We are not doing a good job....

[Scaramouche]

Dear ti hash, very good points,the dynamic changes,during middle age,yes you really are looking at single mums,or girls who have given themselves to a profession,and the first is discussed ad nauseum elsewhere,the latter are usually the most polluted by feminist propaganda,and the cleverer the academic fig leaves they sport would appear to make these ladies, the dumber they are in terms of emotional maturity...but as you get older still,can you believe the single woman or women without children are very poor value indeed,very self centred and so set in their ways,bringing up kids improves a Woman,because we are just big kids,as their children have gone,they are better value...Every dog has his day,and every b**ch her afternoon as the saying goes

 

[##17]

I am someone who dated a single mom for 2 years, so I can talk from experience here.

She was great for the most part. She was very much a giver in the relationship, paying for half our dates and having me over her house when the kids weren't around. In fact, she had more money than I did then, as my career was in flux at the time. So I don't think she looked at me as a Provider.

The relationship did end badly though. And there was a bit of what jophil and Latinoman said about the divorced women they saw blaming their divorces entirely on their husbands. That should have been a big red flag to me at the time, but I guess I was naive. Anyway, it is for me now going forward.

Anway, I wouldn't date a single mom again. I don't think it is possible for a guy like me to have a win-win relationship.

If the relationship stays casual long-term, it becomes something of a losing proposition for her. Think about what is going on from a biological perspective. The more times a guy and a girl have sex, the more likely the girl is to become pregnant. That is a very risky proposition for her unless she has a serious commitment from the guy. When the girl is a single mom, it's even worse, because chance are that the guy is the only one she is seeing (because she doesn't have TIME to meet other guys due to the responsibilities of motherhood) and so she will fall for him even faster.

If the relationship becomes serious, it will probably be a losing proposition for the guy, ESPECIALLY if the biological dad is still in the picture (as it was with the woman I was with). For all the reasons given.

I still don't like the whole 'cvm dumpster' thing though, just as I detest women who take advantage of rich AFC's. Ever notice how the guys who have really made it make a point to treat everyone else with respect? No one deserves to get used.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear #17...Oh dear,some of you guys are just missing the plot...I think in retrospect you will think of this lady as doing you a big favour,it was symbiotic...a smooth situation,you obviously broke the golden rule and got too emotionally involved and wanted more from it,but there is a use by date,relationships are like babies they evolve and grow changing as they do,often on broadly predictable paths,you can spin this out but never prevent it.Consider her your proving ground giving you more confidence to spin other plates,and be free to move on...so there was Daddy on the scene?very very common,I know single women still shagging their ex after 25 years,don't you think you should be better prepared?at the risk of seeming tedious Jophil has it right You guys have to be trained,"Spotting helpful Hubbies".. would seem to deserve a chapter on its own ,you just have to learn to detect the problem and take mild but assertive action,never blame Hubby,he is just following a biological urge.For lonely men these ladies are a gold mine you just cannot see.Think of it this way,you are shipwrecked alone and hungry,marooned on a Desert Island,well you have two choices,sit and grizzle about what a poor bugger you are and starve to death,or adapt,so learn to enjoy raw fish and coconuts until you see a sail on the horizon,perhaps I could extend the analogy by further suggesting that if you get too busy in this Hunter-Gatherer role you might miss the boat..As the papers down under digest the news that 25% of young males down here expect to marry Virgins,then many guys are going to go home to a cold slice of last nights Pizza in a lonely home..

 

[jophil28]

Around here, it's "Well fukk me sideways and paint me pink."

Thats great ! Where are you from ?

 

[Phyzzle]

Thats great ! Where are you from ?

That saying came from a West Virginia. I've always thought that West Virginians and Australians sounded similar. If you listen to some redneck (bogan?) Australian teenagers at a distance, it sounds like, "Drawn Dawn Drer Tong", just like they do in WV.

After all, WV was the rugged country in colonial days, where people got some land if they couldn't afford it anywhere else. It was thus populated by the poorest, lowest scum of Europe and England, just like Australia was.

 

[##17]

Dear #17...Oh dear,some of you guys are just missing the plot...I think in retrospect you will think of this lady as doing you a big favour,it was symbiotic...a smooth situation,you obviously broke the golden rule and got too emotionally involved and wanted more from it,but there is a use by date,relationships are like babies they evolve and grow changing as they do,often on broadly predictable paths,you can spin this out but never prevent it.Consider her your proving ground giving you more confidence to spin other plates,and be free to move on...so there was Daddy on the scene?very very common,I know single women still shagging their ex after 25 years,don't you think you should be better prepared?at the risk of seeming tedious Jophil has it right You guys have to be trained,"Spotting helpful Hubbies".. would seem to deserve a chapter on its own ,you just have to learn to detect the problem and take mild but assertive action,never blame Hubby,he is just following a biological urge.For lonely men these ladies are a gold mine you just cannot see.Think of it this way,you are shipwrecked alone and hungry,marooned on a Desert Island,well you have two choices,sit and grizzle about what a poor bugger you are and starve to death,or adapt,so learn to enjoy raw fish and coconuts until you see a sail on the horizon,perhaps I could extend the analogy by further suggesting that if you get too busy in this Hunter-Gatherer role you might miss the boat..As the papers down under digest the news that 25% of young males down here expect to marry Virgins,then many guys are going to go home to a cold slice of last nights Pizza in a lonely home..

Well, we broke up in part because of my reluctance to commit to her. She had always wanted more from me, until she finally became too resentful of my 'I don't know's and broke it off with me. Now we're not even on speaking terms.

To be honest, I was torn. On the one hand, she really seemed to love me for me, faults, quirks, everything. And that's very powerful. We had lots of sex (she was always willing), I hardly ever bought her anything and she didn't seem to mind--I mean, I did treat her well and all that, I just couldn't afford anything. It seemed that she truly supported my mission in life. She was also just my type physically. Most importantly, what we had was real, or at least it was real to me. So I did feel a pull to Do The Right Thing and commit to her and her kids. I couldn't imagine her not in my life, and isn't that what real men do--save their damsels in distress? On the other hand, my instincts were always getting me to pull back, even though I had no real conscious understanding why. In fact, after 2 years, I never even told her that I loved her. Partly because on some level I knew that she belonged to her kids first, and me second.

Most of the time now, I feel as if I dodged a bullet. I would have been spending a large part of my adult life sort of caught between her and her ex-husband in regards to the kids that I'd be spending more time raising than he. And the ex-husband probably has a much different version from what she has of what happened between the two of them. But I was still hurting after our relationship ended. I still missed her. And for the reasons given above, I still felt a lot of guilt. On some level I felt that I had failed her.

Anyway, her ex-husband had remarried during the time we were together.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The whole argument about raising "another man's seed" is just pure stupidity.

You are raising and shaping a person. Not a seed, or DNA.

Kids are very different when they are your own. I dated a single mommy of an infant for a while. I like her baby; she is fine as far as babies go. But a baby that is not yours is still kind of an alien creature, like a high-maintenance pet. The kid's parents think that every little thing she does is amazing, but that's because the kid is their dna.

The single mommy and I had our biggest conflict in that, although she did all of the work raising her kid, she still expected me to really want to be a step daddy and be excited about it. She says a lot of guys feel that way, they want a family and want kids. I can live with all of that if it happens, but it is just not something I will seek out.

If you have merely a decent job, shoplifting the poontang of single mommies on myspace is just too easy. Single moms have got to be the easiest lays I have ever met. But all of that aside, I think single parents should stick to dating each other. There are lots of single fathers, too.

 

[##17]

Kids are very different when they are your own. I dated a single mommy of an infant for a while.

An infant? Wow, that is just asking for trouble. You can betcha she has a lot of raw emotions over not having someone (i.e., the biological father) around to support her and help raise the baby, especially as they are so much work as infants. So if she is dating then, she is extra-likely to be 'daddy-shopping'. And she tried to guilt you into being a step-dad! (Yes, I have heard 'Other men want to get married and have children, why not you?') Run for the hills!!

 

[iqqi]

Just to be straight, I would not want to date a man with kids, either, for the same reasons as many people here. It just doesn't fit into the perfect idea of a man or the perfect picture for the future, for one thing. Then the kids themselves...

However my belief in connections with a person trumps any "sticky situations". If you really connect with someone in every way, but they have a kid, or whatever other "red flag" that pops up, I think it is ridiculous to just give it up based on that alone. I have seen many a situation where it worked out fine, and that is because the two people genuinely cared and desired each other.

There is no sense in throwing out the baby with the bathwater. Pardon the pun. Haha.

 

[Latinoman]

Iqqi...there is a HUGE difference between dating a single mother and dating a man with children. I cannot believe all the crap you have been writing in this thread.

 

[iqqi]

^^^Too bad that wasn't the important point.

 

[PeeGee]

Is adopting a poor child from a third world nation AFC? Is the big brothers/ big sisters program AFC?

Adopting children, and thus raising children who are not your own doesn't make sense. You are taking resources that you own to raise the abandoned offspring of other people. A bunch of irresponsible losers unleash upon the planet a pile of children, and the rest of society has to spend resources because we're not heartless monsters.

From an evolutionary perspective, a society that tends to adopt children is good for irresponsible parents. Their genes get passed on and have a better chance of reproducing, while the more affluent suckers' genes get less of an advantage than if they had not adopted at all.

The last sentence is key -- sure you can afford to adopt one or two kids and only have one of your own children as 'your own', but why do that when you could just have one kid and set aside three times the resources?

Also, I should mention that this is a simplified view. You cannot just throw resources at children and watch as they magically and multiplicatively improve.

 

[jophil28]

That saying came from a West Virginia. I've always thought that West Virginians and Australians sounded similar. If you listen to some redneck (bogan?) Australian teenagers at a distance, it sounds like, "Drawn Dawn Drer Tong", just like they do in WV.

After all, WV was the rugged country in colonial days, where people got some land if they couldn't afford it anywhere else. It was thus populated by the poorest, lowest scum of Europe and England, just like Australia was.

Well, you are probably right about "the scum from England" ..When the American colonials started getting testy with the Brits prior to 1776 , the "scum" were re-directed Down Here instead of being dumped in your part of the world. THis is a little known fact that links our two countries together.
WE are somewhat proud (in a perverse way ) that our origins were rooted in providing a home for the "bad boys" from England. However I think that it is all too much to consider that we ONLY took those criminals initially because the Americans refused to take them after c. 1776. In other words our origin was as a dumping ground, and a second choice at thet
A deep mistrust and contempt for authority and a lingering resentment of all things British still exists in the Aussie psyche.
The "bogan " accent now flourishes in the poorer urban parts of the larger cities here. A fascinating link to WV too !

 

[iqqi]

Sometimes I think you people don't get what evolution is at all.

Survival of the fittest and those terms you are using apply to different SPECIES not inter-specie competition.

Adoption is a STRATEGY of survival, not a hindrance.

 

[iqqi]

Hmmm. Name calling.

Sounds aggressive. And not intelligent.

Evolution is a higher power than us. It's nice to think we can alter and corrupt something like that. Huh.

 

[Warrior74]

Everything in this forum turns into theoretical wankfests instead of real life pratical applications or tales of personal experience. WHO GIVES A SHYT ABOUT DAWKINS, HAWKINS, DARWIN OR DAGWOOD! I don't. I just want to bang some hot milf ass and put her on the team and have fun with her and not get caught up in the baby / baby daddy dramatics. Tell some young DJs and older ones how to do that and stop the freaking theorizing. In the real world you gotta act or react.

 

[PeeGee]

The theorizing is fun. It doesn't have any practical consequences, so why should you worry whether we do it?

If you want practical answers, you tell the mom straight up she will only be a booty call and not to expect you to be her kid's new daddy. There are single mothers who just want to have fun.

 

[Latinoman]

Everything in this forum turns into theoretical wankfests instead of real life pratical applications or tales of personal experience. WHO GIVES A SHYT ABOUT DAWKINS, HAWKINS, DARWIN OR DAGWOOD! I don't. I just want to bang some hot milf ass and put her on the team and have fun with her and not get caught up in the baby / baby daddy dramatics. Tell some young DJs and older ones how to do that and stop the freaking theorizing. In the real world you gotta act or react.

I know how to do that. I am as good as anyone when it comes to doing that.

But I am not here to teach people how to get laid. I am here to share tools and experiences to enable males on how to become Men.

 

[jophil28]

I know how to do that. I am as good as anyone when it comes to doing that.

But I am not here to teach people how to get laid. I am here to share tools and experiences to enable males on how to become Men.

And teaching them how to become men is a whole lot harder than teaching them how to just get a fvkk. It is just too bad the most of the younger guys who find this place just want to get in some chicks pants and do not have any real motivation to change their ways. I guess that they really believe that their "ways" are not really a problem until they are confronted by some of us here.

 

[Warrior74]

I love the arrogance of so called 'teachers' who make such sweeping assumptions. As if everyone here needs your teachings to become men.

Some just come for what it says on the tin, you know.... "A forum for DJs at least 25 years old to discuss problems, situations, and techniques UNIQUE to older and more mature men". It's an implied assumption that we are already men. But thanks for 'teaching grown folks how to be grown folks. lol.

A lot of theory gets old at some point, and it seems to be never ending (and not even fufilling like the works of pook is) around here. It's others who agree but they probably aren't man enuff to say so. I guess you guys can teach them how to be man enuff to speak their minds. lol.