Vulnerability...Afraid of being a victim

[drixsa]

OREO-

i still stand by my original advice that if you want to fix the problem you need to discuss it openly with your mother.

if this is serious as it seems to be family therapy might be your best option.

 

[MrBond007]

Crap on family therapy.Its clear here that this mother is th source of everyone`s problem.I say they should get rid of her.

 

[JR Ewing]

PychoSexual, have you read...

"What do you say after you say hello?", by Eric Berne?

This guy invented what's called "Transactional Analysis" in psychology. This reader review on Amazon pretty much sums it up:

"This is the best book that I have ever read on the subject of pschotherapy.It shows how `parental influence' becomes your conscience and determines your destiny and ultimately what is written on the epitaph of your tomb.The illusion that a human being is a free, autonomous creature is shattered. One need not find this distressing as there is hope.To find out more read it, go through it again, unwind the tape on which the holes have been punched to make your program (Life script) and possibly try to reprogram yourself! Not a easy task, mind you. "

-JR

 

[Psycho`Sexual]

right

yeah drixsa, I know what you mean, and I'm getting to teh point where I'm close to talking to her, but I'm gonna make it with baby steps.


Thanks for the book recommendation, I've got a few books which are very similar to that one (it seems), and me looking into myself and how and why I act a certain way is one small part of changing my programing.

 

[bp1974]

Re: My brother

Originally posted by Psycho`Sexual
BP, I like your step by step idea, and I do that already with tiny steps.

But its so off balance when I have a chick drooling after me from being in my class for 1hr30mins.

A part of my problem is my seduction is FAST. while my progress of personal psyche and trust is not.

So by the time I have the chick, I dont even trust her enough to like...catch me if i close my eyes and fall at her.

It sounds like trust is a really big deal to you, which is not surprising seeing as you've never been able to trust your mother. But trust takes time.

I wouldn't trust a woman I'd only known a short while to catch me if I shut my eyes and fell either, not because she's untrustworthy, but because she and I didn't know each other well enough to have that kind of trust.

It sounds like you want to meet a girl, seduce her, and develop a big bond of trust almost immediately. Maybe to make up for what's been lacking in your childhood? Again, this is understandable. But it's worth recognising that the importance you place on trust is all about you, and how you were brought up, and isn't necessarily a very realistic idea of how trust is created between two new people.

As I said in my first post, the key to developing a level of trust is to give yourself little experiences of trusting people, one small step at a time.

 

[James Dupri]

A lot of what I see my mother doing to my brother takes me back to when I was about his age.

If you could see the way my mom acts around people she can boss around...


It's not just about 'me' and some irrational feeling that everyone is plotting against me.


I KNOW logically this is not so, but my mind is taught to react much differently.


Its a reflex, like trying to catch something that is falling, even if its a blade. Or perhaps being taught to supress your urge to piss unless your on the toilet.


You would be surprised how many people COULDNT pee their pants even if they were TRYING to.


IF you could see my mom interacting with my brother on a day to day basis, you would understand what I mean.


She screams and hits him if he does ANYTHING displeasing, he's already at the phase of lying to her and avoiding things some.


I KNOW that she can't physically control me in anyway. If i can kick my dads ass, then I'm sure I can physically restrain my mom.

It's not that.



There is no LOGICAL basis for it. Its just a programmed response I've developed.

Yes it is "mind control" you can't be raised without it, if your parents didnt shape part of your mind during the early years of life, than you would most likely be dead or in a coma.


EVERYONE's mind is somewhat controlled by their parents...


If you disagree then maybe your confusing 'mind control' as used in cartoons with MIND CONTROL of psychology.


squirrels, you want an example of a negative reaction my mom had with my brother?


"Come here!"
*he goes over*

"Here, I knitted you a sweater, try it on."
*he tries it on*its crooked*

"WHAT THE ****!!! iTS CROOKED! YOU DUMB LITTLE ****, YOU PUT IT ON WRONG! TAKE IT OFF!"
*he takes it off cowering*

"LOOK YOU *****! ITS EVEN ON BOTH SIDES!"
*hes about to cry*

"YOU DUMB ****ER, YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!!? YOU'VE BENT YOUR STUPID SHOULDERS ALREADY! you know what im saying!? YOUR SHOULDERS ARE CROOKED! YOUR A FREAK YOU MORON!"


*MOM STORMS OFF*

now multiply this about 15times throughout the day about food, tv, HW, sitting posture, the way he talks, toys, cleaning up, etc.


Trust me after a few years your going to be scarred as **** of enraging the beast, especially the very much still developing mind of a little child.


She doesnt get mad at you, she get crazy about anything she wasn't expecting.


BP, I like your step by step idea, and I do that already with tiny steps.

But its so off balance when I have a chick drooling after me from being in my class for 1hr30mins.

A part of my problem is my seduction is FAST. while my progress of personal psyche and trust is not.

So by the time I have the chick, I dont even trust her enough to like...catch me if i close my eyes and fall at her.

Damn.

 

[sodbuster]

Just don't make the mistake of marrying a girl that acts like her-easy to do. You are familiar with her emotions and can predict her moods-you think you are in love-soulmates.THEN you realize she's a young version of mom, treating YOUR kids and you the same way.

Eventually, you need to learn how to confront women. MOM,school teachers[mostly women] etc. You get brainwashed into having to please them and it carries over into your dating and the rest of life.