Waiting too long is bad, any advice?

[Spike Shinizzle]

Hey guys, first post here.. need any advice, comments etc.

Of course theres this girl. She is in 2 of my classes and a lab (which is crazy because my college is huge) Anyway a lil history I guess. One day in class that I didnt usually go to I see her and recognized her from my other classes. Well this was before I knew of this site but I knew that I needed to change my [AFC] ways. So I start convo with her. This was HUGE for me. Well the next week I missed class and she was like "hey wanna see my notes" So I go with her to the Student Union and such. Long story short I fvck up with the coversation.

Hence my journey to here. Since then I have tried to keep convo with her to a minimum for two reasons. 1. wasn't ready to ask her out 2. fear of friend's zone.

Well its been over a month since I first talked with her and I keep tellin myself "tomorrow." (since I see her about 4/5 weekdays)

I'm tired of waiting. I'm also tired of being afraid. Some days I'm Gung-Ho about asking her number, but then some stupid crap comes up like her non showing up to class... her friends are always around. Other days I get wierd vibes and crap that throw me off. And the majority of the other days my confidence is zero.

Since this site, Ive been trying to be myself. try to be confident. Feel confident. I think that is doesnt matter if she likes me..... No it doesnt matter until I ask her. I just need someone to light a fire under my introverted ass. Help.

 

[Spike Shinizzle]

Also I fear time is running out because the semester is about to end and I do not want another missed opportunity.

Like today(friday..yep cant sleep) in class I was looking for someone to copy off of because I don't have a book. I said "oh well" and turned in my paper. So she shows up as I'm going back to my seat and I go up to her and I'm like. "Glad you could make it." She looks up and smiles. "I needed the last question and I dont have a book." "blah blah blah" I forget what she said. so i make my way to my seat in the same row. (HUGE class mind you and shes the only other person in my row... she never sits in my row)

Whelp she leaves like 5 min later. I put on my headphones and wish I woulda done something. She comes back, and shes heading my way!

Her: I did my homework but left it at home, do you have your book.
Me: I do not own the book, sorry.
Her: Dang.. what about him (points to my friend)
Me: nope.. no one in this whole section has one, I asked.
Her: I did my homework, but its at home
Me: (as I smile) yeaaah right
Her: (smiles) really!
Me: uhhuh

The she sits one seat over from me and starts doing something. So I sit there... trying to think what I could say to her. Then I try not to think about her, so I start to listen to my music again. Helpless I sat there not saying anything and the whole class went by and did nothing, again.

Gah. I have no trouble approaching her now, she is real nice and such. But I am the same old me and it sucks.

 

[Maxtro]

I don’t think there is anything wrong with waiting to long to make a move but it’s just not preferred, because many things could go wrong. The worst that can happen is that she could meet somebody else. She may see you only as a friend. She might be wondering why it’s taking you so long to make a move and she might loose whatever interest she might have had in you. She might drop the class and you’ll never see her again. Or she might go on vacation in the middle of the semester and you have to wait a week in order to ask her out.

Don’t feel bad though about taking a while to start talking to her. It took me about three months to finally start talking to the girl I’m after and now I talk to her everyday in class and almost always walk her to the parking lot. All I need to do now is ask her out.

But make your move as soon as you can. No more wasting time.

 

[khanboy]

Well, there is nothing wrong with waiting a while to make a move, but we all know it's best to make them early.

I, like you, was brought to the boards due to my first girl of interest. I was like you, except I waited till midterms before making my first move. Took me three shots before she finally agreed to go out with me. Sure, it was alright, but I failed to make any moves after that. I was enfatuated with her, but our relationship never progressed due to the lack of movement on my part. Well, after a month, even though extremely emotional over her, I decided something was not right after dating for a month with no action and broke it off. I searched for the cure to a "borken heart" and was brought to a post containing GFTOW.

What I'm trying to say is don't make the same mistake I made, always be looking for ways to progress. Also, decide what you want from women so you can use this information to help you.

Do you want to pick up women? Do you just want to meet women in social circles? How many? How often? Do you want (a) long term girl(s)? Are you only after one shots?

Know the answers to these questions and your own preferred style, you'll then have an idea how to get there.

All the best,
khanboy

 

[squirrels]

There's PLENTY wrong with waiting too long. If she is holding the ball out there waiting for you to take it and run with it, eventually her arm is going to get tired and she's going to give it to someone ELSE.

By the way, as if you didn't already know this, you're not "waiting for the right time." You're "cowering helplessly from doing something you actually WANT to do." There's a world of difference.

Just ASK her for her phone number. You're on a chatty first-name basis with this girl...do you think if you ask for her number she's going to suddenly be like, "Ewww no, you freak!!"?

Well, she will if you make a big deal out of it. Just next time you talk to her, get her phone number. Just do it. Don't act like it's such a big deal that you got someone's phone number who happens to have a vag!na.

After all, women are throwing their numbers at you all the time for no reason. (well, they don't really, but SHE doesn't know that )

 

[Spike Shinizzle]

LOL I wasnt asking if it was OK to wait to long...

but thanks for replying guys. Helps me ALOT.

squirrels you are so right. We'll see how tomorrow goes.. I'll try and keep you guys updated.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You are 18 and it's time to be a man and approach a woman with romantic intent. The more you talk the more you are putting yourself in the 'friend zone'! There is no "perfect time" to approach, the longer you wait the harder it becomes. Actually if she rejects your advances you'll still feel good about yourself because you acted like a man and did what men do.

 

[Spike Shinizzle]

wow thanks for the reply.

So true.

 

[Maxtro]

I'll take that advie too if you don't mind. Unfortunately I waited for the perfect time and now she's in Cancun. As soon as she gets back I'm asking her out.

 

[Spike Shinizzle]

By all means!

Thanks again guys... this really helps me put things into perspective

 

[Spiter]

I don't know about that whole "friend's zone" thing. There are a lot of relationships where a guy and girl are like really good friends but they swear they're not together. Those are the two that end up together. If you can become not just another friend to her, but a really good friend, it will probably be killing her inside as to whether or not you like her. The only thing that can kill you then would be her finding another guy, or another guy finding her rather.

I like to take it slow with girls, mainly because I'm pretty selective. I don't just date anyone because I expect a lot from a girl (which has it's positive and negative drawbacks). I've had girls sleep in my dorm room in my bed for 3 nights before I'd kiss them. I have enough confidence that they like me, so holding out a couple days doesn't hurt my chances, but I don't want to wait forever. Also, I don't always know if I want to kiss them or not, so it's not hard for me to wait in that respect.

Anyway, is this even related to the topic?

So you have two options I can think of. 1. You could try to become closer friends with her before making your move, like inviting her to do something with other friends of yours. Or to find something of common interest and getting together to do it sometime, so it's not so much like a date. 2. Or you could just make your move and go for the date. I like option 1 personally, has had a lot of positive results for me, because if you have the chance to become good friends with a girl, isn't that what you want out of a relationship anyway? Or maybe you just want to bang her....option two would be best for that.