simple stupid (k.i.s.s.- good motto to remember). Just talk about current, trendy, hot stuff that you know she has a strong opinion over and has thought about. Ya know? Thats the best I can give you.

Thanks. That's pretty much what I do now though. It's frustrating because I've had that mindset since I was in middle school but it's never worked. That's what made me feel like I always had to have something interesting/funny/cool to say. I know that's definately not the right approach though, unless it comes naturally.

 

[splinterkb]

You know maybe one of your problems is you're putting p*ssy on a pedestal.. you have such a strong urge to impress the girl that you're thinkin about it too much and over analyzing. The only thought in your head should be.. "Hey she's hot.. I'm gonna go talk to her." If you're sitting there thinking "omg what are we gonna talk about? i wonder if she thinks im hot? i bet not.." Stressing yourself out over the situation will always set you up for failure, and will probably make your convo kind of akward.

 

[Jitterbug]

I will definately do that. I think I have good conversation skills though, in terms of everything you described. It's just that girls are never "into" me. I don't know how to create that though. I'm not even talking about excitement or attraction, but just creating interest in the conversation we're having.

Give us some examples of things you try to talk about. My guess is that you're talking about generic safe stuff. "What do you do for fun?" type of convo is what most guys try, followed by a lot of AFC arse-kissing compliments, and girls are bored to death with it. Don't do an interview. Instead, talk to them as if you're talking to your best friends. That means no question about what they do, where they study etc. Make statements about what you've been up to lately (like what you say to friends when you catch up), inviting them in to contribute. Their interests and hobbies will reveal themselves through what they say. People talk a lot about what they do without being asked. You just have to pay attention.

 

[mfd1830]

You know maybe one of your problems is you're putting p*ssy on a pedestal.. you have such a strong urge to impress the girl that you're thinkin about it too much and over analyzing. The only thought in your head should be.. "Hey she's hot.. I'm gonna go talk to her." If you're sitting there thinking "omg what are we gonna talk about? i wonder if she thinks im hot? i bet not.." Stressing yourself out over the situation will always set you up for failure, and will probably make your convo kind of akward.

I think that's true to an extent. I used to be really bad with that, but I feel like I've worked through it alot. I'm always listening to other guys and how they talk to girls and at best, they aren't any better at conversing with them than I am. There's just something else that I'm missing. It could be the "way" I talk to girls; maybe my negativity/lonlieness/whatever shows through, but I've done this with friends around and they've said that I do just fine.

That's another problem though. My friends are constantly fooling around with really attractive girls, like multiple girls in a night; whether it's making out, getting numbers, sex, etc.. They're so good at it without trying that I think comparing myself to them gets me really depressed alot. They're really great about it and genuinely try to help me but their advice never works. It's good advice though and very similar to alot of the articles on here.

 

[mfd1830]

Give us some examples of things you try to talk about. My guess is that you're talking about generic safe stuff. "What do you do for fun?" type of convo is what most guys try, followed by a lot of AFC arse-kissing compliments, and girls are bored to death with it. Don't do an interview. Instead, talk to them as if you're talking to your best friends. That means no question about what they do, where they study etc. Make statements about what you've been up to lately (like what you say to friends when you catch up), inviting them in to contribute. Their interests and hobbies will reveal themselves through what they say. People talk a lot about what they do without being asked. You just have to pay attention.

This makes perfect sense. I never, ever compliment girls. Maybe I would on dates and stuff, but I haven't been in those situations yet. I always try to be specific and try to relate things I'm saying to specific things they've said. But I try to do it in the way I would talk to a guy; so that the conversation is relaxed and free from any kind of pressure. I want her to think that she's a person that I'm enjoying a conversation with and nothing more. That way I always keep uncertainty in her mind and maybe she'll seperate me from all the other guys who make it clear right from the start in their awkward way that they think she's hot and nothing more. Is this right?

I used to be really flirty and smiley when I talked to girls but I thought that came off as creepy and plus I was giving everything away right at the start. I wasn't creating any kind of interest, I was just stating my interest and forcing her to make a decision on her's; and this was all before we even said a few sentences to eachother. Do you think I should bring a little of this back though? Maybe I'm being too neutral and unassuming now.

 

[JackPrescott]

Yeah, that's literally happened every time I've talked to a girl and tried to take it further.

But now I don't even do that. I rarely even talk to girls and when I do, maybe 2% of the time I'll try to take it further and it won't work out. Usually I just talk to girls for conversation and I don't really have any expectations. I realize that's the "right" attitude in a way, but girls never want to have any conversation with me that's not surface level no matter how hard I try to make it more personal.

Wow. Where to begin.

1. Fish where the trout are. You arent going to find any pu$$y in the school library, that are interested in hooking up. Go to some parties, some social gatherings, some dances, join a Fraternity, hang out at pool halls, night clubs, pubs bars and discos.

2. You need to start thinking like a DJ, with a plan, your plan is to get women into bed, theirs or yours. Re-read the DJ Bible.

3. Stop thinking like a negative little fagg*ot. you are a man, go forth and find some bit*ches, or get the fukk off of this website, and try "Georgemichael.com"

 

[AnitaBum]

Have you tried looking at your body language. That might be your biggest problem because >>> negative thinking reflects dramatically through your body language and women can pick it up easily even if YOU are not aware of it.
Download David DeAngelos Body Language dvd and you wont regret it.
Your success will improve tonne fold.

 

[DonGorgon]

Sounds like he is unattractive and depressed.. a very bad combination. indeed. his only answer is money