"What are you thinking?"

[amoka]

So this girl I have been dating for some time now always questions my inner thoughts. Mostly when I'm with her, she always wants to know "what I'm thinking". This happens mostly after having sex. She feels she can use her Ph.D degree in Psychology to get inside my brain or something. Last time she asked me and I told her somethings out of ordinary ( about investing in restaurant) and she got pissed off and said " So, after having sex with me, all you're thinking was how to buy a restaurant? I can't believe it." She went all bullistic and and continued " well, it is better to not respond at all than to tell me something like that." And I said "cool" because i know she'll definately ask the same question again. Then later, she game me a hard blowjob. Well, after having several rounds of sex yesterday, she asked the same question and I said " I don't feel like saying anything". Then she went off again."So you don't care about me that is why not want to say anything to me. It seems like you're just keeping me for the sex." I said "bullshit". "I'm afraid of telling you how I feel about you because you don't tell me what you're thinking whenever I ask you," she continued. Deep inside, this girl is an attractive person with great personalities. However, I feel she is and attention whore -- requires so much attention. How would you respond to a question such as this from a girl this type?

-Amoka

 

[Vulpine]

Oh man, I hate that crap. "What are you thinking?" Like, what if I wasn't thinking about anything? What if I was just laying there feeling my d!ck tingle, huh? What then?

I answer that stupid question with stupid answers:

"What are you thinking?"
V: "I was thinking of something to think about."
V: "I was thinking whether or not I should cut this fart I've been holding back."
V: "I was thinking about round 2."
V: "I was thinking how long that smell was going to hang around in my room."
V: "I was thinking about how long it would take before you had to break the silence I was so enjoying."
V: "I was thinking of how you would react if I told you to shut the fvck up."
V: "I was thinking about how much better my other girlfriend sux my cox."

 

[squirrels]

Next time, just kiss her and give her ass a smack. Don't try to think of "the right answer" for that question.

I think the question she's REALLY asking (under the cover of "What're you thinking") is probably, "Why are you so distant after sex?"

 

[Sinistar]

Have either one of you said "I love you yet?"

 

[joekerr31]

her "what were you thinking"

you "I was thinking about you"

her "really, what were you thinking?"

you "you have a nice ass."

she'll probably slap you nicely and there you go, conversation over.

she just wants to know that you dont just see her as another p*ssy to f*ck, ANY amount of positive comment after sex will work fine.

 

[mzilla2]

"I am thinking about a sandwich". And that's no lie.

 

[Wyldfire]

lmao...tell her that as a Psychologist she should be well aware of the potential damage of loaded questions to romantic relationships.

She's trying to analyze you and she's frustrated because you aren't playing along.

 

[bigjohnson]

.... this girl is an attractive person with great personalities.

Sorry, but this just struck me funny. Two reasons; first, my buddies used to say "yeah, I like her for her personalities" when a girl had big boobs. Second, it's just funny that you make it sound like she's a mental patient but you lurve her anyway.

To address your question, that's borderline on control freakish IMO but whatever.

 

[Luthor Rex]

Once when a ex asked me that question after sex I told her the only right answer I could think of: "I'm thinking of you."

So I asked the question back to her after telling her I was thinking of her and she told me that she was "thinking of shoes."

WTF?

 

[STR8UP]

her "what were you thinking"

you "I was thinking about you"

her "really, what were you thinking?"

you "you have a nice ass."

she'll probably slap you nicely and there you go, conversation over.

she just wants to know that you dont just see her as another p*ssy to f*ck, ANY amount of positive comment after sex will work fine.

I got asked that question the other night the first time I had sex with this chick (kinda early for that, huh?). I think I told her I was thinking about how tired I was, lol.

But I made sure I gave her some positive reinforcement when she asked "what are you doing" (after she caught me checking out her bod) and I responded "Admiring you" and "You have very soft skin". Brought a smile to her face

Works every time.

 

[grinder]

This is such a common sh*t test it should have a number. This test is passed by not spilling your guts. The best way to really fail this test is to answer the unspoken secondary sh*t test question of “What are you feeling…”.

Since she’s in psych I think Wyldfire’s response will more likely elicit a laugh and, more importantly, change the focus.

 

[Phyzzle]

"What are you thinking?" is not a question about you, it's a statement about her. It's chick code that translates to: "I'm thinking about something deeply important to the future of our relationship, which I desperately want to discuss it with you, and which I would actually speak about if only you cared to ask what I was on my mind, but since you are sitting there like a mute--probably trying to decide what you're going to order for dinner or what you're going to watch on ESPN tonight, and not thinking about me and how beautiful I am, or how much you love me--because you are so pathetic I am not going to talk with you about my deeply important and pressing concerns and instead will torment you with my passive agressive behavior."

(From somebody's blog.)

 

[Wyldfire]

It's just a loaded question...just like "does this make me look fat?", "do you think such and such an actress is pretty?", etc, etc.

No matter how you answer you're not going to win...so don't answer it.

 

[( . )( . )]

It's just a loaded question...just like "does this make me look fat?", "do you think such and such an actress is pretty?", etc, etc.

No matter how you answer you're not going to win...so don't answer it.

This advice is B.S for guys who know whats up, for AFC's sure they wont win, but...

"does this make me look fat?"

Yes.

"do you think such and such an actress is pretty?"

I'd fvck her.


Works just fine if your congruent with not being a chump.

Why are you in the mature section?

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

"What are you thinking?"

Chick-speak translation: "Are you thinking about me now that I've had sex with you, because I see sex as a means to an end?"

This is a bait & switch girl. Do NOT even entertain the idea of becoming monogamous with her. In fact, the moment you tell her what she wants to hear she'll begin to hold out on you. And what she wants to hear - what she wants confirmed by you - is that you are becoming preoccupied with her to the point that you will voluntarily limit your options (or that you have them at all). She wants you to confirm for her that she is your only exclusive source of sexuality so the feminine competion anxiety is relaxed and she can start dictating the frame of an LTR with you.

Now, do you want her to really sing for her supper? Never confirm this for her. The covert, sh!t test communication is this; when a girl persistently asks you what you're thinking, it's always an ultimatum, and ultimatums are always declarations of powerlessness. The implied message is, "is this guy confident enough in his own identity and available options to risk losing my sexuality (her only real agency) by not playing my game?"

Call her bluff as ( . )( . ) has suggested. To most guys, the obvious and intuitive response would be to tell her something like, "I was thinking about what a lucky guy I am to be making love to the most beautiful girl in the world" in order to keep her interested and the sex flowing - this is exactly the opposite of what you want to do. Nothing will turn the sex spigot off faster than removing the competitive sexual tension she has in wanting to have you confirm for her that she's your only source of sex. The moment you stop being evasive and ambiguous about your options, the minute she stops doubting her position with you, she becomes relaxed, sex becomes a 'favor' she'll do for you and the frame is firmly in her control because you've given her what all women primarily want - security.

Women enjoy sex when they're prompted and motivated to do so; never because they want to show their appreciation for your effort, loyalty or sacrifice - that's what Cap'n-Save-A-Ho believes.

 

[Latinoman]

Deep inside, this girl is an attractive person with great personalities.

Really?

 

[Latinoman]

Here is my opinion on this issue...this woman is insecure and she likes control. She was to be the ONLY thing that your life revolves around.

As soon as you reply in a fashion to make her happy, you will be stuck as she will expect you to make her happy with EVERYTHING else.

You need to put a stop to that. Do that by either telling her what you are REALLY thinking (as long as it is not the "I'm so lucky to have sex with you" crap) or by telling her NOTHING.

My experience is that once a woman feels she has you (100%)...it is the time that she start taking you for granted.