Ways to handle 'the talk'?

[muscleman]

I feel like one of my girls is going to have 'the talk' with me soon. She's already hinted at it several times. 'The talk' being exclusivity. As it doesn't fall into my plan, I'm not going to do it, but what's a good way to handle it to minimize the potential of her leaving? I was thinking along the lines of 'I do like spending time with you and I want to get to know you better, but I have commitment issues (I do) and I'm just not ready.'

Posted this in the general forum, but figure I might get better insight here.

 

[scrouds]

Flip her for the threesome!

 

[Von_S]

Be prepared for her to walk.

I started seeing this plate last November, things were fun, good dates, good sex, fun activities, but I knew she wasn't someone I wanted to get serious with, in January she brings it up, it caught me a bit off guard (my mistake) and I kind of bungled a half assed answer, I was leaving town on business the next day and said we'd discuss when I got back. I returned, never brought it up and the dating (and sex) resumed as normal. 2 weeks ago she brings it up again, this time I was prepared, I told her that in my life I've just had a string of girlfriends and right now was enjoying my independence and spending my time on my hobbies, career and home improvement projects. She walked and this week I finished a remodel on my house. Oh did I mention I have 2 other plates?

Bottom line is don't be be afrid of the talk. If you want her as your girlfriend then keep her, if not, who cares if she leaves?. Your game should be tight enough to have either multiple plates or the ability to pick up a new one in a few days.

 

[muscleman]

I sort of had the talk last night. We were laying in bed after sex, got to talking about some things (me pushing for threesome) and she asked me 'what my thoughts are on fidelity'. I told her I don't really have an opinion. I've seen married, 'happy' (on paper) couples cheat over and over, and causal 'bs' relationships where the people are mature, respect each other, and truly care for each other. So much backwards stuff has completely turned me off from even thinking about fidelity or any of that - I just want to be happy with the person I'm with, whatever that happens to mean.

I said 'every moment is a moment I'll never get back. No amount of money can buy time, so when I spend it with someone, I make sure they're worth my while. And you're worth my while'.

BOOM

She just melted and left it at that.

 

[st_99]

I said 'every moment is a moment I'll never get back. No amount of money can buy time, so when I spend it with someone, I make sure they're worth my while. And you're worth my while'.

did you have wine with all that cheese?

 

[pdx1138]

Be prepared for her to walk.

I started seeing this plate last November, things were fun, good dates, good sex, fun activities, but I knew she wasn't someone I wanted to get serious with, in January she brings it up, it caught me a bit off guard (my mistake) and I kind of bungled a half assed answer, I was leaving town on business the next day and said we'd discuss when I got back. I returned, never brought it up and the dating (and sex) resumed as normal. 2 weeks ago she brings it up again, this time I was prepared, I told her that in my life I've just had a string of girlfriends and right now was enjoying my independence and spending my time on my hobbies, career and home improvement projects. She walked and this week I finished a remodel on my house. Oh did I mention I have 2 other plates?

Bottom line is don't be be afrid of the talk. If you want her as your girlfriend then keep her, if not, who cares if she leaves?. Your game should be tight enough to have either multiple plates or the ability to pick up a new one in a few days.

Same EXACT thing happened to me at the same time, but the talk was in March.

I didn't have plates again until July though.

 

[pdx1138]

I said 'every moment is a moment I'll never get back. No amount of money can buy time, so when I spend it with someone, I make sure they're worth my while. And you're worth my while'.

BOOM

She just melted and left it at that.

VERY well played brother.

I'm using that next time it happens.

Please keep us updated if she brings it up again in a week or two.
It might have tided her over in the moment. But maybe permanently.

 

[scrouds]

How do you push for a 3some? Sounds like you're asking permission, or feeling her out to see if its okay.

You know that's not how you get puzzy right?

As for your talk, it seems that you're pushing the lovey dovey, leading to committment side. If that's what you want, cool, if you want to keep this more casual I think you're leading her in the wrong direction.

That sappy stuff, the "beta" stuff is like grease. A relationship is a machine, beta is the grease. Too little and parts start grinding and eventually seize up. Too much and everything is sloppy and loose and eventually it just falls apart like a pinto on the side of a highway.

Thinking about this more, I still like the fantasy lead in, but beyond that is an element of making demands. You're a man, you want something, you're going to go get it. Whether you find another chick or you tell her to go find a chick you'd like. But I know this, the beta game of ask nicely, drop hints, and eventually leading to bed and plead game doesn't work at all.

 

[Warrior74]

The game is cop and blow as the pimps call it. It's the nature of the game. You cop (or get) a girl, and eventually she will blow (blow out, as in leave). Very few women are going to be with you for years on end without some sort of formal commitment. Good game can stretch it out if you start off strong. So you're just FB's, she's just a plate...you stretch that out as long as possible. You feed her some of the stuff muscleman fed his chick. Eventually (and it may be months, it may be years) that won't be enough. So you make her your girlfriend. That can last a really long time, but not forever. So you either leave or do the fiance thing which you can again make last for few years. Now it's **** or get off the pot.

Then of course after you get married, she can still blow out with divorce.

This is why I look at all relationships as temporary. And on a long enough time scale, they all are.

 

[muscleman]

did you have wine with all that cheese?

No, we had beer. You need to understand the context here. I say things like that very sparingly. Vulnerability game. I like her comment of 'you're really dominant which is hot, but you can also be really sweet sometimes'.

I think you guys are right though, I'm leading a little too much in the other direction. She's already telling me she's going to miss not seeing me this weekend, 'hope to make your A list someday', etc. This is a solid opportunity to get a threesome and I'm willing to lose her over it not happening. Yea we're very sexually compatible (more so than almost all other girls I've been with), but she's not the last.

The question though is how do I look for another girl for us? I don't want to exactly post it on CL, though it might not be a bad idea. I'm going to hold off hanging out with her unless we're doing a 'club night' next time, at which point we can play the 'who can pull the hottest girl' game. Should be fun. I've already planted the seed twice now, so when we're together next it's go time. Just wondering if there's something I can do in the meantime.

 

[Warrior74]

The threesomes I had were always with either my girlfriends friends (which ended bad for several reasons, mainly jealousy by either my girl or her friend), or by knowing two girls who I had slept with who were both interested in seeing what it was like to be with a girl (which I was nearly ignored at first because it was their first time with other girl, then had to dominate them both to get what I wanted). Man I miss college.

 

[muscleman]

The threesomes I had were always with either my girlfriends friends (which ended bad for several reasons, mainly jealousy by either my girl or her friend), or by knowing two girls who I had slept with who were both interested in seeing what it was like to be with a girl (which I was nearly ignored at first because it was their first time with other girl, then had to dominate them both to get what I wanted). Man I miss college.

This is a little different in that she's already been with other girls - she's bi. I feel like she's in that "I'm going to reform" stage, but still has the crazy wild slutty side somewhere underneath and I want to get to that juicy center. Did you initiate or did they? Ideally I'd do this with a new girl I haven't slept with yet.

 

[mrRuckus]

The game is cop and blow as the pimps call it. It's the nature of the game. You cop (or get) a girl, and eventually she will blow (blow out, as in leave). Very few women are going to be with you for years on end without some sort of formal commitment. Good game can stretch it out if you start off strong. So you're just FB's, she's just a plate...you stretch that out as long as possible.

Is it immoral going into any sort of relationship knowing that she wants to get married at some point, and you really no intentions of ever doing so and are just going to use tactics to avoid it as long as possible?

You know that most chicks that stick around even if you tell them straight up are really just biding their time hoping they can somehow change your mind over time.

Knowing that, what is the morality of the situation with you stealing big chunks of her prime years? Sure, she was informed, but knowing that women are ill equipped to make decisions, aren't you on some level abusing your power over her like a salesman taking advantage of an elderly person?

In the end, I don't care because she has no problem with trying to convince me to enter into an institution that hurts me, so why should I care about her losses?

It's fvcking sad but that's just how things are. We're mostly concerned about ourselves and in taking care of yourself, you have to cause some damage to others along the way. It's unavoidable. You can mitigate the damage. I guess it's how much you are willing to sacrifice compared to how much damage you can mitigate.

 

[muscleman]

Please keep us updated if she brings it up again in a week or two.
It might have tided her over in the moment. But maybe permanently.

What do you know, she's bringing it up again, a week later, and being very direct about it. Straight from the horse's mouth, via text:

'My goal is to find someone to date exclusively but most guys are so weird about it. I don't like being the one to bring it up.'

--- and ---

'I'm so sick of mistaking douche bags for potential mates. I'd like to find a guy with enough maturity and initiative to clearly state his intent.'

----

O milanta the shaming language!

Obviously I'm not going to be exclusive with her, but we'll see if I lose her or not. One girl who pulled this stunt on me after just 1 fvck date ended up dating this other guy, didn't like what she got (apparently I made an impact on her for 1 night), so now she's coming back for round 2 :crackup: I seem to have a few of these girls who use me for validation sex after each boyfriend.

Anyway, I told her 'ok, we're not talking about this over text. See you tonight' (we have plans to meet up).

At this point I'm just going to tell her 'I can't commit that much to you right now. Feelings like that take time to develop. Maybe they develop quickly for you, but not as quickly for me.'

Though honestly I'm not looking for a girlfriend. I just want her for a threesome and the crazy sex we've been having. She is pleasant don't get me wrong, but I'm not commiting. Maybe it IS a good thing if I lose her and we're back to booty call mode.

Any other suggestions?

 

[Von_S]

'every moment is a moment I'll never get back. No amount of money can buy time, so when I spend it with someone, I make sure they're worth my while. And you're worth my while'.

So this corny-ass line from a RomCom didn't quell her desire for an exclusive relationship? You basically just told her you want to spend your oh-so-valuable time with her; how do you think she was going to respond? As I said in my initial reply, when you've got plates spinning you have to be prepared for them to walk. When she brings up the "let's be exclusive" talk and you play coy and dodge the question it is just a waste of your (oh-so-valuable) time, she wants an exclusive relationship, you don't. SHE WILL LEAVE OR CONTINUE TO PESTER YOU UNTILL SHE GETS WHAT SHE WANTS. It's really that simple.

If the guys on this site knew how to manage plates, there would be 60% less posts here. I think I'm going to have to put together a "how to manage your rotation" post, maybe it will be as popular as Nismo's "Your b!tch is in another castle" :rockon:

 

[muscleman]

Hey, I want to have my cake and eat it too, alright?

I'm kind of a rotating door when it comes to plates. Rarely do they go beyond 1-3 months. Here's to hoping I'll get one last round of buttsex.

 

[Von_S]

1-3 months is pretty standard for plates, the whole point is a revolving door of fresh pvssy. If you want to see a woman non-exclusively for >3 months you need to find a "career gal" or a "free spirit" whose probably screwing other guys (and girls) on the side from you. Plates don't last long term because most women eventually start developing feelings, it's just the way they're wired. The trick is to keep it running smoothly but recognize when it starts to destabilize and just drop it to save yourself any breakup drama

 

[muscleman]

So I live to see another day. She got drunk (I of course limit my intake), I don't know if she even remembers what we talked about at the bar, but whatever we had a good time and nothing has changed. We'll see how long this lasts. I did find out that she's still baby crazy though (she has a 2 year old and wants more), so despite me telling her I don't want a kid and her telling me I have 'nothing to worry about', I'm gonna have to be extra careful here.

 

[muscleman]

Went out with her last night, she had a little too much to drink but still had fun. We almost pulled a couple girls back with us (my girl was totally dtf, so was one of the others, but the last was too dikey and wanted her friend all to herself - bummer).

I found out 2 things though: 1) her amount of liquor tolerance and 2) that she's definitely down for getting a girl involved. Just have to make it happen now.

Calibrating this relationship is going to be fun/challenging/learning experience. She hasn't brought up exclusivity again, we'll see how long it lasts.