"We dont talk as much anymore"

[happyman2012]

Been with my girlfriend about 7 months, was seeing her for 3 months before we got together. Things are really good shes a great girlfriend and treats me with respect!

Today she said "I feel like we dont talk as much anymore"

Logically we do. we text throughout the day, we talk on the phone, we see each other alot for days at a time (perhaps thats the problem)

I have explained to her that if youve been together a while and you text throughout the day and see each other alot, and you both havnt really been upto much...then there isnt really that much to talk about.
Its natural in a relationship (I think)

Is she trying to tell me something in women code???
Like when they come out with "hes a nice guy" they actually mean they arnt attracted haha

Any thoughts?

Cheers!

 

[happyman2012]

anyone?!

 

[( . )( . )]

Tell her that's what her girlfriends are for. Or "Yay my prayers have been answered" Mind you that's probably not being very congruent if you've already been yapping away.

Is she trying to tell me something in women code???

Possibly. The carousel might be calling and she may be trying to setup the hamster so she can get out guilt free . Or she may just be looking for stuff to nitpick/sh*t testing.

 

[betheman]

how old are you? sounds like you are talking TOO MUCH

 

[happyman2012]

Im 22 mate! What do you mean talking TOO much?

How can I be talking too much when she says "we dont talk as much as we used to anymore" ?!

In my mind I think the best thing to do is cut out all the unnessary texting and talk to each other when we see each other, and possibly spend a little less time together. That way its always fresh and we have stuff to talk about!

 

[happyman2012]

Possibly. The carousel might be calling and she may be trying to setup the hamster so she can get out guilt free . Or she may just be looking for stuff to nitpick/sh*t testing.

What could I do to sort the problem out if this is the case?

 

[Renegade357]

I think that's code for stuff is starting to get boring in the relationship for her and you better get your act together because she's already lining up her replacement.

Back off a little, space out the time you guys are together a little, be more spontaneous if you can. Keep things light and fun. What else can you do really?

 

[betheman]

Im 22 mate! What do you mean talking TOO much?

How can I be talking too much when she says "we dont talk as much as we used to anymore" ?!

In my mind I think the best thing to do is cut out all the unnessary texting and talk to each other when we see each other, and possibly spend a little less time together. That way its always fresh and we have stuff to talk about!

you talk too much, i.e. there is little room for mystery, to keep her guessing, you have become predictable, to accessible, the intrigue and suspense is diminishing. its an easy trap to fall into.

"we dont talk as much as we used to anymore" = thats what it was like when there was mystery and intrigue, new, not boring or predictable.
solution, back off with the texting, dont respond hastily and when you do minimally, dont give too much away, distance yourself emotionaly more, she has to wonder what is going on in your head, what you think of her, trouble is, you have pretty much doen this already so you will be backtracking a bit.

that said, "we dont talk as much as we used to anymore" is almost univerally a death knell foer the relationship. be prepared to bail, there may even be another guy around who excites her more

 

[happyman2012]

hmm thats a shame cos shes a good girl definetly girlfriend material. nothing I can do to turn it around?

Recently I havnt really been texting her and talking to her as much cos ive been busy so could it be that she genuinally just wants me to pay attention abit more like I did in the begining and have engaging conversations

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Here's the problem: she gave you a complaint about the relationship, and you automatically went into explanation mode trying to combat it (wrong move), when what you SHOULD have done is asked her what she meant.

See, you tried to take the logical approach, which is:

she complains about "we don't talk as much as we used to" = explain to her how much we communicate and she'll feel better

It's not about that, guy. The point is, she FEELS like you two don't talk as much as you used to, so your logical arguments to her are wasted. Were she to ask me that question, I would have responded with:

"Really? Hmm, interesting... so, what EXACTLY do you feel is missing in our communication with each other?"

Then, she would have been able to give you a better definition of what she's talking about. It may not even be about the verbal aspects of "talking." Maybe you're not cuddling up with her as much when you talk to her, or maybe she's not feeling like texting communication is real talking. Or, maybe she feels like the majority of stuff you two talk about is fluff, and not "deep" talking where she gets to learn more about you or vice-versa. The point is, you don't know because instead of investigating you tried to explain. Dive deeper and figure out what she means before trying to point out the logic of how you two communicate everyday.

 

[Lgw]

Here's the problem: she gave you a complaint about the relationship, and you automatically went into explanation mode trying to combat it (wrong move), when what you SHOULD have done is asked her what she meant.

See, you tried to take the logical approach, which is:

she complains about "we don't talk as much as we used to" = explain to her how much we communicate and she'll feel better

It's not about that, guy. The point is, she FEELS like you two don't talk as much as you used to, so your logical arguments to her are wasted. Were she to ask me that question, I would have responded with:

"Really? Hmm, interesting... so, what EXACTLY do you feel is missing in our communication with each other?"

Then, she would have been able to give you a better definition of what she's talking about. It may not even be about the verbal aspects of "talking." Maybe you're not cuddling up with her as much when you talk to her, or maybe she's not feeling like texting communication is real talking. Or, maybe she feels like the majority of stuff you two talk about is fluff, and not "deep" talking where she gets to learn more about you or vice-versa. The point is, you don't know because instead of investigating you tried to explain. Dive deeper and figure out what she means before trying to point out the logic of how you two communicate everyday.

Awesome explanation.

 

[skinnyguy]

Girls that young are so immature. If she were 32, she would have asked you to propose like 4 months ago

I know most guys on here will say, "spin plates!!" but I would say take her on a nice romantic date.

Are you in love with her? If so, then show it.