Was given the LJBF then gets action STRAIGHT AWAY...weird!!!

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

LJBF

Lets Just Be Friends

Kiss of Death, not attracted whatsoever etc

Ok when a girl throws the LJBF bomb on me... I would usually take off and try to reflect where I went wrong. Maybe she could actually hook me up with her hot friends.

But here's the twist...

3 Girls in my past have pulled the pin on the LJBF grenade only to backfire on them...We made out straight after she mentioned we should just be friends. Not just a simple peck but a full on make out and sometimes all the way. Im confused.

For example. a girl who took me out out to the beach last night. I kissed her 3 times but could sense she didn't want to be kissed so I assume this is going to be a flop. When she dropped me off she mentioned we shouldsee each other as friends. So I said yea that sounds like a good idea but are you actually going to keep your word? She said blah blah blah then I said I'm going to kiss you then I leant over and we kissed a few times. Ok previously there wasnt much lip movement when we were kissing earlier.Now it was a full on one. She mentioned "you've had a lot of practise before havent you, you kiss very nice" so I take that as a good sign? I went and smelled her neck n such (a great DJ trick) and then made everything quick and made my exit. Should I have stayed around and make her all hot?

The other times this other girl said she only wanted to be friends but we keep hooking up when things are right THEN pulls out LJBF again then fights...Repeat process 7 more times. It's kind of like a silly cycle.

And my first one...there was only kissin and titty suckin for a couple of weeks then this particular girl pulled out the LJBF on me...only to get naked in my bed for some *&^^%$**.

So why does this happen? Was I doing something in the borderline LJBF-DJ zone? Was I just used as a piece of meat lol well I wouldnt mind actually! I still feel like I've lost the fight when the girl pulls out the LJBF.

Can anyone help me out on this?

 

[El MonoLoco]

Sounds to me like these girls all want to be Friends with Benefits instead of plain old friends.....I'd say your not doing anything wrong here.....

You're messin with their heads and it's gettin you laid...


Right on brotha

:rockon:

 

[DJDamage]

So why does this happen? Was I doing something in the borderline LJBF-DJ zone? Was I just used as a piece of meat lol well I wouldnt mind actually! I still feel like I've lost the fight when the girl pulls out the LJBF.

Can anyone help me out on this?

This is coming down again to the "Don't judge a girl by her words but by her actions".

I believe that two things are into play here. The reason for the "LJBF" and your reaction to it.

Most LJBF are as result of a girl losing interest in the guy which followed up by her uttering the horrible words "Lets just be friends". When the girl utters these words what does the guy do? he sulks gets upset and acts like a wuss thus farther decreasing her interest in him.

Some LJBF are as result (which I believe in your case) when a girl meets someone new (an upgrade) and because she doesn't want to be called a slvt (be seeing and fvcking with two men or more) she needs to cut someone off, in this case you. However your indifference to the fact she utters those words managed to score you some points since you are not acting like a wuss. She just put a label (which is just a word) on you and you reacted with (action) like she never said it and like you never cared. Now what is she going to do?? she is stuck.

Which means you can still get away with something for a bit more until the girl interest level in the guy she picked over you, goes really high and then your history (or in reverse where he fvcks up becomes a wuss and you are her prize for the moment).

Regardless the fact that you don't let rejection phase you is the step in the right direction. Keep up the good work.

DJD

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

Yea Im still trying not to go down the friendszone path because I think I am dangerously close to it. Time for a DJ refresher I think.

I want to DJ this girl on my college who lives downstairs but Im feeling a little hesitant in case things go wrong but I guess I wont find out until I try

 

[girlsarecrazy]

How often do you see those chicks? I've had that problem when i talked to a girl all the time on the phone and saw her everyday.

Don't be too available. Don't go out of your way to see these chicks. Keep control.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

The problem I see with the logic being offered here is that a guy's response to a LJBF rejection (and that's what it is, a rejection) is to determine whether or not she was 'really' interested (i.e. a sh!t test) or she meant it as an exit strategy. In either case the default action should be a takeaway.

Women have used the LJBF rejection for a hundred years because it serves an ego preservation function for her. To a greater or lesser degree, women require attention and the more they have of it the more affirmation they experience, both personally and socially. The LJBF rejection has classically ensured that a woman can reject a man yet still maintain his previous attention. It also puts the responsibility for the rejection back on his shoulders since, should he decline the 'offer of friendship', he is then responsible for entertaining this friendship. This of course has the potential to backfire on women these days since the standard AFC will accept an LJBF rejection in the mistaken hopes of 'proving' himself worthy of her intimacy by being the perfect 'surrogate boyfriend' - fulfilling all her attention and loyalty prerequisites with no expectation of reciprocating her own intimacy. The LJBF rejection also serves as an ego preservation for her in that having offered the false olive branch of 'friendship' to him in her rejection she also can sleep that night knowing that she (and any of her peers) wont think any less of herself. After all, she offered to be friends, right? She is excused from any feelings of personal guilt or any responsibilities for his feelings if she still wants to remain amiable with him.

The difficulty I have in questioning the veracity of an LJBF, wondering if she was 'for real' or not is it still keeps her in a position of control. I think the default response should be to assume she is serious and take it as a rejection (and her loss) ergo, you remove the reinforcer - attention. Up until the point you made an approach for her intimacy she was enjoying the benefit of your attentions. After an LJBF response her latent intent is to keep that reinforcer of attention. Do not reward her for this disingenuous response, she will only use it on you again or with another guy in a similar situation since it was reinforced the last time this circumstance was experienced. And should the next fellow reinforce it further she will internalize this as her standard response.

Obviously the best way to enact this is to use a takeaway and turn down her LJBF. An outright refusal of her pseudo-friendship offer would be ideal, but not always possible given social settings, however a takeaway is always warranted. The problem I see with doubting her intent with the LJBF is that, most women, whether serious or not in their LJBF rejection, will almost always follow up with some kind of communication when you do remove your previous attentions. This was a previous reinforcer to her and like most animals when faced with a behavioral extinction, she will attempt to re-establish that reward. This is why if you do end up cutting all contact with her she will have a tendency to pursue - and depending on the individual sometimes more actively pursue - your attention, even if she has no intent of becoming intimate with a guy. Women do this in an effort to maintain self-affirmation (i.e. she wants to verify everything is 'OK' between you and her in an email or IM) after a rejection.

The problem is when a guy begins to doubt her seriousness in her rejection when this occurs. We always read guys on this forum state that a fellow ought to "stick to his guns" in situations of rejection and this becomes more difficult when she confuses him with an unexpected burst of spontaneous attention. It's the stripper effect only more personal. Guys will spend small fortunes on lap dances at the strip club because it provides him with something he's not ordinarily accustomed to - spontaneous feminine attention. When a woman does a follow up to a LJBF rejection after a takeaway the reaction is similar for men. Maybe she does actually like him after all? Maybe he does have a shot with the stripper in his lap, she's giving him confusing signals in either instance.

I'm sure that there are occasions and circumstances where a woman will reconsider (and fvck) a guy she LJBFed, but these situations are far too rare to use as predicting factors, especially considering the subtle evaluations needed to judge her actual IL after an LJBF, I can't endorse attempting to reframe her initial impressions. The cases are the exception to a rule. And even in the event of successfully closing with a former LJBF it still serves her attention need and reinforces that behavior, even if just in part.

 

[Rudy_TubeSteak]

I've got things I can do...

A) Say "You know what that sounds like a very good idea" and see her reaction while giving her heavy eye contact.

B) Say nothing and then just go in for it...I've got absolutely nothing to lose and the lack of action may have been the reason for the LJBF in the first place.

 

[Tomatoes]

Tbh its sounds like these LJBF lines you are getting are **** tests. Your passing. Your giving off the correct responses to get with these girls. Either that or they are using you.

Im guessing both are ok with you right now.

 

[reyalp]

it's one hell of a mixed signal, that's for sure.

been there, she attacked me after 1 glass of wine. well, "Don't Know Why" by Nora Jones and some slow dancing helped a little there, too

 

[AVERAGE & FRUSTRATED]

I've got things I can do...

A) Say "You know what that sounds like a very good idea" and see her reaction while giving her heavy eye contact.

B) Say nothing and then just go in for it...I've got absolutely nothing to lose and the lack of action may have been the reason for the LJBF in the first place.

more like:

A) No (turn around and CALMLY walk away)

OR

B) Hmm, I hear the words, but (slow kiss on the cheek)...your eyes...(slow kiss on the other chick) and your lips (small kiss on the lips) say something (another kiss) very different (one hand thigtly around her waist, and another on her neck) maybe we should talk about it (more kissing).......GET MY POINT???