Was she playin’ me? Ego damaged.

[SleepOnTheFloor]

How old is she? If she's sufficiently young, it's entirely possible that nothing she says or does means anything at all.

We are both 23, she works as an admin manager, managing a team.

 

[17 shots]

You had sex with her the first night you hung out, the other guy didn't... that makes you the bad boy fling, and him the gentleman boyfriend material. That's why she was asking about being a rebound, because you hooked up so fast. She questions her feelings with you, because she doesn't know if the sex is what's fueling them

 

[SleepOnTheFloor]

You had sex with her the first night you hung out, the other guy didn't... that makes you the bad boy fling, and him the gentleman boyfriend material. That's why she was asking about being a rebound, because you hooked up so fast. She questions her feelings with you, because she doesn't know if the sex is what's fueling them

Good point, thank you.

But wouldn’t the week’s worth of speaking and the hanging out that night have been what’s fuelled the emotions and then the sex?

 

[Billtx49]

Good point, thank you.

But wouldn’t the week’s worth of speaking and the hanging out that night have been what’s fuelled the emotions and then the sex?

Attraction and/ or being horny fuels female sexual desire…

 

[CBear]

Don’t remember telling her to go fvck anyone - just said go on the date and work out who you’re more into.

That backfired

This was the right thing to do, it didn't backfire. She was basically telling you that she liked you but that she didn't want to skip that date. If you would've pressured her not to go, you'd be seen as a very desperate and butthurt AFC. In this case, you showed that you are confident in yourself and that you're the prize. If there was anything you did wrong, this wasn't it. Seems like she just had a change of heart. Probably from going from no options to a couple very quickly. Happens all the time. Try not to think about it too much.

 

[Igetit!]

I just wondered if she was into me like she said because she hardly put up a fight for it that’s all.

EXACTLY what I was thinking......

She just didn't seem to care. I mean damn....at least humor me....could she at least have HALF A SECOND of disappointment? It was like she didn't care at all.

To me,it seemed like she wasn't interested,but the distance excuse BAILED HER OUT. So she can now use distance as a reason to not see you where it won't be on her,whereas,if she just told you she wasn't interested,she'd have to own up to it herself.

 

[Tilex]

Don’t remember telling her to go fvck anyone - just said go on the date and work out who you’re more into.

That backfired

You know how women waste your time?
When they don't value you.

Now imagine what happens when you meet a chick that values your time and you show low interest.
Pay closer attention to what she said. She said she had another date but didn't want to be rude by canceling last minute. She didn't even seem enthusiastic about it.
That was your chance to convince her that you were the better option and that she would regret spending time with him.
All you did was encourage her. NEVER encourage a woman to believe another man is better than you.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

She is attractive and has options. She liked the other guy better for whatever reason. The WHY does not matter. It doesn't matter at all.

She did you a favor and cut you loose. Move on and look for other women who show you by their actions that they are into you. This chick wasn't as into you as she is into the other guy. Some people like peach more than strawberry, some like strawberry more than peach. It's personal preference, that's all.

Get your mate to introduce you to others in that social circle if it's a good social circle. That's the play. This ship ia already sailed and you are done. At least it was fast and efficient. Chalk it up to experience and move forward.

 

[logicallefty]

I’ve shvt tested women in the past by giving them a door to get with other men. They didn’t. But If they had, i would have thanked them for not compelling me to waste further time on them. ‘Next’ is simple to apply.

 

[MrJack]

You know how women waste your time?
When they don't value you.

Now imagine what happens when you meet a chick that values your time and you show low interest.
Pay closer attention to what she said. She said she had another date but didn't want to be rude by canceling last minute. She didn't even seem enthusiastic about it.
That was your chance to convince her that you were the better option and that she would regret spending time with him.
All you did was encourage her. NEVER encourage a woman to believe another man is better than you.

But honestly wtf was @SleepOnTheFloor supposed to say in that situation then?

“Oh no please don’t go on that date I thought you liked me? Wahhhh!”

I think he made the right move by not caring if she went on the date because if he tried to make her not go he would’ve lost all his value right there and then. She would sense his desperate-ness and she would lose attraction.

What other option would there have been?

 

[Tilex]

But honestly wtf was @SleepOnTheFloor supposed to say in that situation then?

“Oh no please don’t go on that date I thought you liked me? Wahhhh!”

I think he made the right move by not caring if she went on the date because if he tried to make her not go he would’ve lost all his value right there and then. She would sense his desperate-ness and she would lose attraction.

What other option would there have been?

I would straight up alpha her other option.
I would even pick the same day she was scheduled to go out with him.
It's a bit of a mind game about influence and power.

You know damn well you want to spend time with me, so why torture yourself with that loser? You and I will go out (that night) to (insert insta-plan here) and have the most amazing time!

Now if she refuses this idea then I would drop her, as she thinks she can find someone better me. But this was not the impression I got from the first post of the OP, because it sounded like she was reluctant to go out with the other guy.

 

[sosousage]

Met a girl out and about a few weeks back, exchanged numbers, flirted, the usual.

Texted all week, as you’d imagine, and I kept it flirty, fun and humorous. The texts became more frequent as a result.

She wasn’t going out the following weekend until I told her she should, so she came down from where she lives (40mins away) to go out with her friend.

Got to the club, introduced her friend to mine, they hit it off (winner), we are all having a laugh, getting with each other etc. And we go back to her mates and the rest is history.

Great compliments came back from the night (ideal), but it comes out that she’s got a date the following night, but she says she doesn’t wanna go but has to cause she can’t cancel last minute, although she would rather spend the night with me. I play it off, ans tell her go for it, otherwise she’ll always wonder.

Think the date went well - she was a bit less chatty the following day. Could tell something was up, she’d be commenting about my recent relationship, my ex (not negatively, but questioning if she was just a rebound), so I reassured her - we spoke on the phone for 2 hours until the early hours, I asked her some questions to which she told me that she really liked me, I’m an amazing kisser, I’m really funny, funnier than the other guy etc... the usual. She also appeared unhappy that she wouldn’t get to see me as I’m on holiday for two weeks.

Anyway, I hear from my mate (who’s now dating her mate) that her mate told him that she’d said that apparently “i’d called her, it was all me on the phone, I told her how she felt and now she was confused”... not true. At this point, a bit angry but don’t wanna believe Chinese whispers so leave it for what it is.

I leave it and the following day she messages me, I don’t reply till a long time after), but we chat loads and, she tells me she missed me and that she wondered why she hadn’t heard from me after the phone call; she’s also initiating topics such as plans for families etc. And even questions my choice of name that it would suit her last name more than mine. She asks if she’s hard work, and if I’m asking her to make a decision on me or the other guy. I say no, chill, then leave it at that.

Throughout this I have been flirty, complimentary and interested in the ‘right amount’ based on my experience, knowledge and research.

This morning my friend tells me she’s going to a wedding with the other fella and that he’s been told by her mate that the other guy is more suitable because he lives closer, she has no intention to move to our city and wants to transfer jobs. At this stage, I realise I should cut it off to save face, so as I do... I begin write a message Inn WhatsApp and notice that she’s deleted some messages for both of us (I didn’t even know you can do that), and literally cannot fathom why - it’s only the one’s where she told me how she felt that she was a rebound, and I said we should talk on the phone it’s easier but they’ve still been deleted.

Instead of questioning her, I told her I can’t give her the time she deserves, and that if circumstances were different, but I have to leave it for now.

Her response is very blasé - “It’s okay, don’t be sorry, I completely understand. Thank you for the message though, it’s better to be honest ”

... now i’m not crying a river here, but my ego is slightly damaged. I do like her, but I am wondering - is she even remotely bothered? Was I just being played? WTF is up with deleting those messages? Did she actually “really like” me at all?

Now I know you can’t show weakness with women and you have to keep it assertive, fun and humorous but part of me wants to call her out on it.

Interested in thoughts on:

- was she actually really into me?
- why delete those messages?
- why did she react that way to me breaking it off?
- if I wanted to turn this around, could I? And how?

sheused you as safety net and attention provider till she found someone closer. sorry

ps he was also more attractive

 

[SleepOnTheFloor]

This was the right thing to do, it didn't backfire. She was basically telling you that she liked you but that she didn't want to skip that date. If you would've pressured her not to go, you'd be seen as a very desperate and butthurt AFC. In this case, you showed that you are confident in yourself and that you're the prize. If there was anything you did wrong, this wasn't it. Seems like she just had a change of heart. Probably from going from no options to a couple very quickly. Happens all the time. Try not to think about it too much.

Thanks for your response, man.

 

[SleepOnTheFloor]

EXACTLY what I was thinking......

She just didn't seem to care. I mean damn....at least humor me....could she at least have HALF A SECOND of disappointment? It was like she didn't care at all.

To me,it seemed like she wasn't interested,but the distance excuse BAILED HER OUT. So she can now use distance as a reason to not see you where it won't be on her,whereas,if she just told you she wasn't interested,she'd have to own up to it herself.

Yeah, I guess the response threw me a little. After all the things she said when we spoke that were good signals (there’s a few others too, of course), I just expected maybe a note about being disappointed even though she understands or something. The text back was cold!

Perhaps she’s saving face, I don’t know, but i’ll never know as the ship’s sailed and I can’t go back on my word.

 

[SleepOnTheFloor]

You know how women waste your time?
When they don't value you.

Now imagine what happens when you meet a chick that values your time and you show low interest.
Pay closer attention to what she said. She said she had another date but didn't want to be rude by canceling last minute. She didn't even seem enthusiastic about it.
That was your chance to convince her that you were the better option and that she would regret spending time with him.
All you did was encourage her. NEVER encourage a woman to believe another man is better than you.

Thanks for your adivce. The vibe I got when talking to her was that she had already been on one date with the guy, wasn’t fully sure/into him and wanted to be with me but definitely wasn’t going to cancel. I mentioned hanging with me but perhaps she didn’t believe me, as i’m quite tongue and cheek.

I thought I’d done the right thing - perhaps I could’ve been more assertive about seeing me, but the past has happened now.

 

[SleepOnTheFloor]

Advice from the old lady:

She is attractive and has options. She liked the other guy better for whatever reason. The WHY does not matter. It doesn't matter at all.

She did you a favor and cut you loose. Move on and look for other women who show you by their actions that they are into you. This chick wasn't as into you as she is into the other guy. Some people like peach more than strawberry, some like strawberry more than peach. It's personal preference, that's all.

Get your mate to introduce you to others in that social circle if it's a good social circle. That's the play. This ship ia already sailed and you are done. At least it was fast and efficient. Chalk it up to experience and move forward.

To be fair, it’s only been a short period and she doesn’t fully know either of us. What happened to working for something and not giving up straight away? Haha.

But I see your point and thank you for your advice.

 

[SleepOnTheFloor]

But honestly wtf was @SleepOnTheFloor supposed to say in that situation then?

“Oh no please don’t go on that date I thought you liked me? Wahhhh!”

I think he made the right move by not caring if she went on the date because if he tried to make her not go he would’ve lost all his value right there and then. She would sense his desperate-ness and she would lose attraction.

What other option would there have been?

Thanks man - from what I’m seeing, people are saying I should’ve taken control and decided she wasn’t going on the date. In all fairness a couple of her turn on’s were:

- a chellenge
- takes control of the situation

Perhaps she needed me to do it and I didn’t.

However, I’ve been a little bit of a challenge the last few days in my communication, and then I broke it off because of ‘timing’, not ‘feelings’, so clearly she’s not into me, cause the challenge was there...

 

[SleepOnTheFloor]

I would straight up alpha her other option.
I would even pick the same day she was scheduled to go out with him.
It's a bit of a mind game about influence and power.

You know damn well you want to spend time with me, so why torture yourself with that loser? You and I will go out (that night) to (insert insta-plan here) and have the most amazing time!

Now if she refuses this idea then I would drop her, as she thinks she can find someone better me. But this was not the impression I got from the first post of the OP, because it sounded like she was reluctant to go out with the other guy.

She made out she was reluctant cause she said she wanted to spend the night with me, but said she couldn’t cancel cause that’s not the type of person she is.

I’ll take your advice for next time, if I think the person is suited to an assertive, dominant approach, i’ll learn from my mistakes.

Any advice for turning this around, if I wanted to?

 

[soulforge]

Both of you are options to her.. She fed both your egos, just to keep you guys hanging on, till she can DECIDE who she is going to drop!

Unfortunately you got dropped Bruv!

Plus you met her in the Club.. It went seriously wrong from there

 

[SleepOnTheFloor]

Both of you are options to her.. She fed both your egos, just to keep you guys hanging on, till she can DECIDE who she is going to drop!

Unfortunately you got dropped Bruv!

Plus you met her in the Club.. It went seriously wrong from there

Duly noted.

I’ll take solace in the fact I called it off, for my ego’s sake