Talking with a positive, friendly tonality and a lot of emotional inflection is SOOOOOO massively important. SOOOO important. To most guys, it's invisible. Or they think that their vocals are already good. I wouldn't be so sure...
Tonight I left a girl a message on her phone. The night before, I'd told her to call me to let me know when she was leaving her house to come meet me. Well, she flaked on me tonight. I called her, but I got her voicemail. I left a message saying basically, "Hey, HB, this is Chance. I'm at the club right now, so what's up? .....Call me when you get this. Okay? Bye."
Her voice-mail service allowed for a neat feature. It lets the caller playback his/her phone call before submitting it, and if need be, delete it and leave another message in its place.
I thought I sounded pretty cool, laidback, and detached from the outcome when I was talking.
When I played my message back, I sounded disappointed and slightly depressed, with hints of anger and bitterness.
I had NO ****ING IDEA I sounded like that until I played it back. I *thought* that I had done a good job controlling my state. I didn't *feel* very depressed or let down. But I felt it a little bit. I was a **little** angry and bitter that she didn't show up. NOT MUCH. I thought that I had disguised it well. WRONG. That *little bit* of negative emotion permeated my whole message. It made my whole message sound depressing and uncool.
For the longest time I would get blown out of sets and not know why. And for the longest time, regular, everyday social interactions I had with people were erratic.
This was despite me looking like a decently cool, normal guy. Despite me having good bodylanguage. But I was so unaware of my voice that I *never* considered that it could be an issue.
After-all, when I talked into my recorder to journal my thoughts, I always sounded cool. Well, that's because I knew I was talking into a recorder, so I was more aware of how I sounded. Also, when I journal my thoughts vocally with a recorder, I often get really excited about what I'm talking about. Like if I'm talking into the recorder about how I discovered some new PU breakthrough or about a successful FR, I SOUND COOL.
But in my daily interactions with people, I have not been conscious of my voice hardly AT ALL. Slight negative states creep through. I've had a tendency of talking with a very low range of vocal inflection and I usually end sentences in a "controlled", low manner, with little to no "friendly pitch".
That's as best as I can describe it as I don't know the exact mechanics of the voice. But my normal, everyday speaking has always been "controlled." That's as best as I can describe it. Even if I'm happy or in a good mood, that just means that I've gone to Level 2 or Level 3 of "controlled voice."
Whereas the coolest guys I know speak with a ****load of inflection and go ALL OVER THE MAP with it. Imagine inflection and tonality like a vertical bar. I've mostly stayed toward the lower end of the bar, and sometimes I go a little above my "default" mark, or a little below it. Whereas the cool guys I know have a "default" marker a little above the middle of the bar and, when expressing themselves, go ALL OVER the bar.
I've always heard TD harp on this, but I thought, "Well, TD sounds effiminate. I can see why he has trouble with his voice. This isn't a big problem for me since I've got a deep, rich voice."
A LOT OF GOOD that 'deep, rich' voice does if it CAN'T MOVE and it can't EXPRESS ITSELF.
I have an idea, from talking to some guys who are trying to be PUAs, that this can be a majorly handicapping issue for them, as it was for me. They'll go into set with a built body, cool clothes, great body language, a good headspace, field-tested material and then just utterly bomb out. Then, the inner monologue activates:
"Maybe I'm not as goodlooking as I thought. Maybe these clothes suck. The guy who invented this routine is lying. Were my shoulders tense? ****"
What's REALLY going on?
For most people, our voices are such an integrated part of us that RARELY do we pay attention to it. WE THINK we sound cool when we're talking since it's a part of us and it's on autopilot. It can't possibly be bad if we're "being ourselves." Wrong. "Ourselves" get trapped in what is most familiar to us. So we don't make the effort to pay attention to our voices, because it seems so miniscule in comparison to our looks, clothes, bodylanguage, and what we actually say.
In a sense, it's almost like a guy's voice becomes INVISIBLE to him unless he's ALREADY insecure about how it sounds. If he's not aware that he sounds boring, depressing, or uncool, then it's not even ON THE ****ING RADAR for him. Thus, guys conclude all this fallacious **** when they get blown out when their voice was the culprit all along, stealing good vibes and ***** away like a theif in the night.
I've got just tons and tons of stories I could tell about how my voice has ****ed over my social interactions without me knowing it.
I don't have as many good ones, but the ones I do have stand out.
The first kiss I ever got, I think, was because of a fluke in my vocal tonality and projection.
A girl I hadn't talked to in a long time called me up. She MEANT to call her boyfriend, whose name is similar to mine. So when looking at her address book in her cell phone, she must have gone down too far.
When I picked up the phone, she sounded a little confused, and I was confused as well. I figured she was "shy." She wasn't really all THAT shy, she was just confused. Anyways, it was the weekend, so I figured she wanted to hang out with me.
I was so flattered that she called and expressed such a big "IOI" to me that my state changed to a super-positive one. My voice sounded super-positive and was full of inflection. I sounded HAPPY. Friendly. Like the all the cool guys I know.
So I invite her out. She accepts. Why? The positivity and friendliness in my voice was INFECTIOUS. Most people walk around in a ****ing haze. When somebody comes from a positive reality, people want IN. Because a truly positive, friendly, uplifting, reality is so RARE.
And the primary way that we convey our reality is the VOICE.
So I took this girl to the movies, stayed in my super-positive reality, created routines and SS talk on the fly (since I felt like I had this in the bag so much), and I ended up making out with her and feeling up her ***** in the movie theater...
AND THIS GIRL MEANT TO CALL HER BOYFRIEND. LOL!
In all the good seductions I can remember, my voice was money, because my inner reality was money. But I do think that it works both ways. Physiology affects the state of our reality. Tony Robbins says so. So we CAN consciously speak with more inflection, more emotion, more positivity and have it result in a change in our own state and in the states of others. Try it for a while-- I am. I'll report back in a few days if I notice big changes in how my interactions go. Sound ****ing happy to hear from people. If you order food, talk in a ****ing playful, cool, inflective way. Try imitating the way COOL guys who get girls talk.
If anybody else has reading material or exercises I can do, I'm ears.
-Chance
Tonight I left a girl a message on her phone. The night before, I'd told her to call me to let me know when she was leaving her house to come meet me. Well, she flaked on me tonight. I called her, but I got her voicemail. I left a message saying basically, "Hey, HB, this is Chance. I'm at the club right now, so what's up? .....Call me when you get this. Okay? Bye."
Her voice-mail service allowed for a neat feature. It lets the caller playback his/her phone call before submitting it, and if need be, delete it and leave another message in its place.
I thought I sounded pretty cool, laidback, and detached from the outcome when I was talking.
When I played my message back, I sounded disappointed and slightly depressed, with hints of anger and bitterness.
I had NO ****ING IDEA I sounded like that until I played it back. I *thought* that I had done a good job controlling my state. I didn't *feel* very depressed or let down. But I felt it a little bit. I was a **little** angry and bitter that she didn't show up. NOT MUCH. I thought that I had disguised it well. WRONG. That *little bit* of negative emotion permeated my whole message. It made my whole message sound depressing and uncool.
For the longest time I would get blown out of sets and not know why. And for the longest time, regular, everyday social interactions I had with people were erratic.
This was despite me looking like a decently cool, normal guy. Despite me having good bodylanguage. But I was so unaware of my voice that I *never* considered that it could be an issue.
After-all, when I talked into my recorder to journal my thoughts, I always sounded cool. Well, that's because I knew I was talking into a recorder, so I was more aware of how I sounded. Also, when I journal my thoughts vocally with a recorder, I often get really excited about what I'm talking about. Like if I'm talking into the recorder about how I discovered some new PU breakthrough or about a successful FR, I SOUND COOL.
But in my daily interactions with people, I have not been conscious of my voice hardly AT ALL. Slight negative states creep through. I've had a tendency of talking with a very low range of vocal inflection and I usually end sentences in a "controlled", low manner, with little to no "friendly pitch".
That's as best as I can describe it as I don't know the exact mechanics of the voice. But my normal, everyday speaking has always been "controlled." That's as best as I can describe it. Even if I'm happy or in a good mood, that just means that I've gone to Level 2 or Level 3 of "controlled voice."
Whereas the coolest guys I know speak with a ****load of inflection and go ALL OVER THE MAP with it. Imagine inflection and tonality like a vertical bar. I've mostly stayed toward the lower end of the bar, and sometimes I go a little above my "default" mark, or a little below it. Whereas the cool guys I know have a "default" marker a little above the middle of the bar and, when expressing themselves, go ALL OVER the bar.
I've always heard TD harp on this, but I thought, "Well, TD sounds effiminate. I can see why he has trouble with his voice. This isn't a big problem for me since I've got a deep, rich voice."
A LOT OF GOOD that 'deep, rich' voice does if it CAN'T MOVE and it can't EXPRESS ITSELF.
I have an idea, from talking to some guys who are trying to be PUAs, that this can be a majorly handicapping issue for them, as it was for me. They'll go into set with a built body, cool clothes, great body language, a good headspace, field-tested material and then just utterly bomb out. Then, the inner monologue activates:
"Maybe I'm not as goodlooking as I thought. Maybe these clothes suck. The guy who invented this routine is lying. Were my shoulders tense? ****"
What's REALLY going on?
For most people, our voices are such an integrated part of us that RARELY do we pay attention to it. WE THINK we sound cool when we're talking since it's a part of us and it's on autopilot. It can't possibly be bad if we're "being ourselves." Wrong. "Ourselves" get trapped in what is most familiar to us. So we don't make the effort to pay attention to our voices, because it seems so miniscule in comparison to our looks, clothes, bodylanguage, and what we actually say.
In a sense, it's almost like a guy's voice becomes INVISIBLE to him unless he's ALREADY insecure about how it sounds. If he's not aware that he sounds boring, depressing, or uncool, then it's not even ON THE ****ING RADAR for him. Thus, guys conclude all this fallacious **** when they get blown out when their voice was the culprit all along, stealing good vibes and ***** away like a theif in the night.
I've got just tons and tons of stories I could tell about how my voice has ****ed over my social interactions without me knowing it.
I don't have as many good ones, but the ones I do have stand out.
The first kiss I ever got, I think, was because of a fluke in my vocal tonality and projection.
A girl I hadn't talked to in a long time called me up. She MEANT to call her boyfriend, whose name is similar to mine. So when looking at her address book in her cell phone, she must have gone down too far.
When I picked up the phone, she sounded a little confused, and I was confused as well. I figured she was "shy." She wasn't really all THAT shy, she was just confused. Anyways, it was the weekend, so I figured she wanted to hang out with me.
I was so flattered that she called and expressed such a big "IOI" to me that my state changed to a super-positive one. My voice sounded super-positive and was full of inflection. I sounded HAPPY. Friendly. Like the all the cool guys I know.
So I invite her out. She accepts. Why? The positivity and friendliness in my voice was INFECTIOUS. Most people walk around in a ****ing haze. When somebody comes from a positive reality, people want IN. Because a truly positive, friendly, uplifting, reality is so RARE.
And the primary way that we convey our reality is the VOICE.
So I took this girl to the movies, stayed in my super-positive reality, created routines and SS talk on the fly (since I felt like I had this in the bag so much), and I ended up making out with her and feeling up her ***** in the movie theater...
AND THIS GIRL MEANT TO CALL HER BOYFRIEND. LOL!
In all the good seductions I can remember, my voice was money, because my inner reality was money. But I do think that it works both ways. Physiology affects the state of our reality. Tony Robbins says so. So we CAN consciously speak with more inflection, more emotion, more positivity and have it result in a change in our own state and in the states of others. Try it for a while-- I am. I'll report back in a few days if I notice big changes in how my interactions go. Sound ****ing happy to hear from people. If you order food, talk in a ****ing playful, cool, inflective way. Try imitating the way COOL guys who get girls talk.
If anybody else has reading material or exercises I can do, I'm ears.
-Chance
? Most people are blissfully unaware of how they sound to other people on a daily basis. Increasing your self-esteem and confidence may help you to sound more confident and assertive, but there's no evidence that it'll make you become a more dynamic or interesting speaker when you've previously bored people or put them in bad moods with your voice.