Wasted years

[SoCalMike]

Damn, sometimes I get bummed about all the years I wasted - pretty much all of 18-29... I'm 31 now but it wasn't until the last couple of years that I realized how much potential I had but never used it. I was always the "nice guy" loser/p*ssy who settled with one girl and tried to make it last forever... even when I was 18!! Man what a site like this could have done for me back then had it existed.

When I hit 30 I really matured... starting working out seriously, eating right...confidence went up, finally started dressing better, etc. I've been laid more in the past 2 years than I ever was in all the years before.

Anyone else here have similar experiences wasting their entire late teens early 20's?

It sucks to think back on all those wasted years. But on the bright side, a man in his 30's has a lot of options. I now understand that the women I couldn't get when I was 21 are now within reach.

 

[So Many Ways]

I feel you, I "wasted" my 20's if you look at it from the woman perspective. I accomplished other things but my love life was abysmal.

 

[ElChoclo]

Yes, I wasted mine. But that is life. You have to waste it to want it. Waste not want not.

 

[OpenMind]

It's ok. We have all made mistakes and wasted time. i am sure you are not the only one who feels the way you do. Focusing on the past won't get you anywhere, focus on the road in front of you and make the best of it! good luck!

 

[Bourne]

I'm 26 and I have recently realized how much I have wasted in my early 20. Its never too late. It makes you appreciate it that much more.

 

[NorPacWolf]

Life is short. Seize every opportunity. Redouble your efforts. Stop moping.

Wolf

 

[SoCalMike]

Thanks for all the replies. You're right about looking ahead and forgetting the past. I'm thankful every day that I got out of that hole I was in. Actually, I'm very lucky compared to some of my old buddies who really screwed themselves with kids, bad marriages, etc. at an early age.

But man, it's hard when you're young - society tells you that you have to be a certain way (AFC) and you keep getting crapped on. You younger guys are lucky you have to have the internet and this site!! Read and learn!

 

[STR8UP]

I wouldn't say that I "wasted" my 20's, but I DEFINITELY became enlightened once I found this site.

But hey, you have to look at it the same way as I look at money. You are only a failure if you take a snapshot of your current situation then GIVE UP. All of your past experiences taught you what you need to know in order to keep yourself OUT of bad situations with worthless women. Sometimes you have to find out what you DON'T want to be able to figure out what you DO want.

I think if I were in my late 40's, getting out of a 20 year bad marriage I might feel a bit different. But you just hit 30 man! Life is just beginning. I didn't feel alive until I hit my early 30's. This is the best time of your life to be a man.

 

[djzulu]

SoCalMike - my life story is very similar to yours. Most of my 20's just spent jerking off in front of tv / internet, or having steady relationships - your average AFC. I think that during the past two years I have had more girls than I have ever had.

But you have to look at things differently - you can't lament over those wasted years, since in a way they are part of the reason that you have managed to morph into who you are today.

It sucks to think back on all those wasted years. But on the bright side, a man in his 30's has a lot of options. I now understand that the women I couldn't get when I was 21 are now within reach.

Exactly! You are now a man! Most guys are still too young when they're in their 20's - that is, they're not in the right frame of mind - and they still don't know what it is that they want out of life. I think that I will look back at my 30's as the best period of my life!

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

SOCAL: You and a thousand other guys on this site with the same story are exactly why I'll keep posting here. It's stories like yours that all of these pre-whipped AFC teenagers and 20 somethings need to have pounded into their heads because their equally AFC Fathers never had the inclination, experience or the balls to do so.

I don't post here because I got everything right, I post because I got it all wrong, and like pretty much every guy here, I too squandered about 5 years of my mid 20's, the prime of my life, in a pitiful effort to appease and supplicate to a clinically psychotic woman thinking she was everything. I got my degree at 36 because I was unable to disillusion and disabuse myself that as a male (not a man) I was expected to do everything, and sacrficie all for love, for the ONE. It wasn't until I (thank God) got out of that pit of misery that I had a moment of clairty and started the long climb out of that hole.

The Chinese have a proverb that asks "when is the best time to plant a tree?" To which the answer is "30 years ago, but next best time is right now." Stay on top NOW. Never allow yourself to backslide into those old mental schemas again. At 31, consider yourself fortunate that your eyes are finally open. I regularly counsel men in their 50s and 60s who are only now coming to the realization you are after wasting decades trying to find the magic formula that will make their Prozac addled wives "come around" for them.

I should also add that every guy who's posted a similar story to SOCAL's here ought to feel compelled as their civic duty to inform, warn and encourage all of the pre-whipped, already whipped and AFC males they know treading a similar path.

 

[white sox bill]

Good luck Bro in your new found life. Sounds like you got it together. Keep that attitude and you will go far.

 

[SoCalMike]

SOCAL: You and a thousand other guys on this site with the same story are exactly why I'll keep posting here. It's stories like yours that all of these pre-whipped AFC teenagers and 20 somethings need to have pounded into their heads because their equally AFC Fathers never had the inclination, experience or the balls to do so.

I don't post here because I got everything right, I post because I got it all wrong, and like pretty much every guy here, I too squandered about 5 years of my mid 20's, the prime of my life, in a pitiful effort to appease and supplicate to a clinically psychotic woman thinking she was everything. I got my degree at 36 because I was unable to disillusion and disabuse myself that as a male (not a man) I was expected to do everything, and sacrficie all for love, for the ONE. It wasn't until I (thank God) got out of that pit of misery that I had a moment of clairty and started the long climb out of that hole.

The Chinese have a proverb that asks "when is the best time to plant a tree?" To which the answer is "30 years ago, but next best time is right now." Stay on top NOW. Never allow yourself to backslide into those old mental schemas again. At 31, consider yourself fortunate that your eyes are finally open. I regularly counsel men in their 50s and 60s who are only now coming to the realization you are after wasting decades trying to find the magic formula that will make their Prozac addled wives "come around" for them.

I should also add that every guy who's posted a similar story to SOCAL's here ought to feel compelled as their civic duty to inform, warn and encourage all of the pre-whipped, already whipped and AFC males they know treading a similar path.

Awesome post brother, thanks. I know exactly what you mean about trying to appease a psychotic female, been there done that. It's hell. But in a way it's a self-made hell, due to AFCness/not being aware of other possibilities.

Feminism is of course to blame for much of the trouble with modern women. It's an unnatural and damaging idealogy, for both sexes. Women truly do not *want* to be just like men except different genitals, but feminism drills it into their heads that they must, else it's "weakness" or "giving in to male dominance", etc. Thus the woman's instincts and what she is being taught by society conflict, with the result being the psychosis of most modern women. But I digress..

I agree, we should help each other out, share advice, experiences, lessons learned, etc. Especially for those younger guys who haven't fallen into the traps yet!

 

[Colossus]

Yeah, I have often reflected on this as well. I guess im still considered young by this forum's standards (25), but it hasnt been until about the past year that I have started to take more control over this area of my life. I was a royal AFC from the time I hit high school until I found this site, and even now Im still learning painful lessons. I just got out of a 6-month relationship (my longest ) with the first girl I really could say I loved. It has been and is still painful for me. I think about her every day and dream of her every night, but as each day passes I see things a bit more clearly. I made some mistakes for sure; probably broke every rule in the book, but on the plus side I learned more from this relationship about what I want and need than any of my previous gf's.

I cant lament over those worthless years, and hopefully when Im 30 I wont lament over the next 5.

 

[Zonder]

hell no

I was pretty clueless until I was 21-22. I'd only had 3 relationships, and now that I look back, I dodged a bullet in each one, after THEY dumped me. If they wanted to, I could possibly have married or had kids with them. It never got even close to that, but I was such an AFC that I'm not sure I could have said no.

Now look at my friends from high school, etc. All the popular ones got married to some average looking chick with no brains, and are now in miserable relationships. They didn't waste their young years, but seem to have wasted their whole lives.

And look at me now. By the time I was 23-24 or so, I began to learn enough about women to start truly enjoying life. I'm now single, and having the time of my life. I can assure you that I'm enjoying myself much better than those people who did in high school or soon after.

It seems as if my ineptness in regards to women saved me from falling into a premature and unhappy relationship that could have ruined my life. Those early years were the price that I involuntary paid for the freedom I now have.

Wasted years? Hell, no. It was worth spending them the way I did for all the rewards I'm reaping now. A hundred times over.

 

[A-Unit]

Re:

Here's where NLP would "enlighten" the user.

You didn't fail or waste years, it just took years of failure to learn how to truly live. Many people claim LIFE, but they're dying a slow death in reality. The WORST that happens in this life is that you die, and depending on your beliefs it MIGHT not be bad.

The best way to ruin the future is to waste the present regretting the past.

Then, every brick you've ever laid down toward the future, won't even have been completed. I'm a perfect idealist almost to the letter, but am working on getting away from that mold because I can work ages on gathering info, but on never USING it. Since AWAKENING to this fact, it's pushed me into action FAR quicker. Whereas before I felt the stars had to align, and the planets had to align, and I had to be perfect in all possible ways, I just take action if I even "think" about "wanting" to take action, because I know the moment it "strikes" me, that's when I should already have FINISHED acting.

Sure, I could sit and I say I didn't regret being WISER years ago so that I'd have gotten with girls I lost, but I have the girls today, the friends, the money I make, the knowledge I possess BECAUSE I failed. Without FAILURE, or the RESULT that is NEGATIVE (not necessarily) failure, you can't determine if it's working. If everything was NEUTRAL or VANILLA, how would you guage that you're getting what you want?

This is called QUALITY, and it helps YOU discern between what it is you want and what you don't want. YOU and YOU alone recognize this. It's an internal thing.

The ONLY moment you exist in is the moment where your MIND is ALIGNED with your BODY in the PRESENT MOMENT of life, otherwise, your mind has the incredible ability of MOVING forward or backward in time, while your body stands here in the present. THEN what? That's ONLY true moment of existence, because you can't TRULY exist, if the mind/brain isn't SEEING the reality before you as it unfolds, while your body physically evolves RIGHT here RIGHT now. Got me?

I'd say everyone is a Thomas Edison of their own life, in which they FAIL or get NEGATIVE feedback to determine what they TRULY want and don't want. It's never a failure, except when you don't even effort in your own life.

A-Unit

 

[GOSBDave]

I Feel You All the Way

I am 28 and I just realized how much I have missed out on in the dating scheme. I have accomplished a lot professional but when it comes to women I failed over and over.

I just found this site myself back in January and downloaded the DJ bootcamp. I started reading and even did the eye contact exercises. I haven't progressed though because when it comes to making conversation with the really good looking girls I totally loose my nerve. I can talk to anyone else without a problem.

My biggest problem is that my taste in women is very high yet I have never mastered the skills needed to get them due to an overwhelming fear of rejection. Oh I have managed to get a few here and there but only by shear luck.

Nevertheless I know that I can succeed with this because I have succeeded with everything else I have set out for.

The problem is that right now I travel so much due to my job that I often find myself in foreign places where I don't know the language and communication is hard and even more intimidating than at home.

I wonder if there is anyone else out there with a similar challenge?

 

[CDogg]

man, i have the same feeling, but i guess i have realized this earlier, i'm 25. I wasted all my years from 18-24, i was searching for the perfect girl, and being a loser/nice guy and try to stick with them..... but now i have more experiences, i understand them more, so i will act differently than before, at beginning of the year(after the "perfect" girl broke up with), I started work out 3-4 times a week, and eat very healthy, read books, have fun, reset my priorities.

But man, at 30, u r becoming a real man, dont regret what u have done, its history, look into the future! Its bright!

 

[insanity]

i'm on my way to 30, actually in 2 years i'll be 30. anyways it's 50/50 for me. i've had some really successful years with women and i've had some horrible years with women.

the awesome- being in the best shape, dressing nice, cool hair style, and my guitar did alot of smooth talking for me. those years i met some really kick a$$ girls.

the horrible years- getting overweight, gym pants and t-shirts, hathead, some of the girls who had crushes on me in my awesome years, told me "what did i see in you".

i think i've been an afc and a dj at different points in my life.
i've been beating by the beauty and ugly stick.
and life had some rough patches, but i always came out swinging and still chugging to this day

 

[GOSBDave]

Well....I can look back and remember some really good years and some great looking women as well. I can sing pretty good and I do consider myself to be a decent looking guy......that has given me an edge from time to time.

About three years ago though I hit a really bad dry spell and got desperate and settled for someone I did not really want. That turned into a two year nightmare. I finally left her last June and haven't made it back into the dating scene yet. At first I didn't really care....it was just nice to be free again.

Now I am ready to get back in it though but work keeps me away so much that I haven't had a chance to put any serious effort into it. That in combination with my shyness around good looking women....AKA fear of rejection

 

[legolas]

Guys, you didn't "waste" your years, you learned some very valuable lessons which you wouldn't have learned otherwise, and you landed on this site!! :rockon: Think about what would have happened had you not realized your "mistakes" were simply a learning experience. There's no need to feel bad about it.