We Broke up and now im stuck in the hole

[infamousjedi]

I met this girl and we started hanging out almost everyday. We talked everyday and we enjoyed each others company. I knew she just broke up with her boyfriend but a friend told me if i was a rebound that i would not see her authentic. Well i saw her being authentic. After a short month and a half, we committed into a relationship. We dated for 2 months. That might be short but i felt really good about this girl. Shes better than any other girl i met. You're probably going to say theres alot of girls out there which is true but i like what i found. Well we went on a trip and after we came back she said she was afraid of comittment. She said she gave so much in her last relationship and she couldnt give the samething back 2 me. I didnt really analyze the situation and i broke up with her. I felt like she played me but she claims she really liked me and she really thought she could do it but the last 2 weeks before we broke up those uncertainty feelings came up. We mutually decided 2 be friends but she tried to talk 2 talk me everyday for the first week we broke up. She slowed down the check-up calls and ims but i couldnt take her crap anymore cause i didnt know what she wanted. I called her and told her i couldnt talk 2 her and let everything out. She said she never thought i would be so bitter toward her. The bottomline is i still like her. She is something special and i know i would change my lifestlye for her. You can call me whoop or attached but i think shes worth the risk. I want to be with her but shes not ready. What should i do? I know i should move on and get over her but i dont think i ever will because thats how great of a girl she was 2 me.

 

[KillaCam]

I met this girl and we started hanging out almost everyday. We talked everyday and we enjoyed each others company. I knew she just broke up with her boyfriend but a friend told me if i was a rebound that i would not see her authentic. Well i saw her being authentic. After a short month and a half, we committed into a relationship. We dated for 2 months. That might be short but i felt really good about this girl. Shes better than any other girl i met. You're probably going to say theres alot of girls out there which is true but i like what i found. Well we went on a trip and after we came back she said she was afraid of comittment. She said she gave so much in her last relationship and she couldnt give the samething back 2 me. I didnt really analyze the situation and i broke up with her. I felt like she played me but she claims she really liked me and she really thought she could do it but the last 2 weeks before we broke up those uncertainty feelings came up. We mutually decided 2 be friends but she tried to talk 2 talk me everyday for the first week we broke up. She slowed down the check-up calls and ims but i couldnt take her crap anymore cause i didnt know what she wanted. I called her and told her i couldnt talk 2 her and let everything out. She said she never thought i would be so bitter toward her. The bottomline is i still like her. She is something special and i know i would change my lifestlye for her. You can call me whoop or attached but i think shes worth the risk. I want to be with her but shes not ready. What should i do? I know i should move on and get over her but i dont think i ever will because thats how great of a girl she was 2 me.

Whether you will admit it or not, but you have one-itis. If she really wants you, she wouldn't even be thinking about her past. Push this girl away until she can prove she is 100% committed and ready to being with you. In that spare time, you need to take crap on the chin, be a man, and look at all of your other options. Play the field, get out there and work your game.

If you put your energy into changing this women, you'll be one tired mofo with nothing to show for it. She needs to do it herself, and once she has, if she wants you, she will come after you.

Don't let her become what fuels you.

 

[Delta]

hey infamous,

i'm in the same situation but worse. 3 months and i (STILL) work with her.

i think your instinct about being played is correct. it might be that we were both being used as time sinks... while away the hours.... my chick just came off a year long relationship so very similar situation.

killacam is right i think. we both have one-itis. she has expressed an interest in not being with you. you MUST NOT PURSUE IT! (i'm telling the same thing to myself).

best thing to do if you don't hate her (and you shouldn't it makes it worse) is just say that you need to heal and you can't do that if she's always in your life. THANK YOU LUCKY Fing STARS!!! there is no POSSIBILITY of me getting any such break! i'm going cookoo for coco puffs having to see her day in and day out. i would've sooooooooo been over her by now and be in a much better frame of mind if i didn't have to see her.... argh!

so anyway, get away from her, tell her you need time to heal. and that you guys should look each other up in about six months time.

sure sure, they have that sex and the city healtime=relationshiptime / 2 but that's b.s. for anyone but the most serial of daters. certainly for me it is not like that and it seems not for you either.

also, depending on the situation and your life etc etc, it could've meant a whole hell of a lot to you. so you have a right to your feelings... six months.... if not more.

and at that point, maybe you guys can try again... maybe you'll just all drift away. and that's cool too.

the sucky thing about breakups is that generally, someone that you've become quite intimate with either ends in marriage or it ends in becoming strangers again.

F it. that's the way it is.

get away from her. try to get back into things you enjoy. try to find someone else. GET YOUR MIND OFF OF IT. not all things can be solved by thinking about it - my big error.

sometimes, you just need to get your mind off it. read. study. something else.

got it?

good luck man. i feel ya.

delta

 

[Delta]

btw killacam,

i love that: "don't let her become what fuels you." been thinking similar things recently.

be cool. have a life that doesn't revolve around her or even constantly being on the prowl. have/develop my life.

good advice. your quote is going into my journal....

delta

 

[whir]

agree with the break up..keep your composure and cool...be polite but iniate strict no contact... show to her that youre having a normal life and happy... but try not to have grudges with her...

 

[piri]

I did not read the replies, but NEVER judge a girl by what she says. She SAYS she doesn't want commitment, and yet she tries to get you back.
Don't you understand? She want's a proof you're not like the other guy. That's all.
Of course you can't be an AFC.
You just gotta show her the MAN.
Just play with her like little kids, take her to the disco and dance with her, show her you're interested but without saying it EVER.
Do fun things with her. NO of course you don't wanna go to the cinema. That ain't the fun I mean. Besides, that's what every AFC does.
Be diffrent. A diffrent guy, but a MAN. Not just a little chump like her ex. Be completly diffrent.

The secret word here is Man XD

Anyway. Don't try to go out with her everyday. You may look desperate for her, and then she knows she's in control.
Show her you have a busy life and you don't "need" her, but you would love to be with her.

That's all.
Hope it helps.

 

[infamousjedi]

thanks for all the advice fellas. I've been having mixed advice from everyone. The older people i talk to tell me to F*** it and just leave and hopefully i might see her down the road. My close friends tell me to stick with it. They say if you truly like her then you would do your best to compromise. At this point, i just want to ask her one question. I want to know if she still likes me. If she she says no then f-it to the max. But if she says yes, i want to know why she said what she said in the first place. Also if she says yes, do you guys think i should give it another pursue because if 2 people like each other dont u think things can be fixed? I appreciate much for the advice

 

[Bronxtal112]

Whether you will admit it or not, but you have one-itis. If she really wants you, she wouldn't even be thinking about her past. Push this girl away until she can prove she is 100% committed and ready to being with you. In that spare time, you need to take crap on the chin, be a man, and look at all of your other options. Play the field, get out there and work your game.

If you put your energy into changing this women, you'll be one tired mofo with nothing to show for it. She needs to do it herself, and once she has, if she wants you, she will come after you.

Don't let her become what fuels you.

Best advice on here. Be well aware of the "afraid of commitment line". They often use that line to fall back on when she has found something better. Just vanish from her life. Only then she will know if she is “afraid of commitment”

 

[MacDiddy]

The best advice is as follow.

All chicks lie!!!

Put this aside and just get what you want from her... thats right... what you want... don't worry about her feelings or her needs...

 

[Delta]

understand this:

IF SHE WANTED YOU BACK, SHE WOULD HAVE COME BACK TO YOU!

this is not all about what you do and whether you jumped through the right hoops. the fact that she is NOT with you speaks volumes.

she knows you want her right? but she's not with you now. that means she wants out.

regardless of what she says.

and if you confront her, she might say nice(r) things to spare your feelings, especially since you took it hard and was bitter. but the thing that matters is:

SHE'S NOT WITH YOU. and she's not trying to get you back. THAT MEANS SOMETHING.

i emphasize this the way i do because it took me a long time to learn.

delta