Dang... you know what sucks? What sucks is that, thus far, you're doing most things right, but based on your thought patterns I can already start to see how you could potentially f' this up.
Let's help you NOT do that, shall we? Check it out:
Comatozed said:
The date was fine, she wasn't overly impressed with the dog track and I could tell, but it was secondary to having a few drinks in the bar anyway. I was def overly invested because I thought she was something she probably isn't. This is good as now I can continue on in more of a idgaf way, now that she has shown one or two of her flaws.
You worried way too much early on about doing dinner and possibly "losing your frame," which, by the way, is one of the dumber ideas I keep reading about on these boards. She already had sex with you, guy - at this point, dinner isn't something that's going to make her view you one way or another. Heck, some of my more successful dating/relationship situations started out as a dinner date on date numero uno. The activity itself comes second to how you're making a woman FEEL.
Also - action dates are GREAT, but women have more fun engaging with a guy in a well-balanced conversation. By removing dinner dates, you're taking out an essential fun part of dating for her: hearing a guy talk and getting to learn more about him. So, for future reference, don't completely eliminate dinner as part of your dating process. You could have done the dog track AND eaten somewhere that wasn't all that expensive. (And, as I tend to point out, no matter how much you're spending on dinner, she has probably spent twice that much buying new outfits to impress you. So, get over it.)
Comatozed said:
The sex has been good on all occasions and she's said so herself, so it's not that.
Don't listen to this. First time sex with new girls is a thrill based off the newness of it, but you should always be studying to do better. A lot of guys shoot themselves in the foot because they listen to the words a girl is saying about their sex life ("Oh, it's really great") instead of asking questions that will allow them to know what REALLY turns them on in the bedroom.
Comatozed said:
She also asked is what we are doing purely about the sex for me.. I assumed she was asking because she's looking for more.. not sure if this is a red flag in the sense she may be used to guys just wanting sex?
This is a question that girls who have had sex with you early in the dating process will usually ask. In short: she's second-guessing herself because she had sex with you sooner than she expected, and her ego is hoping that you're not going to suddenly disappear on her and make her feel like a "one-bang" slvt.
Notice I didn't say she's asking this because she's looking for a relationship. At this point in the dating process she's still not at the point where she's ready to make that call with you, but you guys just did a relationship-style act together, so her brain is jumping between thinking she may want you as a boyfriend but isn't ready for that, but doesn't want to feel like a slvt either. THAT'S why she's asking the question - it's not because she wants more just yet, it's because she wants to protect her self-interest by making sure she's not just a sex play thing for you.
Here's the thing, though: if you answer her in a way that either indicates you're looking for a relationship OR that you're just doing this to "have some fun," you lose. The first answer makes it seem like you have feelings that are stronger than where she's at; the second answer makes it look like you just want sex with no commitment. The smart way to answer her question is to not take her seriously. Here's an example:
HER: So... are you just in this for the sex?
ME: Why? Are YOU just in this for the sex?
HER: What? No, I mean...
See what I did there? I flipped it around on her to make it seem like SHE's the one using ME for sex! At that point, she realizes how stupid she's being. Another tactic you can use is called the "Let's stop having sex altogether" ploy:
HER: So... are you just in this for the sex?
ME: Why? Do you feel that way? 'Cause if so, we can totally stop having sex and wait 'til you're more comfortable...
HER: What? Oh, no no no, that's not what I want... no, that's okay, just wanted to know
Why does this work? Remember, she doesn't want to feel like a slvt... so, when you act like you're willing to completely remove the sex option, it does two things to her: one, it makes her FEEL like you value her for more than sex, which removes the slvt thought from her brain; and two, it makes her realize she actually DOES want the sex, and would not like it if it went away. So, you win on two fronts here!
Comatozed said:
I told her I enjoy her company but not looking for anything serious, to keep her chasing.
Again, go with the previously mentioned advice above. Saying this instead is not necessary, and can actually make a girl get rid of you early on before her feelings for you get too deep.
Comatozed said:
She keeps begging me to spend the night after sex but so far each time I've gone home.
Why? I once stayed at a woman's place over night and we had sex FOUR times! Are you trying to miss out on the extra sex that can happen when you stay over? Most women can go more than one round - if you're doing it once and then leaving... I just don't get it, personally.
Comatozed said:
I need to find out about her sexual past but hard to do so without seeming insecure, any advice?
This is a lie. It's a lie that movies and media will have you believe is necessary for you to form a closer bond to a woman. It is not.
The only thing you need to know about her sexual past is (a) if it produced any kids, and (b) if she has any STDs. That's pretty much it. Anything beyond that isn't necessary for you to know. You may THINK you WANT to know it, but it's not really a NEED that's going to help anything. "Hey girl, I really, REALLY need to know about all the pen!ses that have been up in you" - do you really, REALLY want to know that crap??
Plus, I tend to find that, if you date a woman long enough, she'll become comfortable enough with you to talk to you about those things on her own timing. You forcing it out of her isn't something that needs to be done.
Anyway... so, like I said in the beginning, you're doing most things right, but don't let these various thoughts cause you to screw it up. Also, don't think you need to tell her every single thing that's going on in your head. I have learned the hard way that the way men think isn't always appealing for women to hear. Thus, your thoughts of insecurity aren't things that need be addressed with her. Good luck!
