We really are in the minority, aren't we?

[The Bat]

I am a firm believer that iron sharpens iron, and that mediocrity perpetuates mediocrity. You could not have come to understand things the way you do without "unplugging" from what we call the matrix. Great fighters have great coaches, great scholars have great teachers, and great DJs have great mentors. But one must be willing to learn; to hold his existing beliefs up to full and naked scrutiny.

AFCs are very real, however, and the collective societal mentality that supports the AFC's ideological latticework is also very real. If you arent vigilant you can get fooled back into believing the same things that brought you here. AFC-ism is an insidious disease. Because it's psychological underpinnings are so pervasive in your fellow men, in women, and in culture, you must remain aware. If I could assign a mantra to the DJ, it would be vigilance.

Advising friends is sort of an art. It really comes down to timing, and their willingness to listen.

One of my best friends, Nick, recently got engaged. Nick is an exceptionally intelligent guy, and I feel he made a sound choice with his wife-to-be. I have counseled Nick numerous times over the years in regards to women, mostly because I have more experience than him and he has sought my advice. Nick has only known this girl for a little over a year, so I do have my misgivings about it. I think he made a good choice in her, but I fear he may have made the choice too soon. Time will tell. Nick is not an AFC, but then again he doesnt have tons of experience with women, and he is only 27. I cautioned him several times not to even consider proposing for a while, but the point is you can only teach someone when they are willing to listen. Once someone is in 'love' and they have made up their mind, your words will fall on deaf ears.

Back to the question of the OP---there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's this: Women ARE NOT the light at the end of the tunnel. Part of the bittersweet experience of leaving the matrix is the realization that a woman can never be the centerpiece of your life---contrary to your blissful, ridiculous AFC dreams.

The AFC in all of us dies a slow death. It doesnt happen overnight, and frankly it can take years depending on how deeply intertwined your mind is with the matrix.

Heh, as I've mentioned previously, I was born and raised in an eastern culture that has a matrix of its own.

It's tough to unplug from one western matrix. But it's extremely difficult to unplug from two matrices: western and eastern.

I honestly didn't anticipate the fallout due to my unplugging from both of them. The western obviously puts me at odds with friends, colleagues, social networks, etc. The eastern puts me at odds with family, relatives, cousins, etc.

I think I learned my lesson which is to remain, and very well put Colossus, vigilant. You really can't go public with this knowledge and information because people will stop at nothing to break you down and make you one of their own again.

It is just incredibly encouraging to have a place like this where we can share our experiences and dilemmas and get a clear, honest, objective answer without being criticized too much for it. Only other place in real world that I think would come close to something like this is...umm group therapy maybe? Lol.

 

[Jitterbug]

Heh, as I've mentioned previously, I was born and raised in an eastern culture that has a matrix of its own.

It's tough to unplug from one western matrix. But it's extremely difficult to unplug from two matrices: western and eastern.

I honestly didn't anticipate the fallout due to my unplugging from both of them. The western obviously puts me at odds with friends, colleagues, social networks, etc. The eastern puts me at odds with family, relatives, cousins, etc.

I'm in the same boat. Born & raised in an eastern culture, but been living in a western one since 18. I was plugged to both, and unplugging was painful and difficult, including having to overcome an identity crisis for being stuck between two cultures initially. Luckily I've kept my mouth shut and my learning a secret, so there's been no open fallout, although they've all noticed that I've changed a lot. They think I've become "westernised" - not quite! but I'm happy for them to believe so.

I haven't run into likeminded people in the real world either. Would be cool to befriend a few.

 

[STR8UP]

Nature isn't messed up. Men and women, are the way they are. We're supposed to be like this. Women are supposed to be the way they are and do the things they do. Obviously, a lot can be said about the fact that women these days may have been spoiled into acting against their real, true nature. But if you stand back, we are living in a system nature has designed. Nothing is "wrong".

I totally agree with you.

Society may be a little out of whack at the moment, but rest assured it will all even itself out eventually.

I see your point, that it is a rude awakening.... but why shouldn't life remain fun, and full of passion... even in the face of this knowledge? Don't we in fact have MORE tools to live a happy life, than we did before in our ignorance? I ask this of myself too.

I'm not gonna say that I'm "paranoid". That's a strong word. I will say that I am much more cautious these days, and when I see an example of a woman behaving poorly (and I see plenty of these) it just takes away another piece of the faith you have in "goodness" of people.

The problem is that when you realize there IS NO "goodness" per se, it's tough to keep from having to look over your shoulder on a regular basis.

 

[Vulpine]

That sounds nice and warm, but have you never heard of risk management?

Or are you really emphasizing the "focus" part, and if you are, well, duh.

Part of focusing on the success includes dodging pitfalls, avoiding shortcuts, and taking affordable risks. It keeps the mindset in "what's it going to take?" instead of "what if I fail?" The "what if I fail" mindset is focusing on making a better parachute instead of making a better plane.

 

[Ballie]

This site helped me immensely to recover from a relationship with a BPD woman, I didn't even know why she was acting the way she was and it was a real aha!! moment. Even better, it made me realise that my ex wife also had those tendecies - but was far more subtle in her manipulations. So I could finally close that chapter of my life.

Thanks to Pook, I have reclaimed my manhood and it shows in my dealing with others men and women. I find that by understanding how the female brain works has actually improved my relationship with them. Its like "Goody a real man who GETs it." I let the AFCs buy them drinks and then scoop them lol.

Being a DJ is so cool, its a way of life that is very liberating.

 

[puma183]

Hi Everyone,
My first post here. Long time non-registered reader (since early-2006). I have to agree with other posters that frequenting this site feels like being part of the Enlightenment movement in 18th-century Europe. This site has played a large part in pulling me out of the matrix; a discovery process that first started with my divorce 6 years ago; and seems to open my eyes more and more each day.

 

[jafyk]

Yep, that's exactly the take home message I got when I first found this place.

And I think I'm more frustrated now because somebody forgot to tell me these things when I was a young teen. Makes me wonder why we force fairy tales on little children. This might sound trivial but I was pissed when I figured out that Santa wasn't real.

I think it was more of a "why was i lied to" issue than santa not being real. You know what I mean? That's how I feel about all of this right now.

Like how did we get lied to all our lives? Even the eastern culture where I was born into had stuff just as bad, if not worse. Heard of arrange marriages? Slaving yourself from 9-5 to feed a nuclear family? Living in the western culture is a double edged sword...one you get the freedom from all that stuff...but two, in a cruel way, you are fed the same crap all over again.



That's a solid analogy, Vulpine. Damn you and your castle analogies always get me!



I think I might print out lot of this material and bound them in some sort of soft/hard cover for future use. You never know, this site could go belly up tomorrow and all of this valuable material would be lost.

Now that's a very scary thought. Anyway, from time to time when I find anything that standouts I usually copy and paste it in my draft in my e-mail.

 

[puma183]

Slaving yourself from 9-5 to feed a nuclear family...

What's worse is when you are slaving away to feed a "family" that's not even any longer yours. (perhaps including your ex-wife's live-in boyfriend). Check out the following article on why "Marriage = Fraud" in the form that it is in today. It puts forward some intersting theories of how we got here, and what this may mean for the near future:

http://no-maam.blogspot.com/2008/02/questionators-should-women-have-right.html

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

And I think I'm more frustrated now because somebody forgot to tell me these things when I was a young teen.

I used to think this way until I really understood who my Father really was as a person. I use the term "Generation AFC" occasionally because it's funny and appropriate, but when you think about it, it's really telling. It really is a generational (multi-generational) social dynamic. It's an AFC Generation raised by AFC males (if they're raised at all by males) or single mothers molding their boys into what they think their ideal man ought to have been. All this aided and reinforced by a constant feminine-active media, feminine-active social definition. That's observation, not conspiracy. I don't believe that Feminism is the cause of Generation AFC, but the initial impetus of it got the ball rolling. It's Feminization that perpetuates it. A thoroughly feminized male is almost more dangerous from a developmental perspective than an "empowered" woman.

 

[The Bat]

The hope that we've all gained from this site is the result of a few things.

1. Free self help psychotherapy a total self examination.

2. What we should of got more from teachers and parents which was the incredibly important lesson that we must question everything to find the best and most well rounded answer for ourselves and not blindly accept what we are told.

The hope that springs up after the majority of our learning and unplugging is complete is that we will have the fullest and best life possible now that we see the important things to us in the world more clearly.

Kind of like a pilot flying on a clear day as opposed to trying to find his way through a storm and not crash and be killed.

We have that hope for a brand new journey unhindered by deadly and destructive obstacles because we now know how and what to avoid as well as what to look for in order to acheive the best results.

Hehe, I think the word you were looking for was ostracized not castrasized The Bat. :crackup:

Haha, you don't know what you're missing translates into misery loves company.

You represent a subconscious tear in the Matrix for them.

Their minds suddenly go *Gasp! I can't believe someone would dare deviate from the programming!!! He believes OMG GASP!! that marriage is not an absolutely necessary life goal!!!!!*

Yeah whoops my bad. I thought castrasized was a word...well think of it as a fusion word between castration and ostracization...:crackup:

Speaking of teachers, I've talked about this friend of mine who is an elementary teacher here before, but she has officially started teaching 2nd grade. And the more I talk to her about her job, the more I get a picture of what a selfish and cold she really is. She has kids in her class (2nd grade...all 7-8 year olds) who can't even read and are worse than the kids in 1st grade. Their principal has a weird philosophy that kids shouldn't be held back in the beginning of their education because then later on they are the "older" kids in their grades and will turn into bullies and dropouts.

Stupidest philosophy ever.

If the kid can't even read properly much less write, don't you think that's going to hurt him more than being held back? That kid is going to be the slow dumbass bully that everybody will make fun of in junior high.

Anyway, back to my friend. She doesn't care about teaching those kids any values or any real education. She just wants them to learn and pass the tests and get the **** out of her classroom. And I've already talked about how biased she is towards girls than boys. She proudly boasts about the girls doing well but not a word about one or two boys who might be doing well. And she makes fun of the boys who do bad WHILE she feels bad for the girls who are doing bad. What kind of double standard is this? I've pointed this out and she just screams and tells me to leave her alone and let her do her job.

And here is the kicker. She is dating a good friend of mine who is complete AFC and plans on marrying her. Oh yes, he is that kid who fell in love with the first girl who opened her legs for him.

And yes, he is one of those who keeps telling me that I don't know what I'm missing out on. :yawn:

Unless you live on a desert island and are completely self sufficient, and have been since birth, you belong to a matrix of some sort. When the cop flashes his lights and you pull over, you are responding to a matrix. When a sexy girl walks by and you turn your head to look, you are responding to a matrix. When somebody you've never met causes you to get angry for reasons you don't understand, you are responding to a matrix.

When people speak of "unplugging people from the Matrix" what they really mean is they have decided what values are important, and by convincing others to believe the same thing, they are somehow "unplugging" them from some mysterious "matrix," as if that is even at all possible.

What is the true, really true, look yourself in the mirror true, motivation for "unplugging people from the matrix"?

Why do you seek the recieve any kind of acknowledgement from this "unplugging?" Or are you really seeking some deep unconciously craved recognition and approval for the choices you've made in your life?

The big question is not whether you are still plugged into the matrix, but which matrix do you belong to? And more importantly, is that matrix supporting the direction you've chosen for you life?

Mhmm....speaking of DJ matrix:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=135640&highlight=dj+matrix

But I think you've asked some very important questions.

I've given it a lot of thought and that's why I didn't respond to your post when I replied to all those others.

I think my true motivation, as of now, for unplugging people is to show them that their energy and time can be well spent elsewhere (i.e. their own lives) than constantly worrying about girls or some girl.

I don't think I seek any acknowledgement for unplugging people. I just want them to open their eyes just like mine were when I found this site. What did most people on here who've helped me open my eyes get from me? Nothing more than "Thank you" via text.

And that's why I really started this thread. Just a big freaking Thank You and wanted to let everybody know to not take this place and it's members for granted. It's easy to not know when you have a good thing when it's always in front of your eyes (or at least, a click of a button away).

As I mentioned before, from time to time I imagine how much more miserable and confused and lost I would've been if I had never discovered this place.

And I challenge everyone to do the same.

Just imagine if you hadn't clicked on a link to this place or typed in a certain search term in google that led you to this place or if you weren't willing to learn the real meaning and the real way how things worked.

 

[puma183]

I used to think this way until I really understood who my Father really was as a person. I use the term "Generation AFC" occasionally because it's funny and appropriate, but when you think about it, it's really telling.

Rollo - This describes my father as well. By the way, it is a pleasure to finally meet you. I have learned a lot by reading your posts in the archives over the years.

 

[The Bat]

I used to think this way until I really understood who my Father really was as a person.

That is something very difficult to come to terms with though. It's tough to believe that most of the values and lessons your father taught you were completely wrong. I know that fathers aren't perfect and we should be merciful towards them.

But still, didn't it piss you off when you first figured some of this stuff out? Like how you wasted all this time following somebody else's crap advice? And how precious moments and opportunities passed you by? Weren't you looking for somebody, just anybody, to blame so that you could get it off your shoulders and move on?

Maybe it's ok to have a perfectly negative reaction and feel anger and betrayed when you discover something so fundamental that changes the way you look at life. Again, just like opening the pandoras box. You are faced with ills, diseases, evil things first and you want to quickly shut the box so that you can still trap hope, the final thing, inside.

 

[reset]

To simply add to what Kontroller said, one day something that normally would have completely set you off and cause you to act like a chump, doesn't phaze you, and you don't even realize what happened until later. "Lol, normally I would have xyz".

I think that's a big part of how you know that you are changing. When your previous impulse is there, and instead of acting on it, you just give it some time to wear off and don't act in a knee jerk fashion. Each time you do this your strength increases.

Then you sort of set up a positive feedback loop where the only thing you actually enjoy, is when good positive things happen. The drama that MAY have excited you in the past, kind of makes you sick. It's no longer about "winning" or "I'll show that chick who's boss, it's more "I don't have time for this crap. Anyway, I'm looking forward to a, b, c."

 

[Vulpine]

I used to think this way until I really understood who my Father really was as a person. I use the term "Generation AFC" occasionally because it's funny and appropriate, but when you think about it, it's really telling.

I had a father?

Seriously, though, good point.

Fight Club: "We are a generation of men raised by women. I beginning to wonder if another woman is really the answer we need."

^That rang out like a shot to me.

But still, didn't it piss you off when you first figured some of this stuff out?

Oh hell yeah it did. I resented BOTH of my parents for their failings for quite some time. I even look at my uncles with a certain amount of disdain.

What finally put the majority of that anger and resentment to bed was when I put myself in their shoes. My dad was too drunk to give a damn, and I can't blame him for not wanting to stick around anyway: I think my mother is BPD. Shoot, I'd probably want to strap on a buzz all the time to cope, too.

Now, consider the Johnny Cash song "A Boy Named Sue". I just had to "get tough or die". Although quite by accident, my father almost did me a favor.

I can't really speculate as to how much better off I could have been had they stayed together: I might have been worse off. These are just the cards I've been dealt. The past has past, I'm standing on my own two feet, and I've got somewhere to be: far, far away from that past.

 

[Sinistar]

I am fortunate to have parents who are still married and raised a family as best they could. Yet, after finding this site, I do look at my father in a different way. It is my duty to break the AFC chain because I was the one who stumbled across this newfound awareness.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Anyone who's read my stuff on SS knows I'm loathe to personalize things. My approach is usually observational and analytical, but I'm going to relate something from personal experience now. I'm doing this because it's almost over for my father now. Actually it already is. My father was diagnosed with Alzheimers / Dementia about 5 years ago at age 65. This is like a living death for him. He's still alive, but he's not there anymore. My brother and I have had to plan and deal with this for a while now, but in doing so we had to do a lot of personal reflection on our own lives, as well as Dad's, and also thought back to the things my father did, and what was motivating him.

I learned a lot of valuable things from my father. I attribute my critical thinking capacity and "bullsh!t detector" to my Dad. However, I'm also who I am now due to rejecting a lot of what my father was. He wasn't a positive masculine man, he wasn't masculine at all, but not feminine either. He did what he thought he had to to get laid throughout his life. His second wife was a feminist with a lot of psychological problems. Hindsight and maturity have brought a lot of my fathers sins into perspective.

Dad's always been an AFC in many respects, but his modus operendi with regards to women has always been Cap'n-Save-A-Ho. He was always stable, always the sure dependable one. Even when he was an A-Hole, he still paid the bills and fixed the problems. But if he was an A-Hole it was because he was sexually frustrated for most of his life all due the fact that women loved what he could provide, but never reciprocated in kind with their appreciation, intimate or otherwise.

The Savior Mentality (or Cap'n Save a Ho) is based on the mistaken idea that women will reciprocate sex and intimacy in appreciation for problems a man solves for them. The flaw in this ideology is that it's based upon sex-by-obligation and defeats genuine desire and sex-by-attraction. It also is counter to the fact that women would rather communicate feelings about a problem than actually solve it. Dad never understood this. He never understood that a woman could be anything less than rational. He never learned the truth that women are covert, and their behavior IS the indicator of her motivation not her words.

This isn't news to anyone on SS for any length of time, but let me illustrate how pervasive this is. Even at 70 y.o. and addled by Alzheimer's, this Saviour Mentality is so internalized that he clings to it unthinkingly. He has a GF in the assisted living place he's in who he thinks he's married to. She doesn't mind it of course, but his motives of trying to get with her are still based on what he can do to get her to reciprocate. He's still frustrated by it, gets angry and doesn't know why. But I see it.

He played along with his feminization all his life and was frustrated for it. I did too for a time. I didn't have an SS forum back then. I read a bit of Warren Farrell in my 20s, played rock star and got more than my share of tail, I've married a gorgeous wife and been married longer than him, but all that because I woke up to the Matrix gradually. My father is already dead in it now.

I'm not looking for pity for him, or sympathy for myself by relating all this. Just understand it and consider the impact of it on your only life. There are people who'll NEVER unplug.