Unlock the Secrets to Dating Success

New to the SoSuave forum? Start your journey to becoming a dating rockstar with our essential guide.

This comprehensive resource will give you the tools and strategies you need to overcome obstacles, build confidence, and attract the women you've always wanted.

Don't let another day go by without taking control of your dating life - start now and get ready to experience the success and fulfillment you deserve.

Thanks for visiting, and I look forward to your success!

What am I doing wrong? Unable to escalate.

redhoss

New Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2017
Messages
6
Reaction score
3
Age
44
*Might be long. Included details and explanations. Had to make a new thread.

New guy here with a question regarding an area I’m struggling with. Let me preface by saying I have no issues attracting women: getting them super interested , sweeping them off their feet, crazy excited around me, etc. The problem is keeping them interested over the long term (relationship), and escalating into sex. I have this sort of imbedded belief going on, where you have to develop a super strong connection and pretty much act like you’re together before you have sex and enter into a relationship. Something tells me this is backwards, and not the way things actually work. In the real world, you date and have sex THEN proceed into a relationship. It’s almost like I want assurance that this is the real deal, and not just sexual. But when we don’t have sex, as a result of my stupid beliefs, no relationship ever happens. We just remain stuck in a limbo until we get so attached and break things off and become heart-broken. Lol.

Part of the problem is the fact that women seem to only show interest in sex- even after we develop a strong connection, everything seems to be heading towards a relationship, etc. I get bugged out and become uncertain and anxious and drop the ball, because I’m already so invested. They are attached, as well. But it doesn’t seem like it goes beyond the more than friends, dating without the physical, in way too deep and so screwed phase. Like, I worry that all they want after all this time is sex. While at the same time, I don’t want to have sex without all the relationship stuff too. So, something is not right, here. The two are conflicting big time.

By the way I am and act, and how I attract women, leads them to just want sex (or so I presume; I might not be knowledgeable enough about how the process works, and how they expect things to go). There’s a lot of sparks, infatuation, seduction, flirting, touching, compliments, smiling, laughing, eye-locking, etc. Plus twirling of hair, being fidgety, soft and nervous, vulnerable, getting real close, on cloud 9, anticipation, wanting to be around me, trying to get my attention, light slapping, etc. So, high attraction. The signs are all there. Definite sexual attraction and interest, by how we interact with each other and the things I say and do with them. Mostly focusing on them, and asking a lot of personal questions, and flirting, and showing interest, etc.

Being that I’m focused more on a relationship, I kind of steer things in that path before having sex, and that seems to screw things up over time (since I never have sex, or escalate, or reciprocate, and bail out of fear). They never lose interest until way later; like after we’re already in a relationship (of pretend). But I never escalate out of some kind of fear, which actually produces the same results I’m trying to avoid (no relationship).

At the same time, they never seem to push for any kind of relationship, and I seem to be waiting for that to happen. But they might be, too- then going ahead with it when I steer things that way. I don't know. I'm confused.

Even if we develop a strong emotional connection, hang around each other, flirt and seduce and touch, etc; the route always seems to be sexual in nature, on top of all those things: being close and friends to an extent. But there's a lot of scarcity, I guess game, and knowledge that we aren't just friends. The underlying tone is always sexual with high attraction after a little while. You can feel it.

When I show interest and steer things in a relationship path, they are definitely up for sex. So knowing what I want, how things have been, and where they seem to be heading, is that just part of the relationship piece for them? ‘Cause they never say anything. They just get horny and seductive and super interested, come around and give me every sign possible; waiting for me to escalate physically. But I never do, ‘cause of the same fear. I’m almost too comfortable and not risky in my head and beliefs. But not boring and unable to attract them. I just can’t seem to make the jump, even when they push for it.

Are things just supposed to be evolve naturally – including sex – without saying anything about it, or trying to define things? Is this how the process works? Or do they just want sex. Or am I way over-analyzing and over-thinking, and screwing my chances up every single time as a result?

As good as things are, it seems like there’s not a lot of connection building unless I initiate. They come to me to get me to initiate- then respond, reciprocate, etc. They’re definitely excited, open, etc, but I seem to have to make it that way- by how our interaction goes. Almost like I have to work for it, and chase them- while they decide.

So, that’s another way I never know what they want, or what’s going on. Which causes anxiety and uncertainty, and nothing fully develops as a result. I can’t read minds, or the situation, and end up staying stuck in the same situation until one of us gets tired of the confusion and leaves for good. Lol. With a nice, strong attachment and recovery process afterwards. All while they keep pushing for sex and trying to turn things physical- while I remain emotionally connected forever.

I think sex is a big part of connecting for women, and I’m messing things up with an unfounded fear by not escalating. Besides, you can’t have a relationship without the physical. And women like the uncertainty and crap like that, or not knowing or having everything defined and laid out; to have things happen and be spontaneous and unpredictable.


Appreciate any insights you guys have on this issue.
 

marmel75

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Messages
7,231
Reaction score
5,638
When you understand and act on the knowledge that women want sex as much or more than guys do, you won't need to resort to this belief that you need to "trick" them into having sex, you'll simply act like a man, act sexually around them and then watch them jump at the opportunity you've created.

It's that simple. No fancy tricks, no "lines", just create a situation where sex is possible and then show them you are sexually interested in them. Once you get how to do this it will become second nature and sex becomes pretty much a foregone conclusion.
 

redhoss

New Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2017
Messages
6
Reaction score
3
Age
44
Thanks, but that doesn't answer the question. I do all that; I just don't jump at the opportunity out of fear that sex is all they want. If that makes sense. I'm not tricking them, or playing a game, or anything. They're the one's pushing for sex- not me. I'm steering it another way, and they lose interest eventually.
 

marmel75

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Messages
7,231
Reaction score
5,638
Thanks, but that doesn't answer the question. I do all that; I just don't jump at the opportunity out of fear that sex is all they want. If that makes sense. I'm not tricking them, or playing a game, or anything. They're the one's pushing for sex- not me. I'm steering it another way, and they lose interest eventually.
That's the attitude a woman has bro...have you gotten your T levels checked? Sounds like your estrogen/testosterone ratio might be messed up. I can't relate to that, my T levels are high and I'm tearing that pvssy apart.
 

wifehunter

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 6, 2015
Messages
5,191
Reaction score
3,320
Age
51
Location
Hoe County, California
34f4ae7ff269cb31fa33311b9f0a1d20.jpg
 

redhoss

New Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2017
Messages
6
Reaction score
3
Age
44
Yeah, my mom raised me and there wasn't any sexual anything in our family. It was always kind of never mentioned, like it doesn't exist. The TV would be turned if there was something sexual on there when we were younger. Girls have said it feels like they're wearing the pants; that I never want sex; what my problem is; if I'm gay; etc. I have these imbedded beliefs that women don't like sex, and want to wait until marriage, and have everything perfect for some reason. But they just get annoyed and devastated when nothing ever happens, and eventually bail.

I'm not assertive when it comes to sex and being physical. They do everything, and I stop when they do. So if they make out, we make out. Then stop after they're done. I don't progress from there.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
17,884
Reaction score
12,122
Location
DFW, TX
Yeah, my mom raised me and there wasn't any sexual anything in our family. It was always kind of never mentioned, like it doesn't exist. The TV would be turned if there was something sexual on there when we were younger. Girls have said it feels like they're wearing the pants; that I never want sex; what my problem is; if I'm gay; etc. I have these imbedded beliefs that women don't like sex, and want to wait until marriage, and have everything perfect for some reason. But they just get annoyed and devastated when nothing ever happens, and eventually bail.

I'm not assertive when it comes to sex and being physical. They do everything, and I stop when they do. So if they make out, we make out. Then stop after they're done. I don't progress from there.
The best thing you can do for yourself is be around men who are having success with women. Some of the behaviors and viewpoints will transfer to you.
 

redhoss

New Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2017
Messages
6
Reaction score
3
Age
44
The best thing you can do for yourself is be around men who are having success with women. Some of the behaviors and viewpoints will transfer to you.
I tried that in the past. But those people are obsessed with winning all the women, and not letting anyone else have any. They're always competing and trying to one-up; making other people look bad so they can look good. Heaven forbid they find any dirt that can be used against you. They become extremely jealous and territorial if you "beat" them, by attracting women. Like, only they're allowed to, and everyone else must bow to their presence. They're a joke. I attracted more women than they did without saying a word. If I asked for help or whatever, they would just turn things around and try to place themselves above me in some way. Like, that never happened; this girl doesn't like you; etc. Purposely giving bad advice, and laughing when you failed; proving that they're the best. All those crowds were like that. They didn't help, really with anything, so now I do things on my own. But I struggle in some ways.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
17,884
Reaction score
12,122
Location
DFW, TX
I tried that in the past. But those people are obsessed with winning all the women, and not letting anyone else have any. They're always competing and trying to one-up; making other people look bad so they can look good. Heaven forbid they find any dirt that can be used against you. They become extremely jealous and territorial if you "beat" them, by attracting women. Like, only they're allowed to, and everyone else must bow to their presence. They're a joke. I attracted more women than they did without saying a word. If I asked for help or whatever, they would just turn things around and try to place themselves above me in some way. Like, that never happened; this girl doesn't like you; etc. Purposely giving bad advice, and laughing when you failed; proving that they're the best. All those crowds were like that. They didn't help, really with anything, so now I do things on my own. But I struggle in some ways.
That's a different kind of guy. You need some who like you and allow encourage you to help yourself to some of their female friends. They can't screw em all.
 

redhoss

New Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2017
Messages
6
Reaction score
3
Age
44
That's a different kind of guy. You need some who like you and allow encourage you to help yourself to some of their female friends. They can't screw em all.
That's hard when you're in that scene.... I used to hang around with a lot of players, popular people, and trouble types. They always partied, went to bars, interacted with women, had lots of sex and success... But that's all their life was, and they were completely self-absorbed and competitive. A lot of drama, backstabbing, etc, as well. Fake as hell. They never really looked out for anyone but themselves. At best, they would just watch you and not help. But mostly just went after their own success, and focused solely on that. Got tired of it. And those types wanted sex with all the women. Even their friends. Which weren't really friends. Tried to steal from other's, too.

They were all part of the same party / drama scene. And the women weren't all that great in quality, either.
 

mrgoodstuff

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
17,884
Reaction score
12,122
Location
DFW, TX
That's hard when you're in that scene.... I used to hang around with a lot of players, popular people, and trouble types. They always partied, went to bars, interacted with women, had lots of sex and success... But that's all their life was, and they were completely self-absorbed and competitive. A lot of drama, backstabbing, etc, as well. Fake as hell. They never really looked out for anyone but themselves. At best, they would just watch you and not help. But mostly just went after their own success, and focused solely on that. Got tired of it.
Yeah, just the kind of friends who are perfect if you slipped in life and needed to borrow something or get a ride somewhere. It's all that fake entitlement posturing like they are super stars...
 

AlphaNate

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 23, 2012
Messages
760
Reaction score
570
Location
USA
This is what a woman would post here about the guys she's dated lol

OP, you have to be true to yourself. It sounds like psycho-babble to me, but if that's what you want, don't compromise yourself for these sl*ts.
 

marmel75

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 4, 2012
Messages
7,231
Reaction score
5,638
Man who doesn't want sex = Low Testosterone. Really no two ways about it.
 
Top