Weak plates

[STR8UP]

As most of you know, I'm not a huge supporter of the idea of spinning plates as the only means so keep a proper perspective with women, but here's the thing....

Where do you guys draw the line when you are dealing with multiple women? When do you "drop" a plate?

Some of them are OBVIOUS. She doesn't return your calls, disrespects you, etc.,...NEXT.

But what about those in between? The ones who don't display high interest, but DO return your calls, DO follow through with dates, but don't display the classic signs of "high interest" that are critical to keeping a woman's attention.

Went out with a chick a couple of times a month or two ago. Decided to have a little party and said "what the hell" and called to invite her, after a few weeks of no contact. She gets back with me the next day saying she's out of town and will call me next week.

Now I've already written her off, and wouldn't have even thought to invite her had it not been for special circumstances, and to be honest with you, I was kind of surprised she even responded.

So I got to thinking....at what point do you totally write a plate off??

Obviously if there was ZERO interest, she wouldn't have even bothered to reply (seen plenty of that), but if there is still a shred of opportunity, how far do you go?

I know this is an open ended question that can't really be answered, but I'm curious as to people's thoughts on this.

So, what say you?

 

[#41]

I disagree with your premise that a response = some interest. Believe it or not, there are some people who will return a phone call because just ignoring someone is rude.

And, regarding dropping plates, I drop them when I get the sense they aren't into me enough to make it worth my while. I've got a full time job and dozens of other checks on my time -- I don't have time to try and convince someone that I'm worthwhile or try and make someone attracted to me. They either are, and show it, or they aren't, and show nothing or very little. When it's the latter, I drop them. I'll drop after 1 date if necessary.

 

[STR8UP]

I disagree with your premise that a response = some interest. Believe it or not, there are some people who will return a phone call because just ignoring someone is rude.

Well it's a LITTLE more complicated than that.

I have found that a woman with no interest will NOT return a call. She has to have SOME interest in order to volley the ball back into your court.

Women with no interest whatsoever will avoid contact. It's the ones who are wishy-washy about things that you have to watch out for.

 

[#41]

Well it's a LITTLE more complicated than that.

I have found that a woman with no interest will NOT return a call. She has to have SOME interest in order to volley the ball back into your court.

Your mileage may vary, but I've met many girls who will have no interest in me (or whatever guy they're dealing with), but will still call or text back to avoid being rude.

Usually it's girls who have been given the "silent treatment" by a guy they were really interested in and hated it so much that they vow never to be a ***** like that to someone else.

They'll call back, always be busy, always have something else to do, and hope the other party gets the hint eventually.

 

[Jitterbug]

I agree with #41. I've met those girls. While I realise that they have no or very low interest, I also recognize that they were taught good manners.

 

[ketostix]

I think that most of the time if a girl replies back to you usually there is at least some interest. I think you put out some kind of invite and then it's up to her to follow through on it, and if she doesn't then she gets put on the backburner or nexted.

 

[lookyoung]

I think the best time to write a plate off is when they show signs of low interest. The biggest indicator of low interest is when a girl does not return your phone calls, flakes on you, or never has time to see you. Any of these three things show low interest. Like Guru once told me in a thread... Would these girls flake on a million dollars? Would they flake on a celebrity.

I take a girl flaking on me or not returning my phone calls as a sign of disrespect and I will treat them accordingly.

 

[ketostix]

I also wanted to add that I consider most all true plates "weak". I"m not saying it's not the case for some guys to have strong plates, but from what I've seen a strong plate is really just a budding LTR. You'll have guys saying "I got 2, 3 or x number of plates at the snap of my finger.." when in reality what they're really doing is juggling 2 or more women in the beginning parts of a relationship. Not that I'm saying there's anything wrong with that, but to me that's a lot of work and I think you see it that way too Str8up.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The ability to NEXT a girl is directly proportional to your (perceived or acknowledged) options.

 

[Knight's Cross]

STR8UP,
Drop all contact with this Lil 22YO. That's my take, you have begun to OneItis yourself into something you do not want. I'm with Rollo on this one, LDR's DO NOT WORK, PERIOD. As much as you may think she is a Plate, you are building more into it.

Plate theory, one observation that I have recently gathered: Whether I tell them directly or inderectly that I am dating others...it's had the same exact result. My percieved value (in the plates eyes) stays high. It has not seemed to matter whether I said it openly or covertly. I used to do it covertly thru my actions. I switched a couple of months ago to a early on 1 time message that I was dating openly. I let it come up naturally in convo, and then NEVER bring it up again. They get the message and do not forget. They may $hit test me, but remember women are BEAR TRAP at remembering stuff like this. You will not need to remind them openly..They realize when you don't return a phonecall that evening, or for a day, that you are BUSY with other women. The Kitty cats compete logic kicks in, and your value goes thru the roof.

KC

 

[STR8UP]

STR8UP,
Drop all contact with this Lil 22YO. That's my take, you have begun to OneItis yourself into something you do not want. I'm with Rollo on this one, LDR's DO NOT WORK, PERIOD. As much as you may think she is a Plate, you are building more into it.

This is a different girl.

Where are you guys getting this "One-Itis" stuff?

To be honest, i don't have an emotional investment in either of these women.

 

[Deep Dish]

What about those in between? The ones who don't display high interest, but DO return your calls, DO follow through with dates, but don't display the classic signs of "high interest" that are critical to keeping a woman's attention.

Not that I spin multiple plates, but wouldn't the cardinal rule of pursuing one woman apply the same? The cardinal rule being you stop either when you realize you won't be getting what you want or when it stops being fun, i.e. when the perceived cost-benefit ratio shifts negative.

The only reason I'm posting this is just this past week I had to apply this cardinal rule and extricate myself.

 

[Chrispy]

But what about those in between? The ones who don't display high interest, but DO return your calls, DO follow through with dates, but don't display the classic signs of "high interest" that are critical to keeping a woman's attention.

As others have already said, those who are still staying in touch are at least mildly interested. It is also a bear trap because those who are only mildly interested could (but not necessarily would) flake on you later on. You might be getting a little clingy, not as interesting to her, or she is looking for something else. If you sense that, then that plate should stop spinning.

Went out with a chick a couple of times a month or two ago. Decided to have a little party and said "what the hell" and called to invite her, after a few weeks of no contact. She gets back with me the next day saying she's out of town and will call me next week.

Now I've already written her off, and wouldn't have even thought to invite her had it not been for special circumstances, and to be honest with you, I was kind of surprised she even responded.

So I got to thinking....at what point do you totally write a plate off??

Obviously if there was ZERO interest, she wouldn't have even bothered to reply (seen plenty of that), but if there is still a shred of opportunity, how far do you go?

I know this is an open ended question that can't really be answered, but I'm curious as to people's thoughts on this.

So, what say you?

This specifically doesn't have a black and white answer...maybe she really was busy, maybe she thought you blew her off. Feels better to framing it in that way. I haven't really read why you're not a believer of the spinning plate theory. The idea behind it is to be keep yourself from putting too much attention on any one person. The negative of that is sometimes it gets too easy to give up too easily. I think that some persistence can't hurt...just don't overdo it or put more effort in places where it could be spent elsewhere...or with someone else

 

[cedd]

delete

 

[cedd]

if the 'nexting' idea occures to you then it should be the time to do it...

cheers

 

[STR8UP]

I haven't really read why you're not a believer of the spinning plate theory. The idea behind it is to be keep yourself from putting too much attention on any one person.

I never said I was against spinning plates. I do it myself to varying degrees.

What I did say is that spinning plates is only a bandage that covers the underlying problem- the perception of a lack of options.

It's a great way for any guy to get over the idea that he needs any one particular woman. But I truly believe that a guy that has his sh!t together doesn't NEED to spin plates, since he KNOWS that any woman can be replaced at any time,and more importantly, that he doesn't need a woman to "complete" him.

 

[horaholic]

She said she's out of town and will call you next week.

That isn't an IOI. Chicks say that all the time. You should know better than to even write this thread. No offence, but you are slacking in your woman-ese. Only drop a plate when YOU are done spinning it. One can always get the plate to "want" to spin again, if you got game.

 

[Matt Rogers]

Some response is not a reliable indicator of interest. I've known dozens of girls who will reply to texts and talk on the phone but the moment you so much as mention meeting up they will start making excuses.

I think the only way to deal with a weak plate is to drop the ball. See if she initiates a text or phones you (as opposed to returning a call).

If she does that then you are still in the game and can resume as normal.

The whole point of plates is to kill desperation and neediness. But if you are over-pursuing a girl because she is low interest even if she is just one of many girls you are seeing it is bad for your ego.

 

[RedPill]

You drop her the minute you conclude one of the following:

a) the value you derive from the time you spend with her is not great enough to continue allocating time to her

b) she violates one of your 'dealbreakers'

c) she tries to employ any sort of social contrivance, power play, or manipulation tactic in an effort to take control of the frame or modify your behavior (not a mild sh1t test, but an intentional effort)

d) there is a clear disparity between your expectations and hers as to the parameters of the relationship

e) her attitude toward you or men in general is disrespectful or diminishing

 

[STR8UP]

Some response is not a reliable indicator of interest. I've known dozens of girls who will reply to texts and talk on the phone but the moment you so much as mention meeting up they will start making excuses.

See, that's the thing.

We are both busy people, and although it is difficult to arrange a "date" (I hate that word), I do manage to get face time with her. If I suggest something specific, if she isn't able to make it she always throws out a counter offer, she doesn't flake, and we have a great time and great rapport.

Now I'm not foolish enough to think that she is even more than mildly interested, but that is the whole point of this thread. If she doesn't flake and doesn't disrespect you, where do you draw the line?

With this one, the ball is still in play, but I have basically dropped it due to the fact that the reciprocation on her end is weak. The only reason I brought this up was because I invited her to a party out of the blue because of something that we talked about in the past, and I was kind of surprised that she did get back with me after I haven't contacted her in so long.