was this AFCish?!! LOL

[Jmasta23]

ok, so ive been going out with my gf for about 3 months, known her for about 4, but recently the last few days/week I've been noticing that she has mentioned the name of one of my friends quite often(3-4 times everytime i see her). I mean the guy is a good friend, and he is quite an outgoing guy. Well at first i didnt pay too much attention to it, and then i she kept doing this I started to get a little curious(maybe a little mad), So last night as she mentioned him again and asked more questions about him, I kinda of snapped. LOL but not in an angry or jealous way to my opinion, but my reaction was more like a joke but at the same time kinda of serious. I told her "Wow u keep mentioning his name quite often every time i see you, heres my phone get his number go talk to him if u want (I said this with a grim on my face kinda of smiling and sarcastic at the same time). She immediately started telling me that "I hope ur joking and stuff". That's where i went and told her that I felt disrespected that she kept mentioning my friends name while shes with me and that this is a big red flag for me. LOL, and that I'm not afraid to walk away when i see RED FLAGS in my girls. So after that she starts crying and telling me that shes only interested in me, that she didnt know she was doing it and blah blah blah. But at the same time if shes doin it subconsciously it kinda bothers me a little u know and makes me wonder too. They've only met once before and my friend has been in a LTR for a while now too. Let me make it CLEAR that this was said in a ****y/calm way not in a mad or jealous way, the message that i wanted to give is either concentrate on me, respect my time with me or I'm walking away to find me more chicks LOL...Do u guys think I overreacted or did I handle this right? Need input guys...Appreciate any advise.
THanks in advance

 

[Joe Stud]

Too late to "undo" it. I generally advise to keep silent, and just watch her on these type of issues. Maybe she thinks he's attractive. so what? Your attitude should be: As the old (and confident) gunslingers in the wild west used to say "may the best man win". Or.. as Clint Eastwood would say: "go ahead, make my day". Translated: Be confident, and fearless. Whatever comes in the future, you will handle it just fine. No problem!

 

[sebastian11]

ok, so ive been going out with my gf for about 3 months, known her for about 4, but recently the last few days/week I've been noticing that she has mentioned the name of one of my friends quite often(3-4 times everytime i see her). I mean the guy is a good friend, and he is quite an outgoing guy. Well at first i didnt pay too much attention to it, and then i she kept doing this I started to get a little curious(maybe a little mad), So last night as she mentioned him again and asked more questions about him, I kinda of snapped. LOL but not in an angry or jealous way to my opinion, but my reaction was more like a joke but at the same time kinda of serious. I told her "Wow u keep mentioning his name quite often every time i see you, heres my phone get his number go talk to him if u want (I said this with a grim on my face kinda of smiling and sarcastic at the same time). She immediately started telling me that "I hope ur joking and stuff". That's where i went and told her that I felt disrespected that she kept mentioning my friends name while shes with me and that this is a big red flag for me. LOL, and that I'm not afraid to walk away when i see RED FLAGS in my girls. So after that she starts crying and telling me that shes only interested in me, that she didnt know she was doing it and blah blah blah. But at the same time if shes doin it subconsciously it kinda bothers me a little u know and makes me wonder too. They've only met once before and my friend has been in a LTR for a while now too. Let me make it CLEAR that this was said in a ****y/calm way not in a mad or jealous way, the message that i wanted to give is either concentrate on me, respect my time with me or I'm walking away to find me more chicks LOL...Do u guys think I overreacted or did I handle this right? Need input guys...Appreciate any advise.
THanks in advance

i think you handled it fine

 

[katatonia]

Jealousy games... yellow flag.

Ignore her whenever she brings up this other guy (or any others) and preferably go flirt with another girl right in her face.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Don't talk about your feelings with girls. Nothing good generally comes of it.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Don't talk about your feelings with girls. Nothing good generally comes of it.

Exactly... the fact that you told her this was "a red flag" was pretty retarded and she won't understand the message anyways because girls react more to your actions than your words.

Best course would have been to keep quiet about it and not worry unless you had reason to worry.

Let me tell you straight up that your girl IS attracted to your buddy; girls who repeatedly talk about a guy have interest to a degree. However if she's a good chick and you haven't had any real problems, then its better to make a note of it at this point before bringing it up.

It was good that you said it a sarcastic/****y manner rather than a full blow up, but in the end the message is the same; your jealous.




PIMP

 

[katatonia]

Let me tell you straight up that your girl IS attracted to your buddy; girls who repeatedly talk about a guy have interest to a degree. However if she's a good chick and you haven't had any real problems, then its better to make a note of it at this point before bringing it up.

Not always true. Game-player chicks sometimes mention guys over and over even if they aren't attracted to them whatsoever to try and get a jealous reaction out of you.

 

[zekko]

Sounds like you may have overreacted a bit but I don't see anything wrong with what you did. You set limits and let her know in no uncertain terms that you have personal boundaries that you will not allow her or anyone else to cross. You set a strong frame letting her know what you would not tolerate in the relationship. None of this is a bad thing.

 

[Ease]

Happened to me too, it was ok that u called it out in a joke fashion, but u shudnt have said that u felt disrespected and it was a red flag.

Its ok to call out, but not ok to let them know you are effected by it. She may use it in the future to manipulate or make u jealous, now that she knows how to get u.

But its alright, nothing u can do now.

Good advice, dont share your feelings, nothing good comes of it. And dont verbalise DJ principles, theyre only powerful if you show them by actions and not words.

 

[Jmasta23]

Thanks alot for the advice guys, Alot of good feedback. I know that I kinda overreacted a little but too late now i guess. Personally I think that It wasn't that bad considering the fact I am new to this kinda of thing LTR and stuff. Hopefully it doesnt backfire, this is the first time I've shown some sort of insecurity in my part. I'm always trying to be slick, mysterious, be the one who cares the least and all those things that will keep the girl more interested and stuff. As far as the girl goes im not too worry, at least she didnt respond in a bitc*y way or denied it when i called her out, which gives me hope but u never know LOL THanks again

 

[SamMalone]

How as this a bad thing? It doesn't show insecurity at all if you did it calmly. If you feel disrespected, you have to let the girl no thats not going to happen again, or you walk. Just think, if you hadn't brought this up, she would still be talking about this guy in front of you right now.

 

[Jmasta23]

How as this a bad thing? It doesn't show insecurity at all if you did it calmly. If you feel disrespected, you have to let the girl no thats not going to happen again, or you walk. Just think, if you hadn't brought this up, she would still be talking about this guy in front of you right now.

Good point, One of the things I took into consideration was how I've seen in this forum that "One is suppose to train the gf not to behave in certain way or ways", so she wont disrespect you and so on. That way she knows that I'm expecting nothing but the best.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Not always true. Game-player chicks sometimes mention guys over and over even if they aren't attracted to them whatsoever to try and get a jealous reaction out of you.

Only if that chick doesn't have a bf.

And if he was in a relationship with a "game player chick" there would have been tons of other signs that he would have caught before this episode.

Girls only look to get a reaction out of a guy for 3 reasons:

1) they like him and can't read him
2) he did something to make her jealous and now she's fighting back
3) she's fuvked in the head



PIMP

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

I think you handled it well, until you said "red flag" to her. As Pimpsicle said, that was pretty retarded.

She is unquestionably attracted to your friend, and now that he's off-limits, it will go one way or the other. I hate this kind of sh!t in LTRs, I get wrapped up in it all the time, except I'm the hot single guy that BFs/husbands are jealous as fvck of and don't want me around.

I've lost far more friends for what I could do, than for what I have done.

 

[Nexus Polaris]

I told her "Wow u keep mentioning his name quite often every time i see you, heres my phone get his number go talk to him if u want (I said this with a grim on my face kinda of smiling and sarcastic at the same time).

This was good.

That's where i went and told her that I felt disrespected that she kept mentioning my friends name while shes with me and that this is a big red flag for me. LOL, and that I'm not afraid to walk away when i see RED FLAGS in my girls.

However, this was not.


That first part implies that you're calm, collected, and merely calling her out on something you've noticed. You don't seem at all threatened by it.

But that second part is a rather large DLV. You're explaining how your feelings are being hurt which completely cancels out the ****y and funny part before it. And then you continue into a lengthy and unnecessary explanation, all of which should have been implied rather than spoken.

In other words, never tell a woman that you have no problem walking away when you see red flags. Show her. It's like being in a fist fight. The guy that sits there telling the other guy how big and bad ass he is usually ends up getting his ass kicked by the guy that just steps up and takes care of business.

Remember two clichés: Talk is cheap. And actions speak louder than words.