We both have relationships......but like each other badly

[BraveheartWW]

Hi, i must start this forum trying to refresh your mind, im a guy who some 2.5 years was trying to get back with my gf, who left me for her exbf. i posted several several times here, asking for advice to get her back. And you guys told me that i was done. I didnt think so and gave it a last try. I did what u guys tell us it is a rule.............i made my last try to make her desire me, and it work. One day i told her that it was all over, that it was the last time she would hear from me. And i kept my promise. I never ever tried to look for her again (sorry if any misspelling as spanish is my native language). Thins is one months later she came to the hospital i work in and begged for me to forgive her.................that was september 2002. I mention all this cause she is related to the new story. I had to move to a new city (monterrey) in other to keep studying. She decided she couldnt live without me and decided to come from mexico city to monterrey with me without marriging. So she lives with me. I was happy, cause thats a very big prove that she loves me and that i have her for good. She couldnt stand the idea of me being all by my self as she knows women r my hobbie. Ok then we have one year here in this new city and i meet this new girl, she is a medicine student, she is 23 years old, her name is claudia. Im 31 and my gf is erika, she is 25. We met on the internet the second week of january 2005. 1 week after that, we went out for some beers. On the date she gave me a little kiss on the mouth, very little. At the near end of the date we kissed with passion and a few minutes later she was giving me a blowyob in her car on a dark street. We continued dating and a few days later we were having sex. Everytime we got togethter it all ended with sex. She was crazy about me.


ill continue the story as i have to go..............thanks. please dont delete the story

 

[BraveheartWW]

The story contiues...............

She started to really need me. As she is a medicine student and im a plastic surgery resident (5th year), she started to go to the hospital to work with me and to learn from me. To the moment i had been a real jerk with her. Never told something nice to her. She just kept participating in my work. And she was always in the need of me, sending messages to my cellular, chatting with me, going to the hospital. Time kept passing by. A month later she asked me directly: What do feel for me? Where r we heading? obviously she feel in love or she felt that she couldnt get the prize (me). I just kept saying i dont know. She started asking if i had a gf and that she knew i did because it was imposible that a 31 years old plastic surgeon so handsome was alone in life. I just kept answering: wewilltalk about that when the moment arrive, the right moment. Then she really opened her heart and did things like going to the hospital to give me chocolates, twice. Started saying things like i cant stop watching you, i like you so much, your butt, your back, your shoulders, everytime i see u doing a surgery i just want to stop time and have sex with you right in that moment. She alsao said she admired my coldness while doing a surgery, how she felt i had everything under control. Then some day 3 weeks ago i made my first mistake. I felt something special for her and i told her that i felt really bad because i couldnt give her all that she deserved, that thing that she wanted and she new i was talking about a serious relationship. I said that because in that moment i thought i couldnt leave erika for a girl i had just met and claudia gave me everything so easy that i didnt feel the need to leave erika in order to have claudia. That was on a saturday. I saw her again on monday and she told me that she had a bf, that she had accepted to be the gf of a boy she had been dating. Those were 2 different news to me, as i didnt know she was dating someone else. which is still hard to understand, at least for me because i felt she was dying for me.

 

[BraveheartWW]

Story continues....
I was surprised and for the first time felt the presure. Said my self i had lost an incredible girl. But that was not true. We kept dating, kissing, having sex, frequently. More than one a week. She kept going to the hospital. But then the real problem began. I kept feeling that i was gonna loose her, a thing that wasnot happening, but that bf in my head just kept growing insecurity inside me and i started acting desperately, saying how much i liked her, how much i enjoyed her company, how much i loved her.................this affirmations appearated in different days, progressively. Good thing is that she said same things to me. She accepted that she was crazy for me..............on a daily basis. I even accepted that i had a gf and told her that ii like her more than i liked erika. Then came last week ( she and him have been a couple for 3.5 weeks now) and she started saying that she was starting to feel to much presure, that she could not leave his bf because she had been so cute since the day they met. That she had no heart in order to destroy 2 lives (his bf´s and mine). But she still kept saying that she was crazy for me. She lied at her home and to his bf to see me, to be with me.

Thats pretty much the story.................

The present is that she is with him, but keeps looking for me, less than before but still does. last time we had sex was last friday, for 3 hours including annnal as she asked me to. Then she told me she was going to go to the hospital on tuesday to be with me from 3 to 5 pm. She nevershowed, she never called. She sent a message at 10pm telling me that she didnt come because she needed to relax, that she felt too much pressure, asked me to forgive her. I was very angry because she keeps telling me she is a good girl and that she cant kill his bf feeling, but i realized that ain true as she was dating both of us an neither knew.........so i decided she was a lier. For that reason i didnt respond to her message till next day (yesterday) telling her not to worry, that it helped me to relax also.

Yesterday afternoon we chatted on messenger. For about an hour. I felt her relaxed, but felt she wanted to tell me things and wanted to heard thing, which dindt happen. I just kept my cool and talked to her like if she was any other girl.

And now here we stand.................ill keep posting things i consider important for u to know in order to help me.

thanks friends.

 

[BraveheartWW]

Other things to have in mind:
1. about 10 days ago she asked me to be her lover, the excuse was very simple. I dont ever want to loose you cause i admire you too much, i have learned too many thing from you, even in my daily live i have noticed i do thing and sometimes act like you would and i say things you do and use words you use and that i didnt use before. But i dont wanna "kill" erika nor my bf...........she keeps saying that about his bf like if his life depended on her. To her wish i answered yes. I said ok, i´ll be your lover (every boys dream.........a hot chick asking you to be her lover, loud and clear). I dont want that because i feel it wont last forever and i want more than that..............i enjoy more than her sex. And i dont want to be with her the time that the other guy leaves me.

2. She has not ever NEVER told me, she loves him, that phrase has not come out of her my, not the phrase, not anything similar that would let me know of feel she loves him.

3. She told last time we where in bed, this is how my life is right now:
*When im with him, everything is beautyful, she is so cute, she is like a big nerd (by the way he is an gynecologyst, resident also), he treats me so kind. I feel like if im in a big forest, the winnie pooh forest, surounded by hundreds of rabbits and lots of honey. Everthing is so calm.
*When im with u i feel in a casino, you fill me with lots of emotions, adrenaline, i know it is dangerous being with you, but i like it.

She mentioned that because at first we were friends and she acted to casual i thought she just wanted sex, so i talked to her like a friend, i let her know that i have tons of friends (females), she even witnessed me calling some of them. She even saw how cold i treated them, and she has compared that im not like that with her........thats one of the reason she still feels confidence that i love her. She knows i have had sex with around 50 women, a thing i told her because she insisted she wanted to know. The resume is that she knows for sure that im a don juan, a gigolo, and she says that in the future im gonna leave her for some other girl.

4. She is nothing near a model, her face is so beautiful as u could imagine, but she is above her weight, at least a good 10 to 15 pounds, that makes her insecure, i can feel it, im sure of it. In fact she told me that the first time we saw each other she kissed me because she was in the need (badly) of a kiss.

5. Sex between us.........incredible, for both. No, is not my imagination, she loves to have sex with me, maybe she loves having sex, but its a fact she enjoys it with me a lot.

6. She told me on monday that she talked to her mom and told her what her feeling were. And that her mom told her to decide quickly because the more time went by the more she was gonna hurt people and to be careful with 2 things, 1st one was that to leave the other boy was an evil move............everyone she knows loves the guy (thats what she says). The 2nd was that maybe she would have to wait a long long time before she could be my gf (i think meaning that i wouldnt leave my gf so easy).

 

[BraveheartWW]

7. Last time we were in bed she started asking me that if i lived with my gf, kept insisting. I kept answering...........why do u wanna know that. She noticed it was the same answer she got when asking if i had a gf. Then she told me she knew we lived together. So i panic and answered.........no we dont.............and of course that is a BIG LIE.

8.She also said that she was affraid that if we started a relationship i would later look for a girl with a gorgeous body and that magic then will be gone. I answered to that : thats not true, im not with you because of your body. Then asked, what r good bodies for=? and she asked: to look at them and to have a great sex. I answered to that: exactly and i already have excellente sex with you, so why look somewhere else and i dont need to look into a great body when i just have to look into your eyes and feel in heave.

9. By the way, as i mention the eyes, this drives me to mention that this girl looks me in the eye in or out of bed like if and angel has just come down from heaven, problem is that she feels the same way. She has noticed how i look right into her eyes in bed.

10. She also mentioned this that i think is dramatically important:
She said that she admired me because she feels im capable of anything. That Her bf looked at her like that. And because all that she felt that if she stayed with him and some day there was a problem, a big one or what ever, HE would run into her arms and say GO ON CLAUDIA, HELP US, YOU FIX THIS BIG PROBLEM, YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO DO. But if she stayed with me and something bad happens she knows SHE COULD RUN INTO MY ARMS FOR PROTECTION AND TELL ME, GO ON BRAVEHEART, YOU FIX THE PROBLEM, YOU ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO DO.

11. She has told me that she wants to be part of my life, that she wants to be with me forever.
12. She also said that the day she could make love to me in my bed, that day she will be happy. She mentioned that because there has been 2 occasions in which we were going to have sex and she has asked me to take me to my place and i have said no, the first time it was not that big of a deal, but then as she knew i have a gf, she started suspecting she lived with me, but i just have tell her that the reason that i dont take her home is that the neighbors were very close friends of my gf and that it would give me trouble.

12. a bad thing i did or maybe not.............not sure is that i told her that i thought i was ready to leave my gf for her.

 

[BraveheartWW]

Some of the questions i have:
1. am i done?
2. is she really in love with me?
3. what does that other guy represent in this whole movie?, is he for real? is he even real?, does he really represents a real danger to me or us?
4. What next? should i stay away for good? should i stay away for a few days? should i keep looking for her but with no insistency?
5. What r my chances to get her? to make her be only with me?
6. What is the real cause that is keeping her away from me?
7. Think this is an easy one but -----------did i tell her to much?
8. Is it possible that this girl starts a relationship with some honey comb and in the start of her relationship she gives him nothing else but infidelity?

 

[BraveheartWW]

I forgot to tell that she has told me that she feels bitter (rancour) toward me, because when i had her in the palm of her hand (on her own words) i didnt do anything in order so we could be a real couple, and now that he finally found someone that wanted to be with her, now i tell her how much i like her and how much i love her, that because of that she thinks im selfish and she feels bitter.

She also asked me if i had ever thought about her as a gf. She asked that about 3 weeks after we met.

She had sex with me even in the hospital emergency stairs.

She woke up on a sunday at 630am to go pick me up at the hospital and take me home, well just near my home cause i have never let her know where do i live.

Yesterday when we were talking on messenger she asked me some things like favorite color and stuff like that (which by the way i know is inmature), and she kept saying, another thing we have in common.

After all this things.............and i think there are tons of positive things..............she is not with me...............why the hell is that?

This week i told her that i wanted to be for her and she answered : that cant be for now, i think you should keep that feeling inside you for now cause it cant be right now.

She once lost some copies of a journal i was reading, and i told her she did lost it, and she insisted it was not her. She felt to stupid she went to the library of another hospital to get it and brought it to me, but she acted desperate..very, to the point i even felt uncomfortable and told myself..........im hurting this girl, she has fallen for me and is gonna fall even deeper. When she gave it to me she told me .........."im not a tupid girl and you made me feel stupid, and even thoug i know i didnt lose your papers i brought these new ones to show you how clever i am!!!!!!!"

On monday night she sent me a message telling me goodnight but it was a cold message. I answered to it the next morning as cold as she was and she answered saying............why do u send me such a cold message telling me to have a nice day? Mine was cold last night because i now your gf could be around.

And now a mice and cat game has started and thats why im here, cause we have started playing a game in which if she doesnt call i dont either. And for the first time in more than 2 months we have not talked or sent messages several times a day. Like if distance is starting to grow and im affraid it breaks this whole thing apart.

 

[romangod]

Originally posted by BraveheartWW
Some of the questions i have:
1. am i done?
2. is she really in love with me?
3. what does that other guy represent in this whole movie?, is he for real? is he even real?, does he really represents a real danger to me or us?
4. What next? should i stay away for good? should i stay away for a few days? should i keep looking for her but with no insistency?
5. What r my chances to get her? to make her be only with me?
6. What is the real cause that is keeping her away from me?
7. Think this is an easy one but -----------did i tell her to much?
8. Is it possible that this girl starts a relationship with some honey comb and in the start of her relationship she gives him nothing else but infidelity?

Wow! A great story! If this story is true it encompasses the complete Don Juan psyche. Hope you can you handle it.

If it's not true, a great piece of writing.

Anyway, here's the answers.

1. Yes
2. Yes
3. Other guy is a danger. Everything here is a danger. Deep stuff going on from all sides.
4. You should back off from everyone and think things over. Cooler heads should prevail before things start crashing.
5. Good chances but is it worth it in the long reun?
6. Emotional mine field.
7. Yes
8. Yes


Again, kudos for a great story.

 

[BraveheartWW]

Nothing i have written there is a lie, i swear on my name, Can u think of a reason to waste my time writting so much if it all is a lie?
Is there a grand prize or something on this site? (This is not an aggresive paragraph even though it sounds like it)

thanks for your answers, but it confuses me more when you answer yes to 3 of the question
1. you say im done.
2. she is in love with me
3. There is a chance to get her.

If im done where is the chance?
or what do u mean with..........YOU R DONE PAL.

how can i be done if you think she is in love with me.

What should i do?..................Im very desperate here, with tons of desire to call her, to see her, but i stopped, breathed some air and came here looking for help and some advices.............LOUD AND CLEAR ADVICES. and lots of EXPLAINATIONS.

If i back off, how much do i back off?
Im affraid backing off will send her into his arms.
not sure what to do

 

[Kaine]

She is a monkey hanging off two trees.

She is with him because he provides stability and security.

She is with you because you provide excitement.

She doesn't need to commit to either of you because she gets what she needs/wants already.


Kaine

 

[BraveheartWW]

Is this girl the one that looks for security and stability or dos she looks for protection and emotions?

Should i stay present?

Should i become totaly o partialy unavailable?

Available all the time?

Keep looking for her?

 

[TizZle]

LOL i think she is DJ'ing you ! I love this thread.

 

[Gman]

Where does your girlfriend feature in all this?

You are being unfaithful to her, surely? ANd you don't seem to be worried about her at all. why? Don't you love ur gf?

i am confused - on one hand u say u wont leave gf for this gal, on other hand u say u want her...maybe u are just like this gal - u want security of gf plus excitement and fun of this other girl...

there;'s no solution without some tears in the end. either tears when u split with gf over this. or tears when u break off ties with other gal. or tears when both gals go out of ur life......

but take life as it comes i say. u r 31, u have lived a lot more than me, i am sure u will handle whatever situation comes ur way. remember life is full of ups and downs.

 

[BraveheartWW]

To Gman...........
*I sure love my gf, if i didnt there would be no prob. She would already be gone.

* I never said i would not leave my gf for claudia.

*I knew about the tears...........100%

*If i could handle this whole thunderstorm i wouldnt be here pal.

To Tizzle:
*Thanks for the coment, i think you r right, and i would like to out an end to it , thanks for the help.

 

[BraveheartWW]

is that all you guys have to say to try to help?

 

[BraveheartWW]

please help me moderators

 

[romangod]

Originally posted by BraveheartWW
Nothing i have written there is a lie, i swear on my name, Can u think of a reason to waste my time writting so much if it all is a lie?
Is there a grand prize or something on this site? (This is not an aggresive paragraph even though it sounds like it)

thanks for your answers, but it confuses me more when you answer yes to 3 of the question
1. you say im done.
2. she is in love with me
3. There is a chance to get her.

If im done where is the chance?
or what do u mean with..........YOU R DONE PAL.

how can i be done if you think she is in love with me.

What should i do?..................Im very desperate here, with tons of desire to call her, to see her, but i stopped, breathed some air and came here looking for help and some advices.............LOUD AND CLEAR ADVICES. and lots of EXPLAINATIONS.

If i back off, how much do i back off?
Im affraid backing off will send her into his arms.
not sure what to do

This relationship is built on passion which is not sustainable. The drama's probably exciting and so is the sex but the passion eventually will die.

In the long run you're DONE even if you and this girl get together. When the passion dies so will the relationship because it is built on a false premise and mutual weakness.

Back off totally until you can deal with the drama you obviously crave.

 

[BraveheartWW]

is it save to back off? wont it lead me to loose her to the other guy?
i have back off already, we have 2 days without talking and im going to keep it like that not because i cant handle the situation. What i cant handle is the idea of loosing her and i started feeling that im moving her away from me with my the presure and with the fact that i was giving her everything (time, keept both of us, always available, etc.) thats why i back off. Is this ok? Backing off at this moment? in a strategy to make her want me (instead of loosing interest) so she does what is needed in order to get in touch with me.

 

[romangod]

Originally posted by BraveheartWW
is it save to back off? wont it lead me to loose her to the other guy?
i have back off already, we have 2 days without talking and im going to keep it like that not because i cant handle the situation. What i cant handle is the idea of loosing her and i started feeling that im moving her away from me with my the presure and with the fact that i was giving her everything (time, keept both of us, always available, etc.) thats why i back off. Is this ok? Backing off at this moment? in a strategy to make her want me (instead of loosing interest) so she does what is needed in order to get in touch with me.

What exactly do you want? You've got a GF that you won't leave and have been screwing this other girl who's got into your head and you want her too.

What the hell do you really want?

 

[BraveheartWW]

Plain and simple:

I WANT CLAUDIA, 100% SURE.

I CAN live without her, but i like my chances better with her in my life in order to be happy

I CAN continue my live with Erika, but that does not makes me happy.

I cant keep them both, i know thats not possbile, not as gf, maybe Claudia as lover, put that wont last forever and that is not what i want.

I want to do whatever i need to do to attract Claudia, to make her salivate for me and then ask her to be my gf, when she does answer yes to that..............then ill have what i want

What ill do with my gf is not clear but i´ll find the way out.........

And i know i cant keep both, but i wont be without both either.

IM 100% sure i´ll marry one of those 2 girls and in this moment i want to be with Claudia..................

If u cant help me and i never get her.................then the next step is to marry erika, which is a good gf, but is not what makes me happy 100%, i am getting less in a relationship than i can..............emotions r missing...............i have just learned that..............and not any girl can give you that.................in fact no girl has given me that till this point except my actual gf and another gf and some 2 or 3 lover...................i ussually loose interest in girls after 3-5 sex session............totally............i enjoy every single minute im with claudia out of bed...........

So if u can and want..................which i would love u could and did...................help me get to claudia ...................

i dont even know if its good idea to call her today or not to..............thinking, if i call her she will know i die for her and if i dont im giving more chance to her relationship to work.

Which im not really sure it exists as she never ever received a call from her bf to her cell, not even a message, and i know her cell was turned on as she did received call from mom, dad and brother.............i mention this because we spent so much time together that i did receive call and messages from erika, dozens of them while with claudia...............how come he didnt stay in touch with her?, how can it be that way if the r in a honeymoon (1st month of the relationship)?

I would be very thankful if u could help me............
VERY MUCH