What are your frustrations dealing with people?

[DoubleBarrel]

I've observed that most people (myself included) have specific fears and frustrations dealing or interacting with other people. I'm not just talking about women here, but family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, and strangers as well.

I want to understand people better and become aware of their individual struggles and challenges in this area. So I'm wondering if you'd be willing to share what your specific problems interacting with others are; both:

(1) problems you are responsible for creating in the interaction, like hang-ups and communication blocks or barriers you have, and
(2) problems the other party is responsible for, like irritable behaviors they act that drive you crazy.

Not only that, I'm wondering what you think causes these particular problems for you.

Please take a few minutes and share your responses below.

.

 

[backbreaker]

I don't like messy people. At all. I don't like country people. I don't like people who "play" on being country like it's cute. I don't like simple minded people. I don't like people who talk for no reason / too much. I don't like people you have to baby. I Don't like people who push things on you rather it be religion or whatever.

I pretty much don't like people lol. It's funny you post this today I was out somewhere today and waiting in a lobby for like 30 mins and there were these 2 girls, one of them was actually really cute, she had some really on point feet lol, anyway you could tell everything they were doing was just to get attention and I hate people like that. that's **** 15 year old's do and this woman was at least 25.


But I really, really do not like people who break commitments / promises. If backbreaker tells you he is going to do something, unless it's an extreme emergency it's as good as done. I say i'm going to be somewhere at 10am bam i'm there. I say I'm going to do something for someone its' done. my word is my bond. I hate people who set appointments and forget or show up late. I hate people who take my time for granted.

 

[BeDJ]

None.

Everyone you meet essentially shares your problems and failures. They are most likely trying to get by, or expanding their bank account. You should never 'judge' someone...because that is absolute garbage. The other day, I was in back of a flannel shirt 'loser' at the ATM. He left his deposit receipt and I got curious on it. Savings account balance: $213,000. I watched him drive off in his 2001-2003 Civic beater.

Know that people can and will better your life - UNTIL proven otherwise. There is not a God Damn benefit to disassociate with ANYONE without knowing their true intentions.

I appreciate bb's response because it shows what you are NOT supposed to do if you want to be successful. He puts every characteristic into a category to not associate with. He is already singling out potential buyers and investors, just by how they look and act. Can't do that if you want to run a successful business. You have to trust your gut and think how YOU can benefit THEM, instead of the other way around. This goes for business, social life and women in general. You can think you are the prize all you want, but if no one is buying your product, are you really the prize? Or are you just delusional?

 

[DoubleBarrel]

Great response, backbreaker.

My question is actually twofold, and you nailed one side of it. Thanks!

On the hand, there are behaviors people act out that annoy us. I'm interested in those, and you listed quite a few. On the other hand, there are personal hang-ups that we have that prevent us from getting on well with other people. I'm equally as interested in those! Of course, it usually takes some self-awareness to recognize them.

BeDJ, I like you're attitude and perspective on approaching people. And I agree with it.

However, I'm not talking about judging people here based on appearance, but rather (like stated above), annoying behaviors people act out that irritate you. We all get irritated by or respond negatively to certain behaviors. For example, bragging. I would wager that annoys everyone.

But just because they annoy us doesn't mean we will reveal it or show the other person their behavior is annoying. But we still get irritated inwardly.

I'm interested in that... and also personal hang-ups people have that get in the way of their communication and ability to have conversation.

 

[Bible_Belt]

My stepdad sums up much of my frustration with humanity in general. He has no respect for knowledge, and will therefore never listen to anything he doesn't already want to hear. It does not matter how much you know about a topic, he will have to tell you all of his opinions. He flunked out of nursing school last year, and I can only suspect that his inability to listen had something to do with it. I can't ever mention martial arts without him saying that he knows everything there is to know about fighting because his dad took him into the backyard and taught him when he was twelve. :kick:

 

[Ronaldo7]

@DoubleBarrel: BeDJ, I like you're attitude and perspective on approaching people. And I agree with it.

*Your


I hate fakes and hypocrites. I may be a jerk and anything else you may want to label me as, but i am not a liar. I'll tell that overweight land whale that she DOES look fat in that dress. Also, why would you not let the other person know if you have an issue with something they are doing? Speak up or forever be quiet. What's the point of harboring disdain/annoyance for someone? Eliminate contact. But just because they annoy us doesn't mean we will reveal it or show the other person their behavior is annoying. But we still get irritated inwardly.

Seems that you have no issue with wasting your time. Surround yourself with people that will improve you. Annoying behavior = annoying people = useless people = People that work at McDonalds.

BeDJ is right. Don't judge anyone based on their appearance. It will destroy a potential business deal/client. Judge people on their actions, not on what they say/look like.

 

[BeDJ]

BeDJ, I like you're attitude and perspective on approaching people. And I agree with it.

However, I'm not talking about judging people here based on appearance, but rather (like stated above), annoying behaviors people act out that irritate you. We all get irritated by or respond negatively to certain behaviors. For example, bragging. I would wager that annoys everyone.

But just because they annoy us doesn't mean we will reveal it or show the other person their behavior is annoying. But we still get irritated inwardly.

I'm interested in that... and also personal hang-ups people have that get in the way of their communication and ability to have conversation.

I am not the best sales guy are the greatest conversationalist, but I try my best to put my ego aside. What I figured is that when someone is bragging to you, they are trying to garner interest from you. They are pretty much subtly trying to get your approval. Would you brag to a 5 year old?

Next time you have a negative conversation with someone, assess yourself. Are you also displaying that negativity? In my opinion, negativity produces more negativity. Thus, if you disregard their actions, characteristic and personality, and exude positivity, they will respond very well with what you have to say and have a positive interaction.

 

[DoubleBarrel]

Ronaldo7,

Yeah, I noticed the grammar mistake after posting, but didn't want the edit notice to show up from changing.

Why would I not let the other person know if I have an issue with something they are doing? Because it's called tact. Pointing out what a person finds annoying about someone else is in itself an annoying behavior to that person.

What if I would have made a stink and told you that being a grammar nazi on the internet and pointing out spelling or grammar mistakes annoys me, like it does everyone else? Bet that would have annoyed you, right? So I chose to ignore it, agree and make no issue you of it.

Just like BeDJ posted above, second paragraph. That's why I wouldn't tell someone when I'm annoyed at them, assuming it's something small and harmless. Bigger things, like crossing boundaries, are a different story.

BeDJ,

I agree completely; bragging is a form of approval-seeking. Braggarts falsely believe their bragging will make you like and admire them. But that doesn't change the fact that it's still annoying as hell.

Got any insights for me in on the flip-side? And struggles you have in your ability to talk to other people you'd be willing to share?

EDIT: Thanks for the input Bible_Belt. Insightful.

 

[BeDJ]

Don't do drugs kids...

 

[DoubleBarrel]

Would you say you're a reserved, shy person who usually lets other people do most of the talking in your conversations, letting them choose the subject matter? The reason I ask is that I get the impression that maybe you struggle with leading the conversation from a place of dominance rather than passivity. If this is true, I'd like to hear more about your experience.

 

[BeDJ]

I'm serious...

 

[DoubleBarrel]

I wonder if we're having a misunderstanding. I'm not asking for advice here. I'm a good conversationalist, maybe even a great one.

What I was asking for was an answer to a question, which was ignored and left unaddressed.

I'm still curious about it.

The reason I asked it is because you mentioned that when someone starts bragging to you, you respond by asking them more questions about what they're bragging about, encouraging them to delve deeper into their apparent accomplishments (which you've stated you don't even care about -- and I don't blame, bragging is eye-rollingly, yawn-worthy).

To me, I see this as you directing the conversation, but them as dominating the conversation. They're forcing you to navigate yourself within the boundaries of the subject matter they're establishing, not you; therefore, they have the power...

Which is why I asked if you felt you had any struggles with leading the conversation from a place of dominance. In other words, where you control not only the flow of the conversation, but also the choice of subject matter.

Still waiting for your answer, if you're willing.

 

[VikingKing]

Most people are not smart.

 

[The_flying_dutchman]

I'm frustrated that I always have to deal with peoples' fears, insecurity, ignorance, selfishness. This is especially true when meeting new people. As a straight man that's college educated and career focused, I'm labeled by society as being a threat. Therefore, older men and women in the work environment treat me with distrust. Old men fear that young men will rise up and take their position. women fear men whom they can't control through sexual manipulation.

With the odds that I face, I find it necessary to withdraw from humanity from time to time. It's the only way for me not to flip out at people.

 

[Dan08]

Nothing pisses me off more than seeing friends and people I know settling for what they have. People stagnate.
And it pisses me off that they just accept their lot and go with it.

Prime example is a close mate of mine from college, been with his gf nigh on 3 years soon. He's 20, low-level accountant on £16K atm, not brilliant but not to be sniffed at when you're his age and living at home.
He's already got it planned out, knows what car he wants to buy when he earns more, already started saving for him and his gf for when he marries her in a couple years apparently.

And I look at him as a brother but I despair that he's just going to settle for this at such a young age. He has his whole life ahead of him and yet he wants to throw it all away for a girl he met at college and is happy with atm.

When push comes to shove, as a mate I will make on go of it to set him straight and see if he can see what he's missing out on. Some may say it's not my place to do so but I owe it to him.

Don't get me wrong, if he's happy and it works out then I'll be overjoyed for him but you can bet your life when it goes to **** I'll have to be there to pickup the pieces.

 

[speed dawg]

BeDJ is right. Don't judge anyone based on their appearance. It will destroy a potential business deal/client. Judge people on their actions, not on what they say/look like.

You can tell a lot about someone from their appearance. Certainly there are things you can't help, but there are also many things you can. Don't fall for this farce that the world wants you to believe. It's nonsense.

 

[Ronaldo7]

You can tell a lot about someone from their appearance. Certainly there are things you can't help, but there are also many things you can. Don't fall for this farce that the world wants you to believe. It's nonsense.

That's very true. However, we often judge on certain things that do not reflect who the person is. We are able to tell what the person thinks about themselves based on their look. Did they fix their hair? Are there wrinkles on their clothes? Did they iron them? Are their shoes neat and tidy? Or are they dirty? Do they have clear skin? Those are all factors that can speak volumes on the person.

However, I believe BeDJ was referring to things like someone driving a bad car and not necessarily mean they are poor. Actions will always speak louder than words.

 

[Colossus]

Most people are not smart.

Most people think "most people" are not smart. But no one is ever aware they are one of "those people". So who are they?

Oh wait, the incompetent cannot know they are incompetent. The knowledge they need to produce a right answer or action is exactly the knowledge they need to know what the fvck "right" is.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

Everyone thinks they are smarter than the majority. Everyone has all the answers and could ostensibly command an army or a football team or congress from their living room recliner. But by statistical definition, not everyone is that great. Even the majority is, by definition, not that great. So who are the real idiots? The real producers and geniuses??

The only way to tell with even a modicum of certainty is to look at RESULTS. Everyone thinks they have the right answer but who is churning out a verifiable product? Who is producing consistently correct answers the majority of the time? Who has a demonstrable command of their own native language (I'm serious)? Who can actually recognize errors and tell you WHY they are errors, with reproducible accuracy? Who can recognize the limitation of their own abilities and defer to more expert hands? Those people are damn few and could actually, statistically, be considered of above-average intelligence. But it's probably not you.

I deal with this at work all the time. The idiots don't even know they are idiots. They can't. How do I know they are idiots? Well because they are producing incorrect or inappropriate answers and actions on a regular basis. I am certainly not immune either. The key is being able to recognize when something is out of your scope and refer or ask for direction. That alone wont make you a genius, but it will make you functionally more intelligent that the majority.

Also, big lulz:

I don't like people who talk for no reason / too much.

 

[VikingKing]

Most people think "most people" are not smart. But no one is ever aware they are one of "those people". So who are they?

Oh wait, the incompetent cannot know they are incompetent. The knowledge they need to produce a right answer or action is exactly the knowledge they need to know what the fvck "right" is.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect

Everyone thinks they are smarter than the majority. Everyone has all the answers and could ostensibly command an army or a football team or congress from their living room recliner. But by statistical definition, not everyone is that great. Even the majority is, by definition, not that great. So who are the real idiots? The real producers and geniuses??

The only way to tell with even a modicum of certainty is to look at RESULTS. Everyone thinks they have the right answer but who is churning out a verifiable product? Who is producing consistently correct answers the majority of the time? Who has a demonstrable command of their own native language (I'm serious)? Who can actually recognize errors and tell you WHY they are errors, with reproducible accuracy? Who can recognize the limitation of their own abilities and defer to more expert hands? Those people are damn few and could actually, statistically, be considered of above-average intelligence. But it's probably not you.

I deal with this at work all the time. The idiots don't even know they are idiots. They can't. How do I know they are idiots? Well because they are producing incorrect or inappropriate answers and actions on a regular basis. I am certainly not immune either. The key is being able to recognize when something is out of your scope and refer or ask for direction. That alone wont make you a genius, but it will make you functionally more intelligent that the majority.

Also, big lulz:

Fortunately I've had more than one person tell me I'm smart. People that I don't even really know but when they hear me talk that is their conclusion, at least they recognize I'm smarter than them.

Nice link to wikipedia. What you said is a contradiction. Many people who are intelligent probably notice that others have an intellectual impediment.

And the last and final blow to the foundation of your post is that making poor decisions is not necessarily based on intelligence.

Your trying to tell me stupid people think they are smarter than most, and people who are smarter than most think they are not? That is retarded.

Even my college professors think I'm smart, they also tell me they enjoy having me in class. They also have had a chance to get to know me, talk to me, and understand how I think, unlike you.

Are you smart colossus? Based on your logic, if you think you are smart your not right? But if you say your not you are? Laughable.

My college professors think I'm smart also. Is it a coincidence that my math professor told me I'm gifted at math? Or could it be because I finish my work faster than others, and get a better grade while studying less?

Is it because my EET prfossor wanted to know how I did so well even though I don't go to lecture? He even bumped me up from a B to an A.

Last semester, I was taking my dc/ac midterm, I was drinking a liter of vadkah (The tests are online, and no I didn't Google anything I just know what im doing). We get 2 hours to do it, I finished in 15 mins and got 96% (had I not drank I wouldn't have miscalculated and got a 100%. Other people had to take it twice and still got a 60%. I also never did the actual labs, I would just analyze the circuits on paper. People drop from that major like flys. I don't even go to the lectures and I got an A. So am I smart?? or lucky???

My sociology professor thinks I'm smart to. He told me he hopes I take more of his classes, he likes my ideas about society.

So colossus, maybe I'm just dumb. lol. Just playing, I'm smart man.

However, I'm sure you went to America public schools, which are garbage and a joke. So I can understand, I empathize.

Smart people can make the same poor decisions as dumb people, and get the same bad results. That's not how you gauge ones intelligence. Nice try though, I give you a c- for effort.

 

[Colossus]

Fortunately I've had more than one person tell me I'm smart. People that I don't even really know but when they hear me talk that is their conclusion, at least they recognize I'm smarter than them.

Nice link to wikipedia. What you said is a contradiction. Many people who are intelligent probably notice that others have an intellectual impediment.

And the last and final blow to the foundation of your post is that making poor decisions is not necessarily based on intelligence.

Your trying to tell me stupid people think they are smarter than most, and people who are smarter than most think they are not? That is retarded.

Thanks for validating the Dunning-Kruger effect

Would I seem more "smart" to you if I linked to PubMed? Or some high-impact factor peer reviewed journal that gives you the same information in long form?

It is not retarded, sir; what appears to be retarded is your reasoning ability. DKE is a validated phenomenon, but that does not mean it happens in all populations 100% of the time. It's a trend. Of course there are intelligent people who recognize incompetence. And of course poor decision making is not, in one discrete instance, an indicator of low intelligence. But repeatedly, over time? Absolutely.

I've read your posts. You have big trout in a small pond syndrome. Did it occur to you that maybe the people telling you you're so smart aren't terribly intelligent themselves? Maybe your whole intellectual self-concept is based on confirmation bias? Or a selection bias. Hmmm.....I'll let you wikipedia all that while I go make money and tell people like you what to do.