"We don't always have to have sex... "

[El Payaso]

Not a good sign. She's slowly pulling away. Your beta response would be to chase harder. I think you should just start sleeping with other women or get your kicks elsewhere or focus more on other things in your life.

When you have other women or things that keep you extremely busy, her denying you sex won't bother you and get you frustrated. You really need to start pulling away. The more you chase, the more disinterested she will be.

There's also the possibility that she might be cheating on you. If not sexually, at least emotionally. She's probably getting her rocks off elsewhere.

She will start by taking sex off the table, it will get more and more infrequent and almost non existent. If you hang around even longer, she will start to get annoyed and disgusted by you. She will withdraw emotionally, start flaking more, start being more disrespectful and rude. One of two things will end up happening, you will get frustrated and just end the relationship yourself or she will end it herself.

Either way, none of it is a good sign.

 

[CMNILS87]

You didn't pass the comfort test.... this is the reverse of a breakup. She's going to try and redefine and make you her ***** boy. Rejecting sex, telling you what she wants you to do to make her happy, etc....

I would nip this in the bud and do the reframe of all reframes such as "sure you can redefine it all you want, but in the meantime, I'm going to take my own time and think about us and see if I want to continue" "your attitude and being cold intimately is telltale signs of XYZ and I don't deal with that".

It's worth a shot, but you've lost frame and her hamster is spinning right now with possibilities.

 

[sazc]

LOL, it took her five years to start feeling used for sex....oh boy

It appears that she's looking for more of a commitment. What sucks is that she can't be more direct about it all. That's why it feels like a sh1t test, b/c she is being passive aggressive, dropping hints, waiting for you to start the convo.

You are 55, how old is she? Are you ready to lose her?

Good luck and let us know how it plays out.

 

[Dingo]

Way to kick a guy while he is down... lol

You are all correct... but there are extenuating circumstances.

Live and learn....

 

[devilkingx2]

She was upset and said the "We don't always have to have sex" line

next time you go over to her house, wait til the part where you'd usually have sex, then ignore her and watch daredevil on netflix

 

[ubercat]

You could always go the rude rude Rodney Rude. If you don't want a fcvk do you mind lying down so I can have one. You're an old dog like me mate so I'm sure you won't mind a bit of a larf.

 

[@Jonanthony]

So dinner is done. You got shut down , but truly did u get no inclination she was over the routine??... So where to now Dingo??.. Extenuating circumstances....

I would say all is lost... However if she is having bigger issues ( kids my guess) she may genuinely want u to step up....

So I guess I'm late to the party but some other posters have said previously when these "chats" come up ; joking like "I thought u were the one using me for sex!" Etc...

But very precarious position moving forward.... Assuming its done n recalibrate the old line up....

Oh yeh...Spin more plates.

 

[dude99]

That's the line my paramour gave me last weekend. Need some insight...

We have been together for five years... We enjoy each other's company, we have fun and do a lot for each other but I'm also there mostly for sex. I have always expected it... it became a mutually enjoyable routine.

Now I sense she feels used and in our type relationship she kind of is right. Last weekend she just wasn't in the mood...She was upset and said the "We don't always have to have sex" line... I laughed it off and stopped escalating even though I was very frustrated. She has been kind of cold all week but out of the blue she invited me to dinner at her place tomorrow.

Assuming she isn't going to shoot or dump me over pasta.... How not to be needy or overly aggressive yet still try to score ? Do I just play it cool... not expecting anything... not try to initiate ? Do I give her time ?

Hard for me to explain.

Your letting her dictate the terms. This is a guaranteed way to drive her interest down.
She is trying to pull you into her frame. After 5 years she believes you are never going anywhere. Now she is attempting to dictate the terms of the relationship. Aka she is beginning to lose interest. Good thing this is very reversable and isn't in the danger zone yet.

Her " we don't need to have sex every time we see eachother is the beginning of the testing phase. If she hasnt already been throwing little tests here and there they wl be coming.She will soon get more demanding, moody, and soon start to offer less and less.

Time for you to withdraw some of your attention and give her less than what you have been. Be busy.

For that dinner invite i would say something like :

Thanks for the invite babe, but sorry i have plans already. Catch you next time.

Then be busy for the next week.

 

[dude99]

Great ravioli dinner but no sex....

Played it cool, tried to close but got shot down hard...

"We need to redefine our relationship"....

Yeah, I kind of knew it was coming.... **** !

The relationship curve:

1. Honeymoon phase.
2. The test phase.
3. First denial of sex phase. Honeymoon is over.
4. The first sign of disrespect.
5. Moodiness and public disrespect.
6. The end.

It took 5 years, but you probably noticed over the last little before the denial of sex , little schitt tests were popping up here and there. Then she hit you with the first denial of sex talk and then shut you down hard, which kind of puts you in the first sighn of disrespect category.

Time to spin other plates and give her half the time or attention you used to.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Way to kick a guy while he is down... lol

You are all correct... but there are extenuating circumstances.

Live and learn....

If you don't mind saying, what are the extenuating circumstances?

-Augustus-

 

[ubercat]

Mate I think we should be celebrating the success. The glass is half full. You got five years out of a plate before her agenda went into overdrive. That's a hell of an achievement.