Wedding Bells

[ChevyLover]

Marriage scares the living fvck right out of me. I used to know the girl I wanted to marry without a doubt in my mind. Had everything I ever wanted in a girl. But she died. I found one 6000 miles away that comes close...but how is that going to work out? I'm gonna end up having to marry someone who I'm settling for just so I don't die lonely. And that is going to suck.

Marriage... fvck is that scary. I'm 18, so hopefully I don't have to worry about it for a few years...

CL

 

[InLawsHateMe]

/ILHM is puking up all over the place just hearing the M word.

 

[Bungo Pony]

ChevyLover: You need to learn that you don't need a woman to keep you happy or to prevent you from dying alone. You usually don't die with someone.

ILHM: You better eat something before you read this, you're going to need something to vomit:
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=26491&highlight=proposing

 

[Elimidate]

Congrats Bungo.

The great thing that will make your marriage last is that you have the knowledge of how to handle it.

From your posts, I can't see you being the type of person to become the ohh honey wifey what can I do for you next my love AFC husband (yes, I've seen marriage can change people quickly)

Keep up the skills and you'll have her for life!

I bet she's a HB 9. Any chance of posting a pic?

Elimidate

 

[trajhenkhet]

Congrats. Walk on Don Juan.

 

[STR8UP]

Just promise us ONE THING.

That you won't become a Tommy Bahama wearin' sit home in front of the t.v. seven nights per week and get pudgy spineless loser that all of my friends have become since they've gotten hitched.

I'm glad I've avoided the lasso for this long so I can clearly see what I DON'T want to be after I get married. Lifes too short to have it end at the altar.

 

[Bonhomme]

Congrats, Bungo!

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by Bungo Pony
ILHM: You better eat something before you read this, you're going to need something to vomit:
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=26491&highlight=proposing

/violently hurls all over the place....

There's some different thoughts that go into my 'Don't do it!' reply.

If I were to marry a woman, it would be my gf, hands down. It seems the more I want to, there's this little voice that says, 'Don't do it! Remember what happend last time?' and I start to feel ill. Since that time, we've talked about the M word, and even though she says it's fine, we don't have to marry even if we both have a child together. Though I feel relieved, I can't help but feel that old traditional pull of 'Marry her InLaws, she's carrying your baby.' and that sick feeling comes back.

I think a mental ingram kicks in when I hear fellow buds talk about marriage. You hear marriage and it's instant 'Don't do it!' like how a bad car accident, you just don't want to get in a car for awhile. If ya been in a car accident, you hope your friends never have to experience it... a car accident is kinda like marriage.

So regardless of what I say, or how I feel about it, I guess the only thing I can say is, 'Buckle up bro.'

I'm working on changing my response from 'Don't do it!' to 'Are you sure about this now? Are you absolutely sure.'

..sometimes my answer is 'yes' too.

 

[violator]

Congrats, Bungo Pony. But as one who has already taken the plunge and regretted it, ask yourself this. Am I 100% sure that I want to go through with this? Not 99.9%, but 100%?

If not, DO NOT DO IT!

I do not know how old you are, but I suspect that I am older and a bit wiser when it comes to marriage. 10 years ago I thought I was doing the right thing by marrying my current ex-wife. I was not completely sold to the idea and probably not even in love, but I convinced myself that I can grow to love her and to become a good husband and have a family as normal people do. But, then again I was an AFC who did not have the werewithal to think for myself and pretty much influenced by people who thought marriage to this girl was inevitable and unavoidable.

You see I had been seeing this girl for 7 years before getting married. She was the one who made the plans and made me believe that it was inevitable that we would end up being married.

The only problem was that deep inside I knew I was not in love with her and that I did not want to go through with it, but I did not have the balls to say no.

Now that I am single again, I can truly say that I am happy, much more happy now than when I was married. She was a good wife, faithful and everything, but I always felt something missing. And the one good thing that the union gave me was a beautiful son who I wish could have had the benefit of a family with mother and father together. But, unfortunately that is not the case. Things just did not work out.

And divorce and separation is a financially and emotionally taxing experience. It is something you do not want to go through. So please think things very carefully before taking that route.

 

[Bungo Pony]

Elimidate- This is one of the first pics that was taken of us together. I only have a b&w scanner:
http://www.angelfire.com/rock2/bocrealworld/benbren.jpg

STR8UP wrote:
Just promise us ONE THING.

That you won't become a Tommy Bahama wearin' sit home in front of the t.v. seven nights per week and get pudgy spineless loser that all of my friends have become since they've gotten hitched.[/I]
Congrats for describing my father! I've lived on my own before, and I've done without cable. We both agreed that we're not getting cable. There's much more better things to do than watch TV.

Violator- There is a reason this is my last shot at marriage. I was engaged and living common law. It ended 2 years ago. It was emotionally difficult, and there was more crap that followed this experience. It'll all be in my autobiography. I'll tell you, this site helped me get through all the bull5hit that I went through that year. This site gave me the confidence and determination to keep myself going through an incredibly difficult experience. I am 100% sure I want to do this.

I know what you're talking about when you say that you hoped things would change when you got married. I've learned not to make these hopes for the future since it never happens. I hoped that my ex would change some of her ways when we moved in together. Things just got worse.

I take the girl I'm marrying at face value. I'm not hoping she'll change certain things about her habits or attitude, since I don't have any problems with her to begin with.

 

[OzzyBoy]

Not to bad but I think I will be proposing to my girlfriend when I ask her to marry me but that is still pretty cool.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by violator
Congrats, Bungo Pony. But as one who has already taken the plunge and regretted it, ask yourself this. Am I 100% sure that I want to go through with this? Not 99.9%, but 100%?

If not, DO NOT DO IT!

I do not know how old you are, but I suspect that I am older and a bit wiser when it comes to marriage. 10 years ago I thought I was doing the right thing by marrying my current ex-wife. I was not completely sold to the idea and probably not even in love, but I convinced myself that I can grow to love her and to become a good husband and have a family as normal people do. But, then again I was an AFC who did not have the werewithal to think for myself and pretty much influenced by people who thought marriage to this girl was inevitable and unavoidable.

You see I had been seeing this girl for 7 years before getting married. She was the one who made the plans and made me believe that it was inevitable that we would end up being married.

The only problem was that deep inside I knew I was not in love with her and that I did not want to go through with it, but I did not have the balls to say no.

Now that I am single again, I can truly say that I am happy, much more happy now than when I was married. She was a good wife, faithful and everything, but I always felt something missing. And the one good thing that the union gave me was a beautiful son who I wish could have had the benefit of a family with mother and father together. But, unfortunately that is not the case. Things just did not work out.

And divorce and separation is a financially and emotionally taxing experience. It is something you do not want to go through. So please think things very carefully before taking that route.

I second that... my ex and I dated for 6 years before we got married. 6 years later, divorced. I can honestly say, at 32, the divorce couldn't happen at a better time for me. I wasn't a young blood anymore, but I ain't close to being old either. Just like Violator, right now, I couldn't be happier with my 'new' relationship. So why drag marriage into it you know? My life style is still a total clusterf*ck, so why drag anyone else into it. ...honestly, I think marriage is so over-rated these days. I would much rather put a Cheerio on her finger, and live the family lifestyle without the paper work that makes it 'official'. She'll still call me husband, I'll call her wife, and the child will call us Mom and Dad.

How's that old saying go? 'First you hear the wedding bells, THEN you wake up.'


Then there's the old... 'It starts out with a wedding ring.. then it ends with suffering.'

Seriously folks...

"A Man is incomplete until he is married.. then he's finished."

"If you afraid of loneliness, do not marry."

A wise man once said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married, by then it was too late." <--- I like that one.

"Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes in the hope of pulling out an eel." -Leonardo da Vinci

"Marriage is a mistake every man should make. "

I've got a million of 'em!

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by Bungo Pony
Congrats for describing my father! I've lived on my own before, and I've done without cable. We both agreed that we're not getting cable. There's much more better things to do than watch TV.

Not to be negative but every single one of my friends that are in a relationship DROPPED EVERYTHING once they got involved. They don't work out so they get fat. They stop getting together with their buddies. Even their hobbies get out to the side.

The trick is to find a woman that has a life of HER own so you don't have to spend all of your time keeping her entertained. If you have such a woman, my hat goes off to you.

I wish you well.

 

[ChevyLover]

Originally posted by STR8UP
The trick is to find a woman that has a life of HER own so you don't have to spend all of your time keeping her entertained. If you have such a woman, my hat goes off to you.

YES! Good fvckin point indeed. My older brother is married to a girl who didn't really have a life to begin with. Then to make matters worse, he brought her back to HIS home town, where she knows no one. So he is stuck with entertaining her 24/7 cuz she has no friends here and certainly less of a life here than she did in the city. He never goes out drinking or partying anymore. He never came to my grad party for fvck sakes. He wouldn't dream of showing up at any party even with people his own age.

If I ever do come to the point where I want to get married(heaven forbid), I will definitely be marrying some chick who has a life of her own so that she will let me go out with my buddies once in a while and tie one on and she won't get jealous or mad or shlt like that. Or even a girl who will let some of my buddies come over to watch football and get all hammered and she'll be bringing us snacks and shlt and biatching with her little friends in the kitchen. lol.


CL

 

[vegasguy]

ring ring

You know the saying love is blind,its so true

 

[Sting]

Originally posted by Bungo Pony

Yes, I'm quite aware of the possibilities because of this AFC. The situation has been dealt with and has gone back to her continuously blowing him off. I'll tell you how I view this situation.

This AFC is not a threat to our relationship. He's trying desperately to be her friend (and looking for pity). He's continually apologizing for pissing her off. Unfortunately, he doesn't get the message to leave her the fvck alone. We aren't living together yet, but if this AFC is still around when we do move in together, it'll then become my issue as well, and I will deal with him personally. Until then, if it's not in my house, it's not really my issue. However, if my fiance does something that I don't agree with caused by his continuous begging and whining, then my fiance's at fault for giving into him and I have to deal with her.

This explanation doesn't seem to address the root problem. Your fiance has an AFC "friend" who literally worships her. While the AFC is at fault for his behavior, your fiance does not appear to have the fortitude to send a more direct message to end his pain. To the contrary, she appears to be waiting for the two of you to move in together, and if that doesn't change anything with the AFC, then she'll rely on you to solve her problem. Indeed, from the tone and length of your explanation concerning this AFC, it appears his disfunctional relationship with your fiance has already become your problem.

What also struck me was the following statement:

"However, if my fiance does something that I don't agree with caused by his continuous begging and whining, then my fiance's at fault for giving into him and I have to deal with her."

Do you seriously think this is a risk? I do, because she hasn't handled her problem -- herself. While you say she has gone back to "blowing him off," she appeared to previously enjoy, or at least accept the benefits of, his constant attention and assistance. Why can't she just simply end it?

If she doesn't end it, what happens when you and she get into a fight during your marriage? Will she turn to him for "comfort," finally noticing that he has been there the whole time for her? Maybe she'll turn to him in revenge against you -- a "grudge fvck" -- and then let you find out?

If I was in your shoes, I would make it a condition of marrying her that she have the courage to solve her own problems -- starting with a worshipping AFC that can't take a hint.

 

[SamePendo]

Good luck!

Well Pony, I dont know why half of these guys in some way ... doubt, your decision. Although ILHM and co. do have good points, well, you are a big boy allready arent you?

So for those of you who doubt, it does happen.

I really do hope so.