Weak plates

[STR8UP]

I was just going through the same thing with a chick...when she DID get together with me, there was definite attraction (making out and stuff). But I found it difficult to actually get face time with her. Part of me believes that if a girl wants to be with you, she will find a way...and will initiate contact if you don't.

I haven't called or texted or emailed her in a week or two, and haven't heard from her, either, so I assume her IL in me is low.

You know what it is?

It's probably the fact that you aren't her "A" guy.

If a woman has another gig, she might have a decent amount of interest in you, but if she has HIGHER interest in someone else, there really isn't much you can do.

A lot of times women who have a guy who they like who is stringing THEM along will behave this way. Went out with another chick awhile back.....same scenario. Amazing chemistry when we were together, but I couldn't get it to progress so I dropped it. Come to find out she had recently reconnected with her MARRIED ex husband, and was convinced that he was going to leave his new wife and get back with her.

I never would have known this had it not been that I am friends with her best friend who let it slip out.

That was a turning point for me. It was then that I realized that women only have a finite amount of interest level to spread around, and if there's someone above you, you're facing an uphill battle.

 

[ketostix]

You know what it is?

It's probably the fact that you aren't her "A" guy.

If a woman has another gig, she might have a decent amount of interest in you, but if she has HIGHER interest in someone else, there really isn't much you can do.

That was a turning point for me. It was then that I realized that women only have a finite amount of interest level to spread around, and if there's someone above you, you're facing an uphill battle.

Yeah that's how I see it. Women are plate spinners. It's easy for them to do because men pretty much spin themselves. This is what I was getting at when I said I consider most plates to be "weak". If a guy says he has 2 or more strong plates I still think he is usually just juggling women who are interested in a LTR.

 

[GuanYu]

If a guy says he has 2 or more strong plates I still think he is usually just juggling women who are interested in a LTR.

Isn't this the case with most women though? The majority of them will eventually want something more than FWB status if the guy is worth a damn. Otherwise, the aforementioned ladies are hoes ..just like us men can be.

 

[Chrispy]

You know what it is?

It's probably the fact that you aren't her "A" guy.

If a woman has another gig, she might have a decent amount of interest in you, but if she has HIGHER interest in someone else, there really isn't much you can do.

A lot of times women who have a guy who they like who is stringing THEM along will behave this way. Went out with another chick awhile back.....same scenario. Amazing chemistry when we were together, but I couldn't get it to progress so I dropped it. Come to find out she had recently reconnected with her MARRIED ex husband, and was convinced that he was going to leave his new wife and get back with her.

I never would have known this had it not been that I am friends with her best friend who let it slip out.

That was a turning point for me. It was then that I realized that women only have a finite amount of interest level to spread around, and if there's someone above you, you're facing an uphill battle.

Very true. So going back to your original question, do us guys stop spinning a plate where the woman is only lukewarm interested in you?

Lukewarm means she still returns calls, returns emails, has good rapport, but when it comes to setting something up, you get the feeling that you are in second place. So putting yourself in her shoes, and assuming that she has someone else in mind (like an ex she is getting back with), i'd say ya...stop spinning that plate. We guys, too, have finite energy and focus for plate spinning. Our energy is better spent aligned being with someone who is not putting you in a distant second place.

 

[STR8UP]

That's a good point. Obviously, a woman is going to hedge her bets just like a man will, if she is smart.

Women are MASTERS at hedging their bets. That's why you see branch swingers, flaky chicks, etc.

Can't fault her for that. I'd have liked to have slept with her though before she moved on. haha. Maybe she'll come crawling out of the woodwork later on, but I don't want to invest too much energy without reciprocity.

That's why you should NEVER burn bridges!

I learned this lesson late in life.

It's really easy to put a nail in your own coffin when dealing with a chick. Best to keep a smile on your face and leave the door open on your way out, cause you never know what kind of opportunity might present itself in the future.

Yeah that's how I see it. Women are plate spinners. It's easy for them to do because men pretty much spin themselves.

Excellent observation.

Since the man is in most cases expected to have a more active role, it makes sense that plate spinning would be much easier and thus happen more often with women.

Very true. So going back to your original question, do us guys stop spinning a plate where the woman is only lukewarm interested in you?

Lukewarm means she still returns calls, returns emails, has good rapport, but when it comes to setting something up, you get the feeling that you are in second place. So putting yourself in her shoes, and assuming that she has someone else in mind (like an ex she is getting back with), i'd say ya...stop spinning that plate. We guys, too, have finite energy and focus for plate spinning. Our energy is better spent aligned being with someone who is not putting you in a distant second place.

I suppose it's always a judgment call when making the decision to drop one. That's what I did with this one, until I said "F" it and called her up on a whim.

What am I really out? Nothing. She was down south for the weekend so she didn't make the party. She said she would call me next week. If she does....great. I'll tell her what a great party she missed and feel her out. You never know.....she might just be in the mood to get laid and invite me over that night....

I know, not likely to happen, but with women you just never know, and sometimes that little bit of follow up can pay off.

 

[Jeffst1980]

I agree with keto's observation about most guys juggling girls that want LTR's, rather than spinning plates. "Spinning plates" sounds effortless, but in reality, no girl wants to be a "plate." All that "spinning plates" is, for the most part, is dating multiple girls until they, one by one, reach the "s#it or get off the pot" epiphany. At this point you really have to either drop them or become exclusive. You are not realistically going to sell a girl on becoming part of a non-exclusive "harem," unless distance prevents you from seeing her more than a couple times a year.

When women "spin plates," it's done as a filtering method, or, sometimes, AW-ing--but NOT because they truly desire having multiple boyfriends. When a girl becomes interested in a new guy, her interest in the current guy she's dating declines dramatically.

However, and this could conceivably occur in STR8UP's case, a girl who interest level does not seem all that high could turn into a high interest plate, once she reaches the "hook" point. As long as a girl is saying "yes" to dates, or suggesting alternate times to meet, the fact that her interest level is not YET high shouldn't matter. It often takes a number of meetings, especially if you weren't already a part of her social circle, for her interest in you to reach a "hook" point.

Girls ALWAYS have a guy in their social circles that is their "crush." Because of this, she might not actively court the attention of new random guys--her "crush" is #1, for the time being. Of course, girls rarely wind up with their "crushes"--either because they're an unavailable fantasy figure, or because the poor guy is too AFC to do anything about it. Eventually, with repeated exposures, she may find her interest in the new random guy growing and ultimately overtaking said "crush." Then, new random guy is #1 and TA DA! High interest level.

The only girls that display high interest level to random guys right off the bat are girls that are desperate or just too damn slvtty. Don't be too quick to write off a girl that isn't begging to see you right away.

 

[jophil28]

You drop her the minute you conclude one of the following:

a) the value you derive from the time you spend with her is not great enough to continue allocating time to her

b) she violates one of your 'dealbreakers'

c) she tries to employ any sort of social contrivance, power play, or manipulation tactic in an effort to take control of the frame or modify your behavior (not a mild sh1t test, but an intentional effort)

d) there is a clear disparity between your expectations and hers as to the parameters of the relationship

e) her attitude toward you or men in general is disrespectful or diminishing

THis reply from Red Pill is money -the gold medal winner in this thread.

Note that RP did not suggest that a man should drop her or next her just because he has other options.
RP has correctly focussed his " keep her or chuck her" criteria on the quality of her behavior and her IL, not on whether you have another plate or two to spin or not.
I disagree with STR8uP on this point. He preaches never slam a door shut because she MIGHT show up one night and try to sneak back into your life ( and your bed ) Unfortunately this always requires that you to lower your standards and overlook the reasons that you dumped her in the first place.
Self -disrespect just for some pvssy ? A bad trade.

 

[jophil28]

Don't be too quick to write off a girl that isn't begging to see you right away.

More gold.

PUA wisdom says to move on quickly if she is showing low or no IL. Bad idea.

YOu move on when your are SURE that she is not interested, NOT because she is a lttle cool and reserved . A lot of women need to be "dialed up" slowly. It takes a while sometimes, BUT not more than a few dates.

 

[jophil28]

I haven't called or texted or emailed her in a week or two, and haven't heard from her, either, so I assume her IL in me is low.

OR she is waiting for YOU to call her. She also may assume that your IL is low too ...and so you have a standoff and a recipe for frozenness.

 

[Chrispy]

OR she is waiting for YOU to call her. She also may assume that your IL is low too ...and so you have a standoff and a recipe for frozenness.

The last 5 responses (including STR8ups) is on the money. Sure, interest level might be low, but there is no harm calling her up out of the blue. Yes, always assume she thinks your IL is low and that in your mind, you're just putting it out there that you're still interested but have other options.

Being persistent can pay off. You never know. I like the idea of always being willing to walk away, but sometimes we take that idea too literally.

 

[STR8UP]

The last 5 responses (including STR8ups) is on the money. Sure, interest level might be low, but there is no harm calling her up out of the blue. Yes, always assume she thinks your IL is low and that in your mind, you're just putting it out there that you're still interested but have other options.

Being persistent can pay off. You never know. I like the idea of always being willing to walk away, but sometimes we take that idea too literally.

Sometimes it's tough to even get an audition, even if you are perfect for the part.

With women its all in the timing.

You just never know. That chick who was lukewarm due to another love interest might have became disinterested or get dumped or whatever, and you might be in the right place at the right time. What looked good to her one minute might turn her off the next, and vice versa.

So basically, if you don't have a very valid reason to totally NEXT a woman (like she seriously disrespects you), you should always leave the door open, and it doesn't hurt to peek your head out every now and again to see what's going on.

 

[drmeathead]

I agree with #41. I've met those girls. While I realise that they have no or very low interest, I also recognize that they were taught good manners.

I know I am late to jump in on this but DOES IT REALLY MATTER IF THEY HAVE LITTLE INTEREST OR NO INTEREST? Either way you really shouldnt waste your time with them, right? Who cares if they return your call to cancel? They cancel simply tell them some other time, or to call next time they are free. I wouldnt delete their number so you dont look like an ass if they call again. If they do call cool if not fine. If you dont have the self control to not ever call again, delete the number. In this case if they call and u dont know who it is, fake it. Something will jog your memory in conversation soon enough.

 

[STR8UP]

I know I am late to jump in on this but DOES IT REALLY MATTER IF THEY HAVE LITTLE INTEREST OR NO INTEREST? Either way you really shouldnt waste your time with them, right?

The point is that it is possible for a woman's interest level to be contingent upon factors that are subject to change at a moment's notice.

I was going to write up a post about how women only have "so much attraction to go around", like something that can be shown in a pie chart.....but I don't have time to write it much less get into a long winded discussion about it.