Let me illustrate.
Warm summer day in Central Park last year, beautiful day actually, and it's dusk and everything feels incredibly romantic - we all know the feeling. And my girlfriend and I were walking hand in hand for almost 30 minutes in total silence - there was no awkwardness, it felt great, but after a while I could tell she was dying to talk to me. So I simply said, "Wouldn't it be awesome to visit Costa Rica one day?"
Now, notice there was nothing DJ about this - it was more an AFC comment than anything else, but it was the perfect topic, and it had a level of lightness and yet it was almost serious. And it worked.
Her eyes grew wide, her face brightened, she smiled, and she said, "oh my god that would be sooooooooo coool" And she described to me in the cutest, most seemingly insignificant details what she would love to do in Costa Rica - the beaches, the exotic fruits, the rainforest walks etc.. And I really got a kick out of her being so excited and happy, and I kept suggesting little bits that included me, and she happily included them into her little dream she was describing. And her happiness was incredibly genuine.
Here is a PERFECT example of my question 5. Let's analyze this:
1) She's feeling happy, and she's around YOU describing and she feels special about describing something SHE likes
2) She's making a POSITIVE neurological connection: the pleasure in Costa Rica with the pleasure of YOU.
3) We find out what SHE wants to do with YOU, she's basically telling you everything that would make her happy.
This is perfect because you're making her emotionally excited, you're enjoying the little dream (it's not passive "therapy" as you describe) and you're making tremendous progress in terms of understanding what she truly wants.
So I'm not saying you should sit there at a dinner table and do an interview. I'm saying that the topics I listed are some of the best ways to truly reach a woman's heart in an almost innocent way. That's pretty much it.