We're both quiet, makes for boring/awkward dates

[skinnydart]

I'm a quite type of guy, never have that much to say. Anyway, the girl that I've gone out with a few times (know for a year) and really like just admitted when we were talking on aim that she's the exact same way. I guess that's one of the things we have in common though. This is the convo we had...

:
:
Me: my parents tell me "you know for a communication major your communication sucks"
ME: I'm just like "ok, thanks"
HER: WOW, your parents say that?
HER: what inspired them to say that?
HER: what did you do?
ME: I guess some people think I don't talk very much
HER: well you dont. i dont either to most people....its just that most people talk about a lot of nothing and think thats the way its suppose to be.
HER: i hate people like that

Since AIM is easier to converse with we both find ourselves using that to talk. Like the above convo probably would never take place in person.

So it makes for boring dates, with both of us just kinda fumbling for "stupid stuff" to talk about even just during the traveling time to and from the date. What should I do? I want to say fu.ck all this talking stuff, lets just get right into the making out part.

 

[dereklearnslow]

I think I'm going to be having this same problem soon. I plan to find something to actually DO with her, instead of just talk talk talk.

 

[Climax]

What to do... What to do... hmmm........

Originally posted by dereklearnslow
I think I'm going to be having this same problem soon. I plan to find something to actually DO with her, instead of just talk talk talk.

You took the words out of my mouth.... If you find that you cant entertain eachother VERBALLY, then do something with her that requires alot LESS talking, and alot MORE doing!

Examples:

1) Clubbing

2) To the mall, shopping, have a briefe coffe sit-down

3) Go Horse riding

4) Take her to a comedy show

5) Go somewhere where there is music being played in the backround where the 2 of you could just sit, look at eachother, get some kino going, and enjoy the music

6) If you need something to talk about, talk about "the future" with her, ask her all questions & sh!t, that normally leads to a long convo

7) Talk about Astrology with her, most women could talk forever about that sh!t

8) Play a agme with her, drinking game, the "guessing game", anything, think something out!

9) Take her to a spot somewhere that is special to you or wateva, and tell her about it.. and if u dont have a spot, then MAKE one with her

10) Go on a road trip with her, take her somewhere "special" and not "normal"...


You need to be fun, original, and you need to show her a good time... f*ck all that resteraunt bullsh!t! yes, go to those once in a WHILE, but IMO the more common the date it, the more i try avoid taking my girls to those places.. think things up, get idea's, do things that no-one hass ever done with her, think things up, be unpredictable, take her on "suprise dates" where u pick her up, but dont tell her where u are going... In other words... add some spice into things, and then trust me, what to talk about will be the last of your worries!


Laterz...

 

[felony]

Skinnydart,

Typing things out to communicate can be a good way to get your slightly messy feelings and thoughts out of your head in a clear format. But it shouldn't be easier than normal verbal converse. Computers came long after humans started voicing themselves.

You will want to work on verbal communication. Its an essential part of life no matter where you go or what you do. Work, family and importantly social life it really counts. This site recommends doing heaps of approaches etc to help you think quick on your feet and find things to talk about. If you haven't done the bootcamp id suggest doing it- or at least reading up some of those articles on conversation in the bible.

But i personally think talking is easy. For everyone. If you are genuinely interested in the person you are talking to, you can talk forever if desired. Also, don't worry about the flow of conversation so much- and certainly don't tell us or yourself you are no good at it. That's a cop out man. If you have a silence, just enjoy it.

If you want to take things further then i suggest perhaps having a read on topics related to communication. You can look at it broadly from communication models regarding dynamics, interactivity and things like Johari Windows. Take a look at proxemics, kinesics and paralanguage. Just have a general read up if you feel its that neccesary.

Otherwise, don't worry about it so much. Enjoy her company, as i'm sure you do, and things like making out will happen- especially if you are in a situation where u notice a lull in conversation, if the moment is right, just go in for a kiss. See what happens.

Hope this is some help,
f.

 

[wind20mph]

Originally posted by skinnydart
I'm a quite type of guy, never have that much to say. Anyway, the girl that I've gone out with a few times (know for a year) and really like just admitted when we were talking on aim that she's the exact same way. I guess that's one of the things we have in common though. This is the convo we had...

:
:
Me: my parents tell me "you know for a communication major your communication sucks"
ME: I'm just like "ok, thanks"
HER: WOW, your parents say that?
HER: what inspired them to say that?
HER: what did you do?
ME: I guess some people think I don't talk very much
HER: well you dont. i dont either to most people....its just that most people talk about a lot of nothing and think thats the way its suppose to be.
HER: i hate people like that

Since AIM is easier to converse with we both find ourselves using that to talk. Like the above convo probably would never take place in person.

So it makes for boring dates, with both of us just kinda fumbling for "stupid stuff" to talk about even just during the traveling time to and from the date. What should I do? I want to say fu.ck all this talking stuff, lets just get right into the making out part.

ok men if you were that quiet, then stop talking about yourself. make the topic more interesting by diiging some info about her deeply. Are you with me here? It doesn't matter how quiet you are, its how interesting you are with. Just ask her some open questions and you will go far. and do some action.

 

[skinnydart]

Yeah, I've know her for over a year, and we've talked forever online when she was out of state so I know a lot about her, her plans for the future, etc, but for some reason it's not getting any easier to actually converse with her in person like I had hoped. I'm defenintly going to try to apply some kino whenever there's a silence although I have to admit I'm a little scared that she's going to look at me like "WTF are you doing?!" I'm just going to try it anyway.

I'm definently a computer nerd. I spend 14 hours + in front of a computer all day (including during my classes, work, and any free time I have) so this is definently "my world" that I feel more comfortable in. I guess I need to just get my a.ss out there and find somebody to chat with in person.

 

[Levex]

few years ago when i was still in high school i also noticed that i can talk to girls for hours online but if i meet them in person its all akward and silent. solution? delete all the chat programs you have. if you find out the girl's favorite food, music, actor, sex position, social security #, before you even meet her, you'll end up talking about yourself or asking her creepy questions like if midgets riding ostriches turns her on.

and stop spending so much damn time on the comp. 14+ hours will not only make your social skills non-existent, but will also **** with your head after a while.

instead of spending time online read a book,newspaper or a magazine, which will also improve your communication skills since you'll be more interesting to talk to.

 

[Dapper Swindler]

Aahhh, AIM! Not again! Well she did live out of state so I guess it's okay in this case. But she's in state now right? You said it yourself, talking on AIM is easier than talking in person. That's why people use IM. People are so afraid of talking in person that they would rather type out little messages. How are you going to show her you're confident when you would rather IM her than talk to her in person? Maybe if you talked more in person instead of on AIM then you would be better at it. Maybe you should think of some action dates where you will be doing something isntead of just talking.

 

[blue17]

One tip I've learned with face to face communication is making eye-contact with them. I learned that making eye-contact while your listening gives the perception that you are a confident person. The person talking also has a more favourable opinion of you, studies have shown. I always make eye contact with the person i'm listening to....I've found that I can have LONG conversations in person easily with girls using this method, it really helps a lot. This coming from a guy that has trouble keeping a convo going for longer than 2 minutes on instant message, so you know my conversational skills aren't great to begin with. Try it.

 

[skinnydart]

^ Thanks, I'll try that.

Dang, someone needs to take my computer away from me.

Note: She is 20 and I am 17, I don't think she knows I'm 17. This is the first girl I have ever dated and she has been around the block a couple times so I'm trying to just tell myself she's no better than I am. She'll probably friek out if she finds out my age though, hopefully not before I've got her.

 

[Kaine]

Skinnydart

14+ hours a day on a computer? You need to make big changes and break out of the comfort zone. Sure I love all that geeky stuff too but you need to strike a balance. Think about, what have you got to offer a women? What qualifies you as a prize to women? Physically, Mentally.


If you can't even flirt and make small talk with women how can you possibly keep them let alone attract them. If you have no interests besides computing what can you talk about?


Part of your problem in this situation is that you've known her for a year and it seems like you've hardly made a move on this girl. The mystery is all but gone, and the fuel for attraction is running low. It's great that you know so much about her ambitions, her favourite colour, whether she wipes her a$$ with her left or right hand BUT this should have been done while you were DATING and getting it on. You DON'T date online, you date in real life


You need a wakeup call, posting here without actually making positive steps is wasting yours and other people's time. I recommend you get out there, change your style, work out and get some social skills.


Someone DOESN'T have to take your computer away from you, you need to do this yourself. How old are you, need your diaper changed as well?

Get out of your comfort zone or be doomed forever for geeksville

How does been 50, overweight, bald and masterbating to barely legal porn sound.


Kaine

 

[skinnydart]

Part of your problem in this situation is that you've known her for a year and it seems like you've hardly made a move on this girl. The mystery is all but gone, and the fuel for attraction is running low.

Although I've known her for a year, we didn't start dating until 2 months ago. I met her through my work and aren't really allowed to hit on every hot customer that walks in, but this one stayed in contact. At first I was worried about the age difference but after I came to this site is when I said f.uck the age, and asked her out.

We both work full time and go to college as well, so finding an evening / time that we are both free is pretty hard, so I only end up actually going out with her once of twice a month. I know, it's bad.

And what did you mean by the mystery stuff. I think there's a lot of it there seeing that neither of us talk to much or spend that much time together, it's probably actually helping keep the interest up.

And seeing that I work 30 hours a week at the Geek Squad at Best Buy, and another 20 hours a week at my Universities computer support, it's going to be a little hard to get away from a computer, but I have stopped all computer games. It's just that while I'm at work (most of my wake hours), AIM is the only way I have/allowed to communicate with people. It's not like I'm choosing to sit in front of computer instead of going out with her.

Part of me thinks that between the both of us, we're to busy to really become involved in a real LTR, (what I'm looking for). I mean it's taken forever just to get a time where we can both go see a school play (extra credit for me) but it's finally scheduled for this Saturday, i plan on going for some more serious kino to let her know at least where I stand.