"we weren't ever that close..."

[david_g]

I met this girl in class during the school semester. We hit it off pretty well, I was flirting with her, acting all ****y and funny, and giving her all the body language signals. She reciprocated my body language and even told me that she was breaking up with her boyfriend.

Finals fly by, I begin talking to her via IM and I poke fun at her many times. She calls me an "*******" and a "jerk." I knew that she liked me since she wanted to hang out with me on a weekend, I told her that would be possible and I would contact her, but I never did since other stuff came up.

A few days later, I begin talking to her again on IM. We talk some more, but somehow I sense that she isn't really into me anymore. Then she suddenly brings up that she's waiting for her boyfriend to come and pick her up later that night. That's when I completely drop the ball and begin asking her where I ****ed up with her (I know it's a stupid method, but I really needed to know why I am screwing up with girls, and she wasn't the only one).

After a long interrogation session, she finally said this:

i enjoyed your company, but we weren't ever that close...​

For some reason, that really hit the nail on the head for me and I felt like that I had to post this here. Historically, I have always been able to attract girls, but I have not been able to get close to them and turn them into my girlfriend. How can I fix this??

 

[worship]

Did you kino her?

 

[sodbuster]

YOU need to make your interest[sexual] known. She just see's you as a friend or a dancing monkey there to entertain her.

 

[david_g]

No I didn't kino her, I guess I need to learn how to kino properly, any advice?

I *did* try my hardest to make my (sexual) interest known to her. I made very direct eye contact when I talked to her irl, while I chatted with her I made sexual innuendos, etc.

I think my problem is that I'm afraid of kino-ing girls in general since I never really have done that in the past, but I'm generally not a very touchy-feely person in real life.

Big picture-wise, I have problems going from flirting/dating to her as my girlfriend. I can flirt just fine.

 

[Trader]

I met this girl in class during the school semester. We hit it off pretty well, I was flirting with her, acting all ****y and funny, and giving her all the body language signals. She reciprocated my body language and even told me that she was breaking up with her boyfriend.

Finals fly by, I begin talking to her via IM and I poke fun at her many times. She calls me an "*******" and a "jerk." I knew that she liked me since she wanted to hang out with me on a weekend, I told her that would be possible and I would contact her, but I never did since other stuff came up.

A few days later, I begin talking to her again on IM. We talk some more, but somehow I sense that she isn't really into me anymore. Then she suddenly brings up that she's waiting for her boyfriend to come and pick her up later that night. That's when I completely drop the ball and begin asking her where I ****ed up with her (I know it's a stupid method, but I really needed to know why I am screwing up with girls, and she wasn't the only one).

After a long interrogation session, she finally said this:

i enjoyed your company, but we weren't ever that close...​

For some reason, that really hit the nail on the head for me and I felt like that I had to post this here. Historically, I have always been able to attract girls, but I have not been able to get close to them and turn them into my girlfriend. How can I fix this??

First off, NEVER ask a girl why you 'screwed up.' I think you know why so I'm not going to go there

Here is where you screwed up (and I have done something similar to you) - you made yourself too available. You start chatting her up on IM and then sending texts all the time, that makes you too available. It gives her the impression you are another one of those male orbiters. I understand that you were ****y funny and she was eating that up - but trust me, even though you did all that, if you are too available, like another poster mentioned, you just become another 'entertainer' that she thinks she can keep around for sh1ts and giggles - like a flirty guy friend

Next time, make sure when you talk to a girl, it's in person (except when you use the phone to set up hangouts, and no, don't spend like 30 min talking to her on the phone, you are not one of her girlfriends)

From my experience - talking on IM is the kiss of death, it gets you NOWHERE

 

[Igetit!]

I met this girl in class during the school semester. We hit it off pretty well, I was flirting with her, acting all ****y and funny, and giving her all the body language signals. She reciprocated my body language and even told me that she was breaking up with her boyfriend.

You want to know where you screwed up at. Well,it seems to me that you screwed up from the very beginning,from the moment you first opened your mouth and started speaking to her. You talk about flirting,being ****y,and bodylanguage. Well that's all fine and dandy,but answer me this: Did you ever ask her out? Or did you just spend the whole time you knew her acting ****y and giving off hints with your bodylanguage?

Finals fly by, I begin talking to her via IM and I poke fun at her many times. She calls me an "*******" and a "jerk."

Hmm,more joking and beating around the bush. So again I ask,DID YOU EVER ASK HER OUT?

I knew that she liked me since she wanted to hang out with me on a weekend, I told her that would be possible and I would contact her, but I never did since other stuff came up.

So you knew she liked you. Seems to me that you have "like" and "attraction" confused. She liked you...great. But what about attraction? Was she attracted to you? Or do you know?

A few days later, I begin talking to her again on IM. We talk some more, but somehow I sense that she isn't really into me anymore. Then she suddenly brings up that she's waiting for her boyfriend to come and pick her up later that night. That's when I completely drop the ball and begin asking her where I ****ed up with her (I know it's a stupid method, but I really needed to know why I am screwing up with girls, and she wasn't the only one).

You said that you sensed that she wasn't into you anymore. To be honest,I don't think she was ever into you. I think she enjoyed you being around her while she and her boyfriend were having problems,but once things got better,she no longer needed you. It's not that she no longer wanted you to be around,she just wanted to keep you around in the friend capcity that you've always been in.

It was only when you interrogated her about where you went wrong that she pulled out the "we weren't even that close" line.

Historically, I have always been able to attract girls, but I have not been able to get close to them and turn them into my girlfriend. How can I fix this??

Well,if the way you approached this girl is the way you usually approach women,then it's no wonder you have problems trying to make them your girlfriends. You're so busy with the bodylanguage/acting ****y funny,that you forget that sooner or later,you need to actually ASK THE GIRL OUT.

However,if this was just a random way you decided to approach this one particular girl,then you need to let us know how you normally approach a girl.
That way we can look at it,and tell you what the problem is.
Tell us:

How you approach a girl
What you normally say
How she generally responds
How you ask her out (if you do)

Answer these questions,and feel free to throw in any other info you think may be helpful.

Peace.

 

[NewAndImproved]

After a long interrogation session, she finally said this:

i enjoyed your company, but we weren't ever that close...​

For some reason, that really hit the nail on the head for me and I felt like that I had to post this here. Historically, I have always been able to attract girls, but I have not been able to get close to them and turn them into my girlfriend. How can I fix this??

Let me give you two answers.

#1. Never ask a woman what you did wrong after the fact. I tried it with my first gf a month after the fact. You know, to get "closure." Her answers were even more preposterous than when we broke up. The only thing that was clear was that she didn't want to be with me. Her emotions, not logic, dictated this.

#2 Maybe there was some merit to what she said. In that case, I think you should work on comfort-building. Being ****y/funny is well and good but you should also get her to share stories and relate to you on an emotional level. That's how you get her invested.

 

[playerone]

Yep, what they said.

You probably were just ****y, funny, and nothing else. There's a thread somewhere on how to get the girl to invest in you. That's where you should really work on. Ask her how her day went, let her share issues with you, and listen.

About the kino part, you need to get her out first before you can do anything about it. You can put your hand on her shoulder to guide her along while walking through a crowded place, nudge her when you're teasing, etc. The key is to be natural and comfortable when you're doing it. Slowly move on to a higher level of kino. Field-test this on several women to understand how it works.

 

[david_g]

To those that said I should never ask a woman what I did wrong. Yes, I know you should never do that. I blocked/deleted her after I got what I wanted from our last conversation. I doubt I'll ever see her on campus again, I've got just one more year left.

It was really just an experiment, to put it bluntly. I needed to know where I was going wrong in my game. The best way to fix yourself is to look at what you're doing wrong in the mirror, and she was that mirror. Thanks to all providing advice, especially to ItsTheAttitude.

Looks like I need to focus on her investing in me and kino. Former of which I can risk falling into the friend zone and the latter which I can give off a vibe as a creep. Fun times.

 

[playerone]

It's all trial-and-error man, until you become a natural at it. I won't be surprised if you go through depression while going through this stage.

Good luck in the future.