Weak party/club game. What's up?

[djthiago1]

I'm having tons of trouble getting girls girls at parties, clubs, and such. I usually play a very fun, life of the party kind of guy. I dance a lot, i get people started on the shots, make people laugh their asses off, i tease the girls, and i have FUN. While my brother usually just sits somewhere, hunchbacked, staying quiet most of the time, has little humor, and is just overall a boring average dude.

Now what happens is: Girls FLOCK around him, and i rarelly get lucky. What the hell is going on? I swear to god i'm about to become boring like him and just sit on the corner and not talk to people.

Some friend said i might be intimidating girls too much, idk.

 

[Billtx49]

He is being aloof

 

[MrWood]

no one wants to date the maitre'd, or in your case... a male cheerleader.
you are trying too hard and literally are becoming everyone's friend... including the girls
self-friendzoned

 

[djthiago1]

no one wants to date the maitre'd, or in your case... a male cheerleader.
you are trying too hard and literally are becoming everyone's friend... including the girls
self-friendzoned

Strange. I was always adviced on being the life of the party. Perhaps i'm taking it too far?

 

[djthiago1]

He is being aloof

Doubt it, he goes to parties with girls on his mind, while i don't even like parties.
I've seen him hook up with girls with the corniest lines. "you owe me a kiss". It's amazing. Makes me wanna vomit.

 

[Billtx49]

Then it's inner confidence that he can get what he wants and is committed to go for it when the situation arises.
He's laying back and waiting for a situation to arise. Aka, the wolf in sheeps clothing.
Everyone's styles differ.

 

[djthiago1]

Then it's inner confidence that he can get what he wants and is committed to go for it when the situation arises.

Who wouldn't have high confidence when girls are flocking towards you? My ego too was in the clouds last year when i joined college and had 10+ girls after me, though most were far from HBs.

Funny thing, i just realized something while writting this post. Ever since i forced myself to become a more "sexual", extroverted kind of guy, i've been having worse luck than when i were just being myself, naturally introverted. I changed this about my personality because my family always said i was too quiet and anti-social.

 

[ohrein]

I work like your brother. We get to watch everything unfold. People watching is fascinating. In fact I bring girls into that world and talk about body language with them. They love it.

The guys who are the life of the party do score. I can pick out the guys that are gonna score after watching a party for ten minutes from their body language and interactions with people. I'm very accurate.

To me it sounds like you're coming off as a goofball instead of an alpha. Trying too hard will reek of insecurity. I went down the same route as you, I attempted to be something I'm not by becoming the life of the party. It's not a solid strategy if it's not congruent with who you are.

I find being the calm, confident guy who inputs an occasional quip does fine for me. I'll jump in on a conversation if I have something of value to say, otherwise I remain silent and listen. I find one on ones with people who are interesting and just focus on having a good time. Sometimes you meet a woman, sometimes you don't. Either way, I have fun or I leave.

 

[ohrein]

Oh and do you know what type of girls you meet on the outskirts of the party? The girls that don't like to get wasted and dance all night. The ones who like some conversation and quiet. My type of girl.

 

[Konada]

You don't like parties, you turn up as the entertainment monkey on parties.

Your parents told you that you were too introverted and anti-social, so you overcompensated with being extra lively in order to 'impress them'

You get high on confidence when you have a stream of girls flocking to you and feel like sh!t when you get no play.

You don't have weak game, you have a weak frame/sense of self, people are getting turned off because you're doing all these to seek approval rather than being a genuine being.

 

[Serenity]

Your brother is something you are not, available. If you're all over the place there's no opportunity for them to get close to you, they don't want to disturb your fun. Also if you're doing all of those things hoping to attract someone it's a weak frame, what you do sounds like common attention seeking tactics. Most people can recognize that, be aware that if people laugh it might be because you seem stupid and not because you're actually funny.

Your brother might seem boring to you, but women might see him as mysterious. There's nothing to wonder about the clown running around showing himself, but there's a lot to wonder about the guy who doesn't immediately give himself away.

I'm usually pretty laid back myself, oddly enough I end up getting a lot more attention than I want or need. It's not that I never dance, make people laugh or get people started on things. It's just that when I do it's because I really want to, just for the sake of it and not because I give damn about what others think of it. I find it exhausting to always do something, even more exhausting if under pressure to appear a certain way for other people.

My advice to you: calm down and give less of a sh!t.

 

[bigneil]

You need to change your look. It's 99% looks, sadly.

1) Haircut
2) Biking / aerobic exercise.
3) Tanning / one hour of sun every day without sunscreen (Vitamin D)
4) Lifting weights (at least curls) and push ups.
5) Wardrobe update
6) Purpose (something you are working on / toward)
7) Luck (we all have slumps and only a beautiful girl smiling at you can get you out of one).

Ultimately, if you want to be the life of the party, be the host.

 

[djthiago1]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I'll try to turn it down a notch next time, be a little more natural, try less to be something i'm not.

 

[ohrein]

And just try to genuinely have fun. You shouldn't be seeking to appear a certain way. I guarantee that it won't be convincing. Be genuine.

 

[djthiago1]

UPDATE: Hottest girl at the last party i went to, the one i tried the least to get with simply because:
1- she was the hottest girl there so i didn't wanted to waste time
2- She gave off a very negative/don't want to talk to anyone vibe so i simply went after other women
So.. she decided to make a little party and invited me and some friends yesterday, her friend said she liked me a lot last time (she arrived kind of in the middle of the party last time so i was already spent and had stopped drinking), we hooked up, and she now wants to bang (also according to her friend), so that's good.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Is your brother better looking than you?

 

[djthiago1]

Is your brother better looking than you?

Not really. We're pretty much the same. IMO his face looks a bit more handsome than mine. He uses contacts and is shaved. I use glasses, and sport a beard, and i also have a better looking body. So i'd say we're kind of equal.

 

[Yewki]

Not really. We're pretty much the same. IMO his face looks a bit more handsome than mine. He uses contacts and is shaved. I use glasses, and sport a beard, and i also have a better looking body. So i'd say we're kind of equal.

Glasses + beard are probably not helping you, in general. So I would guess just on looks your brother attracts a broader group, i.e. more women.

Also, while it's good to be the life of the party it sounds like you're perhaps trying too hard to do so and coming across a bit desperate for approval?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

Okay so no matter what anyone tells you, you will always look better in contacts. Always. Unless it's sunglasses, otherwise you should probably get some prescription contacts.

A beard can look good if you know how to style it and if it accentuates certain facial features. Otherwise, clean shaven would be your best bet. I don't know how you look like so maybe it works for you, but most guys I see wouldn't look too good in it.

One more thing to mention (not to make you hate on your brother or anything), but maybe by being the life of the party, you are bringing your brother up. Kinda like how if you know famous, high status people, then chicks will dig you almost as much as them. And since you said your brother has a better face, that makes him seem more approachable. A good looking face with sticks for arms and legs is more attractive than an ugly mammoth with the body of Zeus. Not saying that your ugly or anything (like I said, I haven't even seen you so who am I to judge), but I'm just letting you know.

 

[ohrein]

Growing a beard tripled my success with women. Hides my ****ty chin. I remember the night I had a drunken hook-up with this chick from my social circle and she was tugging on my beard and making really lustful noises. There are some girls that don't like beards. Girls that don't like MEN.