We really are in the minority, aren't we?

[The Bat]

Ever since I've discovered this site, the DJ Bible, Pooks posts, Rollos posts, and other top posters thread (Latinoman, jophil, VU, Interceptor, Str8up, etc.), I've come to the conclusion that this place really is unique.

I have never met like-minded (with few minor differences) Men who just "get" it...about everything..women, career, money, health, lifestyle, etc. The basic tenents and core principles forwarded by this community are just mind blowing yet so harsh and brutal.

I have a mixed feeling about discovering a place like this. At first, I was amazed and offended by lot of things. I couldn't believe what I was reading and how well they connected to experiences I've had with women (and life in general). Before, I couldn't quite put my finger on some behaviors and actions, but now I KNOW why those behaviors are carried out and actions taken.

This place is like opening the pandora's box. At first, all the evils, ill things, and misery is unleashed. But yet, there is a glitter of hope in here somewhere.

What is that hope? I sincerely ask you, fellow DJs. I have a faint idea though I want to hear from you all.

Anyway, my main point of this thread is that I look around me in real life, my friends, family, work collegaues, class mates (previous class mates), acquintances, etc. and all I see are severe characteristics of AFCs unusually disguised under a mask.

Everyone I've talked to, I can figure out at least 1 major AFC trait (i.e. hoping for that "one", thinking women = happiness, etc.) and the moment you speak out against their core beliefs, you get castrasized for having a different opinion. You might call it shaming, but it's really more an attempt to cut your balls off and feed it to the dogs so they can justify their state of apparent "happiness". After all, "Who are you to judge?".

Should we be worried about changing the world, specifically the men, for the better? See this is a catch-22 question. If you say no, then you're not doing justice to all of the posters who've helped formed this community. And if you say yes, then you're not doing yourself justice because you're too worried about changing others.

My take is that you dole out advice to those who need it the most. Starting with all the guys over at the Discussion forum. And then couple of good friends in real life who've reached the end of their ropes. Although, with one friend recently, I've been throwing tidbits of advice here and there. I think it's going to take awhile for all of it to settle down in him but there is that hope I was talking about earlier.

I just can't sit there and watch these guys ruin their lives. It's like watching a kid try something dangerous for first time. You know that it's important that he learn not to play with fire so you have to let him figure it out himself. But at the same time, you are conflicted with the pain you felt when you first tried it.

What did pook say? Experience is the most cruel, but the best teacher?

Anyway, these are just some of my thoughts that I felt needed to be revealed because discovering this site has been one of the most fundamental change that has happened to my young life. I ask myself from time to time, how miserable would I have been if I hadn't found this place? And how long it would have taken me to figure this out on my own, if I could have?

Covertly, I'm also telling you guys that thanks for taking the time to make posts (even with the 10 post limit). We have 5X more lurkers than we do regular posters. I KNOW that at least one of those lurkers is glad that he can read and has access to internet.

 

[Lexington]

This site has tremendously changed my outlook on females, that's for sure. It's amazing how clueless I really was. I really bought into that bull crap that popular culture will have you believe.

While I have logically accepted the principles I've learned on this site, the emotional side of my brain still hasn't caught up yet. I've only been on this website for about a month and half so it'll take a while to clear away a lifetime of conditioning, but I'm getting there.

I'm having more success with the ladies than I've ever had before.

 

[Sinistar]

Shame [feeling ashamed] is the sensation you feel when someone tries to jack you back into the Matrix against your will!

Always, cut them off and stand true to your beliefs. That always catches them off guard and is often the biggest chink in their armor because it is so incredibly unexpected in today's world.

The upcoming election brings to mind a great example. I'm not very fond of either candidate these days. I kidded with my wife that I might not vote. She instantly responded with one of the biggest shaming topics out there "Hey, you have to vote or you're not doing your duty...". I calmly cut her off and asked her "Did you say that because you really believe that or because we've been programmed to believe that by the media?" Deer in headlights look It's my choice thank you very much. Next time I get this line from someone I'm going to tell them "I did my duty, served my country and gave up a lot doing so - how about you?"

This site should be a mandatory 11th grade course for High School boys. God knows their single moms or AFC-beta fathers aren't doing any better.

 

[The Bat]

While I have logically accepted the principles I've learned on this site, the emotional side of my brain still hasn't caught up yet.

Oh, I totally know what you mean about the emotional side not catching up.

See I was somewhat successful with girls before finding this site, but I could never figure out why. And I also never understood why women lie, cheat, play head games, manipulate, etc. I remember I used to discount them as "oh she is just being a girl...all emotional and stuff...not her fault really..the dude's fault for doing x or not doing x..."

When I figured out the why, I was a little offended (for women) and distraught because I had bought into the disney princess fairy tale of "all women are good, gentle, innocent creatures".

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not going on the opposite extreme and saying, "all women are bad, ruthless, evil creatures". I've just figured out that you keep reality and fantasy seperate. You take everything at face value and examine the underlying mechanisms as to why a certain woman might do a certain thing. That's the logical part..which is sometimes easy to figure out (sometimes not though).

The emotional part is tough to deal with because I couldn't believe that women CAN be bad, ruthless, insensitive, cruel, and just plain evil.

Again, back to pandoras box, there is hope though. And that's why I asked what that hope is.

As I've scarcely mentioned here before, I've never been in an exclusive LTR. Before finding this site, I couldn't figure out how to turn my ONS into LTRs. And after finding this site, I have no DESIRE to get into an LTR. Hell, I've just discovered how to get girls and spin them plates...why sacrifice my singlehood independence to be stuck in an LTR?

This is one of those things that I get castrasized for from literally everyone in real life. All the girls I date/have dated, single friends ("dude, she was awesome..could've made a good g/f"), LTR friends ("you don't know what you're missing"), married friends (lol..."you don't know what you're missing"), family (my family is hardcore eastern religious family so I would need another thread to talk about their matrix), etc.

I think all the shaming and opposition just gets to me from time to time. And that's why I'm glad everytime I come on here and read a post or two by fellow DJs that resonate with my belief structure. It's good to know that you aren't fooling yourself into believeing that most people are unfit to good advice on how to be happy when they themselves aren't content.

Sh1t, this is getting philosophical but you guys know what I mean.

 

[The Bat]

We're that unique? That's some cult thinking there.

Don't go from one matrix to another.

That's a good point. Although I can't imagine bunch of us dressed up in black hoodies sacrificing a lamb so our savior Tom Cruise takes us to heaven in his spaceship. :moon:

I think the mere fact that we are succeeding in life living amongst others who haven't figuerd out some of this stuff is proof enough that we aren't thinking in a cultish/matrix manner. After all, matrix and cult are designed to enslave their followers and demands complete obedience. Whereas I see a group of DJs getting together discussing ideas like here just a mere sharing of information, insights, trivia, life lessons, experiences, etc. Aside from some common sense guidelines, there really aren't any hard and fast rule if you were willing to subscribe to DJ philosophy.

The core tenent of DJism is living a good life as a free Man, after all.

 

[reset]

Stupid question possibly by a guy who hasn't had a successful LTR....

Is it the LTR that is a bad thing in itself or simply the fact that we haven't experienced what it's like to be in a good LTR?

What happens if you end up in a LTR that adds to your happiness... would this change our views of LTRs?

All hypotehtical of course.

Interceptor made a good point here once about never SEEKING a LTR as an end unto itself. I think that's a big difference between AFC and non AFC.... attachment to outcomes. I won't pretend to have mastered that but I am sure as hell aware that attachment to outcomes ruins ANYTHING in life, including success with women.


For myself, I went from total nice guy wuss to wanting to be the meanest cruelest SOB you ever met, and I sort of did, and now I'm sort of coming back into balance from the two extremes.

 

[Vulpine]

Again, back to pandoras box, there is hope though. And that's why I asked what that hope is.

I know what you mean; the outlook does certainly look bleak when you first get here.

The most important thing I got out of this site was the shift in mindset. Women? They are at the bottom of my priority list. My life needs to be on track and I need to build my castle before I can make "women" a priority. Chances are, I'll stumble upon a winner long before I ever actually "try" to find one just based on the "who I am/where I am going" day-to-day operations.

*shrug*

I don't know if that's "hope" enough for you or not.

I did hear a unique way of looking at being single and being AFC. Someone related the law of supply and demand to it, and I added some to it.

Basically, if the asking price is too high, you don't buy something. So, the price eventually comes down, or the quality of the product goes up to add value.

The problem is, however, that the majority of consumers (guys that are AFC's, yes we are the minority) will "buy" women regardless of the price or quality. AFC's will tolerate any behaviors, will settle for fat chicks, and by doing so keep the demand high. So, the quality can continue to go down and the price can continue to go up: AFC's will "buy" women regardless - they NEED a woman. These same AFC's are typically broke or in debt for the same lack of scrutiny with other investments.

That's basically how we as DJ's are different. If we were to invest in something, we shop until we find a product that is the best value for what we are willing to offer. What's more, we don't NEED women (as a product in our lives, especially if it's more harm than good). Sure, we enjoy them just as much as the next guy, but, (and I can only really speak for myself) would rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable. [I'd rather make toast myself over the flames on the stove and get it right than have a toaster that burns it.] As a rule, a Man's life should be such that we automatically become what women want.

The hardest, most depressing part, to me, is knowing these things, being a well-rounded guy, and watching as women go about interactions as though your just the average guy: as though disrespect, unaccountability, flakiness, and poor behavior in general is fine and desirable.

Whatever, I'm over here, and I'm generally not buying what women are trying to sell. Perhaps the cost will come down and the value will go up, perhaps not. It really doesn't affect me what goods are sitting on shelves in a store reaching their "use by" dates.

I suppose bars full of cougars are like liquidators outlets peddling expired food, huh? And, If my diet doesn't include crackers, or fruitcakes, why should I care if they get old and stale? Hell, I don't care if they are free, I still don't care to eat them. I could get sick! (STD's)

I'm busy investing my time in my castle. When some maiden sees the castle, she might want in. Until the castle is built, I don't have time to look for tenants. I'm quite happy knowing that the castle is taking shape. Any women standing by and watching are welcome, they're also welcome to help. But, I'm certainly not going to pay them, nor do I need them to help. If they start delaying my progress or sabotaging the work site, I'll ask them to stand back or leave.

That's just my mode for now, other guys may have their castles built and have women as a priority. Direction, goals, ambitions... I have them now thanks to SoSuave. Other guys probably do too, now, after finding this site. When I reach my goals, I can set new ones. Maybe women will be one of them.

As for friends that are AFC's, that's a sad thing to watch. The only way I've found to unplug guys is to catch them before they make a mistake. I've printed off some stuff (DJ boot camp, book of pook, weapons of mass seduction, etc.) for a guy who mentioned he was going to get married. I explained to him I felt it was a mistake and I gave him the materials. He argued, shamed me in typical AFC fashion, and married the chick anyway.

A several months later, he called to tell me about his problems. "So, what you are trying to tell me is that I was right?" He is getting a divorce, it turns out. A month or two later, he calls me up excited: "I've been reading that stuff you gave me! HoLy Sh¡T! I was such a dumbazz!"

Guys have to want to change, they have to want help (themselves). Just print the essentials, toss it in a box, perhaps even gift wrap it, and give it to the guys. Don't tell them what to do with it. "Here's the water, horse."

Best of luck to you in your evolution.

 

[Vulpine]

You can't ignore them completely or when you get the castle you'll find it's designed only for men and women won't want to stay in it. Or the castle is in a bad location and women will never find it or want to live in the middle of no where.

True, but, pink stone is tough to find, and it's not very durable when you do. Good thing there's paint, eh? Curtains are a cozy addition I hear. The castle has to exist before it can be remodeled.

Once my castle is built, I can travel the countryside to advertise. I can tell other travelers to spread the word. I can even stuff maps in bottles and hurl them into the ocean.

I'm not going to focus on the failings, or even the potential failings of the castle, I'm going to focus on the success of the castle.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Unplugging chumps from the Matrix is dirty work. Generally, it's thankless.

I'm of the opinion that you cannot teach those unwilling to learn. Do you think that even your explaining to a guy his situation will effect a change? Or will he predictably try to bolster his own predicament by playing up her "positive' qualities since his scarcity mentality mandates he put up with her behaviors in order to maintain what he perceives is his only choice for female intimacy?

It's very hard to free a mind from the Matrix. Is this guy ready to hear what you have to say? I run into this problem constantly. If you discourage your friend from smoking and later it saves his life from emphasema you're a hero. If you help you friend rehab off of heroin you're a saint, but if you advise him against marrying a woman you know will destroy his life in the long term, you're a meddling busy-body with nothing better to do than stick your nose where it doesn't belong.

I've been down this road many times. I see it as triage: Save those who can be and read last rites for the dying. For those you think can be unplugged you have to keep picking away at him (or her) to lay the groundwork and wait for opportunities where he's in doubt or frustrated with his relationship to wake him up. I know it seems manipulative, but most people cannot be TOLD anything, they must be led to becoming unplugged, and most often this is when their AFC beliefs are frustrated and confounded.

 

[Colossus]

I dont think this place is as esoteric as you think. We are not some secret society with access to privileged knowlege, we are just a collection of guys who came here for similar reasons looking for some answers. We all have learned through the hardest teacher---experience.

I am a firm believer that iron sharpens iron, and that mediocrity perpetuates mediocrity. You could not have come to understand things the way you do without "unplugging" from what we call the matrix. Great fighters have great coaches, great scholars have great teachers, and great DJs have great mentors. But one must be willing to learn; to hold his existing beliefs up to full and naked scrutiny.

AFCs are very real, however, and the collective societal mentality that supports the AFC's ideological latticework is also very real. If you arent vigilant you can get fooled back into believing the same things that brought you here. AFC-ism is an insidious disease. Because it's psychological underpinnings are so pervasive in your fellow men, in women, and in culture, you must remain aware. If I could assign a mantra to the DJ, it would be vigilance.

Some guys just naturally "get it" when it comes to women. Why they do is an interesting question, but my hypothesis is that their fathers played a huge role in this. It's a combination of innate disposition, being raised by a Man, and the dynamics between their innate characteristics and environmental influences.

Advising friends is sort of an art. It really comes down to timing, and their willingness to listen.

One of my best friends, Nick, recently got engaged. Nick is an exceptionally intelligent guy, and I feel he made a sound choice with his wife-to-be. I have counseled Nick numerous times over the years in regards to women, mostly because I have more experience than him and he has sought my advice. Nick has only known this girl for a little over a year, so I do have my misgivings about it. I think he made a good choice in her, but I fear he may have made the choice too soon. Time will tell. Nick is not an AFC, but then again he doesnt have tons of experience with women, and he is only 27. I cautioned him several times not to even consider proposing for a while, but the point is you can only teach someone when they are willing to listen. Once someone is in 'love' and they have made up their mind, your words will fall on deaf ears.

Back to the question of the OP---there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and it's this: Women ARE NOT the light at the end of the tunnel. Part of the bittersweet experience of leaving the matrix is the realization that a woman can never be the centerpiece of your life---contrary to your blissful, ridiculous AFC dreams.

The AFC in all of us dies a slow death. It doesnt happen overnight, and frankly it can take years depending on how deeply intertwined your mind is with the matrix.

 

[KontrollerX]

"What is that hope?"

The hope that we've all gained from this site is the result of a few things.

1. Free self help psychotherapy a total self examination.

2. What we should of got more from teachers and parents which was the incredibly important lesson that we must question everything to find the best and most well rounded answer for ourselves and not blindly accept what we are told.

So the hope that this site brings is the hope of freedom from mental enslavement through a greater desire to learn and question many things and to throw off the previous propaganda and programming society placed upon us which was re-inforced by other people that were thoroughly programmed as well who don't realize it. Which of course is why the Matrix analogy is so often used here. Coming into the knowledge of this place is literally like unplugging from the Matrix for so many guys and even a few women that find this place as well.

The hope that springs up after the majority of our learning and unplugging is complete is that we will have the fullest and best life possible now that we see the important things to us in the world more clearly.

Kind of like a pilot flying on a clear day as opposed to trying to find his way through a storm and not crash and be killed.

We have that hope for a brand new journey unhindered by deadly and destructive obstacles because we now know how and what to avoid as well as what to look for in order to acheive the best results.

"This is one of those things that I get castrasized for from literally everyone in real life."

Hehe, I think the word you were looking for was ostracized not castrasized The Bat. :crackup:

Apologies if you meant it though and were creating a new more hilarious word in place of ostracized.

"All the girls I date/have dated, single friends ("dude, she was awesome..could've made a good g/f"), LTR friends ("you don't know what you're missing"), married friends (lol..."you don't know what you're missing"), family (my family is hardcore eastern religious family so I would need another thread to talk about their matrix), etc."

Haha, you don't know what you're missing translates into misery loves company.

You represent a subconscious tear in the Matrix for them.

Their minds suddenly go *Gasp! I can't believe someone would dare deviate from the programming!!! He believes OMG GASP!! that marriage is not an absolutely necessary life goal!!!!!*

This of course causes their mind to do backflips trying to process the whys and hows of how you can think this way and be so happy and then after enough processing is done they begin to question whether they are really happy having done what they have done with their lives which in some people brings about anger because they are really not happy so they either lash out or pretend that they are happy or they have some sort of a breakdown and then go into massive soul searching and then begin to rethink their life and consider living the way that you presented to them to live by your own example. Its great when this happens.

"I think all the shaming and opposition just gets to me from time to time. And that's why I'm glad everytime I come on here and read a post or two by fellow DJs that resonate with my belief structure. It's good to know that you aren't fooling yourself into believeing that most people are unfit to good advice on how to be happy when they themselves aren't content."

Well hey the crabs in a barrel phrase is so true even for friends and family.

When someone deviates from the programming and tries to get out of the barrel the other crabs will do their damndest to pull you back down so they can feel good in their complacency.

What keeps everyone going in life is the struggle so you must struggle and grow and part of that struggle and growing is to continually fight against them pulling you back down to their level proving to yourself that your will is stronger than their programming and you get reinforcement to do the right thing for yourself and not for other's expectations of you by your way yielding more success and happiness for you than their way.

 

[ketostix]

I did hear a unique way of looking at being single and being AFC. Someone related the law of supply and demand to it, and I added some to it.

Basically, if the asking price is too high, you don't buy something. So, the price eventually comes down, or the quality of the product goes up to add value.

The problem is, however, that the majority of consumers (guys that are AFC's, yes we are the minority) will "buy" women regardless of the price or quality. AFC's will tolerate any behaviors, will settle for fat chicks, and by doing so keep the demand high. So, the quality can continue to go down and the price can continue to go up: AFC's will "buy" women regardless - they NEED a woman. These same AFC's are typically broke or in debt for the same lack of scrutiny with other investments.

That's basically how we as DJ's are different. If we were to invest in something, we shop until we find a product that is the best value for what we are willing to offer. What's more, we don't NEED women (as a product in our lives, especially if it's more harm than good). Sure, we enjoy them just as much as the next guy, but, (and I can only really speak for myself) would rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable. [I'd rather make toast myself over the flames on the stove and get it right than have a toaster that burns it.] As a rule, a Man's life should be such that we automatically become what women want.

The hardest, most depressing part, to me, is knowing these things, being a well-rounded guy, and watching as women go about interactions as though your just the average guy: as though disrespect, unaccountability, flakiness, and poor behavior in general is fine and desirable.

Whatever, I'm over here, and I'm generally not buying what women are trying to sell. Perhaps the cost will come down and the value will go up, perhaps not.

I think this is spot on how the dynamic is. Men keeping raising their value and lowering their price while women can do the inverse. I don't exactly remember if I made this argument, but it's similar to my thinking.

I suppose bars full of cougars are like liquidators outlets peddling expired food, huh? And, If my diet doesn't include crackers, or fruitcakes, why should I care if they get old and stale? Hell, I don't care if they are free, I still don't care to eat them. I could get sick! (STD's)

You even have some on here arguing that a 6-7 is less trouble than a 9. That's fine if you just want ONS but for any more than that it is settling.

I'm busy investing my time in my castle. When some maiden sees the castle, she might want in. Until the castle is built, I don't have time to look for tenants. I'm quite happy knowing that the castle is taking shape. Any women standing by and watching are welcome, they're also welcome to help. But, I'm certainly not going to pay them, nor do I need them to help. If they start delaying my progress or sabotaging the work site, I'll ask them to stand back or leave.
That's just my mode for now, other guys may have their castles built and have women as a priority. Direction, goals, ambitions... I have them now thanks to SoSuave. Other guys probably do too, now, after finding this site. When I reach my goals, I can set new ones. Maybe women will be one of them.

Fair enough. You have to spend the majority of your time on things that are productive, that bring you a tangible reward and that have a good risk/reward relationship. Spending all your time and effort on women is a bridge to nowhere.

As for friends that are AFC's, that's a sad thing to watch. The only way I've found to unplug guys is to catch them before they make a mistake. I've printed off some stuff (DJ boot camp, book of pook, weapons of mass seduction, etc.) for a guy who mentioned he was going to get married. I explained to him I felt it was a mistake and I gave him the materials. He argued, shamed me in typical AFC fashion, and married the chick anyway.

I'm not a big believer in trying to help friends and acquantances not be AFC's. They're not going to listen to you anyway. If they were truely your friend and liked-minded would they be such an AFC anyway? Most guys even "friends" are really competitors who put hos before bros. Even if you did help them become more of a "DJ" your only reward would probably be them taking your girl.

A several months later, he called to tell me about his problems. "So, what you are trying to tell me is that I was right?" He is getting a divorce, it turns out. A month or two later, he calls me up excited: "I've been reading that stuff you gave me! HoLy Sh¡T! I was such a dumbazz!"

Guys have to want to change, they have to want help (themselves). Just print the essentials, toss it in a box, perhaps even gift wrap it, and give it to the guys. Don't tell them what to do with it. "Here's the water, horse."

Yep, it's counter-productive to try to tell them what to do. They have to be ready for it. And if you lead them to the "water" then it's not just your words. It's the ideas of thousands of guys on this site.

Now, if you really want to sabotage someone send them to Loveshack instead lol.

 

[wjh]

Basically, if the asking price is too high, you don't buy something. So, the price eventually comes down, or the quality of the product goes up to add value.

The problem is, however, that the majority of consumers (guys that are AFC's, yes we are the minority) will "buy" women regardless of the price or quality. AFC's will tolerate any behaviors, will settle for fat chicks, and by doing so keep the demand high. So, the quality can continue to go down and the price can continue to go up: AFC's will "buy" women regardless - they NEED a woman. These same AFC's are typically broke or in debt for the same lack of scrutiny with other investments.

I like this metaphor of an AFC as an uninformed consumer. What if he knew the details of the product? He would not only know it wasn't necessary to buy but that the product was in total abundance. He would be more aware of what his dollar could buy. He would even opt out of purchasing all together. He may even choose to save his money (analogous to time, energy, effort) and spend it elsewhere.

The uninformed consumer artificially skews the quality of the supply. In the case of the AFC, he artificially props the value of substandard goods. Rollo's social contrivances are the tools women use to meet that end.

The irony is that, if the uninformed consumer became better informed (in aggregate) the quality of the good would go up in an effort to meet the needs of the more informed consumer.

 

[LovelyLady]

True, but, pink stone is tough to find, and it's not very durable when you do.

(info from the web)

"Rose Quartz is the corner-stone for the heart Chakra.

Its energy is essential to self-fulfillment and inner peace. The soft soothing pink of Rose Quartz comforts and heals any wounds the heart has accumulated.

It is a stone for those who are unable to experience the joy of living because they never had love given to them.

It is for people who have not experienced the true essence of love and are therefore unable to access the inner realms of the heart.

Being an important member of the Quartz family, Rose Quartz inherits dynamic intensity and healing power. In addition, it manifests a calm vibration of soft sweet pink.


Not feeling good about oneself, it is very difficult to attract positive circumstances and fulfilling relationships.


Rose Quartz gently penetrates into the inner chambers of the heart Chakra, where all emotional experiences are recorded and stored.

As Rose Quartz witnesses the trauma written therein it empathizes, understands and begins to dissolve the accumulated burdens that suppress the heart's ability to give and receive love.

Rose Quartz is like a wise old woman that knows all of the answers and can heal with a mere glance.

As the Rose Quartz energy is sensed, the soul sighs with relief as it intuitively knows that at last the healing has come.

This divine Rose Quartz essence begins to circulate energy throughout the heart Chakra, bringing inner nourishment and comfort. As the presence of love is felt, the sorrows, fears and resentments that have constricted the flow of love are replaced with a deep sense of personal fulfillment.

This forms the foundation upon which inner peace and contentment become a personal reality.


As the heart is nourished and healed from the Rose Quartz essence it becomes fertile ground for the flowers of love to grow.

As the gentle pink ray is implanted and infused in the aura, blossoms of contentment unfold and the true meaning of love can be known. Only after first learning to give love to the self is it possible to truly love others.

Unless one is fulfilled from within they will always have expectations and disappointments from the love they receive from others. But if the heart is complete unto itself, then the love that is shared with others will be pure and have no expectations attached to it.

When the eternal well- spring of the heart has been tapped, the very act of giving replenishes the love and sharing becomes the reward. When one learns how to truly love on this level their very presence is healing to those around them and their being radiates with light.

True love is the highest degree attained at the heart Chakra and this process is initiated with Rose Quartz."



**
Never underestimate the Power of Pink

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Unless you live on a desert island and are completely self sufficient, and have been since birth, you belong to a matrix of some sort. When the cop flashes his lights and you pull over, you are responding to a matrix. When a sexy girl walks by and you turn your head to look, you are responding to a matrix. When somebody you've never met causes you to get angry for reasons you don't understand, you are responding to a matrix.

When people speak of "unplugging people from the Matrix" what they really mean is they have decided what values are important, and by convincing others to believe the same thing, they are somehow "unplugging" them from some mysterious "matrix," as if that is even at all possible.

What is the true, really true, look yourself in the mirror true, motivation for "unplugging people from the matrix"?

Why do you seek the recieve any kind of acknowledgement from this "unplugging?" Or are you really seeking some deep unconciously craved recognition and approval for the choices you've made in your life?

The big question is not whether you are still plugged into the matrix, but which matrix do you belong to? And more importantly, is that matrix supporting the direction you've chosen for you life?

 

[STR8UP]

What is that hope? I sincerely ask you, fellow DJs. I have a faint idea though I want to hear from you all.

That hope is coming to terms with the fact that life is the way it is, and you choose to acknowledge that fact and live a content, even happy life amongst the masses who "don't get it"

I call it "The Curse of the DJ", because you are truly blessed with this wisdom, yet it is at the same time a burden that you will carry with you to some extent for the rest of your life, due to the fact that you have officially peeked behind the curtain, and there is no going back. In a way it desensitizes you and keeps you from experiencing some of the fun things in life, since you now know people's true motivations and you can no longer "go with the flow" and experience the initial rush that comes with getting involved with a chick you click with.

Anyway, my main point of this thread is that I look around me in real life, my friends, family, work collegaues, class mates (previous class mates), acquintances, etc. and all I see are severe characteristics of AFCs unusually disguised under a mask.

I might be in the minority here, but most of my friends are DJ's. I meet a lot of AFC's and I bear witness to the brutal aftermath that plays out when they get taken advantage of, but honestly, it's one of those things that if you spend too much time around clueless people it isn't good for your own mindset.

 

[reset]

In a way it desensitizes you and keeps you from experiencing some of the fun things in life, since you now know people's true motivations and you can no longer "go with the flow" and experience the initial rush that comes with getting involved with a chick you click with.

This is true but at the same time something doesn't ring true.... I'm not sure what.

Nature isn't messed up. Men and women, are the way they are. We're supposed to be like this. Women are supposed to be the way they are and do the things they do. Obviously, a lot can be said about the fact that women these days may have been spoiled into acting against their real, true nature. But if you stand back, we are living in a system nature has designed. Nothing is "wrong".

Now, when we were all AFCs... we weren't going with the flow or having fun. We were completely clueless and chasing a fantasy. Constant frustration and confusion. The only difference is we had a scarcity mentality, and dove in feet first instead of qualifying the girl. The only thing that made it feel better was the BS we told ourselves after the fact to soothe ourselves, and jack into the Disney fantasy, like so many chicks who cry at Meg Ryan movies.

I see your point, that it is a rude awakening.... but why shouldn't life remain fun, and full of passion... even in the face of this knowledge? Don't we in fact have MORE tools to live a happy life, than we did before in our ignorance? I ask this of myself too.

 

[The Bat]

Is it the LTR that is a bad thing in itself or simply the fact that we haven't experienced what it's like to be in a good LTR?

What happens if you end up in a LTR that adds to your happiness... would this change our views of LTRs?

Well, in my case, I haven't even experienced a bad LTR so I admit that I cannot comment on the perceived benefits vs. risks of an LTR. What I can comment on is that I have experienced the single life spinning multiple plates simultaneously. The benefits outweigh the risks (there are virtually none..) and I honestly don't feel that I'm missing out on anything.

There have been instances where I could have become exclusive but I know myself. And I know that I'm not ready to abandon the bachelor lifestyle anytime soon. Those instances involved some pretty good quality women but I guess I wasn't ready to be committed. I could be a commitment phobic person but you know what; I'm not going to waste my time anymore regretting the fact that I could have and should have been in a good LTR.

Now that I think about it, those women were pretty good. Every now and then I wonder if I made a mistake...and it wasn't just with one girl...it was 4 different girls.....by driving them away due to my non-commitment philosophy. Honestly, I just wasn't ready and I don't think I will be anytime soon.

 

[The Bat]

I know what you mean; the outlook does certainly look bleak when you first get here.

The most important thing I got out of this site was the shift in mindset. Women? They are at the bottom of my priority list. My life needs to be on track and I need to build my castle before I can make "women" a priority. Chances are, I'll stumble upon a winner long before I ever actually "try" to find one just based on the "who I am/where I am going" day-to-day operations.

Yep, that's exactly the take home message I got when I first found this place.

And I think I'm more frustrated now because somebody forgot to tell me these things when I was a young teen. Makes me wonder why we force fairy tales on little children. This might sound trivial but I was pissed when I figured out that Santa wasn't real.

I think it was more of a "why was i lied to" issue than santa not being real. You know what I mean? That's how I feel about all of this right now.

Like how did we get lied to all our lives? Even the eastern culture where I was born into had stuff just as bad, if not worse. Heard of arrange marriages? Slaving yourself from 9-5 to feed a nuclear family? Living in the western culture is a double edged sword...one you get the freedom from all that stuff...but two, in a cruel way, you are fed the same crap all over again.

I did hear a unique way of looking at being single and being AFC. Someone related the law of supply and demand to it, and I added some to it.

Basically, if the asking price is too high, you don't buy something. So, the price eventually comes down, or the quality of the product goes up to add value.

The problem is, however, that the majority of consumers (guys that are AFC's, yes we are the minority) will "buy" women regardless of the price or quality. AFC's will tolerate any behaviors, will settle for fat chicks, and by doing so keep the demand high. So, the quality can continue to go down and the price can continue to go up: AFC's will "buy" women regardless - they NEED a woman. These same AFC's are typically broke or in debt for the same lack of scrutiny with other investments.

That's basically how we as DJ's are different. If we were to invest in something, we shop until we find a product that is the best value for what we are willing to offer. What's more, we don't NEED women (as a product in our lives, especially if it's more harm than good). Sure, we enjoy them just as much as the next guy, but, (and I can only really speak for myself) would rather be alone and happy than with someone and miserable. [I'd rather make toast myself over the flames on the stove and get it right than have a toaster that burns it.] As a rule, a Man's life should be such that we automatically become what women want.

The hardest, most depressing part, to me, is knowing these things, being a well-rounded guy, and watching as women go about interactions as though your just the average guy: as though disrespect, unaccountability, flakiness, and poor behavior in general is fine and desirable.

I'm busy investing my time in my castle. When some maiden sees the castle, she might want in. Until the castle is built, I don't have time to look for tenants. I'm quite happy knowing that the castle is taking shape. Any women standing by and watching are welcome, they're also welcome to help. But, I'm certainly not going to pay them, nor do I need them to help. If they start delaying my progress or sabotaging the work site, I'll ask them to stand back or leave.

That's a solid analogy, Vulpine. Damn you and your castle analogies always get me!

As for friends that are AFC's, that's a sad thing to watch. The only way I've found to unplug guys is to catch them before they make a mistake. I've printed off some stuff (DJ boot camp, book of pook, weapons of mass seduction, etc.) for a guy who mentioned he was going to get married. I explained to him I felt it was a mistake and I gave him the materials. He argued, shamed me in typical AFC fashion, and married the chick anyway.

A several months later, he called to tell me about his problems. "So, what you are trying to tell me is that I was right?" He is getting a divorce, it turns out. A month or two later, he calls me up excited: "I've been reading that stuff you gave me! HoLy Sh¡T! I was such a dumbazz!"

Guys have to want to change, they have to want help (themselves). Just print the essentials, toss it in a box, perhaps even gift wrap it, and give it to the guys. Don't tell them what to do with it. "Here's the water, horse."

Best of luck to you in your evolution.

I think I might print out lot of this material and bound them in some sort of soft/hard cover for future use. You never know, this site could go belly up tomorrow and all of this valuable material would be lost.

And AFC friends are just tough to watch. Actually, in the beginning, they used to piss me off because they would launch a counter attack and try to destroy my character and shame me for not thinking like them. But then I realized that this is exactly how I felt when I first started reading this stuff.

It's pretty tough to sit there and listen to be told that you've been wasting your time and resources all this time while there was a much better, fulfilling path elsewhere. I reckon most people don't want to think of themselves as massive failures. So they justify what they subconsciously seem to know by coming up with excuses and after-the-fact conclusions.

 

[The Bat]

Unplugging chumps from the Matrix is dirty work. Generally, it's thankless.

I'm of the opinion that you cannot teach those unwilling to learn. Do you think that even your explaining to a guy his situation will effect a change? Or will he predictably try to bolster his own predicament by playing up her "positive' qualities since his scarcity mentality mandates he put up with her behaviors in order to maintain what he perceives is his only choice for female intimacy?

It's very hard to free a mind from the Matrix. Is this guy ready to hear what you have to say? I run into this problem constantly. If you discourage your friend from smoking and later it saves his life from emphasema you're a hero. If you help you friend rehab off of heroin you're a saint, but if you advise him against marrying a woman you know will destroy his life in the long term, you're a meddling busy-body with nothing better to do than stick your nose where it doesn't belong.

I've been down this road many times. I see it as triage: Save those who can be and read last rites for the dying. For those you think can be unplugged you have to keep picking away at him (or her) to lay the groundwork and wait for opportunities where he's in doubt or frustrated with his relationship to wake him up. I know it seems manipulative, but most people cannot be TOLD anything, they must be led to becoming unplugged, and most often this is when their AFC beliefs are frustrated and confounded.

I've been trying to unplug this one friend of mine who has been with his g/f for 7 years. Yep, you guessed it, she is the first girl who spread her legs for him and he tied himself down to that snatch for the past 7 years.

They are constantly fighting and at each others' throats. Every time we hang out, there is some new drama about them two. She has even cheated on him (well..she made out with a good friend of ours one time) and he still doesn't understand that they're both young and too immature to be in a LTR.

I thought he would be easy to unplug because he does his own thing and has his own goals and ambitions. So, he is not completely AFC but he has told me plenty of times how he wonders different his life would be without her. He commends me on my bachelor lifestyle and loves hearing and meeting different plates that I bring in. Yet, he is addicted to his old g/f like methhead on meth.

You're right though that guys who don't want to learn any other way will NOT learn unless they are forced to the breaking point. That is just one harsh reality I'm slowly coming to terms with, because like I mentioned before, it's just disheartening to see them go through life. Even reading about some AFC stories on this forum is a little depressing because I just don't think anybody ever asks to suffer through this terrible disease of AFCism that affects the guys' entire lives.