We all sing the praises of acting aloof and unconcerned, but...

[Furyguy]

Is there any merit to being the exact opposite of this? To let her know that

you will be solid, reliable, and dependable when she needs you.
you adore her, and would never mistreat, abuse, or take her for granted.
you really do give a ****.
she really does matter.
to you, she is the most beautiful woman alive.
you truly do appreciate her for the incredible person she is, and would not be with her if she were not so amazing.

While at the same time, imparting to her with 100% certainty that

you do not NEED her.
you WILL NOT tolerate her crap, or put up with disrespect.
you WILL NOT be her obedient servant.
you WILL NOT stay with her if she sleeps around.
you WILL NOT sacrifice your own goals, morals, dreams, integrity, happiness, or anything else simply for the sake of staying with her.
you WILL NOT hesitate to find another woman if she doesn't give you the respect you deserve.


The point is to encompass every attractive aspect of both the "jerk" and the "nice guy" while also not exhibiting any of their tragic flaws.

I believe a good relationship starts with the second half of this list, but later on becomes a great one with the first. I believe a good woman will see the value of such a man, and recognize and appreciate him for his true value. And the ones that don't, **** em.

Or am I just being an overly romantic AFC chump?

 

[Doc Freezy]

Your last sentence, drop the or and the ?, then reverse am and I, then you have your answer.

 

[rocksoff]

no man, that obviously doesnt work, thats why youre on this site

 

[Slickster]

The 1st list works with HB1's and HB2's or with your good looking gf on the day you propose and maybe your wedding day and that's about it.

 

[Jitterbug]

And it only works with your good looking GF on the day you propose and the wedding day because she's over the moon that she will have a slave for life.

 

[bukowski_merit]

95% of this board will say "no" because so many of us have been hurt by acting in the ways you listed in the first list. Now - let's take a look at this list.

you will be solid, reliable, and dependable when she needs you.

I don't like the "when she needs you" part at the end. Solid, reliable and dependable?? I don't have an issue with those things. As long as she's a good girl herself. I can't cohesively endorse being unstable, unreliable, and non dependable! Which is the opposite of each of the things you listed. I can endorse being unpredictable though.... And being too solid, reliable and dependable will make you predictable... So a balance must be found.

you adore her, and would never mistreat, abuse, or take her for granted.

sometimes saying things such as these to her can cause her to feel a rush of "love";especially early in a relationship (later - after the chemicals have worn off - she's more likely to laugh at such comments). but i'd be very careful about telling her you adore her, or saying anything like "i'll never take you for granted". unless the context for it is absolutely perfect! i don't believe i mistreat or abuse the women im with... ever (not counting sexually haha)

you really do give a ****.

I'd have to ask to what degree you are planning to give a sh!t? I think it's alright to show you care... As long as you don't overdue it.

to you, she is the most beautiful woman alive.

NOW YOU ARE TALKING SOME REALLY DANGEROUS STUFF! Under no circumstance can i suggest you ever convey that she is the most beautiful woman alive! sorry.... but you're putting her on an AFC me pedestal if these words are uttered out of your mouth... giving compliments when deserved is ok... telling her she's "fvcking hot" while your d!ck is in her - is ok.... but, "most beautiful woman alive"???? it's just not possible to get away with that.... especially if you mean it... it's kindda sad to say that because i know the feeling.... but it's just not true.... and if it is - then you'd have a very hard time doing anything on the 2nd list you listed.

you truly do appreciate her for the incredible person she is, and would not be with her if she were not so amazing.

First part of your sentence isn't bad... it's ok to admire openly traits in which you think the woman is incredible in... especially if you want her to continue to display them... compliment a woman on something in her personality - and you're most likely going to see that side of her more often....

however again,the wordage "so amazing" is taking it too far...

---

ultimately, im not against being romantic... or having "moments"...

but being overly romantic or overly "in love", is a recipe to become overly supplicant.

 

[wonderbread]

I don't know about it, I used to think this way but from experience it seems false. some girls and attention wh0res think they want the first list and it will be like a twilight romance or some stupid **** and they think they need a knight with the chivalric code. But in your defense that sounds like stuff you say when you're in love, which may not be what this website is about. (not saying no one here is genuinely in love but this website to me is more of how to be a better man, not talk about love)

EDIT
bukowski is definitely right about his first statement, atleast with me. All that needs to be said is im glad I changed after the first time instead of going through that multiple times. Girls will spin your head around if you say things like that.

 

[katatonia]

you will be solid, reliable, and dependable when she needs you.
you adore her, and would never mistreat, abuse, or take her for granted.
you really do give a ****.
she really does matter.
to you, she is the most beautiful woman alive.
you truly do appreciate her for the incredible person she is, and would not be with her if she were not so amazing.

No no no no no no. AFC mindset.

you do not NEED her.
you WILL NOT tolerate her crap, or put up with disrespect.
you WILL NOT be her obedient servant.
you WILL NOT stay with her if she sleeps around.
you WILL NOT sacrifice your own goals, morals, dreams, integrity, happiness, or anything else simply for the sake of staying with her.
you WILL NOT hesitate to find another woman if she doesn't give you the respect you deserve.

Yes yes yes yes yes yes. Player mindset.

It sounds like you are still battling in your mind between the AFC mindset and the player mindset. What you have to internalise is this: the AFC mindset FAILS MISERABLY whereas the player mindset WINS. Now ask yourself this; do you want to get the most out of your interactions with women, have them completely in love with you? Or do you want them to be just 'content' with you, giving you less sex, searching for a bigger better deal because you act like a symp half the time? Sure she may seem superficially happy more of the time if you flatter her with compliments and do all that other AFC bullsh1t but in reality it doesn't lead to wet panties and decreases attraction.