Wait or Initiate?

[Fugitive]

Long story short I had a great date with a chick lots of kino, laughter and eye contact. She initiated by texting me the next morning after the date. So that night I called her but she didn't answer and texted me the next morning to say sorry she would call in the evening. But she didn't call and messaged again this time no apology just chit chat. I found it disrespectful that she hadn't returned my call so I didn't reply to her message. She then called me but I missed it as I was out.

Since her message I've ignored her for a couple of days and didn't return her last call as I don't think she's put enough effort in. I feel like its a power struggle and we're stuck at a crossroads.

It's now been a couple of days. Should I wait it out and let her contact me? Or should I initiate and risk calling her again?

 

[dustmuffin]

She called you and you didnt return her call? Its a first date. Dont expect much. Call her and set up a date. Dont play games.

 

[Tictac]

Long story short I had a great date with a chick lots of kino, laughter and eye contact. She initiated by texting me the next morning after the date. So that night I called her but she didn't answer and texted me the next morning to say sorry she would call in the evening. But she didn't call and messaged again this time no apology just chit chat. I found it disrespectful that she hadn't returned my call so I didn't reply to her message. She then called me but I missed it as I was out.

Since her message I've ignored her for a couple of days and didn't return her last call as I don't think she's put enough effort in. I feel like its a power struggle and we're stuck at a crossroads.

It's now been a couple of days. Should I wait it out and let her contact me? Or should I initiate and risk calling her again?

A power struggle after one date?

LOL

You don't even know her.

 

[EyeBRollin]

You're complicating this. She initiated after the first date.

"I had fun too <name>. Let's do it again. When are you free to <date> at <location>?"

When a woman initiates, it is her idea that she wants you. Set up the date and stop beating around the bush.

 

[Fugitive]

Sorry missed out i called her twice (not on the same day).

So basically she initiated with a how are you text I called her once and then again the next day she missed both calls and didnt return the call until i ignored her. So if she wanted me why ignore my calls?! It was in the evening and she was at home!

 

[marmel75]

Stop playing games and ask her out if that's what you want to do. What's your obsession with needing to talk to her? You can't text her that?

No wonder why so many people don't get laid on here, SMFH

 

[Fugitive]

^ She said she's more of a call me than text me person. You reckon I should text her to ask her out anyway?

 

[marmel75]

^ She said she's more of a call me than text me person. You reckon I should text her to ask her out anyway?

To get her out? Yes. Obviously calling isn't working so well.

 

[Bingo-Player]

A power struggle after one date?

LOL

You don't even know her.

you underestimate modern women , they are more than capable of creating a power play from the word go nowadays its become fashionable to have men snapping at your heels.....

 

[Tictac]

you underestimate modern women , they are more than capable of creating a power play from the word go nowadays its become fashionable to have men snapping at your heels.....

Maybe. But they'd need to have someone on the other end snapping at their heels. For me, after one date, that won't be happening.

I don't fret much about people I barely know.

 

[slight]

You have to build more rapport imo, she has showed you interest, don't ignore her messages and set up a date.

 

[Yewki]

Why are you trying to call a girl the day after a date to chit chat?
Why do you care that she texted you back instead of calling?
Why would you intentionally ignore her call?
Is your goal to make this more complicated?

This eye-for-an-eye power struggle you're doing is immature, you should text her and set up a date before she thinks you're a joke

 

[Fugitive]

Why are you trying to call a girl the day after a date to chit chat?

Assumption. Wasn't to "chit chat" it was to ask her out for a 2nd date.

Why do you care that she texted you back instead of calling?

Normally when I call someone they answer or call back. The fact that she messaged to say sorry and she would call suggests she knew she should have returned my call. Point taken that perhaps I care too much.

Why would you intentionally ignore her call?
Is your goal to make this more complicated?

Assumption. Not sure you read my post properly. I was out when she called. I didn't even see her call until over an hour after.

This eye-for-an-eye power struggle you're doing is immature, you should text her and set up a date before she thinks you're a joke

Not sure how accurate this is. Where have I power struggled? I have just ignored her a few days and pulling back shows I dont need her and increases attraction as opposed to going AFC on her and blowing up her phone in desperation.

 

[marmel75]

Assumption. Wasn't to "chit chat" it was to ask her out for a 2nd date.


Normally when I call someone they answer or call back. The fact that she messaged to say sorry and she would call suggests she knew she should have returned my call. Point taken that perhaps I care too much.


Assumption. Not sure you read my post properly. I was out when she called. I didn't even see her call until over an hour after.


Not sure how accurate this is. Where have I power struggled? I have just ignored her a few days and pulling back shows I dont need her and increases attraction as opposed to going AFC on her and blowing up her phone in desperation.

You already showed desperation by calling her the day after the date.
This is what happens when people read "what to do" without understanding context of when to do it. Now all you are doing is showing her you aren't really interested in her...possible "auto-rejection" in play on her part.

 

[Fugitive]

^ I agree that calling her was a mistake. Perhaps I was naive. She did however call me back after - so clearly it wasn't a total deal breaker for her as its not like I blew up her phone with loads of texts and calls. She texted me twice and called once. I texted her once and called twice. I've got the balance slightly wrong there. Learning as I go!

I think backing off was the right thing to do after as it shows i'm not desperate.

 

[marmel75]

^ I agree that calling her was a mistake. Perhaps I was naive. She did however call me back after - so clearly it wasn't a total deal breaker for her as its not like I blew up her phone with loads of texts and calls. She texted me twice and called once. I texted her once and called twice. I've got the balance slightly wrong there. Learning as I go!

I think backing off was the right thing to do after as it shows i'm not desperate.

When you stop worrying about "what it looks like" and simply do what you want because you can, you'll realize it comes off a lot more congruent. If you aren't desperate, you won't come off desperate. If you are worried about "looking desperate" then chances are she will still see it as desperate or try hard...

Not knocking you, but just giving you something to think about. And as with anything, the more options you give yourself, the less inclined you are to come off as looking desperate no matter what you do.

 

[guru1000]

I found it disrespectful that she hadn't returned my call so I didn't reply to her message.

LOL!

I think this forum has been invaded lately by sensitive men.

 

[grayclif]

Long story short I had a great date with a chick lots of kino, laughter and eye contact. She initiated by texting me the next morning after the date. So that night I called her but she didn't answer and texted me the next morning to say sorry she would call in the evening. But she didn't call and messaged again this time no apology just chit chat. I found it disrespectful that she hadn't returned my call so I didn't reply to her message. She then called me but I missed it as I was out.

Since her message I've ignored her for a couple of days and didn't return her last call as I don't think she's put enough effort in. I feel like its a power struggle and we're stuck at a crossroads.

It's now been a couple of days. Should I wait it out and let her contact me? Or should I initiate and risk calling her again?

Many on this site advocate setting dates up with a phone call and not texting. The idea is that she should hear you asking her in a cool confident way. And she us less likely to give you some bs excuse if she''s not interested.

However, I think times are a changing. And these girls like doing everything over text. It also means if she is on the phone with you she can't text or respond to the million other notification that are ringing off on her phone.

So figure out how to get the most bang for the buck with each text you send. You don't want to send walls of text or double text.

In your case I think she is interested so don't feel disrespected. Feeling this way is a waste of mental energy. So set up a date via text and do your talking when you see her. Remember to go for the mid date kiss. The kiss will tell you everything you need to know.

 

[Vivacity]

Many on this site advocate setting dates up with a phone call and not texting. The idea is that she should hear you asking her in a cool confident way. And she us less likely to give you some bs excuse if she''s not interested.

However, I think times are a changing. And these girls like doing everything over text. It also means if she is on the phone with you she can't text or respond to the million other notification that are ringing off on her phone.

So figure out how to get the most bang for the buck with each text you send. You don't want to send walls of text or double text.

In your case I think she is interested so don't feel disrespected. Feeling this way is a waste of mental energy. So set up a date via text and do your talking when you see her. Remember to go for the mid date kiss. The kiss will tell you everything you need to know.

Personally, if a person reaches out to me via text or phone call or a letter, I get back to them. I don't care what medium they used to reach out to me.

Dating is a different world, altogether. I take 2 shots (1 text + 1 call [or] 2 Calls [or] 2 Texts [or] asking in person 2 times), strictly.

My first shot is always a text.

My second shot is to ask in person, if I know I am going to see her again, after, of course, at least a week's time of the first shot so she figures out what she needs to do with me. Or my second shot is a phone call, if I am not sure of seeing her in person again, and leave a message.

This is my favorite combination. Advantages of text - She can reply at her own time and convenience. If she is nervous, she can calm her nerves as she is not forced to reply right away. Advantages of asking out in person or via a phone call, it is more personal that you took time to approach her again or call her to talk to her. You covered both.