"we need a break" 3:41am...9:00am "or if you want you can take me to the movies"

[vlf445]

LTR of a little over 1 year hit me with this.

A little background:

She's been angry over the last week or two because I haven't paid as much attention to her (playin too many video games with my room mates and not talking enough). She tells me about this last night, I disagreed. My view of it was that she spends too much time with me (sleeps over as much as she can, and is over whenever possible) and I just want some time to myself to chill out (I didn't say all of my opinions to her though). I told her at the end of the phone call I'd still like to see her the next day and go to dinner as planned. She says, "I'll let you know."

Late last night at 3:40am she sends me a text with "I love you, but we need a break from seeing each other for a few days. Call me in the morning and we can talk about it."

Then this morning, before I called her, I get a text saying "Or after we talk if you still want to be together we can go see a movie."

Im pretty taken aback by this. I didnt really think she had it in her to call a break/break up. I really don't know if this was a cry for attention, or if she's completely lost interest in me and wants to break up, or a power move....i have no idea. I'd love to hear the board's opinions

 

[betheman]

A worrying deveopment!
**** test no doubt, however how do you feel about her? is she worth keeping around? if so, just text her back, 'yeah a movie sounds good, lets go see x,y,z', dont bother with the call, tell her she woke you up with her text and you were dreaming about her

 

[backbreaker]

"I like the 3am reply better. you are right"


/case closed.

 

[Iceberg]

It's a cry for attention more than it is a breakup.

I wouldn't stress it. Sounds like you're dating one of those needy, clingy chicks.

 

[5string]

I think she wants more attention from you to be honest.

Question is, would you rather spend your time railing her, or playing video games? Seriously.

 

[vlf445]

thanks for the quick replies....you all hit the nail on the head.

She's certainly a clingy type but has a lot of redeeming qualities I like, and the sex is great and consistent.

Backbreaker, I'm not sure I'm ready to drop a fun 1 year LTR like that. But who knows...I might be eating these words later.

5string it looks like I gotta answer that question for myself.... lol wouldn't life be great if I could have the perfect balance?

 

[backbreaker]

the fact that she is playing around so cavalier with a 1 year relationship, tells you why you should drop her. LTR's don't play like that.

most of our probelms, we cause. we don't want to believe

 

[vlf445]

I've decided I'm gonna tell her it seems pretty clear to me she doesn't know what she wants right now, and that I'm going to give her the break she asked for last night so she can figure everything out.

I'd like to keep this relationship going, maybe even scared of losing it....I hope this doesn't bite me in the ass later.

 

[5string]

Ya know, I'm thinking you actually should spend a little more time with her. Seems she is trying to punish you with this "we need a break" stuff. From what you said, it's a great LTR with a great gal. Maybe even more of an act of desperation on her part.

Of course you cant be with her 24/7, but, step it up a little bit at a time and ignore the "we need a break" nonsense. You just need to decide if it's worth it. I dont think you'd be AFC by doing that. Just managing her if you will.

Could rail her when you are playing video games. Just remember she might get p!ssed if you set the controller on her butt. Remember to try to stay on for the full 8 seconds! Just kidding.

 

[cordoncordon]

Ya know, I'm thinking you actually should spend a little more time with her. Seems she is trying to punish you with this "we need a break" stuff. From what you said, it's a great LTR with a great gal. Maybe even more of an act of desperation on her part.

Of course you cant be with her 24/7, but, step it up a little bit at a time and ignore the "we need a break" nonsense. You just need to decide if it's worth it. I dont think you'd be AFC by doing that. Just managing her if you will.

Could rail her when you are playing video games. Just remember she might get p!ssed if you set the controller on her butt. Remember to try to stay on for the full 8 seconds! Just kidding.

I agree 5string, good advice as usual. Sounds like she is just crying out for attention. I don't think she really wants to break up. Do you guys do anything besides have her come over and sleep there?? I mean do things like play a sport together, go go for a bike ride, go on a date night, have a nice dinner together, go on a vacation, or at the very least, watch TV together. Sounds like you two have gotten into a rut where you play your video games while she comes over and goes to sleep. Sounds like a pretty boring and empty relationship to me, for BOTH of you. I think if you two are to make this work, you are both going to have to step up the time you spend together doing quality things, not this mundane life you are both existing in together.

Up to you to decide if the relationship is worth the effort or not.

 

[vlf445]

Once again thank you guys for the advice. I just got off the phone with her and told her I don't want to take a break, and she was really happy about it. I'm taking her to dinner later tonight.

She said the only reason she was thinking that we needed a break is because every time we're away from each other for a few days or more everything goes back to "the way it was before" and she wanted me to take the time if I needed it........man, I never thought I would be the a5shole boyfriend. Big reality check for me.

Anyways, thanks guys

 

[betheman]

"She said the only reason she was thinking that we needed a break is because every time we're away from each other for a few days or more everything goes back to "the way it was before" and she wanted me to take the time if I needed it........man, I never thought I would be the a5shole boyfriend. Big reality check for me. "



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your not, she is making you feel like your an As5hole BF

 

[Iceberg]

Once again thank you guys for the advice. I just got off the phone with her and told her I don't want to take a break, and she was really happy about it. I'm taking her to dinner later tonight.

She said the only reason she was thinking that we needed a break is because every time we're away from each other for a few days or more everything goes back to "the way it was before" and she wanted me to take the time if I needed it........man, I never thought I would be the a5shole boyfriend. Big reality check for me.

Anyways, thanks guys

Hey, don't go changing too much. There's something about that "as5hole boyfriend" that she likes. Don't go too soft on her. Always have to leave these girls with a little something to complain about. Know what I mean....

 

[jtlancer]

She wants to spend more time with you then that's fine.
But going straight to the pre-emptive breakup talk is BS.
You won't want a relationship where she is always threatening
you with a breakup. It will afc you up. You are where you are so
settle this spending time thing once and for all. Do NOT let her
remove your social life from you. This leads down a very bad road
where: when she finally gets you to behave how she thinks she
wants you to, she drops you. You've been warned.

 

[scrouds]

go bang another chick

 

[Zarky]

Late last night at 3:40am she sends me a text with "I love you, but we need a break from seeing each other for a few days. Call me in the morning and we can talk about it."

Then this morning, before I called her, I get a text saying "Or after we talk if you still want to be together we can go see a movie."

LOL she sounds very young. That's an inexperienced attempt at a "preemptive breakup." Chicks do it all the time, and if you're a player it's the number one reason by far you'll get dumped. A chick will sense you're not that into her, so she'll test the waters by breaking up with you. If you shrug and say "whatever," generally you're done unless she's really into you and is playing way out of her league. OTOH if you show that you're actually interested after all by doing whatever little token BS thing like giving her a flower or telling her she's the girl for you, then it's still on.

It's a little power game, but she sort of screwed it up by showing her cards in the second text. She chickened out a little. A more experienced woman would have played a tighter game with that. So I don't think you have much to worry about.

 

[Bible_Belt]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471

 

[KingofHearts]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471

Some big time posters in that thread.

Its a power move, plain and simple. I think the OP is going to have to see it for himself to really get it.

 

[Brighty]

Its a power move, plain and simple. I think the OP is going to have to see it for himself to really get it.

Yeah, but whether its a red flag or not really depends. With a certain type of girl, yes, it would be, but given the OP's situation honestly it seems like the LTR just misses the dude and she thinks by doing this it'll get his attention (well, yeah). But is it indicative of anything down the road? Debatable. I think its just a **** test, she's probably feeling insecure and wants to see how you feel.

Girls get emotional, they have periods, etc. It could be her time of the month, she could be dealing with some drama (like a negligent boyfriend), etc. Even a perfect girl can slip and have a bipolar-esque moment like the OP's girl - they're only human, no one is truly perfect. I think it's a little unfair to immediately label her an attention ***** and to tell him to break up. What's important is for the OP to look at the big picture rather than just this one incident - is there a pattern? does she do this kind of stuff frequently? are there any other signs here?

My first thought would be that she got drunk, cheated on you, and drunk texted you in her guilt. I mean, why was she up at 3am? Then her vaunted female amorality kicked in and she came crawling back.

Maybe she couldnt get to sleep because she was up late thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend of a year? Not all girls are two-faced wh0res, maybe she was just conflicted about the text she was going to send like you or I or anyone else would in her situation. I swear, some of you guys go on here, it makes me look like a ****ing diehard feminist.

 

[backbreaker]

Negrodamus: I predict, that the girl in question is young and probably even in high school / college

OP: "oh man how did you know that"


Negrodamus: " I also predict that in the future she will stop wanting to hang out as much, she will start spending more time with her female friends (""), and you will get a text about a month or two from now saying that she needs a break from the relationship

OP: Man you must be physic! How do you know all this