Was she a borderline? Or just a nut?

[captain55]

i left my npd ex of two years recently. While she undoubtedly was a full blown narcissist and possible sociopath there were a couple symptoms she showed that made me think she might me a borderline as well.

- she threatened to kill herself when I tried to leave the first time. And I had to take her to the hospital because she overdosed on some pills.
- huge childhood issues. Bounced around shelter to shelter, no father around, mother was busy so she was neglected as a child. Said she was molested as well
- violent. Gave me a black eye and would try to fight peiple when she was drunk. She also sent a few texts setting off my borderline alarms..would text me things like "I don't trust you men" and "you never came to save me". "Nothing matters".
-would drink her ass off and buy things impulsively
- bouts of manic depression. Would cry out of nowhere or 2 months straight
-was always saying things like "I just want someone to love me" from reading her old Facebook posts before I ever even met her
- manipulative and lacked empathy. Often liked violent sports and would say morbid things. Extreme intense emotions and was constantly getting into fights with bosses and friends
- thought if herself as special, superior to others and was always bragging about it to me

Now here is the weird one....she had extreme love for her friends and family sometimes and I saw it. But other times she was a complete sociopath.

I dated a borderline in the past, so I find it hard to believe I ran into another one. Maybe I don't want to believe it but based on what I told you what do you guys think?

 

[Billtx49]

Does not matter what she is. There’s enough red flags there to stop a speeding freight train and disorders are often comorbid. You’re still in wtf happened analysis mode. It’s ego driven thinking about the past and not about future changes.

 

[TheProspect]

You should spend less time diagnosing your exes with disorders, and more time improving yourself and raising your standards so you don’t end up settling for trash again.

I don’t know how men repeatedly find such broken women all the time and stick with them. It’s called vetting and having standards. You don’t settle with the first girl who gives you regular access to her vagina.

Improve yourself and raise your standards (for yourself and for the quality of women you seek), and start vetting properly.

Some guys on here will say it’s impossible to vet completely because “women are women” lol, which has some truth to it, but at the end of the day, if a women is giving you black eyes you probably missed and ignored a few red flags.

 

[captain55]

Narcissists do those things too. Narc rage is similar to BPD splitting episodes.

The love of family is common too for some reason, I think the family is tied into the ego. Usually the family knows better because they have been on the other end of the verbal abuse plenty of times.

Yes the family definitely knew better. Her own sister told me she is a sociopath. The father told me the mother was ****ed up and manipulative early on and I know bpd often comes from the mother according to research. I guess part of me wants to be sure she was a bpd, so I know that unmade the right decision by leaving. I did love her...I just felt like she was incapable of changing so why bother

 

[captain55]

You should spend less time diagnosing your exes with disorders, and more time improving yourself and raising your standards so you don’t end up settling for trash again.

I don’t know how men repeatedly find such broken women all the time and stick with them. It’s called vetting and having standards. You don’t settle with the first girl who gives you regular access to her vagina.

Improve yourself and raise your standards (for yourself and for the quality of women you seek), and start vetting properly.

Some guys on here will say it’s impossible to vet completely because “women are women” lol, which has some truth to it, but at the end of the day, if a women is giving you black eyes you probably missed and ignored a few red flags.

I am. She was helping me with my business and putting money in my pocket which is why I stayed as long as I did. I've been around a lot of women and this was unlike anything I've ever seen....she jumped out of a loving vehicle on more than one occasion. I knew about bpd but she always was more of a npd which I thought I could handle..the bpd symptoms didn't start showing up until I was in too deep

 

[Billtx49]

but she always was more of a npd which I thought I could handle..

Wrong line of thinking there. The signs of Any disorder needs to put you into Exit mode.
Would you buy a new car with a known serious safety related factory defect ?

Start thinking about your own emotional safety more.

 

[wolf]

Well done for getting away! I believe I was in a dynamic (refuse to use the term relationship) with a girl who I believe had npd/bpd with sociopathic tendancies and I walked after 6 months.

That was over 2 years ago and I am on my 2nd lot of councilling because this girl was a perfect blend of my Mom, Dad, Stepdad, StepMom and Mom's long term abusive partner!!

My Therapy is going extremely well and I recommend it to anyone after going a few rounds with one of these SheDevils.

The Trauma cuts deep but only as deep as your own childhood wounds. That is why we end up with them in the first place.

She came to you to show you your wounds so you can heal and grow from them. By dealing with the Trauma she caused you, you can and will inadvertently get over the Trauma of Childhood weather conscious or subconscious.

Right now you will feel hyper vigilant to those around you but will also be emitting a kind of beacon to all of the other Cluster B's out there who will know you are fair game!

Find a way to switch off the Beacon and never have to deal with a Cluster B again. First you have to take responsibility and control over your own issues and Therapy is the perfect place to do that!

Best of Luck.. If you want to know more then feel free to drop me a PM.

Wolf

 

[MrAddiction]

I dated a borderline in the past, so I find it hard to believe I ran into another one

Not so unusual. More the normal modus operandi, if you do not put hard work into yourself after a ltr with any Cluster B.

 

[MrAddiction]

I know that unmade the right decision by leaving

Unimportant if BPD or NPD or any other Cluster B oder whatever. Definately the right decision to leave. Ma wäre up - she gave you a black eye. That alone should always ever be the end of any relationship. Nothing can justify such behavior.

 

[Billtx49]

she gave you a black eye. That alone should always ever be the end of any relationship. Nothing can justify such behavior.

Right. A woman that loves you doesn’t come at you like she wants to physically kick your ass or try to.
These babes exist in their own universe, and it’s not even close to Your perceived reality…

 

[soulforge]

She isn't BDP, or NPD or Cluster B

She behaved in an unacceptable way towards you.. And you failed to walk away, because you needed that vagina!


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