we're on a "break"

[specialed]

before i start...let me tell you that i wish i knew then what i know now.

Background:
I'm 19 she's 18. i've had 2 girlfriends before and the last one cheated on me. she has had 1 boyfriend and that ended up with him using her to get with her friend.

We were dating for about 2 1/2 months when i came to realize that she started to seem like she has lost interest in me. i brought it up and i came to the conclusion that maybe we should go on a break so she can figer "where her feelings for me are."

She told me she started to lose interest like a week or a week and a half before we went on the "break." So i started to think what did i do to make her feel that way. It was pretty clear. I developed a mass amount of liking to this girl probably over night. i became too needy and too clingy...she controled how i felt. I know what i did wrong...but now here is the problem. We're still on a "break" and to be honest i dunno how this might turn out, tell me what you think.

She wants space...i give her it...i don't talk to her at all.

So far it's been 4 days since the "break" and some things have happened over that time. Firstly...i thought i might play hard to get...so i put the msg "Out with the Ladies" (which were actually guy friends) up in my IM away msg. She told one of her friends...which in return told me that she was pissed about the whole deal. i told her what really was meant by that away msg and told her to tell her that my friend told her. As in she talked to me friend to see if it was true and found out different. Hope that made sense. seems to be like playing games over away msgs to see who is doing what and who is having a good time, going out and what not.

So i ask you this...does this look good for our future?
how can i handle this situation of being on a "break"?
and some other things i probably can't think of right now.

Sorry it's so long...i'd make cliff notes but i think you would have to read the whole thing anyways in order to get a good feel on where this is coming from. thanks for reading.

 

[specialed]

hard to "see" her when she wants space. know what i'm saying.

i do agree with what you said though, you are right.

Also i forgot to add that she has said that she still likes me...but don't know where her feelings are with me right now. don't think i had taht in the first post

 

[specialed]

lol that's just the thing. I put that away msg up and she got all pissed over it until she found out it was just a cover up for my guy friends. so that alone makes me think that she still likes me...i was just wayyy to needy and clingy in the past wish i wished never happened. now i'm out doing my own thing keeping her wondering.

 

[italostud]

So, she starts thinking you're lame because you're way too into her. Then, in a desperate bid to win her back or make her jealous or some shyt, you put that stupid msn name up(which was supergay if you ask me). THEN, to totally kill any sense of dignity you had left, you confessed about your msn name when you heard that she didn't like it? Man oh man, it just keeps getting more lame.

Well, if your goal was to completely kill any respect she had left for you, good job. You put the final nail in the coffin yourself.

 

[BrotherAP]

She wasn't pissed at you for hanging out with other girls. She was jealous. It was stupid to tell her friend that you really weren't out with the ladies. Your little IM game actually worked - because you should have been out with the ladies. Now she knows you weren't, and you did that just to get her attention, and she knows that she can have you back any time she wants.

Welcome to Chumpville
Population: you

Before I get into how I think you might have a narrow possibility of getting her back, I'd like to state that I think you would be much better forgetting about her and moving on. Two and a half months, and you're already coming onto a message board asking strangers how to get her back. You're unhealthily obssessed (read: oneitis. If you don't know what that is, you haven't read the DJ Bible, and you shouldn't be posting yet). This girl is, gauranteed, more trouble than she's worth. Anyway, my strongest advice is to forget about ther altogether and date other girls.

Ok, so you're not convinced, and you want to know how to get her back. Here goes: forget about her altogether, and date other girls. "What?? I want her back!" I know you do. She won't come back if you're just sitting around waiting for her. She's just going to keep you where you are "just in case" because she knows she could have you anytime. You will never seem as compelling as the new prospects, and eventually forget where she left you. Your life will be defined by the fact that she never came back.

The purpose of forgetting her altogether and dating other girls is two-fold. The most important goal here is that you move on with your life, continue to get laid, and in general become content instead of miserable. The second goal, and the one more likely to motivate you, is that she will only want you back if you once again become attractive to her. That means you have to re-build your value. This includes all of the well honored aspects of attraction including scarcity, challenge, and social proof.

Right now she thinks that she has to do nothing to keep you around. She is especially sure of this since you made up a story about being out with girls to make her jealous. You need to actually go out with girls - lots of girls. Go out picking up girls every night that you don't actually have a date (and I mean actually picking them up. Staring, going somewhere with friends where there are no girls, or sitting on your computer does not count). You must be seen with these girls, tell your friends about them, and generally act like a guy who is getting pvssy from 100 different directions. When your ex calls you, don't answer. If you do answer, tell her your busy and you have to go. Especially beneficial is if you happen to be with a girl when she calls you, and she hears her in the background. She will go insane with jealousy and a lack of understanding as to why you aren't sitting around waiting for her. By the power of suggestion, she'll see that these other girls are into you, and 'remember' how attracted she is to you. She will call you and try to get your attention, but you will realize that if you come back too eagerly she'll call your bluff, and the vicious cycle of disinterest will repeat itself. So you won't come right back. You have to see what these other girls have to offer first. She'll feel stupid for leaving you. You have social proof, and the challenge has been restored. She now wants you more than ever.

The following are not valid excuses for not seeing other girls:

"I'm just not ready to see other people"

What does it usually take for you to be ready to have a beautiful blonde big breasted ***** straddling you naked and moaning your name?

But if she knows I'm with other women, won't she get mad?

She'd better get mad, or she's a lost cause already anyway. Technically, she's not mad. She's jealous, and frustrated, because she wants to be the one you are chasing.

She's going to think I don't care about her anymore and move on/she'll forget about me if I don't call her

No, she wont. She's going to go crazy trying to get you to like her again. If she forgets about you, then she's already forgotten about you - and you have a plan B since you're dating other women.

I don't know how to get girls! She's the only one for me

You're here, you have the DJ Bible, you know what to do. If you don't read some, and, more importantly, get off your ass and talk to girls!!

If you really are too lost to follow this plan and get other girls, then you are not yet ready to pursue a long-term relationship. In order to be truly happy in a relationship, you must know that you are there because you chose to be, not because god took pity and you and granted you a girlfriend. The quickest path to being whipped is fear that you'll never be able to replace the person you lost.

Honestly, if you knew you could go out tomorrow and hook up with a girl even hotter, smarter, and more fun than your ex then you wouldn't feel the need to get her back.

I recommend bootcamp, or some other approach plan. You must spend 3-5 hours in the feild for every 1 hour you spend on this forum. Experience is way more important than reading.

 

[escobar04]

I remember the last time me and this one chick went on a "break" last April

we still haven't spoke to each other

 

[seroph]

I very much laud BrotherAP's post there. It was well written and the advice is sound.

Same goes with Othello's IM thing
-- stay off IM. One of my friends has a few screennames.. one of which no one but his best buds knows about.. this way he can talk to me w/o havin other ppl bother him.. and he can watch his girl's profile/away. stalker. lol, whatever. but definitely don't be turning on AIM every time you log on.
-- and i mean your plan worked! congrats. she got jealous. but then you went blabbin' and confessing **** cuz you were afraid you hurt her. bleh. never confess ****. please. you def. lost a lot of respect with that one. no worries, build it back.

i went on a break before. it's a pretty word that girls say to justify their low interest in you. a way to keep you as a backup in case the new guys don't work. i treat breaks like break-ups. do what you want -- you're in control of your life --

the way i recovered from a break was to do my own thing. work on myself, my appearance/working out/studying for school/seeing other girls/etc. meanwhile maintaining casual and friendly contact with her. didnt show jealousy when she brought up other guys. i in fact brought up girls and asked her opinion about them. she got flustered by that. and then once the social proof and challenge-factor and respect were "restored" .. asked if she wanted to hang out. grabbed her and kissed her...acted aggressive and took what i want. and that was the end of that break.

but BrotherAP's advice is the highest truth. move on and start dating others. :rockon:

 

[specialed]

thanks i'll keep that in mind.

and the whole confession thing, you are right about how i felt i should tell her...but i told her indirectly. so technically she actually doesn't know i'm the one that told someone to say that to her.

 

[specialed]

Good idea to call her?

 

[WORKEROUTER]

You need to wake up.

The exact same thing happened to me in my last relationship. I started acting AFC, she lost interest, I acted even more AFC, she lost more interest and told me we shoul dgo on a "break" for a couple weeks.

I looked at her and told her that "breaks" are bullsh*t. I told her that she has lost interest and that I understand, but that I do not do "breaks."

Ended the relationship right there and guess what? A week later she was out with this other dude.

Case in point...breaks mean that she is probably getting f*cked by someone else. Don't do it.

My advice for you is to start dating other chicks. Tell her this, too.

Say "It seems like you've been losing interest in me, and I do not a sub-par relationship. Because of this, I plan to start dating other women."

 

[NewMan]

Your 19.

You should be hitting up other women anyways - but that's not how you feel right now.

So, in the meantime - 1) stop playing games. 2) It's a game. control your emotions and feelings - and don't pick up that phone.

You should dictate what you want and how you want it. It's your rules. your way.

Don't crack - stick to your guns - and don't put up with BS.

 

[frivolousz21]

you need to learn to be the "sweet guy" you want to be and not be a needy-clingy bytch

 

[Luveno]

Specialed,

read economics and investing, and treat your women as you would treat your stocks.

Women are just investments.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by italostud
So, she starts thinking you're lame because you're way too into her. Then, in a desperate bid to win her back or make her jealous or some shyt, you put that stupid msn name up(which was supergay if you ask me). THEN, to totally kill any sense of dignity you had left, you confessed about your msn name when you heard that she didn't like it? Man oh man, it just keeps getting more lame.

Well, if your goal was to completely kill any respect she had left for you, good job. You put the final nail in the coffin yourself.

Perfectly said!



PIMP

 

[MacDiddy]

Pimp-sicle wrote:
Perfectly said!

And Funny as hell!!!

 

[specialed]

Actually that's pretty much what i said. I just told her on monday that i don't like stupid games and that we're done. that ends that. Now i just have to get opportunities to talk to new girls. went to the mall today and didn't get any =\

thing is...i never engage conversations anymore...she's the one that ends up texting me now. maybe someday she'll realize what she is missing out on and it'll be to late anyways.

Another thing you guys might be able to help me on:
I don't have confidence issues when approaching a girl, i just have troubles getting the opportunities...maybe they are there and i'm missing them. Beats me but i'm still trying!