goosekiller
New Member
- Joined
- Apr 9, 2004
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Hey fellas, I got problems. Take a deep breathe, cause this is going to take a minute....
First, a little background. I'm 21, been in the Marine Corps for the past 4 years, and I'm not disgustingly ugly. I study psychology in college at night, so I can relate to a lot of the things I've read in the bible and throughout the boot camp. It's all great stuff, and I'm learning a lot.
Growing up, I wasn't popular in school, to say the least. May be it was the geek glasses and attitude, or may be it was the fact my parents never inspired me to be confident in myself (EXTREME negative criticism all the way). As you can imagine, this environment totally f*cked my perception of myself, and I was consumed with the attitude "I'm not good enough." I can't say that doesn't follow me around sometimes still (second-guessing myself).
One problem I never had was, though, was intelligence. I could do well in school without trying very hard. To make up for my lack of popularity, I tried to make others laugh to improve my "status". Sometimes it worked, but because my perception of myself was so bad, other people could tell (maybe subconsciously) that I wasn't confident. As a result, I wasn't taken seriously. As a result, I had few real friends. But I was smart. I recognized problems, and I tried to fix them.
In my late teen years, I bought contacts, and learned a little about grooming and style. Still had problems with women though, because I was ignorant. But I could make people laugh, and I milked that tactic to it's fullest. I lacked good convo skills, relationship skills, and in general, people skills. Again, I still face some of those problems.
So I joined the Marine Corps after school, and took with me the hopes of self-improvement and a better life for myself. I grew muscles, learned computer repair/networking, and begin having sex with women.
Notice I said have sex and not have relationships. There is a big difference and I want to make sure that everyone knows where I'm coming from.
Eventually I came to Albany, GA, which is about 3 hrs from where I grew up. When I went back home, I was a new man: confident (on the outside), in shape, and eager to screw the finest women in Atlanta. I met a lot of women, had sex with a lot of women, and ended up getting one pregnant. By default, I tried to stay with her (we didn't really KNOW each other, it was just sex). To say the least, it didn't work out.
She immediately fell in love with me (or what she thought was love), and over time I grew to love her, but I was never IN LOVE with her. Her background was difficult, and I appeared to her to possess qualities she had never seen before (responsibility, ambition, self-respect). She didn't have these qualities, and despite two years of trying, I only achieved partial results in trying to help her "grow up". As a result, I left her for good, and now I only maintain contact with her for my daughter's benefit.
My whole life I have dreamed, if that's the right word, of attaining ambitious, beautiful, respectful women. I KNOW I deserve it, and I have tried to make steps to make myself more appealing.
I believe you have to focus on yourself and love yourself before any other kind of love is possible, so I go to school and study hard. I'm passionate about learning, and I love to shoot pool at a high level. I dress well (at least I think I do), I'm well groomed, and I interact with people well. I have good manners (most of the time), and I pride myself on being able to communicate well with others on a professional level.
However, I feel there are gaping holes in my life when it comes to social situations, and I attribute that to the decisions I made (or didn't make) when I was younger. I can speak with women in most social situations, and through experience I have learned how to get phone numbers and "closure". The exception to this is the club\bar scene.
Here's an example: Albany is a mostly African American town, which doesn't bother me. Most of my good friends are black, and the race issue has never bothered me. Last night I attended the only club in Albany that can be considered remotely "white". I love hip-hop music, and while I'm not a great dancer, I can hold my own, especially after a few drinks.
So I'm dancing (alone), and I notice there are several cute girls that I consider "dating material" in the club. None are watching me, and I find it awkward to approach a woman who doesn't appear to know I'm there and start a conversation. I look for the signs: eye contact, a friendly smile, a shy look away, anything. I get nothing. I'm beginning to become frustrated, so I say to myself, "To hell with it, I'll jut go drink and watch what happens". I meet some old friends their, but nobody special. I get drunk eventually, go home alone, and wake with a killer hangover.
This is USUALLY what happens when I go to clubs, regardless of the location. Now my confidence isn't shattered, but I must admit I'm feeling a little down about the whole situation. What am I missing? Could it be I'm just attractive enough? I know I have nice eyes, I'm not fat, and my teeth look nice. Could it be I'm not presenting myself in the best light? I'm not sure if that's possible. I don't "try to hard". You won't see me harassing women, although I will try and initiate a dance from time to time. I almost never approach women in clubs; I think it's because I never see any signs of interest, obvious or hidden.
Now I know some ugly guys who don't seem to have this problem. Could it be they are part of the "in-crowd" (I wasn't raised here), and they get hooked up through friends? All these questions. For someone so used to giving advice, it almost makes me sick to my stomach to find myself at this level. But not to sick to ask for help. And not to sick to know that there is SOMETHING that can be done. I've tried to be as thorough as possible in this post, and I've told you strangers stuff about me that even good friends don't know. If you have any insight or helpful input please respond. Thanks a lot.
First, a little background. I'm 21, been in the Marine Corps for the past 4 years, and I'm not disgustingly ugly. I study psychology in college at night, so I can relate to a lot of the things I've read in the bible and throughout the boot camp. It's all great stuff, and I'm learning a lot.
Growing up, I wasn't popular in school, to say the least. May be it was the geek glasses and attitude, or may be it was the fact my parents never inspired me to be confident in myself (EXTREME negative criticism all the way). As you can imagine, this environment totally f*cked my perception of myself, and I was consumed with the attitude "I'm not good enough." I can't say that doesn't follow me around sometimes still (second-guessing myself).
One problem I never had was, though, was intelligence. I could do well in school without trying very hard. To make up for my lack of popularity, I tried to make others laugh to improve my "status". Sometimes it worked, but because my perception of myself was so bad, other people could tell (maybe subconsciously) that I wasn't confident. As a result, I wasn't taken seriously. As a result, I had few real friends. But I was smart. I recognized problems, and I tried to fix them.
In my late teen years, I bought contacts, and learned a little about grooming and style. Still had problems with women though, because I was ignorant. But I could make people laugh, and I milked that tactic to it's fullest. I lacked good convo skills, relationship skills, and in general, people skills. Again, I still face some of those problems.
So I joined the Marine Corps after school, and took with me the hopes of self-improvement and a better life for myself. I grew muscles, learned computer repair/networking, and begin having sex with women.
Notice I said have sex and not have relationships. There is a big difference and I want to make sure that everyone knows where I'm coming from.
Eventually I came to Albany, GA, which is about 3 hrs from where I grew up. When I went back home, I was a new man: confident (on the outside), in shape, and eager to screw the finest women in Atlanta. I met a lot of women, had sex with a lot of women, and ended up getting one pregnant. By default, I tried to stay with her (we didn't really KNOW each other, it was just sex). To say the least, it didn't work out.
She immediately fell in love with me (or what she thought was love), and over time I grew to love her, but I was never IN LOVE with her. Her background was difficult, and I appeared to her to possess qualities she had never seen before (responsibility, ambition, self-respect). She didn't have these qualities, and despite two years of trying, I only achieved partial results in trying to help her "grow up". As a result, I left her for good, and now I only maintain contact with her for my daughter's benefit.
My whole life I have dreamed, if that's the right word, of attaining ambitious, beautiful, respectful women. I KNOW I deserve it, and I have tried to make steps to make myself more appealing.
I believe you have to focus on yourself and love yourself before any other kind of love is possible, so I go to school and study hard. I'm passionate about learning, and I love to shoot pool at a high level. I dress well (at least I think I do), I'm well groomed, and I interact with people well. I have good manners (most of the time), and I pride myself on being able to communicate well with others on a professional level.
However, I feel there are gaping holes in my life when it comes to social situations, and I attribute that to the decisions I made (or didn't make) when I was younger. I can speak with women in most social situations, and through experience I have learned how to get phone numbers and "closure". The exception to this is the club\bar scene.
Here's an example: Albany is a mostly African American town, which doesn't bother me. Most of my good friends are black, and the race issue has never bothered me. Last night I attended the only club in Albany that can be considered remotely "white". I love hip-hop music, and while I'm not a great dancer, I can hold my own, especially after a few drinks.
So I'm dancing (alone), and I notice there are several cute girls that I consider "dating material" in the club. None are watching me, and I find it awkward to approach a woman who doesn't appear to know I'm there and start a conversation. I look for the signs: eye contact, a friendly smile, a shy look away, anything. I get nothing. I'm beginning to become frustrated, so I say to myself, "To hell with it, I'll jut go drink and watch what happens". I meet some old friends their, but nobody special. I get drunk eventually, go home alone, and wake with a killer hangover.
This is USUALLY what happens when I go to clubs, regardless of the location. Now my confidence isn't shattered, but I must admit I'm feeling a little down about the whole situation. What am I missing? Could it be I'm just attractive enough? I know I have nice eyes, I'm not fat, and my teeth look nice. Could it be I'm not presenting myself in the best light? I'm not sure if that's possible. I don't "try to hard". You won't see me harassing women, although I will try and initiate a dance from time to time. I almost never approach women in clubs; I think it's because I never see any signs of interest, obvious or hidden.
Now I know some ugly guys who don't seem to have this problem. Could it be they are part of the "in-crowd" (I wasn't raised here), and they get hooked up through friends? All these questions. For someone so used to giving advice, it almost makes me sick to my stomach to find myself at this level. But not to sick to ask for help. And not to sick to know that there is SOMETHING that can be done. I've tried to be as thorough as possible in this post, and I've told you strangers stuff about me that even good friends don't know. If you have any insight or helpful input please respond. Thanks a lot.
