Wants to hang out with me, but turns down date

[TravisBickle]

Hey friends, so I have a girl i am talking to who asks me to come hang out with her and her friends almost every weekend. When I finally asked her to go on date one-to-one with me, she was lukewarm and subsequently deferred. Still she wants me around, and is somewhat flirty in behavior. I never escalated things physically as I am somewhat shy, and was just hoping things fell into place. My initial impression of her was that she was not over her ex-bf, who she still talks about to this day, and is still in some contact with him although he is quite distant now. My friends really encouraged me to persue her as they thought she "wanted me", so i made my weak attempt that failed.

When i finally asked her friend what the girl i am interested in thought of me, she told me she thought i was "weird". i am now very broken up. i may come off as odd - i am very private about my pathetic past, i am definately different, somewhat eccentric, and people thing i am kinda gay. on paper, i am a great guy -- objectively handsome, in shape, great career, pleasant, quirky (in a good way i think), great sense of humor, and overall well-liked by other.

My question is: does it sound like I should just withdraw? is being thought of weird a death sentence? is this just classic attention whoring? i am so pathetic lol. thanks!

 

[Who Dares Win]

Happened a similar situation to me mate, sad to tell you but you aint gonna get anything from that girl.
The fact that she wants you to hang out with her group means nothing, istead it could mean that she likes the attention and validation you provide to her, for herself and in front of her group..."you're the guy going after her".

The proof is the fact that she didnt want to go out with you alone, which girl would not date face to face and privately a guy she likes?
Even more she knows that if she meets you alone, you could be trying to kiss her or nail her, she wants to avoid it, plus she gets no validation in her group by going out alone with you.

So mate do yourself a favour and go ghost, I would like to tell you that by withdrawing yourself she will "realize how special you are for her" or some other hollywood bullsh1t but you're most likely to get nothing from her.

And you're not pathetic dont be harsch on yourself, Im sure most of the guys in this forum have been losers or manipulated from girls before learning how to move, its not your fault you just didnt have anybody to teach you from the beginning as most of us, we're a generation of men grown from women whose wet dream is fvck an alpha and be surrounded by as many betas as possible for their needs.

So do yourself a favour, leave the b1tch and learn from it...and while you do try to get other girls, experience make the difference and lead to execellence

 

[TravisBickle]

thanks so much brother! any tip to avoid this again or succeed in similar setup? i felt like i was somewhat mislead. why is my presence and attention so desired by her, but she would not want me otherwise. seems conflicting.

 

[MisterD]

sounds like she wants you as an ego boosting orbiter. don't give her that benefit. i would cut ties

thanks so much brother! any tip to avoid this again or succeed in similar setup? i felt like i was somewhat mislead. why is my presence and attention so desired by her, but she would not want me otherwise. seems conflicting.

escalate. you're a man, you want to bang. it's natural. don't shy away from sexual innuendo and heavy flirting. the way she responds will let you know where you stand. if she's not receptive to that, she won't be receptive to your dong

 

[Who Dares Win]

thanks so much brother! any tip to avoid this again or succeed in similar setup? i felt like i was somewhat mislead. why is my presence and attention so desired by her, but she would not want me otherwise. seems conflicting.

You can try what misterD suggested and try to escalate on her but I harldly believe you'll have the chance since she doesnt wanna go out alone with you, if I were you I would simply go ghost and abandon her and her games.
Second, a girl in order to be attracted from a guy has to at least respect his as a man, fact that doesnt seem to exist at this moment.

Even if you were to go out again with her group, hardly the "weird guy" will be given a chance to isolate his target and try to escalate, you're most likely to be ridiculed and laughted and that wont sure help for your self esteem nor reputation.

If I were you I would simply cut her off, delete her number and all the text you exchanged just to dont have the temptation to call in future, trust me you will feel better right after, no different than when you go to the toilet to get rid of a digested big mac cheesburger.

 

[TravisBickle]

i appreciate your honest impression! it will bring some closure knowing it was a lost cause. my buddies who were egging on made the whole thing uncomfortable as i knew it was bullsh1t from start.

 

[PapiChulo]

Never ever determine your self-worth on what some stupid woman thinks about you. Things like can affect a man's confidence.

 

[bigneil]

Group date = friend zone but don't give up on her - keep her number in there and you might get a random text when she's lonely in 2 weeks.

 

[GADavid]

If you're admittedly weird, try being more mysterious than anything. Give little detail on yourself and answer questions with a question to deffer attention away from yourself.

Now, do you like this girl? If you do, your willingness to give up on her so easily speaks volumes about your confidence. Don't be such a push over; man-up and stop asking meekly. She might just be waiting for you to take the lead.

 

[Zerro]

Any woman who keeps talking about her ex-boyfriend is just going to waste your time. If she was over him she'd never bring him up.

Also any woman who wants you to come to group activities yet won't go anywhere with you one-on-one is wasting your time as well. She probably just wants an orbiter but regardless for some reason she's not comfortable with you. Just don't act like an orbiter and you'll soon find out what her intentions truly are.

 

[TravisBickle]

what kind of messed up person aggressively reels in a guy just to have him "orbit"?

 

[Iceberg]

what kind of messed up person aggressively reels in a guy just to have him "orbit"?

You'd have better luck jumping to the moon than figuring out why a girl does what she does.

The facts are - you made a move and she rejected. What does that tell you? You might describe yourself as "odd," but you're not stupid.

 

[Spinning Spinning]

Haven't you guys seen Meatballs? NO MEANS YES!

 

[TravisBickle]

as an update, i just cold approached an objective 9+ 22 year old who will be going to dental school, and scored a date (one-to-one obviously). she is hotter and could be a fitness model. In reality i should be stoked about about this, but i am really just excited to relay the information to the previous girl's friend (who will relay it over to her), and make her jealous.

am i being immature?

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Cop and Blow

Always cop new girls. ALWAYS.

Don't even talk to those other girls. You wanted to chill with the girl 1 on 1. She said no so you must blow her off and keep campaigning. It's none of their business who your dating anyway. Don't do no weeny sh!t and try to bag just because you got a number.

 

[TravisBickle]

Cop and Blow

Always cop new girls. ALWAYS.

Don't even talk to those other girls. You wanted to chill with the girl 1 on 1. She said no so you must blow her off and keep campaigning. It's none of their business who your dating anyway. Don't do no weeny sh!t and try to bag just because you got a number.

she's objectively hotter, younger by a few years, and more successful (although #1 is doing very well/6 figures at mid-20s), i felt it was appropriate to bring it up. she mislead me for several months, i just wanted to be somewhat of a weeny sh!t.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

You shouldn't even be comparing these girls. Forget about the other girl. And there is no way a girl who is about to go to dental school is more successful then a girl making 6 figures. No way.

 

[TravisBickle]

You shouldn't even be comparing these girls. Forget about the other girl. And there is no way a girl who is about to go to dental school is more successful then a girl making 6 figures. No way.

will be making 90-100K in a year i mean, but then im just making it a pissing contest. problem is i still want girl #1 oh well, hopefully i get over the rejection.

 

[nismo-4]

Happened a similar situation to me mate, sad to tell you but you aint gonna get anything from that girl.
The fact that she wants you to hang out with her group means nothing, istead it could mean that she likes the attention and validation you provide to her, for herself and in front of her group..."you're the guy going after her".

The proof is the fact that she didnt want to go out with you alone, which girl would not date face to face and privately a guy she likes?
Even more she knows that if she meets you alone, you could be trying to kiss her or nail her, she wants to avoid it, plus she gets no validation in her group by going out alone with you.

So mate do yourself a favour and go ghost, I would like to tell you that by withdrawing yourself she will "realize how special you are for her" or some other hollywood bullsh1t but you're most likely to get nothing from her.

And you're not pathetic dont be harsch on yourself, Im sure most of the guys in this forum have been losers or manipulated from girls before learning how to move, its not your fault you just didnt have anybody to teach you from the beginning as most of us, we're a generation of men grown from women whose wet dream is fvck an alpha and be surrounded by as many betas as possible for their needs.

So do yourself a favour, leave the b1tch and learn from it...and while you do try to get other girls, experience make the difference and lead to execellence

+1!

OP, reading this again and again and understanding that your princess is not gonna be in your castle anytime soon is the best thing that is for you. Judge nismo's orders.

Case closed.

 

[TravisBickle]

+1!

OP, reading this again and again and understanding that your princess is not gonna be in your castle anytime soon is the best thing that is for you. Judge nismo's orders.

Case closed.

yea bro, this is pretty spot on and brutally honest.