Went full blown retard'o AFC! (A year later rant...)

[Lotus Effect]

Yeah!!

I'm also a gay troll with the only mission in life to post long TL|DR threads online to waste not only mine, but everyone elses lifes with pointless discussions.

¬¬

Get your sh*t together Sylvester! I think you've been to overwhelmed with online trolls!
I respect your intellinge mate!

Even though english is not my mother tongue, I believe I made it very clear that this was a coffee date after the breakup, but just in order to help you change this bizarre image you've created with your mind here is an excerpt from this thread

Man, how I'd wish to believe this. I know I've tried a coffee date 3 months after we've broke up, and I know where it got me.

Now, back to the matter of the subject.

Would someone please talk me out of this idea, and please, help me back on the correct track, which is Get Over, not Get Back!

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Come on now brother, what advice would you give me if I was in your situation?

True, she already slept with the guy she left me for, but for her defense she DID try to contact me later for over a week, leaving 5 messages every day and crying over me.

ALTHOUGH...Things just don't add up. She stopped contacting me COLD TURKEY after a week, and she never actually came to see me, it feels like all she did is these half-assed attempts to contact me through the phone, and then she went straight to his fat hairy arms.

I can seriously understand where you're coming from, Lotus, what you're describing is just like my mind on text:

No! Not at all! I changed for myself. I changed because I've realised that I was a sh*tty man, with no plans, goals or meaning in life. I changed because I knew I had it in me to become the best man that I could.
But as I've said, there is no reason to lie to you guys. I've done all of that in order to recover and get over this girl.

So, brother, would would you have me do?
She's already moved on. She forgot all about you and she enjoys seeing you suffer. You're just another one of her ex's she likes to toy around.
And after all, how can you even consider getting into a relationship with her after she went through miles of strange d!ck? EWW

 

[yoyoing]

Post link to your story OP !
You need to not be led by your ego. She is just 1 girl. Who cares loosing face in front of 1 person. You got dumped. You did not go to prison , did not rape anyone...
Just move on or act. It all depends on the break up and story behind it.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Yeah!!

I'm also a gay troll with the only mission in life to post long TL|DR threads online to waste not only mine, but everyone elses lifes with pointless discussions.

¬¬

Get your sh*t together Sylvester! I think you've been to overwhelmed with online trolls!
I respect your intellinge mate!

Even though english is not my mother tongue, I believe I made it very clear that this was a coffee date after the breakup, but just in order to help you change this bizarre image you've created with your mind here is an excerpt from this thread

Oh right. I missed that part. lol

 

[hudpes]

Lotus, you buried her, you went full NC, cut all ties and ignored she ever existed. That means that you froze the essence of what you've felt for her. Then one word from her and the ice is thawed and you're flabbergasted. You still have to grind through the hard **** that's in you to get past her for real.

Meeting her could help, but it could also very, very easily lure you deeper. I vote for - resist the temptation but don't resist the thoughts about her (or even thoughts of meeting her), let them flow, but don't act upon them. Talk to someone about her, tell the whole story, with all the good parts, the bad parts, the ending, everything, let it out. Then maybe you will see she's a part of your past, a part to smile upon with fond memories - and nothing more.

 

[Lotus Effect]

Post link to your story OP !
You need to not be led by your ego. She is just 1 girl. Who cares loosing face in front of 1 person. You got dumped. You did not go to prison , did not rape anyone...
Just move on or act. It all depends on the break up and story behind it.

I'm trully sorry to inform you, and it is even sad for me, but as I've checked there is not a direct link to my story. I have not created an initial thread like everyone else whining and b*tching about it.

It is all broken down throughout all these 400 and something posts... And some other posts on another sites prior me joining SS.

Anyway, in order to answer you I'll post here the story as I recall it now, a year and some months later. It maybe not as accurate as it would be on a post, but I'll try to keep things unbiased by time and experience.

Here we go

I've met this girl through a friend of mine. We went to a bar in one of the nicest parts of town, and the plan was to this friend of mine to get her. As the night went, I was in awe by that girl. She was the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on, and with a personallity that didn't matched her looks. Girls with her looks are in general, massive b*tches. But she wasn't. She was the most fun, intelligent, witty person to be around. I was jealous that my friend was to make out with her, because I fell in love with her on spot.

Thankfully I was very game aware, and so I played awesomelly. At the end of the night, she decided to go in my car. Once in, she was mine!

I was recovering from a drug adiction problem, and so she fitted right in. I changed cocaine with her. And I got adicted to her!

The relationship was great, and we leasted for a year and a half, and all of sudden, without any further warning (At least non verbal) she asked me for a break. And from that day forward, my life became hell on earth!

She left without warning on may 26th. Via phone. With zero regrets on her voice. 3 days left she posted very happy pics of her and this "guy friend" of her's. Bruno. Which was one of the girls and the dude I should not feel jealous about throughout the whole relationship.

Needless to say I was in shock! How could the girl, that 2 months ago was talking about marriage be with another dude, so happy, while I was feeling like uter garbage. So I texted her asking what the f was that. She was evasive, and again, told me he was a good friend that was helping here in a difficult time.

She sent me an huge facebook message (and email copy) not saying sh*t. It was a huge wall of nothing. On how I kept her away from her friends and how confuse she was. That left even more confused, specially because she was not from São Paulo, and all the friends she made, were introduced by me, which means, they were my friends at the first place.

I answered her big text with a smaller text telling that I was not understanding a word from it, and what was happening at all. No response (Obviously). And then as valentine's day arrived (Here in Brazil it's celebrated in June 12) I was not being able to control my self anymore, and so I begged her back over a dinner we had!

It was pathetic, but we got back. Had make up sex (Which is really cool FYI) and we had crazy animal sex for about 2 weeks. But then she begun to distance herself from me, and started being mean with me and my feelings. Basically, all the sh*t that she loved during our relationship was now a matter of disgust to her.

My birthday came, and we went to dinner together with my family. Coming to think now, I'm sure that this day was the day that everything broke. After the dinner, I had plans with my friends to go to a bar, and she wasn't included. But she thought she was. As she realised I was not going to the bar, but to her place to drop her there, she asked what was happening, and I told her I'm going to the bar with the guys. She got silent until her house, where she dropped out of the car and told me this:

"I'm wearing a lingerie I bought as a gift for your birthday. And you are NEVER going to see it!" (And I never saw it!)

The next day I tried to call her at night, but she didn't answered my calls. She called me only on the next day, asking what was wrong, to which I replied, you not answering my call was wrong. She then BSed me with a blatant lie about her smoking weed and drinking too much wine at her sister's.

(I'll add this not in here just to not loose focus, but she went out with another dude that night. Not even Bruno. Another one. And they f*cked! More on that later)

From this day on, it went all downhill, until July 8th, when I was at her house and she was being really really weird (Due to the fact that she also f*cked the dude hours before I get there)

Anyway, as she went to take a bath, my gut was telling me that there was something off. So I got her cell, which is a weak move, but at that point, it was already over.

And the sh*t I've read on her phone haunted my dreams for months to come. She was basically flirting with the dude ever since may 26, they got out a few times while she was already back with me. Then it stoped for a while. But then it returned just at the night of my bday, after I droped her with the lingerie. She went out and had sex with him the next day, most likely out of anger. It doesn't matter why she did it, but after she done it, it was over, and they kept f*cking while I was on the scene from june 26 up untill the end of it at july 8, hours prior me getting at her place! (And most likely after that as well)

So I've found all that out while she was taking a bath at 2am. I remained awake through all the night. I decided I was only going to confront her when she was inside my car, with no where else to go.

And so I did. She was evasive, and even with phone evidence, she denied. I then confronted her at night again after work at her place. Told her lots and lots of, well, truth, and then I ended it. I was very hurt at that point, so I gave her everything. Called her every name and I was being really cruel. It did not affected her at all. And a plus, she denied cheating from end to end. She faked an apologie, but then, and only after I spoke from the heart, that this would hurt me for a long long time, more than she could ever conceive, I saw her crying. For the first time. In the relationship.

Then she asked for forgiveness, for real this time. I said no. And left!

After this, I've never checked her facebook again, deleted everything, and at some point burned all material evidence.

I tried to reengage contact with her 3 times after the end. All with the purpose of trying to win her back. I've used help from a series of web programs on how to get your ex back, and pickup methods. The first on august, which I was able to talk to her on the phone through a whole night, which got me nowhere. I haven't said I was sorry for many of the things I've said, which were very harsh, and was what she was expecting from that call, but since my plans were for the long run, me planing on apologising for what I've said was a little bit further down the road.

Which was bad, because she got cold and distant again.

Then at mid september, I've reengaged, and had that coffee date I've said earlier. Again, I guess she was expecting an apologie for what I've told. But again, this was a bit further on the get back together plan. The date went fine, but since there was no apologies from me, she got even colder.

When I've tried the 3rd contact, she was an Ice Queen. Her messages were being delivered by a friend of hours, saying that she told her that she was very happy being single, was not planning on dating so soon, for years to come (to ride the carousel) and specially me. Than she also told her, is he still talking to me!

But despite all that, I've managed to arrange a second coffee date. By then, my plans to the date was being honest. Not beg her, also not tell her I was sorry, but tell her what I've felt and to put an end on things for good (Not that it wasn't over already!). She obviously flaked. Without a word.

I was crushed, because again my plans didn't went as expected. But I couldn't hold all that for me. So i did what every moron alive would have done. I've written all that sh*t in a 3 pages long letter, and as she once did, sent her via facebook and email. The letter also did not begged, did not asked forgiveness, but it was lame. Good thing about the letter is that I've told her that this was being toxic to me, and despite we had a good relationship, I would NEVER go after her again, and if we once met, it would be by chance.

My intention with the letter was not get a reaction from her, but put an end to this story for myself. This marks the day I begun NC. October 9th.
She answered on the spot, with a text message telling me that she read over and over again, but she was busy with some BS and could not answer me at the moment.

Eventually I knew through a friend that she showed the letter to every single person on earth. Probably a laughing/braggin matter.

She took 20 something days to answer. You can check the answer, and a rahter usefull post of my past self, that pretty much anwers my doubts of today, in the link bellow

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=2093644
(It's quite a good read)

Anyway, assuming you read it. If it was 45 days of emotional silence back then, it is almost a year now of this cr@p!

And just to add up to the backstory, remember Bruno. She dated the guy!

And that is the end of it. By the end of this thread bellow you can read why I'm back!
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=218405

But basically, is because she sent me a kiss through a friend!

Anyway, I thankfull to you to have written all this down. I was really therapeutic hudpes, and I'm even glad I've found my "F*ck your ego" thread. Reading it made me see that there is a strong and wise man in me!

Peace mate!

 

[The_411]

Lotus,

Every guy has at least one woman that haunts them for one reason or another. That feeling of being haunted has to do with the what could have been or feeling that if only you has done x instead of Y. It's a false reality, sure maybe things could have been different, but the reality is staring you right in the face. It's that you aren't happy with where you are currently at so you try to romanticize your relationship with this girl even though it as a toxic relationship.

They only way through is to accept that the experience occurred to teach you a lesson about what you truly want and there are better things out there.

You saved yourself from a world of pain that would have been much worse had you continued on ...

 

[tripod23]

lotus mate......please listen to me ......you do not have to worry about this chick .....seriously your the winner trust me on this one........why the hell do you think shes saying give lotus a kiss from me wont you..........il tell you why because you have gone full nc and shown her you are not taking any more shyt from her......its as simple as that.........her attraction for you is on the rise ......its very easy to see .........DO NOT CONTACT THIS GIRL FOR COFFEE OR ANYTHING...........she will be making contact with you soon enough so stop putting yourself under pressure and getting upset dude..........you have already proved what your made of .........

if this girl doesn't contact you within the next few months il be very surprized......she is laying foundations to see where she stands with you........she has encountered all the dirt bags out there now reality is starting to bite.........stay cool , calm , and carry on moving forward your doing just great pal.........when she contacts you .....then decide what to do................do not buckle now buddy otherwise you will feel even worse....let life unfold as it needs to............your doing perfect ......we all have setbacks its only natural............keep pressing on.....good luck

 

[Greasy Pig]

The best way to get over an ex is to focus on the bad things about her and the relationship.
I nearly dumped my GF last week and in the lead up I started having doubts and started idealising her and how good she was for me.
But you have to force that shyt from your mind and remember the bad stuff, the way she treated you, disrespected you, left you for dead.
If you think of these things, you'll grow to realise that she isn't so perfect after all and you'll be able to steel yourself against the old warm and fuzzy feelings.
For the record, I did dump my GF for a string of disrespectful behaviour but we've patched things up. The only way I could tell her I was done was by ignoring the good and focusing on the big bucket of shyt she'd left at my feet. It really helped.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Lotus, I've read this whole thread (not the links though), and I feel hudpes and yoyoing are giving you some wise words.

NC is a way. It's a way to "block" out a person that is detrimental to your future. However, at the same time, you can't deny or bury those feelings you once had or are still having. It's unhealthy to pretend they don't exist. I feel, after your NC, you still need some type of closure.

I would meet up with her, for a drink, perferably coffee or tea, to not confuse things. However, as was alluded to by yoyoing, I would wait for her to contact you. THAT will be your answer. If she contacts you, then meet up with her. If she can't put that effort in, then you will further realize she is not worth your time.

Here is why you need to meet up with her: Your last image of her was of this perfect beautiful little flower, that was all things holey. <-----This is the image you have of her in your head. AND, you will forever hold on to this image, unless you see her again.

You are smarter and wiser these days, I feel if you meet her, there is no possible way she can currently live up to that image you have. Like what happened to Partizan, has happened to me in a way, she probably won't have put on a $hit ton of pounds, but, she will be different than that image is of when you last saw her.

Otherwise, you will always be wondering and imagining. To fully move on, you need this closure.

 

[Culture of ME]

Lotus, I'm brand new here, so take everything with a grain of salt. But I have been an avid reader of this site and have tried to recently many of the great lessons learned on here.

I think you have two different issues that you have to deal with, although maybe they scan be lumped together.

First, you did win. She is thinking of you. She mentioned you to your friend; she wasn't responding to any contact from you. You're on her mind. You own her, what you do with it now is up to you. Looking at it from the outside; take your win, continue to improve yourself and look for a higher-quality woman. If you can get her, you can get better.

Second, you need to give yourself more credit and have more confidence. You yourself said you're nothing special. Well, if you see yourself as nothing special, I can guarantee you that no one else will ever see you as better than that.

Improving yourself has two key components. The first is obviously putting in the hard work, dedication, and sacrifice that are necessary to becoming this better person. But just as important is carrying yourself as the finished product on the very first day of your transformation. You will eventually become the person you carry yourself as, again provided you also do the work.

Look, 99.99% of all people on this earth are losers who lack the self-awareness to be honest and to improve. You're already in the .01%, why would you ever feel that you're nothing special?

The only adjustment you need to make is in your attitude and approach. Best of luck in whatever direction you take this. Just make sure you make her earn everything going forward if you re-connect. Make her show high interest in you before you give her anything.

CoME

 

[Cerwin Vega]

Why am I the minority here?

Brother, from reading what you've wrote I can only tell you this-
There's an old Hebrew saying that fits this situation perfectly:
She's not worth a single hair from your testicles.

Man the f**k up, she CHEATED on you by sleeping with another guy - how more can she disrespect you? You are not a beggar and she's a f**king disaster. You must do what ever you can to forget about her even if it means go to a different country.

As I already mentioned, I'm in a very similar situation but both of the ways are way more extreme (there's still some unconscious hope) and she didn't actually cheat on me so my mind is playing tricks on me.

We gotta stay strong, brother! If my plans will succeed (fvck yeah they will), I'll be moving to Europe next year to start my studying and forget about the WH0RE who told me "I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO I AM SO CONFUSED RIGHT NOW HOW ABOUT YOU STAY HERE AND SNIFF MY PVSSY WHILE I GO AND FVCK OTHER GUYS"

 

[Nn877]

Lotus, I've read this thread thoroughly and applaud you on your efforts...I've even PMd you before for advice. You remind me of myself and the relationship I had with my ex. You don't need advice from this thread I think you know the answer and have known the answer for some time even during the relationship as did I. I think we all know to an extent deep deep down inside us. But a pretty face, great sex, and some occasional ego boosting comments will cloud that judgment up like no other.

It's crazy how much we will put up with or drag ourselves through because of adoration from a girl we are attracted to. However one bit of advice i have is against the meetup tbh closure is from within not by meeting up and saying what you think you should say vice versa. I was doing great post breakup, literally flipped 180 confidence wise, yes she came across my thoughts time to time but I forced myself to keep moving forward because that's what a man does.

It wasn't until she came into my job and literally almost made me relapse and get right back into a toxic relationship. I have an emotional weakness towards and I'm fully aware of it so I have to protect myself from myself if that makes sense. I do wish you luck man. There's far too many guys out there that will never remove themselves from toxic relationships and it's really unfortunate, be proud that you even had the strength to eject and live your OWN life.

 

[sylvester the cat]

This thread is a bad idea. Every post you make on this subject is like pouring petrol on a dying fire.

Plus by association it is bringing up memories of my own one-itis.

 

[hudpes]

Here is why you need to meet up with her: Your last image of her was of this perfect beautiful little flower, that was all things holey. <-----This is the image you have of her in your head. AND, you will forever hold on to this image, unless you see her again.

This is really good thinking, but for this to be beneficial, he would have to be perfectly in the clear with the situation, epiphany style prolonged clarity. I don't think he's quite there yet...

On her: I've just noticed you're 26, Lotus, I'm assuming the girl in question is about the same or younger? The 25 +/-3 year old females are all f*cked in the head. I talked to a 16 year old with smarts of a 30 year old. Women at 30 become stable, if I may be a bit colloquial, they are beginning to realize two things, their biggest asset, looks, in getting men is fading, gravity can be a ***** on boobs too, and their fertility days are evaporating. If single, they KNOW they have to find someone that is not only going to give them an occasional quality f*ck, but who is also responsible and could be a good father and later stay with her, despite the availability of younger women all around. But until then - boy howdy, time to explore, if things seem to be too good too soon they get nervous and self destructive. They will convince themselves that this amazing relationship they have right now, at the age of 25, came too soon and they haven't played enough games to retire just yet, they are still blooming, still not past their prime, they can have anyone they want and who knows what life will bring, maybe someone really exciting? And they give themselves kaleidoscope glasses and they distort reality the way it suits them and they believe it as if it were the holy truth. You become a dull, selfish prick who only treated her nicely from time to time, and they become the victim in the ivory tower who out of pure desperation had to f*ck someone else - why feel bad for something when they were literally forced to do? She would grab any excuse at that point but don't get me wrong, in a totally non-vicious manner, she truly and honestly believed she was in the right.

What she feels sorry for later is not as much for hurting you, but because you feel hurt. She doesn't feel that she did anything seriously wrong, maybe a little over the top, but not really wrong. She built a mad maze in her head that has no exit and she's the minotaur roaming in it, don't go in there.

 

[yoyoing]

Hey lotus !
From reading your story I can't really say you went full blown AFC on her. Sound like at some point you even acted a bit too rough.
It is a complicate story and it's confusing with the cheating and everything that she denies btw ( are you 100 % sure). 1 thing is for sure is that she emotionally cheated on you. But you also feel guilt because you drove her away with some actions too. Maybe acting a bit too rough and insulting her etc....
It's a complicated story and I would probably wait a bit and see if she contact you but when she does ( if she does ) I wouldn't jump straight back into asking her out. You want her to guess what your feelings and intentions are. And want interaction to be has light has possible.
That's why when you initiate with something random like hey how are you ?! And initiate some light texting she will be wondering where you are coming from and what is it you want exactly. And in this situation initiating might take her a bit off balance and if she still has feeling for you ... You will know rather quickly.

Anyways you guys are both young. If you feel like you can ride it out recover some more and see if you can meet someone to start a new relationship that would be good. Maybe you guys can reconnect much later in life.

But it has been a year and you still think about that all the time ( even considering changing country). I feel there is nothing wrong with trying a very indirect approach and gage her interest level trough texting or even calling.

Then if that leads nowhere you can close the book for good ...

 

[Lotus Effect]

Well, that's a lotta of answers to give! hahaha!

But first of all, thank you guys for all your replies, I knew I could count on all of you! I'm really really glad!

ON with the answers:

@The 411
I'm well aware I've dodged a bullet. There is lots of controversy about the Borderline Personallity Disorder experience, since we are not Doctors, but I'm sure that mine was a toxic relationship, and the girl is indeed fudged in the head. She has absolutely zero familly values. Her mother lived with 14 different guys throughout my ex's childhood/teen years. Fourteen!! And none of them were her father!
I see it as a lesson for a long time now. But somedays are just harder than others! Anyway, thank you mate!

----

@tripod23
Hey man! Good to see you around. I was hoping you'd show up to share your wisdom. You know I'm very thankfull to you on helping me on my journey.
I agree with you that there is no reason for me to contact her. But the part where I disagree is that she sent me that kiss because her attraction is rising.
In my opinion, she sent that kiss with the sole evil purpose of reeling me in.

I'm not sure about her attraction towards me, which may be rising, but what I'm sure is, she can't afford herself to lose, and since she saw an opportunity
to feel good about herslef without exposing her position she grabbed it. Win Win for her. If I reply in any fashion she will know she still has 'power' over me, and if I don't she will convince herself that I haven't because I'm still butthurt, which means, she still has 'power' over me.

I know it sounds to schematic, but it is her nature. I know the chick! Also, I won't be surprised at all if she don't contact in the next few months...

...Let's hope I'm wrong, so I can put an end to all this madness!

----

@GreasyPig
Yeah, when I start fantasizing about the past, I always recall this so called bucket of sh*t. In fact, we even call it like this in portuguese as well. And well, she really left a huge bucket filled with steaming sh*t, but this is indeed good advice mate!

----

@PeaksNValleys
First of all, thanks. It was a huge read, so it's cool knowing you read it all!
I had this convo with a friend of mine yesterday. I've even said something like this somewhere around these forum walls.
The girl I love don't exist. Period. She never existed. There was this girl that filled the role of my first love, whose I've putted all my inexperiences and expectations. And so I loved her role, which at the beggining she could play, as we didn't know each other very well.
Than truth kicked in, and she reavelled her true whorish nature, which could never live up to my inexperienced expectations.

Today I have other expectations from women. Which are none. I expect nothing from them, besides good sex and a temaki roll! So, as for her, I wouldn't expect sh*t. Not even the sex. Her image though, is something I can never change. It was my first actual true love, filled with hopes and dreams.

What I can do instead, is accept the fact that it was like that due to inexperience. Her beauty will wear off eventually, although I don't believe it is coming anytime soon. She has good genetics, and her mother still looks very good at 50.

As I've once said, the closure has to be within myself. There is no such thing as closure, as it is sold everywhere. You can only get with yourself, and seeing her would not close anything. I believe it would the exact opposite!

I know what happened in the past. And that is enough evidence for me.

----

@Culture of ME
Awesome insights dude, specially due to being your first post.
Anyway, I also talked this with a friend of mine.
I am taking my win indeed. At least I know that in some level, she still thinks of me. Despite if it was triggered by seeing a friend of mine, or if it was with some evil intent behind it. She still does, and that is a small, yet good, stroke on my ego. Coming from the girl that was an absolute b*tch to me, it is a win indeed. And so I'm taking it! :rockon:

About the "I'm nothing special" part, I don't believe that you got exactly what I've meant.
What I tried to imply with that is that I'm not different from any of you guys, nor my situation, as many of the noobs walk in here believing that they are.
I've read somewhere and it really resonates to me. Our situation is the deffinition common. It happens to everyone, and so our cases are not special.
It is a good mindset to have when you need to quit fanstasizing your life, believing it to be an mexican sopa opera, where love always win at the end!

It has nothing to do with the fact of who I'm trully am, and what is my goal in life! But I got to admit that I'm feeling a little down around these days, and I do have to change my attitude!

----

@CerwinVegaFan
Thanks for the though love! I've Manned the f*ck up the day I decided going brutal cold NC.
I can honestly tell you one thing. There is nothing harder than resisting the urges of the Ego, and doing so made me stronger I can guarantee you that!
I know the wh*re she is. But it is always good to recall... or be recalled by someone else! Thx

----

@Nn877
Thanks for the words of inspiration mate! I know I have it in me. Helping others has severely helped me, and thanks to this forum, I'm a better person, and a better man!
We all know I know the answer, and you might even be right about the purpose of this thread in order to give me an answer, but writing all this stuff down is as previously stated, therapeutic, and adding to that, many of you guys have excellent points of view, that help me see things with more, clarity! (Which, ironically, is her name! :crazy: )

----

@Sylvester the cat
I disagree with you on this matter mate. Although I'm sure she is not posting online rants about our breakup, doing it has been really helpful. In fact, recollecting all the story was a good idea, 'cause I remember all the sh8t she put me through. And I'm sorry to f*ck you up in the process.
Now being the devil's advocate, it only shows that you haven't faced your demons quite well! ;P

----

@hudpes
First off

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to hudpes again.

Excellent insight and advice! There is not much I can say about what you have said besides A brilliant piece of art. Absolutely spot on!
This is poetic:

She built a mad maze in her head that has no exit and she's the minotaur roaming in it, don't go in there.

I'm actually saving this as a favorite on my web browser for whenever I fantasize sh*t!
You sure lived up to the green dots under your name. One of the best things I've read mate!

PS: And answering your question, now she is 22 I guess!

----

And finally

@yoyoing
The title of the post is not refering to what I've done or haven't done in order to try to got her back.
Looking back, I did a lot of stupid sh*t when I should had only shutted the f*ck up and leaving, but I could have done way worse. I haven't begged. I haven't cried for her to take her back. I haven't humilliated me to a maggot level, as many guys did.

So no, I don't believe I went full blow AFC on her, or in the aftermath of the breakup.

The full blowing afcness was how I was feeling yesterday. All sad and confused, and writing senseless sh*t on the first post. I was hurting, and feeling like a total dweeb.

I'm a 100% sure she cheated on me. There was empirical evidence. She just denied 'cause it is her devious nature. But she did it, and it was written everywhere.

When and if she returns is none of my business. Even though it hurts me, she is not worth of my time, and as Cervin said, she cheated on me. It is obvious that it is a chick that has absolutely zero respect for me. So there is no point in reconnecting with her later in life.

Unless I want to be a cuckold beta provider, which, unfortunetelly for her, is not in my plans!

--------

Bottomline, she ain't going to hear sh*t from me. I got sure of this decision when a (girl) friend of mine adviced me to go after her and get my closure.

And advice number one in my list is: Don't follow women's advices.

Anyway, thanks to all you guys! Ever since I've heard from her have been like a trip to the past, and quite a struggle...

...And again, you guys put me back on the right track!

Cheers! :rockon:

PS: Repped +1 all of you guys for helping a brother out!
At least the one's I could. The others were already repped and I couldn't Rep anymore!

 

[Dgwizdal]

Well, that's a lotta of answers to give! hahaha!

But first of all, thank you guys for all your replies, I knew I could count on all of you! I'm really really glad!

ON with the answers:

@The 411
I'm well aware I've dodged a bullet. There is lots of controversy about the Borderline Personallity Disorder experience, since we are not Doctors, but I'm sure that mine was a toxic relationship, and the girl is indeed fudged in the head. She has absolutely zero familly values. Her mother lived with 14 different guys throughout my ex's childhood/teen years. Fourteen!! And none of them were her father!
I see it as a lesson for a long time now. But somedays are just harder than others! Anyway, thank you mate!

----

@tripod23
Hey man! Good to see you around. I was hoping you'd show up to share your wisdom. You know I'm very thankfull to you on helping me on my journey.
I agree with you that there is no reason for me to contact her. But the part where I disagree is that she sent me that kiss because her attraction is rising.
In my opinion, she sent that kiss with the sole evil purpose of reeling me in.

I'm not sure about her attraction towards me, which may be rising, but what I'm sure is, she can't afford herself to lose, and since she saw an opportunity
to feel good about herslef without exposing her position she grabbed it. Win Win for her. If I reply in any fashion she will know she still has 'power' over me, and if I don't she will convince herself that I haven't because I'm still butthurt, which means, she still has 'power' over me.

I know it sounds to schematic, but it is her nature. I know the chick! Also, I won't be surprised at all if she don't contact in the next few months...

...Let's hope I'm wrong, so I can put an end to all this madness!

----

@GreasyPig
Yeah, when I start fantasizing about the past, I always recall this so called bucket of sh*t. In fact, we even call it like this in portuguese as well. And well, she really left a huge bucket filled with steaming sh*t, but this is indeed good advice mate!

----

@PeaksNValleys
First of all, thanks. It was a huge read, so it's cool knowing you read it all!
I had this convo with a friend of mine yesterday. I've even said something like this somewhere around these forum walls.
The girl I love don't exist. Period. She never existed. There was this girl that filled the role of my first love, whose I've putted all my inexperiences and expectations. And so I loved her role, which at the beggining she could play, as we didn't know each other very well.
Than truth kicked in, and she reavelled her true whorish nature, which could never live up to my inexperienced expectations.

Today I have other expectations from women. Which are none. I expect nothing from them, besides good sex and a temaki roll! So, as for her, I wouldn't expect sh*t. Not even the sex. Her image though, is something I can never change. It was my first actual true love, filled with hopes and dreams.

What I can do instead, is accept the fact that it was like that due to inexperience. Her beauty will wear off eventually, although I don't believe it is coming anytime soon. She has good genetics, and her mother still looks very good at 50.

As I've once said, the closure has to be within myself. There is no such thing as closure, as it is sold everywhere. You can only get with yourself, and seeing her would not close anything. I believe it would the exact opposite!

I know what happened in the past. And that is enough evidence for me.

----

@Culture of ME
Awesome insights dude, specially due to being your first post.
Anyway, I also talked this with a friend of mine.
I am taking my win indeed. At least I know that in some level, she still thinks of me. Despite if it was triggered by seeing a friend of mine, or if it was with some evil intent behind it. She still does, and that is a small, yet good, stroke on my ego. Coming from the girl that was an absolute b*tch to me, it is a win indeed. And so I'm taking it! :rockon:

About the "I'm nothing special" part, I don't believe that you got exactly what I've meant.
What I tried to imply with that is that I'm not different from any of you guys, nor my situation, as many of the noobs walk in here believing that they are.
I've read somewhere and it really resonates to me. Our situation is the deffinition common. It happens to everyone, and so our cases are not special.
It is a good mindset to have when you need to quit fanstasizing your life, believing it to be an mexican sopa opera, where love always win at the end!

It has nothing to do with the fact of who I'm trully am, and what is my goal in life! But I got to admit that I'm feeling a little down around these days, and I do have to change my attitude!

----

@CerwinVegaFan
Thanks for the though love! I've Manned the f*ck up the day I decided going brutal cold NC.
I can honestly tell you one thing. There is nothing harder than resisting the urges of the Ego, and doing so made me stronger I can guarantee you that!
I know the wh*re she is. But it is always good to recall... or be recalled by someone else! Thx

----

@Nn877
Thanks for the words of inspiration mate! I know I have it in me. Helping others has severely helped me, and thanks to this forum, I'm a better person, and a better man!
We all know I know the answer, and you might even be right about the purpose of this thread in order to give me an answer, but writing all this stuff down is as previously stated, therapeutic, and adding to that, many of you guys have excellent points of view, that help me see things with more, clarity! (Which, ironically, is her name! :crazy: )

----

@Sylvester the cat
I disagree with you on this matter mate. Although I'm sure she is not posting online rants about our breakup, doing it has been really helpful. In fact, recollecting all the story was a good idea, 'cause I remember all the sh8t she put me through. And I'm sorry to f*ck you up in the process.
Now being the devil's advocate, it only shows that you haven't faced your demons quite well! ;P

----

@hudpes
First off
Excellent insight and advice! There is not much I can say about what you have said besides A brilliant piece of art. Absolutely spot on!
This is poetic:
I'm actually saving this as a favorite on my web browser for whenever I fantasize sh*t!
You sure lived up to the green dots under your name. One of the best things I've read mate!

PS: And answering your question, now she is 22 I guess!

----

And finally

@yoyoing
The title of the post is not refering to what I've done or haven't done in order to try to got her back.
Looking back, I did a lot of stupid sh*t when I should had only shutted the f*ck up and leaving, but I could have done way worse. I haven't begged. I haven't cried for her to take her back. I haven't humilliated me to a maggot level, as many guys did.

So no, I don't believe I went full blow AFC on her, or in the aftermath of the breakup.

The full blowing afcness was how I was feeling yesterday. All sad and confused, and writing senseless sh*t on the first post. I was hurting, and feeling like a total dweeb.

I'm a 100% sure she cheated on me. There was empirical evidence. She just denied 'cause it is her devious nature. But she did it, and it was written everywhere.

When and if she returns is none of my business. Even though it hurts me, she is not worth of my time, and as Cervin said, she cheated on me. It is obvious that it is a chick that has absolutely zero respect for me. So there is no point in reconnecting with her later in life.

Unless I want to be a cuckold beta provider, which, unfortunetelly for her, is not in my plans!

--------

Bottomline, she ain't going to hear sh*t from me. I got sure of this decision when a (girl) friend of mine adviced me to go after her and get my closure.

And advice number one in my list is: Don't follow women's advices.

Anyway, thanks to all you guys! Ever since I've heard from her have been like a trip to the past, and quite a struggle...

...And again, you guys put me back on the right track!

Cheers! :rockon:

PS: Repped +1 all of you guys for helping a brother out!
At least the one's I could. The others were already repped and I couldn't Rep anymore!

Checked the site for the first time in months and can't believe what I'm reading here Lotus. Breadcrumbs - that's all she threw you via 3rd party and now you got your panties in a bunch over it. Come on braaaaaaah

Been about a year since your AFC meltdown with her with the letter and all which is about right on que for her to reach out. Blow it off BUT beware - she will be trying to get back in your life again via other means.

Once it is inevitable that you two will run into eachother again - you need to be a ****y funny entitled "i'm the sh*t" awesome a$$hole that you have been the last year and treat her like she is a piece of worthless @ss that is old news and be done with it.

You're only having AFC flashbacks/thoughts because you have yet to regain your frame with this broad...

Your time will come...

PS - Holy sosuave newbfest

 

[yoyoing]

Ok good job op !!!
It's true from reading the story she sound like a *****.
Good for you for keeping your composure !
Good luck on the next girl !

 

[Lotus Effect]

Checked the site for the first time in months and can't believe what I'm reading here Lotus. Breadcrumbs - that's all she threw you via 3rd party and now you got your panties in a bunch over it. Come on braaaaaaah

Been about a year since your AFC meltdown with her with the letter and all which is about right on que for her to reach out. Blow it off BUT beware - she will be trying to get back in your life again via other means.

Once it is inevitable that you two will run into eachother again - you need to be a ****y funny entitled "i'm the sh*t" awesome a$$hole that you have been the last year and treat her like she is a piece of worthless @ss that is old news and be done with it.

You're only having AFC flashbacks/thoughts because you have yet to regain your frame with this broad...

Your time will come...

PS - Holy sosuave newbfest

Thank you man!

You know yours is one of the opinions I respect the most around here. I even reffer to a post you've made back o page 173 on the NC thread to lots of guys that come here completely lost, because it is a message I've ingrained on me, and believe it to my core!

Anyway, I'm glad you post your 2 cents about my situation.

Now, I'm well aware that those were Breadcrumbs. As I've said, it was a bait to try and reel me in, only to feel good about herself. Besides your advice, I don't know if you recall, but there was this user called Culebra23. He posted so little around here, but all his posts were extremelly wise.

One of these posts was the first thing I remembered as my friend gave me the "news". Here is it, quoted for truth:

Now a lot of your boys are getting your hopes up on one text, one email, one call from your ex after a couple of weeks or months of NC. You, hear the phone and can't control yourself, you've worked so hard to get the puta out of your mind and now she is calling, it must mean she wants to get back together ---- so you think. When you respond to her she will go cold again. Listen boys, I will give you some advice and I hope you guys are reading this and paying attention. Do yourselves a favor and read all the postings on this message board, in particular the first 100 pages. A lot of men have gotten that call/text/email from their ex's after a couple of weeks of NC, after they have practically healed, it's sad when they respond to their ex only to realize nothing had changed, the ex didn't want to get back together. If you really want to get the upper hand on your ex, when she contacts you DO NOT RESPOND, IF you DO you will be welcoming an extended heartache. What you should do is give it at least 60 days from the first contact, give yourself 2 months. If your ex really wants you her quest to get you back will accelerate to the point of madness/insanity.

If you make it too easy for them to come back they will not appreciate it, they will drop you at the slightest argument. Be a man, appreciate your worth.

Anyway, I want you to know that nothing will happen. I'll remain Brutal Cold NC, as I've promised myself that I would've been...

... I am a man of my word!

Glad to see you back mate! Thank you!