What about me...

[DoubleA]

DJ's,

I recently found out my old college GF was married and has a kid(s). Of course if this were it I'd be hearing, "She's an Ex-GF why should she matter?"

BUT she's trying to comeback into my life through communicating with my friends. I didn't even get a wedding invite and haven't seen her for almost six years. She tried to manupulate me then to come to her.

Why would she think I'm so much of a "nice guy" that I'd sit back and accept her becuase we used to have something ten years ago. She wasn't thinking of me when she went and got married to another cat and bore his child. My life is starting to come together. I've paid so many dues by refusing to settle.

I almost feel free and happy. I hate to say it, I'm almost laughing at her pettiness. It's sad to me as well.

Has anyone been in this situation before?

Rollo T. thanks for the insight.

 

[Natch]

DJ's,
BUT she's trying to comeback into my life through communicating with my friends. I didn't even get a wedding invite and haven't seen her for almost six years. She tried to manupulate me then to come to her.

Huh? She's talking with your friends dude, how does that mean she wants back with you?

And in any case , how does that make her a bad person? She wants to get back with you, maybe she has good taste...

If you don't want back with her then don;t hook up with her , but at least you should be nice aboot it.

 

[DoubleA]

Huh? She's talking with your friends dude, how does that mean she wants back with you?

And in any case , how does that make her a bad person? She wants to get back with you, maybe she has good taste...

If you don't want back with her then don;t hook up with her , but at least you should be nice aboot it.

Talking to firends as in keeping tabs on me. If they didn't go to bat for me then they're not my friends. The pain she caused they should have know how I feel.

It doesn't make her a bad person. I agree. But she with someone else. As far as the good taste part...yeah maybe. But Usually good taste isn't second place. To a husband and children. I lost out with her that was how I felt years ago. But now I haven't lost anything, over the years I've gained so much. If I was so good then we wouldn't be having this conversation. She would have been here through the rough times.

Finally. Be nice?? She wasn't nice too me. Wasn't nice enough to throw me a wedding invite. She never called. I give what I get. Sounds like too me you'd probably fall for it but I can't be friends with someone who wrote me off.

I don't have to be nice to her because I don't owe her anything. Someday she'll understand that.

 

[penkitten]

maybe shes going thru some sort of life change or depression.
maybe they are on the rocks.
who knows?

if people say they ran into her and this and that , the best thing to do is to tell these so called friends you wish her and her family well and let that be that.

i know its a little bothersome but just let it pass.

 

[flexion_]

Well if you have some interest in her she is opening that door open for you. If you have no interest in her then just ignore her and it will pass. I wouldn't waste your time on her personally.

 

[DoubleA]

PenKitten,

The funny thing is she didn't meet these people when we were together. If she's going through life problems..it's a bed she made. Not me. Those problems aren't mine.

Flex,
I could meet women who don't have the hangups she has. I could be nice to her. But she would need to understand that I really don't need her. Therefore, she can't be in control or run what goes on between us. Her hand is shot. She obviously has enough to deal with. I'd smash it again but she won't be getting anything out of it.

 

[STR8UP]

Finally. Be nice?? She wasn't nice too me. Wasn't nice enough to throw me a wedding invite. She never called.

If my fiancee invited her ex to the wedding, there wouldn't BE a wedding.

 

[OpenMind]

Str8up, I was thinking the exact same thing. Who in the hell would want to go to an ex's wedding and who would want their ex at their wedding? Get over it and move on.....

 

[OpenMind]

double post...

 

[DoubleA]

ST8UP & Openmind,

This is a valid point you've made. I guess I wouldn't have been there or invited. I'd like to think if I was invited I would've gone and that was that. We all move on everybody does. But in this case It's not me. I'm upset because I held on. A little piece of me held on. I would've had to give it up and turn it loose once I was there and faced the fat lady singing. It would have been seven years or more ago. Now things are going great. Women now recognize what I bring to the table. Possibly more than a dyck and a check.

Anger and spitefullness cloud my thoughts at times when she is mentioned. My friends say let it go as well. They are right. But none have someone from the past checking for them. They don't have someone from the past trying to pickup where they left off years ago, with a Ex husband an kid(s). There is no one who I know that can identify with me. I really have issues with this. I just refused to be a fall back and bail someone out because things didn't work them. Many men do it but I can't go out like that. When she she left I felt I was the one left holding the bag.

When I posted it seemed everyone is getting what they wanted out of life. I ask myself what about me because I don't want a handout. I only want my own not anyone elses.

 

[NewMan]

You have moved on and things are in the past - leave them there.

You will never be able to re-kindle a relationship - you have to much bitterness for that to ever work out (right or wrong).

So things are going well with you - so continue doing what you are doing - it's all about realizing that you both have changed - she has someone else's kid - and could you ever deal with that? I think not.

Let her play her games - you just need to concentrate on the you.

 

[DoubleA]

Thanks NewMan.

 

[xmlenigma]

Talking to firends as in keeping tabs on me. If they didn't go to bat for me then they're not my friends. The pain she caused they should have know how I feel.

It doesn't make her a bad person. I agree. But she with someone else. As far as the good taste part...yeah maybe. But Usually good taste isn't second place. To a husband and children. I lost out with her that was how I felt years ago. But now I haven't lost anything, over the years I've gained so much. If I was so good then we wouldn't be having this conversation. She would have been here through the rough times.

Finally. Be nice?? She wasn't nice too me. Wasn't nice enough to throw me a wedding invite. She never called. I give what I get. Sounds like too me you'd probably fall for it but I can't be friends with someone who wrote me off.

I don't have to be nice to her because I don't owe her anything. Someday she'll understand that.

Ideally, you shouldnt need to be 'bad' to her. Be polite, nice and warm. But, not really giving anything to her per se.. in terms of power or energy.

Practically, if she brings out bad memories and feelings in you and you cant handle it.. (emotional control) then avoid her and the whole issue.

But if you face your fear of meeting with her.. and burying the hatchet, you will be more at peace going forward.

 

[xmlenigma]

Many men do it but I can't go out like that. When she she left I felt I was the one left holding the bag.

Unresolved anger, hate and spite. Meet her and let all of those feelings go. Tell her how you FELT.. and you feel that as a person she has helped you grow from being someone who had anger etc but now you are over that and at peace and wish her the best in life.

(Just doing and saying that will change how you feel.. trust me.. its tough.. but such an act will internalize your compassion and strength.. like the buddha)

You have moved on and things are in the past - leave them there.

It seems like he has not been able to close on those unresolved issues. Get closure. Honestly.

You will never be able to re-kindle a relationship - you have to much bitterness for that to ever work out (right or wrong).

Probably. But dont go with anything.. no expectations and no judgements. Just sincerity and strength. Re-kindling is way too far away.. Are you thinking that she wants to rekindle? How can you know for sure? Maybe she just wants to really know how you are doing and then curse herself for leaving you. Face your fears.. cause it seems like this is one..

So things are going well with you - so continue doing what you are doing - it's all about realizing that you both have changed - she has someone else's kid - and could you ever deal with that? I think not.

Yes. Changed. Moved on (both sides.. closure?) I dont know. You dont have to deal with her kid or her. You just need to meet and achieve closure for your sanity & sake.

Let her play her games - you just need to concentrate on the you.

is she playing games? Find out for SURE.

 

[DoubleA]

I have no problem with going formward, believe it or not.

She decided to get married and have this guys child or children. I'd guess I wasn't on her mind then. So why now? Eww. Who do I look like Sam Sausagehead? Too late.

But given the advice. I'd be willing to talk to her like any other person.

BUT SHE HAS TO COME TO ME....

 

[KontrollerX]

Newman has it right.

Also don't be polite, warm, mean or cruel to her.

Don't be anything to her if she tries to contact you directly.

Ignore her completely and she should take the hint.

After what she has done to you in the past your complete ignoring of her is exactly what she deserves.