Want to hear your thoughts on marriage..

[JdelaSilviera]

Well, I'm 25 and not considering marriage soon but still I would like to know your opinion.

I believe that marriage must be a great thing while in the beginning, your kids are young and full of promises, your wife is still reasonably good looking and everybody is happy with the new lifestyle. The problem comes afterwards of course. When kids become rude and start having school problems, drugs, wife wants to feel young and starts to spread her charm etc.. We all know how this usually ends.

The design of today's society is simply crazy, you spend most of your time working (which is absurd) and the few free times is spent with the same woman until you die. For me this couldn't be more depressing. How often do you have free time with your friends, and how do you meet new people and make new friends. The fact that your circle is the same until you die because there isn't any free time to make new acquaintances and friends is also depressing..

This is all fvcked up lol. Please share with me your views on this..

 

[Colossus]

How often do you have free time with your friends, and how do you meet new people and make new friends. The fact that your circle is the same until you die because there isn't any free time to make new acquaintances and friends is also depressing..

What's really depressing is that your "friends" are gradually lost to their own marriages and kids. I tell my buddy all the time I am dreading the day he finally has a kid, because I know that will be the end of our backpacking and fishing trips every other weekend. He denies it but we both know it's true. All his free time will then be accounted for with baby stuff and wifely demands. If we are lucky we might go once a season. I've seen it with other married friends and I don't expect it to be different with anyone else.

Yeah, you can make new friends but that is easier said than done. Eventually you will be too old to connect with the younger unmarried guys and all the guys your own age will be too busy with family life.

 

[speed dawg]

I'm probably fairly qualified to speak on this.

I believe that marriage must be a great thing while in the beginning, your kids are young and full of promises, your wife is still reasonably good looking and everybody is happy with the new lifestyle. The problem comes afterwards of course. When kids become rude and start having school problems, drugs, wife wants to feel young and starts to spread her charm etc.. We all know how this usually ends.

I am in the stage that I bolded. However I know MANY people who got divorced before or after this stage. Bottom line, it's inconclusive. I think you divorce whenever you revert back to being an AFC. Or whenever your charade wears off.

The design of today's society is simply crazy, you spend most of your time working (which is absurd) and the few free times is spent with the same woman until you die. For me this couldn't be more depressing. How often do you have free time with your friends, and how do you meet new people and make new friends. The fact that your circle is the same until you die because there isn't any free time to make new acquaintances and friends is also depressing..

I often wonder about this as well. Really got nothing to do with marriage IMO. I just have less friends now, mainly because I've moved a bunch of times for work, sort of like an endless journey to find the perfect place to live. Well, I guess I actually have MORE friends, just none in my immediate vicinity. It's just as you get older, more and more people are concerned with 'important' stuff like making money, world issues, economy, etc. Much less 'fun' stuff. I cannot explain that phenomena.

No more power drinking, everybody is responsible. Rinse, repeat. Like Mark Twain said, "Life is 1/3 a good time, 2/3 remembering about it". If my wife ever gets fat and ugly, I'm not sure how I would take that. Probably wouldn't be very good. I think that may be why so many people just give up and get fat and decrepit.

 

[expos]

Well, I'm 25 and not considering marriage soon but still I would like to know your opinion.

I believe that marriage must be a great thing while in the beginning, your kids are young and full of promises, your wife is still reasonably good looking and everybody is happy with the new lifestyle. The problem comes afterwards of course. When kids become rude and start having school problems, drugs, wife wants to feel young and starts to spread her charm etc.. We all know how this usually ends.

That's why it's important to date a lot and find personalities that are good match for your personality. When you find that person you think would make great wife material, you need to date them for a long time and get a good grasp who they truly are. I'm talking 3 years of dating the same person before popping the question. Look at how they treat their family, their parents, and friends, because this is how you are going to be treated while you are married to them. Kids should come at least a few years after you've been married...you need a good buffer period because women change after marriage. My ex-wife became a completely different person after our honeymoon ended and we eventually divorced. We had no kids.

And kids do change a relationship for better or for worse. Unfortunately a lot of men feel "If I have a baby with my wife, maybe she'll be happier and it will strengthen our relationship". That is NEVER the case.

The design of today's society is simply crazy, you spend most of your time working (which is absurd) and the few free times is spent with the same woman until you die. For me this couldn't be more depressing. How often do you have free time with your friends, and how do you meet new people and make new friends. The fact that your circle is the same until you die because there isn't any free time to make new acquaintances and friends is also depressing..

It depends on how good YOU are at getting out there and being social with your wife and by yourself. Believe it or not, there are a lot of couples who are sitting on the couch on Friday night bored out their skulls for the exact same reasons you stated. When I was married, I told my wife that I would not sever my friendships, so I made time to get out of the house (sometimes alone) to run, play soccer, and drink beer. That made me happy. I often pushed my ex-wife to get hobbies and make new friends (she had none) after work, but she'd rather watch Wheel of Fortune and complain then find happiness.

Make sure you are marrying someone who enjoys being out and has a surplus of friends. That way, you guys will always have options.

This is all fvcked up lol. Please share with me your views on this..

Marriage is very very difficult with someone who isn't happy on their own. They will bring their inherent misery onto you in the marriage. It will do nothing but bring you down. If your girl has some emotional issues, has suffered from depression, is lazy, is a Debbie Downer, or is someone who just can't be single for more than a week, this is NOT someone you want in your life. They are not good parents nor are they good partners.

The girl I'm dating now has gone as long as 3-5 years without a boyfriend. She makes my life very easy because she is a happy individual by nature and has much to offer someone. Every day is relaxing, fun, and we love to f**k each other. This is the type of person you should marry.

Good luck!

 

[Epimanes]

Well, I'm 25 and not considering marriage soon but still I would like to know your opinion.

I believe that marriage must be a great thing while in the beginning, your kids are young and full of promises, your wife is still reasonably good looking and everybody is happy with the new lifestyle. The problem comes afterwards of course. When kids become rude and start having school problems, drugs, wife wants to feel young and starts to spread her charm etc.. We all know how this usually ends.

The design of today's society is simply crazy, you spend most of your time working (which is absurd) and the few free times is spent with the same woman until you die. For me this couldn't be more depressing. How often do you have free time with your friends, and how do you meet new people and make new friends. The fact that your circle is the same until you die because there isn't any free time to make new acquaintances and friends is also depressing..

This is all fvcked up lol. Please share with me your views on this..

I find marriage to be great for the most part. Its had a lot of ups and downs. At times the down part lasted longer than I expected but the ups have been amazing and patience has paid off during tough times.

You are right about the friends issue. I don't have many friends anymore but what I realized was that the people who claimed to be my friends never really were. I found that after interacting with them so many times it was always about what I could do for them.. The relationships with friends were never mutually benificial and almost always onesided. I would always help someone in need but it didn't often happen that the same would be returned. I found myself feeling more and more used by my so called friends and resentment grew because of it. Some of which also tried to take advantage of me working while my wife was stay at home mom to my 2 kids. They were quickly removed from my circle. I don't need people like that... Many of them "friends" for over a decade without realizing their true intents. Which caused me to develop trust issues. Maybe not a problem for everyone but I would be glad to live in the middle of no where now with my wife and 2 kids. Heck I could be a homesteader and easily survive. People suck.

If your going to marry someone. Marry because they meet your needs(hopefully you meet hers too whatever they are)... Marry because she is your best friend AND lover. Marry because the most enjoyable time of your day is with your woman and you make eachother happy.

In regards to the kids thing... Kids can make things really difficult. Kids take away the focus on eachother. For every kid you have you add a probability of 15% to the divorce rate thats already 60%. Kids can and do bring a level of happiness to the family and marriage but it comes at a cost for many years.. So you have to have the virtue of patience. Especially if your lacking outside support from extended family members. Having little to no outside support for your marriage you begin the slippery slope of taking eachother for granted. Happy parents = happy kids. If you don't learn to put your marriage FIRST ( in regards to sex/recreation/conversation/non sexual affection/admiration/dates etc) then you will end up divorced. You must be a happy and united front for your kids for them to be successful. If your marriage is not happy.. Your kids will not be happy either.

My best friend is my wife. I can tell her anything and she can tell me anything also( that's how I found out about my "friends" intents). We come to mutualy enthusiastic agreements on everything in regards to kids/friends/finances/recreation/sex/inlaws etc. And that has helped tremendously. If we don't agree on something.. Then its discussed at length until an agreement can be made or the default is do nothing until we agree. This goes for both of us.

Epi

 

[FairShake]

How often do you have free time with your friends, and how do you meet new people and make new friends. The fact that your circle is the same until you die because there isn't any free time to make new acquaintances and friends is also depressing.

For what it's worth I think it's harder to make new friends as you are older if you AREN'T part of a couple since most people are, at that point, coupled up either in marriage or long terms.

Try being 40 and making new friends. We've all seen that guy at the club trying to hang out with the kids. Don't be that guy. Make sure you have a long term even if you don't get married.

Marriage or long terms are great to get old with. Much better than being single and living alone. You just need to pick the right one.

 

[LiveFreeX]

When kids become rude and start having school problems, drugs, wife wants to feel young and starts to spread her charm etc.. We all know how this usually ends.

For the love of god, before you even consider having kids, come and teach english in China. It will teach you all about raising kids and how to raise them right!...

Actually I'm gonna start a thread about this.

 

[Colossus]

Having been there and back again...

As a single man, I can tell you that I enjoy Friday or Saturday nights at home. I don't always stay in, but I often need to be alone, decompress, watch a movie, drink some wine, do some writing, cook something, read a book....even just mindlessly surfing the internet and reading Wikipedia feels good. Or maybe I'll eat Cheetos and watch a little TV.

The point is I can do this stuff and be alone doing it. When I was married I could still do that, but my wife was around, and it made me feel like we should be doing something. That's not "AFC" talk; husbands and wives SHOULD do things together. Go out to dinner, go dancing, catch a movie. But I didn't always feel like doing that just because it was Saturday night, if that makes sense. She was cool about staying in, too, but even then, there was little room for me to breathe and think and process some times. Then if I wanted to be alone not talk it might be misread as "something's wrong."

The biggest conflict, as I see it, is that women loving talking shyt out, and men love having solitude to process shyt. It's why women go to the salon and why men work on their cars. It's tough to strike a balance when you're living together, but the best marriages do exactly that.

Now, as before I was married, when I've had enough solitude I walk to a bar and strike up a conversation with anyone. That's why single people are always meeting people. Anyway that's just some food for thought.

I can totally see that.

The way I see it, women CONSTANTLY need to be around other people and talking about things. It's in their nature, and it's not in ours. That's why, like you said, when men just want to be left alone it gets misinterpreted as something being "wrong". Nothing is wrong. I just want to be left the fvck alone for a while!!

This is a reservation I have about being married. Even after a few consecutive friday-monday weekends with my girl, I need to be alone and decompress. I suppose this can be done in a marriage if you have an understanding wife.

 

[SAYNO]

My thoughts: ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!!! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

 

[Dreesy]

I quite enjoy Pizza and Chinese Food, but I don't think that would be enough for me to make a lifelong commitment to it.

We're here to live and learn through new experiences, and I feel like dedicating portions of your life to one thing is highly self limiting and in the long run, destructive.

Unless of course you dedicated yourself to your health and goals.

 

[Don the Legend]

I married late in life (39 yrs old) so I wouldn't consider myself the typical situation. Mentally I wouldn't have been mature enough in my 20's to marry anyone let alone have children.

It seemed to me that those who married early never had the chance to find out about themselves and what they really matters in life. That happened to my sister who married after college. She never had to experience what it was like to be single and gain experience as a single person. I didn't want to make the same mistake as her. I only wanted to get married once in my life.

It ended up being the best thing to happen to me! I learned about myself and what really matters to me!

Also, have a game plan of what you want in a wife. Write out your core values and the things that deep down matter most to you. Forget the societal B/S you see on TV. You want someone who will stand with you during difficult times.

Good Luck!

 

[Mike32ct]

I can totally see that.

The way I see it, women CONSTANTLY need to be around other people and talking about things. It's in their nature, and it's not in ours. That's why, like you said, when men just want to be left alone it gets misinterpreted as something being "wrong". Nothing is wrong. I just want to be left the fvck alone for a while!!

This is a reservation I have about being married. Even after a few consecutive friday-monday weekends with my girl, I need to be alone and decompress. I suppose this can be done in a marriage if you have an understanding wife.

Great point. I would imagine that it's even WORSE for introverted men. I can't be around anyone for extended periods of time without the need to be alone and recharge or decompress.

Even with people I love to death like my dad and brother, I need alone time after too many hours together when visiting. That's what scares me about marriage or a serious LTR where I would live with a chick. Even if she IS my lover and best friend, I would STILL need space, even just going for drive and listening to the radio, etc.

 

[PRAGMATIST]

Jim Rockord
Thomas Magnum
Kojak
Night Rider etc haha


Can you imagine how boring those guy's would have been if they were married...haha..seriously the shows wouldnt have made it past the pilot episode, because nobody wants to watch boring domestic life. That's why the characters in those shows were not married...

I mean even Walter White only got interesting once his wife left him. The point being is that you cant truly be yourself once your in a "partnership" and domesticated and if you do behave the way you want to, you can bet the marriage wont last long..Thats what marriage and LTR's represent to me mostly, and your going to feel resentful that you have to compromise all the time...and so is the wife. I still believe primarily men get married for a guaranteed supply of sex...but we all know its far from the reality of actual married life.

If however we have a global economic collapse...marriage will be a thing to aim for again..as women will once again be only to happy to have a hunter gatherer and protector as a mate...where as today women dont need men they generally want marriage due to it being a materialistic fad...and like all fads once they get bored of it, its on to the next thing..and as women are notoriously fickle (not all, but most) then betting on one, would be pretty foolish.

 

[Epimanes]

If however we have a global economic collapse...marriage will be a thing to aim for again..as women will once again be only to happy to have a hunter gatherer and protector as a mate...

Haha... By those standards there would be a lot of starving and un protected women because hardly anyone hunts and gathers anymore. I do though because I hate eating steriod infected cows and chickens. Rather eat deer, moose, elk, bear and forest chickens (grouse). I welcome an economic collapse. I will be fine and so will my harem. Hahahahahahahaha

Epi

 

[JoeMarron]

Can you imagine how boring those guy's would have been if they were married...haha..seriously the shows wouldnt have made it past the pilot episode, because nobody wants to watch boring domestic life. That's why the characters in those shows were not married...

I mean even Walter White only got interesting once his wife left him. The point being is that you cant truly be yourself once your in a "partnership" and domesticated and if you do behave the way you want to, you can bet the marriage wont last long..Thats what marriage and LTR's represent to me mostly, and your going to feel resentful that you have to compromise all the time...and so is the wife. I still believe primarily men get married for a guaranteed supply of sex...but we all know its far from the reality of actual married life.

I don't see why marriage has to be restricted and boring. The people living the boring domestic life were boring people to begin with. We're men, we can take a woman into our world, marry her and do whatever the hell we want. If she's truly interested she'll come along for the ride. There's plenty in the PUA/manosphere scene saying that most men are AFC's, chumps, pvssies and plenty of other negative terms. Then they go and bash marriage while ignoring the fact that most marriages would naturally consists of these AFC's, chumps and pvssies. It doesn't make any sense for men to base their opinions on marriage by what the average man is doing. We're striving to be above average and will have above average marriages as a result.

The design of today's society is simply crazy, you spend most of your time working (which is absurd) and the few free times is spent with the same woman until you die. For me this couldn't be more depressing. How often do you have free time with your friends, and how do you meet new people and make new friends. The fact that your circle is the same until you die because there isn't any free time to make new acquaintances and friends is also depressing..

I don't see why a man who has his sh!t together can't have time with friends and meeting new people. If a man is a slave to his employer then he needs to find a job that doesn't suck his soul away. If his wife won't let him go out and meet new people, then he needs to grab his balls and run his household like a man. Anyways I'm probably more introverted than most but I really couldn't care less about having a huge social life. I imagine my family would be enough. Ironically this is how people lived for most of human history. You lived and worked with your family and there were no means to travel from your hometown so you socialized with the same people your entire life. I'll be married soon and I know many will see doing it this young as foolish but I'm confident in my decision. I really don't think marriage is right for the super adventerous, outgoing, conquer the world, stereotypical alpha male. Married life would be far too restricting for these men. Me, I just want enough money to live comfortably and pursue my hobbies, and a best friend who I'm also attracted to and can fvck whenever I please :yes:

 

[backbreaker]

I like my marriage I feel I made a very good decision.

IMHO the only way you can be married and not look at marriage with scorn is to spin plates seriously before you get married.; When I settled down i was ready for it. I do not look at it like married verses single, I look at it like okay I did that, i got tired of it, and this is more me now.

 

[JoeMarron]

Hi Joe, I always like reading your posts. However, I have been married, you have not, so perhaps I can offer you some advice going in. Keeping in mind, I have had married male friends for longer than you have been alive, so this is their experiences as well. Consider this some issues to think about and try to find a way around, in bold

Advice from older and wiser DJs is always appreciated.

First misconception. Once you get married, your free time, and your ability to spend it the way you want will be severely compromised. That's the truth my friend. Every day she will have a list of home improvements she wants, and she will get on you and stay on you until you start on that list. She will be planning alot of your free time for you

See this is something I can't see myself accepting. I don't see why a man can't simply tell his wife no when she gives him a bunch of random inane sh!t for him to do. Sure her being my wife, I'll be willing to sacrifice some of my time to do things for her, but to the point that my free time will be severely compromised is unacceptable. She needs to know that this is my kingdom and things will happen on my schedule.

I am not bashing marriage per se, but telling you what to expect. The commonality of these complaints amongst myself and my married friends is shocking

I don't know if you or your friends were redpill aware while married so I have to ask if you and your married friends were/are the head of the relationship. We all know that the typical American marriage is female led with the man catering to her every whim to keep her affection, I can see what you described happening in these households. I can't however see it happening in the household of a man who runs his sh!t. Sure women are always going to be nagging about something but a man should be able to put her in her place without her rebelling and filing for divorce. Perhaps I'm underestimating how bad the modern woman wants to run things and be in control.

And therein lies the problem. You can drop an employer and find another job. Not so easy with marriage, especially in the latter years. Once you get married, the hook is set and it is harder to walk away . Once a house is bought, harder yet. Once kids are born and she quits work to stay home with them, harder again! Now you can't leave your little ones behind. And the finanacial precedent of spousal support (because she is staying home, jobless) and child support is set.

Except for the fact that with Family Law the way it is, your finances will be ruined for decades if you do this and she rebels and files for divorce. The law can/is very one-sided in the woman's favor.

Good point. A man doesn't have much leverage in that position. I think a man should never let it get that far in the first place however. With the way society is now it's far too risky to be the sole provider for a female like men did in the past. Both spouses need to be working, ideally making around the same amount of money. Of course that's easier said than done. Plus it's easy for this to get screwed up once kids come along. A woman can have kids, quit her job and decide to never go back to work and there's not much the man can do about it.

I am too, for two reasons: You already are red-pill aware, and she makes alot more than you....so your financial risks are lessened

Right. I know the financial situation won't be permanent however. I could eventually reach or even exceed her income, and like I described earlier she gets pregnant and stops working, then the dynamic is switched and I have less leverage because I want to support my family.

Oops, here is where the news turns bad again. If I remember you are about 23 ? Go hang with a bunch of your Dad's friends for beer one night. Ask them how their married sex life is. The problem is, a girl you are dating? She puts out or you walk. She knows it, you know it. Once married, (in the typical case, the power shifts in the bedroom once the wedding contract, a legal contract, is signed.) if they choose to reduce the sex, you aren't walking as easily or quickly. And both parties know that too.

Hah that sounds depressing. I think it all comes down to being and staying an attractive man. If a woman stays attracted to her husband then she'll never want to stop having sex with him. Sure it might drop a bit simply because of a woman's lower sex drive but it won't be anything significant. I know there's married dudes here who are still happily getting the sex they want from their wives.

At the end of the day I think the decision to get married comes down to determining if the benefits of marrying the woman we love is worth the risk that she could screw us over. We have to know and trust her enough to where we'll be willing to take that risk. If the benefits aren't worth it then don't get married. If they are then do it and try to minimize the risks as much as possible.

 

[Dreesy]

It's funny, whenever I ask anyone what the benefits of marriage are, the answer is ALWAYS something in relation to taxes or governmental benefit.

I think the problem these days isn't marriage, it's people unable to think for themselves. We're all indoctrinated into a "life schedule" way of thinking:

High school + part time job --> college / uni --> career --> find girl --> marriage --> house / kids

I remember when my friend said he was going to propose, I asked him why and his answer was along the lines of "its what you do"

 

[JoeMarron]

It's funny, whenever I ask anyone what the benefits of marriage are, the answer is ALWAYS something in relation to taxes or governmental benefit.

I think the problem these days isn't marriage, it's people unable to think for themselves. We're all indoctrinated into a "life schedule" way of thinking:

High school + part time job --> college / uni --> career --> find girl --> marriage --> house / kids

I remember when my friend said he was going to propose, I asked him why and his answer was along the lines of "its what you do"

A valid point. Most dudes, most people in general, just follow along the standard path without putting much thought into it. My benefits however are legit; money, house, it's the only way we'll be able to continue our relationship. Sure I kinda sound like a male gold digger but it is what it is. It also helps that she has traits that a wise man would look for in a wife, specifically the ones discussed in this thread http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=207428.

 

[JoeMarron]

Hey Joe, if you don't mind me asking, how long have you been with your fiancee?

23 is pretty young (for a guy) to be getting married.

Two years give or take a few months. Yeah I agree with you that's it pretty young but I don't really see that as a negative. It benefits me now so I'm going to roll with it. It may sound short sighted but I'm really not concerned about what happens 5-10 years down the line. I believe I've set up a good foundation and I'll deal with the negative consequences if they come.