Was this a **** Test?

[Lookatu]

Part of me tempted to toughen up and take her for what she offers: sex and a bit of fun once a week. Keeps me in the game for when I meet other women.

The other part just wants to get rid and move on.

This is very common thing a lot of guys face. Ultimately ask yourself if the juice is worth the squeeze and if any of her actions/drama keeps you awake at night.

If you find yourself stressing out to a point where it keeps you up at night, it's time to end it in my opinion. You don't need any gal making you grow prematurely older by giving you that much stress and affecting your health as well.

On the other hand, if you can deal with it easily and she doesn't become a crutch for you seeking out others, you can string her along for the ride. Just make sure YOU'RE in the driver's seat, not HER.

 

[B80]

This is very common thing a lot of guys face. Ultimately ask yourself if the juice is worth the squeeze and if any of her actions/drama keeps you awake at night.

If you find yourself stressing out to a point where it keeps you up at night, it's time to end it in my opinion. You don't need any gal making you grow prematurely older by giving you that much stress and affecting your health as well.

On the other hand, if you can deal with it easily and she doesn't become a crutch for you seeking out others, you can string her along for the ride. Just make sure YOU'RE in the driver's seat, not HER.

Cheers.

I just responded saying 'sounds like a nightmare. The care.'

Chatting to a few other girls on tinder now.

 

[derby1]

If I'm honest I know my issue is abundance mindset

this mindset takes time, mine fluctuated,

it comes after dealing with many women and seeing theyre behaviour is quite pathetic and childish, as a group.

learning they are time hoes, they will pimp out your time and give you nothing

your baby mamma messing you around.

and lastly you will build a pedestal for a seriously hot woman, then when you actually get her out, her behaviour will put you off her. and you will beat yourself up for all the pedestal mindset.

 

[B80]

this mindset takes time, mine fluctuated,

it comes after dealing with many women and seeing theyre behaviour is quite pathetic and childish, as a group.

learning they are time hoes, they will pimp out your time and give you nothing

your baby mamma messing you around.

and lastly you will build a pedestal for a seriously hot woman, then when you actually get her out, her behaviour will put you off her. and you will beat yourself up for all the pedestal mindset.

Yes I imagine its like anything. The more you do something, you increase your thresholds, tolerance, resilience etc through experience

I've adopted some bad habits the past month or 2. I'm chain smoking 20 plus a day, drinking several times, a week, taking harder nootropics with increasing frequency, drinking coffee all the time etc. Bad habits that I initially put down as ok and early stages with this new girl, but have escalated. Pathetic really, but need to reset everything avoid the same xrap in the future.

 

[flowtheory]

This whole thread is just you being wrapped up in to her bs drama and losing yourself. It’s all about her.

Get out of it. None of it will change. And you get so excited when she texts you like your a crackhead getting another hit of the good stuff.

Stop analyzing her and just see how your reacting and what YOUR choosing for yourself.

 

[B80]

This whole thread is just you being wrapped up in to her bs drama and losing yourself. It’s all about her.

Get out of it. None of it will change. And you get so excited when she texts you like your a crackhead getting another hit of the good stuff.

Stop analyzing her and just see how your reacting and what YOUR choosing for yourself.

Yeah kep kidding myself she's just going through an iffy patch with her ex but she split with nearly 4 years ago now...

Good analogy about the crackhead. Pretty much was like that.

Be interesting to see if she returns...

I did post another thread in mature section undr my old id which I asked to be deleted (didn't want my real name visible).

Her parents had to move down here as she had some dubiius ongoing involvement with a 25 year old when only 15. She also had an abortion 6 months ago following a 1 night stand ( which she told me about after our a few dates). She also booked a trip with her mate to barbados a a month or so after we started dating (not end of the world I know).
Plus a few other things I can't recall now.

 

[derby1]

Her parents had to move down here as she had some dubiius ongoing involvement with a 25 year old when only 15. She also had an abortion 6 months ago following a 1 night stand ( which she told me about after our a few dates). She also booked a trip with her mate to barbados a a month or so after we started dating (not end of the world I know).
Plus a few other things I can't recall now.

if this was me trying to swap my nissan micra for your aston martin, your business brain would kick in faster than i eat a sausage roll. youd most likely mock me in a playful condescending manner, and wish me well on the rest of my day!

But because it has a piece of Vag attached to it, you drown your business brain and go all punch drunk....

Make sense?

 

[B80]

if this was me trying to swap my nissan micra for your aston martin, your business brain would kick in faster than i eat a sausage roll. youd most likely mock me in a playful condescending manner, and wish me well on the rest of my day!

But because it has a piece of Vag attached to it, you drown your business brain and go all punch drunk....

Make sense?

Indeed mate. Certainly does, I'm disappointed with how I've lost track of most other areas of my life the past month over this... work needs to be done for sure. Abundance, avoiding oneitis in particular. I was honestly in a much healthier, positive place a month or so back, which is pretty telling considering this is meant to be a positive phase (if with the right person).

Was kidding myself this is just a phase and that things would improve, but I guess others called it correctly on the old thread and this one. Too much baggage and red flags with this one... only likely to lead to more drama and pain.

With this one I was introduced by mutual friends/aquintnces, so felt like a half a seal of approval. The dynamics are different when dating someone, so I guess they wouldn't be exposed to all facets of someone's character...

Wentant down some similar paths in my 20's with dubious women. Really is an eye opener how many there are out there. Need to work on increasing chances of meeting decent women, rather than rely on OLD, bars etc

Even this morning my natural instinct is to text her and wish her well and suggest seeing where we both are further down the line, rather than leave it on a cold ending.

 

[derby1]

Even this morning my natural instinct is to text her and wish her well and suggest seeing where we both are further down the line, rather than leave it on a cold ending.

leave her cold. cancel the contract if she messages again, but always leave a woman feeling loved!

Really is an eye opener how many there are out there. Need to work on increasing chances of meeting decent women,

they all think their decent due to social media attention , they confuse activity with sales.

 

[B80]

Latest update. She invited me for a walk with our kids 3 days ago. Went well, ended up back at hers with the kids. We were constantly all over each other back at hers (obviously when kids out of site). After I dropped my daughter off at exes the girl invited me back, ended up staying the night.

Had the usual text messages 2 nights ago, she was talking about holidays with kids when virus subsides. I fell asleep at midnight, when I woke up next day she had sent further texts, but bizarrely said she doesn't trust me and had a missed call.

Next day started texting again, asked her why she doesn;t trust me or if something is up. She said she sometimes has weird feeling about us, but when we meet up any doubts she has subsides and how everything is good between us. Says she loves spending time with me and is really happy with how things are with us in general. Loves my company, sex, really likes me etc. She said I'm not doing anything wrong, but part of her 'weird feeling' is around the drama and her ex and shes worried thats how I'll start to define her. She said the whole afternoon with kids she just wanted me so much and couldn;t wait for me to come back in the evening.

We hadn't seen each other for nearly couple of weeks prior to walk with kids due to all the drama with ex, her being at parents etc. Feels like if we saw each other at least once a week the momentum would keep going.

Later in the day she said she wants to book a hotel for us to go for a long weekend together this month.

I'm feeling a bit confused and I'm homing in on her 'weird feeling' comment, despite her since saying everything is good, wanting me so much and then her offering to book a hotel for us. Feels like my head/emotions are being pulled in 2 different directions. It's the first time she's specifically stated anything that may be construed as negative about our 'relationship, well when sober... see the comments at beginning of this thread for the only other ones. Makes me appreciate how certain tricks/moves people make can screw with someones head.

Made me realize I do like her a lot.

Trying to make sense of it and for the first time feel really off balance with her.

Any insight appreciated.

 

[Toddz]

After reading through your post and updates it seems to me like she is the sort of person that ALWAYS HAS conflict/drama in her personal relationships. It's probably not even you, I bet she has this with everyone in her life (ex, friends, family, coworkers, kids, etc...)

Hot/cold, up/down, happy/sad, close/distant, etc etc... Of course you are confused and your head is spinning, she's gas-lighting you. Step outside of the situation from an observer and you will see her actions more clearly.

You've only been dating for 2 months, you should not be having any drama at all. You do because she is creating it.

My advice would be to see her for what she is and then decide whether or not you want to be involved with that type of person. If you do, then it's best to keep your feelings for her closed off and hidden away.

 

[Suave88]

Hey,

Been seeing a woman for over 2 months, went away with her last weekend.

At one point, whilst we were drunk, she said 'you provide me entertainment... for now anyway'.

I was a bit drunk and just looked her in the eye and said nothing. The subject moved on.

Next night we were a watching a film and she made a comment about an actor in the film saying something like 'he can cry on my shoulder any time, then his head can go down further, further...'. We looked at each other, I just raised my eyebrow and held eye contact. She immediately apologized and said she was just joking. Thought it was a bit of a disrespectful thing to say, but aware of not getting funny, lashing out. Maybe could have amplified but I wasn;t really quick-witted at the time for one reason or another.

Rest of the trip went well, she complimented me a fair bit: great sex, well-endowed (above average, nothing special in reality ), funny, easy to get along with, feels really comfortable with me etc and started talking about starting day trips with our kids down the line.

I turned it on her the next day and started making jokey remarks to her about the cabin being nice, shame about the company etc Things like that, which seemed to get her going (in a positive way).

Generally things have been moving well, but those comments bugged me slightly, despite feeling like they were dealt with ok at the time. Are those kind of things ;**** tests' or more insight that she's a bit a ****?

Female stupid **** test. Do not get upset. You handled it pretty well, do not mirror her behavior because she will think it is ok and will start to compete. if you lay her off and move on, next female will do the same. It is female insecurity and if I was left to judge my guess is that she could have had a couple of drinks that time you sat to watch TV. In my opinion, she is trying to determine if you will react like a nut case and scream, shout, berate, curse, and so on at her. It is a female tactic.

 

[Lookatu]

but bizarrely said she doesn't trust me and had a missed call.

She said she sometimes has weird feeling about us, but when we meet up any doubts she has subsides and how everything is good between us.

Feels like my head/emotions are being pulled in 2 different directions.

Made me realize I do like her a lot.

Trying to make sense of it and for the first time feel really off balance with her.

Any insight appreciated.

I know gals and situations like this rarely work out unfortunately. Gals will start looking at things more seriously as time goes on. She's probably hamstering whether she wants to be in the long haul with you or not. One side of her tries to rationalizes the logical aspects(you two having fun, you treating her good, etc), while her emotional side can't match up her feelings the same way.

I'm going to say she's probably going to be conflicted and end it with you if anyone more suitable comes along that makes her tingle. In the mean time, she's just holding onto you until a better option appears.

You've already over invested and that sucks but try to enjoy the ride while it lasts.

 

[B80]

I ended up speaking on the phone to her a couple of days ago. Bizarrely never really did there before, always text or meet in person. So invited her to my place for first time. Due to infrequency of seeing each other, her work arrangements, her living in good central location we always just met at hers.

Afterwards she text to say it realky bugged her why I never called anf invited her to mine so relieved we finally did, haha. She said she thought it was a bit weird and it made her wonder why, why secretive and if I was maybe hiding something.


We then started talking about fantasies we have and she said how hot it is and is so up for doing them together.

She then sent a few adult toys she wants to try together, so I bought them.

She said she had a dream about us having sex the other night and how she's constantly horny and never been like that before. Said I can come over for quickies when she's in between meetings

I didn't ask her , but she mentioned 'btw I'm not seeing anyone else and have no intention of doing so. I'm really happy with you'.

She then said I can start coming over even when her daughter staying at her place... something that's not happened in 3 months yet as she always maintained doesn't want men around her daughter unless getting or could get serious. Also said her daughter has some toys she wants to give to my daughter.


It's my birthday this weekend and she said ishe wants to see me and can ask her mum to have her child all weekend if I'm up for spending time together. Also mentioned she's going to look at hotels and go away together (prior to full lockdown being announced yesterday).

 

[derby1]

Latest update. She invited me for a walk with our kids 3 days ago. Went well, ended up back at hers with the kids. We were constantly all over each other back at hers (obviously when kids out of site). After I dropped my daughter off at exes the girl invited me back, ended up staying the night.

Had the usual text messages 2 nights ago, she was talking about holidays with kids when virus subsides. I fell asleep at midnight, when I woke up next day she had sent further texts, but bizarrely said she doesn't trust me and had a missed call.

Next day started texting again, asked her why she doesn;t trust me or if something is up. She said she sometimes has weird feeling about us, but when we meet up any doubts she has subsides and how everything is good between us. Says she loves spending time with me and is really happy with how things are with us in general. Loves my company, sex, really likes me etc. She said I'm not doing anything wrong, but part of her 'weird feeling' is around the drama and her ex and shes worried thats how I'll start to define her. She said the whole afternoon with kids she just wanted me so much and couldn;t wait for me to come back in the evening.

We hadn't seen each other for nearly couple of weeks prior to walk with kids due to all the drama with ex, her being at parents etc. Feels like if we saw each other at least once a week the momentum would keep going.

Later in the day she said she wants to book a hotel for us to go for a long weekend together this month.

I'm feeling a bit confused and I'm homing in on her 'weird feeling' comment, despite her since saying everything is good, wanting me so much and then her offering to book a hotel for us. Feels like my head/emotions are being pulled in 2 different directions. It's the first time she's specifically stated anything that may be construed as negative about our 'relationship, well when sober... see the comments at beginning of this thread for the only other ones. Makes me appreciate how certain tricks/moves people make can screw with someones head.

Made me realize I do like her a lot.

Trying to make sense of it and for the first time feel really off balance with her.

Any insight appreciated.

shes playing you,like Jeff healey played blues. which was pretty good for a blind white boy

 

[derby1]

I ended up speaking on the phone to her a couple of days ago. Bizarrely never really did there before, always text or meet in person. So invited her to my place for first time. Due to infrequency of seeing each other, her work arrangements, her living in good central location we always just met at hers.

Afterwards she text to say it realky bugged her why I never called anf invited her to mine so relieved we finally did, haha. She said she thought it was a bit weird and it made her wonder why, why secretive and if I was maybe hiding something.


We then started talking about fantasies we have and she said how hot it is and is so up for doing them together.

She then sent a few adult toys she wants to try together, so I bought them.

She said she had a dream about us having sex the other night and how she's constantly horny and never been like that before. Said I can come over for quickies when she's in between meetings

I didn't ask her , but she mentioned 'btw I'm not seeing anyone else and have no intention of doing so. I'm really happy with you'.

She then said I can start coming over even when her daughter staying at her place... something that's not happened in 3 months yet as she always maintained doesn't want men around her daughter unless getting or could get serious. Also said her daughter has some toys she wants to give to my daughter.


It's my birthday this weekend and she said ishe wants to see me and can ask her mum to have her child all weekend if I'm up for spending time together. Also mentioned she's going to look at hotels and go away together (prior to full lockdown being announced yesterday).

your too far in her frame brother , she should be the puppy dog in yours

 

[B80]

your too far in her frame brother , she should be the puppy dog in yours

Yeah that's why I previously wouldn't call her when she made remarks about me not doing it.

I used to say things like well I only speak to people on the phone who I don't want to have sex with.

I called her out of the blue rather than right after she complained about it.

Could say that's losing frame, but there's a line between being odd like not calling In 3 months and not inviting to my place and felt I'd crossed it, so would have done more harm keeping thst up longer imo.

We only see each other once a week so if I refused to see her when's she's available, m
could go weeks which could do more harm, create distance. Again, fine line between being too available, controlling frame and not seeing each other at all which could cause loss of momentum and attraction.... maybe.

Some of her actions indicate a good level of interest from her imo. Offering to book and pay for hotel, saying I can come over whilst daughter is there etc. Seems like a level of progress to me. Actions rather than just words. Things which I didn't prompt for and didn't really need to suggested if she didn't have a good level of interest.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying those actions means she suddenly madly in love with me by a long stretch, but it's not all doom and gloom either

 

[B80]

Female stupid **** test. Do not get upset. You handled it pretty well, do not mirror her behavior because she will think it is ok and will start to compete. if you lay her off and move on, next female will do the same. It is female insecurity and if I was left to judge my guess is that she could have had a couple of drinks that time you sat to watch TV. In my opinion, she is trying to determine if you will react like a nut case and scream, shout, berate, curse, and so on at her. It is a female tactic.

Do you think someone like this would prefer a more dramatic reaction from me. Finds it boring if people don't act a bit dramatically with these kind of things.

Not that I'd do it, just interesting learning about these kind of things.

 

[Lookatu]

Afterwards she text to say it realky bugged her why I never called anf invited her to mine so relieved we finally did, haha. She said she thought it was a bit weird and it made her wonder why, why secretive and if I was maybe hiding something.

She said she had a dream about us having sex the other night and how she's constantly horny and never been like that before. Said I can come over for quickies when she's in between meetings

Also said her daughter has some toys she wants to give to my daughter.

From your postings, I would say you squashed any suspicion she had before by inviting her to your place. Maybe she thought you had a gf/wife/etc? These are things that older gals tend to be suspicious of since they might've had that negative experience in the past.

As far as being sexual, just keep in mind that this might be more of a sexual relationship than anything else. But the fact that she's developed enough comfort to invite you over freely and also have her daughter think of your kid says something too.

Keep going and enjoy the ride and experience.

 

[B80]

From your postings, I would say you squashed any suspicion she had before by inviting her to your place. Maybe she thought you had a gf/wife/etc? These are things that older gals tend to be suspicious of since they might've had that negative experience in the past.

As far as being sexual, just keep in mind that this might be more of a sexual relationship than anything else. But the fact that she's developed enough comfort to invite you over freely and also have her daughter think of your kid says something too.

Keep going and enjoy the ride and experience.

Cheers mate, I appreciate your ongoing responses.

She tried calling a few times and I would just send a text saying something silly like 'sorry, busy right now doing rails of coke with a couple of hookers' or 'sorry just busy with the wife...'.She knows I'm not married as knows me through mutual aquintnces. Could think I'm seeing other girls though as whenever she has mentioned not seeing other men, I've never reciprocated saying I'm not seeing over women, thinking a bit of uncertainty may work in my favour.

Thought I was being funny and she'd take it the right way as she's usually pretty confident, but maybe raised some level of suspicion... looking back she did drop hints that the phone calls and not coming to mine was starting to concern her, that she thought it was weird and would get a bit tiresome soon but I would just joke it off thinking I was maintaining frame and not capitulating to her demands, but sometimes I guess you need to stop being stubborn, particularly when mentioned a few times and it being a reasonable thing to expect from her standpoint and no real skin off my nose.

Yeah did avoid being too sexual over text until recently so not to come off as a horny teenager or it ends up defining the relationship. Past few evenings that has ramped up and she seems to respond well to it, but yeah wary of getting carried away with it.