We've got 2 weeks - need advice

[Jetsoc]

[Posted this in 2 sections intentionally]

Hey all, first time posting here. Cool board! And, apologies for the length of this -it kinda got out of control as my mind started to ramble.

Anyway, I'll get right to it. I met someone online over 2 years ago. We became friends and over time, very good friends. I have expressed interest in pursuing a deeper relationship with her and a little over a year ago, asked her out and she said yes. Online date but still. We both had a great time, ordered pizza together. ) We've gone out many many times now and we have such a good time, every time. We listen to music, play games, talk about everything and make each other laugh to the point of tears! ) We flirt too, especially lately. Note, sometimes I wonder if she's sincerely flirting or if it's just because online is, "safe." Anyway...

So, in just under 3 weeks, we are going to meet in person. We had talked before about meeting but she wasn't ready. This past summer we talked again and we both decided it was time. So I'm flying 5,000+ miles to spend 2 weeks on vacation with her. We're both excited, though she's also nervous which I actually find REALLY cute.

Anyway, here's the thing: all the time we've been dating online, she's seen me as a friend. More than a, "normal friend" as she said but, still a friend. She even said that we have something special, something people who are together a lifetime don't have. I feel the same way. So the other night we were talking and she again said that she still sees me as a friend. Now, I know that guys are more visual... which is why my feelings are ahead of hers. I'm seriously attracted to this girl! Not just her looks but, her heart too. It's so... well to be honest, it's sweet. I've dated girls, even was married. But no one has ever touched me, touched my heart the way she has. And that's why only for her, I'm willing to take this plunge, fly halfway around the world, to be with her... to see if there could be something.

Of course, girls are more about feelings and how a guy makes her feel, which is likely why she still sees me as a friend. I really believe that once we're together in person, that's gonna change. We have built a solid foundation and have such rapport. Think it's just a matter of that extra nudge over the top. But, I want to leave nothing to chance. Of course I realize that there's no magic formula that can, "make" someone fall for you. It's just... we have only 2 weeks and, I want to prepare as best I can because if there's nothing... it's over. My heart is already too involved and, I can't leave her after 2 weeks not knowing exactly where we stand. And if there's nothing and I head home never to speak with her again, I need to know I gave it my best effort.

So guess what I'm looking for is ANY advice whatsoever. I should point out too that I'm in my early 40's and she's in her 20's. That and the distance are the two biggest factors working against us and might be in her head... keeping her from fully opening her heart to me. Could be she's keeping me at arms length as a friend because she's afraid she might fall for me and doesn't know how we would handle those two obstacles. Or maybe she simply doesn't see me that way, in which case my job remains the same - help show myself to her as boyfriend material, not as a guy but, THE guy she's been missing in her life. Now, how to go about that... within the space of 2 weeks. That's what I'm asking here.

Right now, I'm a bit freaked out. Okay, that's a little much - more like, on edge. I know I'm putting pressure on myself and I want to take the time left before I leave to work all that out so I can walk up to her with confidence, not with a 2 week deadline, have I got everything right type of mood. Lol!!!

Not tooting the horn here but, I really am everything she wants in a guy. Lol!!! When we first went from text chat online to video, she said, "You're super nice!" And once when I just came out and asked her (around when she was giving me the, "I see you as a friend" thing), "What do you like in a guy?" She started to rattle off stuff and then said, "Well, like you!" )) So I know we could potentially be right on the brink. Either the age/distance is in her head too much or, it's because we need to be together in person that's holding her back, not sure. I'm thinking it's one or the other.

One other thing, I'm not a cologne wearer but as I said I want to cover all my bases here so, been looking into something. Also pheromone sprays as a little accent. Been considering the following: Fahrenheit by Dior for straight scent and Scent of Eros or Alpha7 for pheromone cologne, maybe pair an unscented one with Fahrenheit. Again not as a magic potion but, something to help engage all her senses, as up until now, we've only really been exchanging information via chat. In person, it's all about feelings and I want to be sure the messages I'm sending are all good.

So, thanks guys, for anything you have to offer.

 

[ApolloCreed]

I see. Which planet are you guys from?

 

[search1ng]

If this isn't a troll post....

You have 2 weeks with her in real life. Forget the last 2 years of internet 'dating'.

When you see her, and she looks anything like the photos she has been sending you, based on your post, I'm almost positive you're going to turn into a fool - head over heels for a girl you barely know. Yes. You barely know this woman.

The things woman say and do are two entirely different things. Never forget that her 'internet self,' is mostly likely a facade. Potentially real, probably a mix of imagination and environment.

The best help I can give you is a guideline of sorts.

1. Never forget your frame - you're a man (what kind of man is entirely up to you, just make sure it is consistent).

2. Be bold and lead. Women and people in general dislike people who can not make up their minds (you want pizza? Tell her you two should go for pizza at a nice place you found nearby. If she has a better suggestion (place), that's fine. Either way you're getting pizza).

3. Know your surroundings. You're in her town - you could get her to show you around BUT always at your suggestion. eg. Where's the nearest starbucks --> coffee date (convo, geting to know her) --> I've heard of such and such an attraction here, let's go there. Either way you're going to have to do some research cause you're not on your home turf.

4. "Nothing I can't handle". Don't curse, swear, get frustrated or show negative emotion. You always have your sh.it under control. Ties back into frame of mind.

5. Don't rush and NEVER forget she's just a woman. Don't bend over backwards in an attempt to please her. Don't be afraid to speak your mind - tell her when she's wrong but NEVER FORCE THE ISSUE. eg. She's looking for something. You know where it is so you tell her. She disagrees and does her thing. Go along with it because at the end of the day it will be revealed that you were right and had everything under control. Once she realizes this, just give her a knowing smile.

6. Be a bloody MAN and stop stressing over the minor details. Dress for your frame and style. Whatever you feel most comfortable in, because this will be conveyed in your body language. Personally i prefer semi-casual. Jeans, polo shirt and nice shoes are never wrong.

7. Don't be afraid to touch her. Don't force yourself though or it'll be creepy. eg, you're on a date @ the beach and she's about to step on a sharp shell, steer her out of the way using your hand on the small of her back. It's a natural movement and a spot known to comfort women. This is basic, but you get the idea.

8. Relax - consider this a vacation. You get to discover a new place, meet a (hopefully) awesome woman and come back with an interesting story, good or bad. STOP STRESSING OVER A WOMAN.

(You think you're going to spend 2 weeks with this woman. WRONG. You're a busy man, you can meet her every day, just not all day. Lunch date. Dinner Date. Random encounter date. w/e. Just make sure you have other plans - be it a tour of the area, reading a bloody book or watching a movie by yourself. You're making time for her, not the other way around).

9. Accept that she may not be, 'the one'. That's just putting unnecessary pressure on yourself and her.

10. If you want to kiss her, just kiss her... and learn to enjoy the rush, anticipation and anxiousness. There was once a girl I fell for, very badly. At the suggestion of the DJ bible and various posts written by lost greats such as Pook, senior fingers, etc. I decided to take her on a date for a walk along the beach. We were talking and for a sudden moment, to me, she seemed the most beautiful thing in the world - I had to kiss her. So I did. It was spontaneous and unplanned. Filled with fear, anxiousness and anticipation I grabbed her arm, turned to face her and kissed her. In her words it was the point in which her perspective of me changed - for the better.


Have FUN Jetsoc.


P.S. Something that you should never forget. You may be everything she has ever wanted, however, she may not be everything YOU have always wanted.

 

[Jetsoc]

Hey, thanks search1ng.

And no, this is most definitely NOT a troll post! Wanna see my e-ticket receipt?

Anyway, I know we will both get hit with a full reality shock when we meet in person. We video chat on skype, talk on the phone, etc already so we do know what each other really looks and sounds like. But in person will always be different, I know that.

And yeah, I realize there's tons about each other we don't know. But really, unless she has been blatantly lying, there's a lot we do know. I'm confident that she's the real deal and if not, I'll find out soon enough.

I have already read a ton about her country. Not just where she lives but, the culture as a whole, the history, etiquette, etc. I've been to Europe before (though not this part) and I know how important it is to understand and respect local customs. Also learning the language some too, if for nothing else than to show I'm not a lazy American who expects them to cater to me.

And in terms of what we're doing, I already booked a place for a few nights. Basically said I found this great place and got it for us - no questions, just here's where we're going. So yeah, I've got control here. It is her home and in some spots I'll let her guide, such as, "Where's a good place for...?" etc.

As for the rest, I think I was a bit expressive in my first post. Not really stressing all THAT much. Just, a bit more than a, "normal" date, ya know? And yeah, I am into her more than she is into me but, trying not to be obvious about it.. playing stuff down, etc. But really, she is so cool! Think maybe it's just that after so long, the time is finally here and, my anxiety is spiking. That's why I want to settle it before getting there. I don't stress in other dating situations which is why I was kinda surprised when this wave of, whatever hit me the other day.

Oh about making time for her... well actually, she is taking 2 weeks off work for this. So I guess it's kinda mutual.

#8 - is this Dan? Lol!!! My buddy said almost the same thing recently. You're right, both of you.

#10 is just awesome dude! WTG!

Anyway thanks again, Ill keep this in mind. Already feeling some of that rush subsiding a bit. Maybe I just needed to air it out a little. I know it's gonna be an awesome time, however it ends up.