Well, you guys were 100% right as usual

[oldspice891]

I made a thread recently about breaking up with ex of 2 years. Today we talked and she blurted out she had sex with some guy at work multiple times.

Backround
-Dated 2 years (friends for a year before)
-First GF/first love/first sexual partner (yes I know I have lots of learning/growing to do)
-Yes for a period it was a genuine true love, but of course near the end things didn't work. We weren't compatible at the core. I'm more independent whereas she always wants someone to be around her at all times.
-she moved to new york
- she break up with me 1 month later (it's been a month and a half now)
-I make emotional thread on so suave
-members here offered great advice
-I mostly got over it and moved forward.
-Calls and texts me here and there, I ignore.

She called me crying/saying suicidal things/needs a friend. Half way through says she been ****ing a guy at work. But it's not her you see, it is the "old" her. She has problems etc. Just a bunch of bull.

I was livid but we talked more and ended on an ok note. I told her respectfully to stop contacting me and maybe down the line when the dust has settled and we have moved forward/found other people, we can be friends but for now it needs to stop.

Any advice on how I should adjust my mentality?

I know I'm inexperienced so i get people deal with break up differently. She is very attractive and in the back of my mind I figured she already was sleeping with another guy because she could easily get someone else. But hearing it out of her mouth confirming it, and then just visualizing ripped me apart.

And part of me hoped that if we really meant as much as she is spewing out to me that we did, she would respect not immediately dating other people and learning to just sit there in her own feelings and move forward.

I also KNEW something happened because 2 weeks after we break, she calls me crying and admitted she went out with some guy, but left the dinner and regrets breaking up with me (This convo helped me move forward knowing already she was doing that).

I'm just pissed because she's being a ****ing ****. Why are you telling me this **** man?! Just let me move forward.

Anyways, is this why we become who we are and we have a forum dedicated like that? I mean we have a genuine true love, but we as men have to learn to stay guarded sometimes because I give and I give and I just get screwed over in the end. I don't want to say I'm jaded, but I get why guys just pump and dump women and are very hesitant to give their love. because when they do, it goes deep. And girls are sometimes just full of **** with their feelings.

Anyways, sorry for the long rant. I just want to applaud you all and thank you. You guys are absolutely right, and the advice you gave me in the previous thread was spot on. Thank you all. This community is amazing.

 

[Tictac]

I hate that when that happens!

It's a live & learn thing OS.

Sometimes it hurts. But it does get better.

 

[oldspice891]

She BADLY wants to hurt you, as you can see. Block all channels of communication, without mercy

I am, but she broke up with me, why? What is her problem?

 

[Jules_Winfield]

She BADLY wants to hurt you, as you can see. Block all channels of communication, without mercy

No, she didn't want to hurt him, she wanted to be absolved. She left him, but her emotional needs were not being met by the new guy, which is why she got back in touch.

oldspice891, you handled this well.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Jules,
Yeah partly agree with you....My guess is that bad Boy treated her as a bit of fun,just a Plate really...Pumped and Dumped Ha-Ha...And that is the basis that Old Spice should resume the relationship on his terms...become a real Don Juan... to start with see her twice a week for a quick Naughty use the rest of the week for self improvement and meeting new Birds!

 

[yyc12]

Dear Jules,
Yeah partly agree with you....My guess is that bad Boy treated her as a bit of fun,just a Plate really...Pumped and Dumped Ha-Ha...And that is the basis that Old Spice should resume the relationship on his terms...become a real Don Juan... to start with see her twice a week for a quick Naughty use the rest of the week for self improvement and meeting new Birds!

Why?? why not just move on completely? why still have someone like this in their life when you can always find other "birds"??

 

[Poonani Maker]

Why?? why not just move on completely? why still have someone like this in their life when you can always find other "birds"??

Did you guys know that the Japanese don't even consider their women, human? but somewhere Between humans and birds...fascinating to me, at least

 

[Poonani Maker]

In general, prompted by this thread, I've come to the conclusion that Women, in order to have ANY long-lasting relationship OR marriage, you, the man, has to CONTROL her and tame her as you would a horse or animal. She's not capable of being left to her own direction. You have to be the director of her life. That's the way it was in the old days, NOT the way it is Now with the independence agenda we are experiencing from women day in and day out. Look at these actresses and superstar singer women who (of course, Are independent and wealthy to an extent), they watch the TV, they BELIEVE in their celebrity, and they can't be controlled, because they'll Never submit to a man, even a man who's been married to them for over a decade. Just saw Melanie Griffith divorce Banderas, the list is Numerous and frequent, name one that stays married who is a big shot woman or self-perceived "big shot" woman. You could go on and on with these non-submitting women, and the dudes who are with them who lose control, it may not even be their fault, just they're uncontrollable today even though they Need to be reigned in, their thoughts, their behavior, on a daily basis. Like children, they can't be left to their own devices for long or it gets outta hand. This is the value of religion, of what was once the values of our Christian culture. However, back in the day, 1800s, 1900s, etc etc there was some pretty grim and sick sh!t going on amongst people that would trump any horror story they could develop today. So it's a case by case basis, for sure, our happiness ebbs and flows, and that is the goal to be happy, right? To be as happy as possible for as long as you live, every day, all the time. Sickness, physical sickness, will drain on your happiness, so you should do everything you can to nourish and support your ability to be happy at every moment in your life until you are 90 years old even, even though you will be feelin' pain then fo sho, you can't escape it, death.

Traditional Control Mechanisms (i.e. our largely once Christian nation or religious nation) are, for the most part, in our American day-to-day lives snuffed out, completely eradicated, except those who are Really and Truly adhering to their respective religions which have expectations for the woman's and man's behavior and words and hierarchy towards each other, an ongoing maintenance of the relationship. It's expectations steeped in tradition. Those chucking tradition are gonna have a VERY hard time making it work, though I do see them work, these new agers with the prius, and the bamboo and green everything liberal married to each other well into their 60s and 70s, yet, these, kinds, tend to have boatloads of money as well, you know, own a second and third vacation home, just not your average American.

 

[Zarky]

^^^^ LOL you should have a MRA blog, you sound just like 'em.

 

[( . )( . )]

^^^^ LOL you should have a MRA blog, you sound just like 'em.

Fake nonchalance detected. Snarky how about instead of saying the same thing literally thousands of times in your gay ass passive aggressive roundabout way why not just grow some ovaries for once and say it:

I HATE PUA's and MRA's !!!

It's not hard sweetheart. Try it. It's got to be easier than this covert sh!t you've spent the best part of how many years on how many forums? Save us from all these extra "LOL's", smiley faces and ZOMG's!!

Edit:

meh, it's quoted time after time by MRA turds, but it's not very insightful.

And from another thread not 5 minutes later. Ok you're starting to get the hang of it. Next time though try without the "meh" (I don't care but I really do care) bullsh!t.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear YYC,
"Why?? why not just move on completely? why still have someone like this in their life when you can always find other "birds"??"....I understand where you are coming from,but my attitude to the gentler Svex is ....We Men have biological needs,if they are not satisfied it is difficult to concentrate on any other objectives,romantic or otherwise...Old Spice spent time,money and emotional energy on this Lady,will you have him throw the baby out with the bath water?....Other than Svex and Dancing,what bluddy use are Women anyway?

 

[AttackFormation]

Don't mistake her crying tantrums for sincerity. She'll be showing this to you in one moment and gleefully telling her new guy how much she loves sucking his c*ck the next. Whatever you do don't take her WORDS seriously, she just wants to rid herself of the guilt she feels by getting you to listen to her "heartfelt" crap. She might even fvck you again but she will do it for herself, not for you.

No contact this lying wh0re.

 

[dasein]

Sorry this happened to you OP. You are doing great by adopting strict NC, above all stick to that. You will regret every failure to maintain NC in the future.

She doesn't really want to hurt you, btw, but to boost herself, and she doesn't care if doing that hurts you as a consequence. She is trying to take the emotional support you gave her in the past by force, because she feels the loss of it. By male standards, that's disgusting, but just a given reality. Stay NC and you will be moved on before you know it.

 

[Kailex]

I am, but she broke up with me, why? What is her problem?

This is where men drive themselves nuts.

You are seeking closure within this situation when you already have it. Who cares about the "why"? You shouldn't.

The point is she broke up with you and tried to move on. She's relapsing momentarily when she spoke to you. Other than that, its not your problem to figure out the "why", it's your problem to move on. Who cares what her problem is? It's not your problem anymore.

Cut all contact with her. NOW. Move ON.

 

[oldspice891]

Sorry this happened to you OP. You are doing great by adopting strict NC, above all stick to that. You will regret every failure to maintain NC in the future.

She doesn't really want to hurt you, btw, but to boost herself, and she doesn't care if doing that hurts you as a consequence. She is trying to take the emotional support you gave her in the past by force, because she feels the loss of it. By male standards, that's disgusting, but just a given reality. Stay NC and you will be moved on before you know it.

Ok I will try thank you.

This is where men drive themselves nuts.

You are seeking closure within this situation when you already have it. Who cares about the "why"? You shouldn't.

The point is she broke up with you and tried to move on. She's relapsing momentarily when she spoke to you. Other than that, its not your problem to figure out the "why", it's your problem to move on. Who cares what her problem is? It's not your problem anymore.

Cut all contact with her. NOW. Move ON.

I am moving on and you are right about the why. It just sucks because I was OVER IT. I was feeling great and moving forward with my life. I was fine, and now I'm completely messed up after her telling me this, like I just want to cuss her out. ****ing women man.

 

[VladPatton]

Always cut all ties with exes and never go back, they love pulling this shıt on you. As for respect? Never expect it from an ex.

 

[Kailex]

I am moving on and you are right about the why. It just sucks because I was OVER IT. I was feeling great and moving forward with my life. I was fine, and now I'm completely messed up after her telling me this, like I just want to cuss her out. ****ing women man.

You are only 25, and I'm not being condescending, but the only way you gain experience in situations like these is by going through the situations themselves.

Instead of harping on how it sucks that you folded a bit, contemplate how you can use this situation to learn and improve if the entire thing ever happens again.

Relationships, dating, and plates are all things that stem from trial and error. You keep tweaking, you keep improving.

When I was 25, I was nowhere on the level that I am now at 33... and yet I know I'm not even half the man I'll be at 40. That's just the way it goes. Take both the negative and the positive and soldier on.

 

[Colossus]

OldSpice,

You arent going to get women and relationships all figured out in one relationship. It's going to take....experience. You will learn something each time, but the reality of being a 'Don Juan' is that most guys have to go through a lot of positive and negative experiences before they really just "get it" internally. I remember I desperately wanted to be an expert after my first really painful breakup, and I did make some major changes, but you don't go from 1st love ---> Don Juan. Kind of like you dont go from HS football to the NFL.

Regarding your ex, she is just trying to get her ego satisfied and her dose of emotional validation from you, at your expense. nShe probably either felt guilty for hooking up with work guy or he burned her. Sorry sis, that's life. Not your problem anymore.
Take my advice and others' here: DO NOT waste your life trying to understand "why" she left, or "why" she did ______. It's irrelevant. She has made her choice through her actions already, and it's not your motherfvcking problem anymore.

You totally did the right thing with the no contact. Keep it up. None of this "we'll be friends" sh!t. You can tell her that but dont mean it. End this on your terms.

 

[sodbuster]

Asking why a woman did something is like asking your 6 year old son why he did something. It PROBABLY won't be the right answer. You just can't expect more

 

[nismo-4]

Delete her from all platforms.