viscous cycle I deal with.

[jd782]

Ok. Here is a problem I've dealt with more than once. Maybe some of you out there have as well. What did you do?

Ok. Lets say, I meet a woman, at, starbucks, or wherever. Maybe she works there. I talk to her casually. Try to be as cool as possible. She seems interested. After, a few weeks, or so. I ask her out. She says, sure, I'd love to. We exchange numbers.

Then. I try getting a date with her. But now, she makes every excuse as to why she can't go. So, after a few attempts of trying to get a date, I figure she's not interested. So, I pretty much ignore her. Except to place an order. I'm friendly, but not flirty. Then after a while, she wants to know why I'm not being as nice to her as I once was? Why I'm ignoring her? So, I'll say. I've had alot on my mind. I've been busy ETC. Not telling her the real reason. Not wanting to sound like I'm desperate. Then the cycle starts over again. I ask her out again. She says yes. And the above situation happens over again.

I'll only put up with this once or twice with any particular female. After the second attempt I move on. Find another place to go. But for some strange reason, it's happend a few times with about 3 or 4 women. And it drives me nuts. I've tried to figure out where I went wrong. Even when it seems like it would go well.

Anyone else deal with something similar? What did you do?

Thanks alot.

 

[LostAndConfused]

Have you been calling her alot, or showing anything desperate to make her have reason to flake on you?

 

[Maxtro]

Women are insane. Thats all I can say.

 

[tsmith2334]

The only thing I can think of is that maybe you're coming across as desperate when you ask her. Even though I like planning ahead and I'm uptight about plans, I never show it with women. I just call them once (usually spontaneously), and I rarely leave voice mails. It seems to work though.

 

[jd782]

LostAndConfused. Now that you mention it. Looking back. After they said yes. I probably came across a little desperate. Even if I didnt mean to show it. It was in my attitude. And my gestures I guess. But this is one area I have worked on.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

If she was really interested. She would not have turned you down and made excuses. Forget about this one.

 

[Mr. Wolf]

Two things, you wait too long, and you are asking her out..


Ideally you should identify target, approach, and get her number.. Even more ideally you are already in the out, so that could turn into a date.

You can also wait, but waiting is beta.. If waiting be cool, I'm sure if she works there she'll have coworkers, disarm them, be friendly.

Then, don't ask her out, ask her e-mail, and then tell her to put her number there..

If she is working, she will have a busy life, e-mail her in couple of days, telling that you'd like to have a coffee with her, to see if she's qualified to be with you. Ask her when is a good time to call her.. Call her, set it up..

She makes excuses, and they will.. Make it a big deal. Tell her she's screwing this up.




You are failing in waiting too long, woman would already size you up based on what you doing there, not mysterious at all. You are asking her out, so formal mother fvcker! Then you beta at her when she says I can't..

For what you already doing to work you need to change what you doing in there.. Instead of being so beta, be alpha, and be social.. Bring buddies with you, talk loud, take up space... Good read is How to Become Alpha Male by John Alexander, advertised on sosuave.com .

 

[Canadian Catnip]

You are failing in waiting too long,

How true.

I just lost a girl from waiting too long. She used to be all over me, figuratively. She asks me for my phone number and email. Gives me hugs every time she sees me with a big smile. Talks to me with great excitement when I see her. Tells me she has a boyfriend but they have stopped living together. He has moved out.

What did I do, I waited about 2 months to see what would happen with her and her boyfriend. I saw here yesterday and there are no more hugs, no real smiles, and very little conversation. She had given up on me asking her out.

The crazy thing is, she just gave up one day. One day she was still nice and happy and then when I saw her a week later she was cold.

I think we as men, when we make the mistake to wait it out, believe that we are doing the right thing. In actuality we are probably getting the women more upset with every missed opportunity. I think we also believe we will have the time to wait it out. We don't realize that it's a closing door. We see it as a wide open door until it suddenly slams shut.

Reminds me of a saying about dating. Rule 1) Wait to ask her out. Rule 2) Don't wait too long.

As for the experience, I am feeling crappy today because I missed out on asking her out but I realize that I am learning. I was actually going to post a rant about this here today.

I know that waiting IS my biggest sticking point with women. That's why I have the Gretzky quote in my sig. I need to learn that for myself.

 

[Poonani Maker]

How to Become Alpha Male by John Alexander

This is a good read, need to read it again, and I've read/listened to, a ton of ****.

I tend to wait too long too. When I do this the chick or broad will sometimes use a guy as a prop to make me jealous into asking her out or wishing I had asked her out. It doesn't work. Because I see right through it. The guy she uses is way-shorter than me, way-AFCer than me (not at all American Football Conference, but Alpha as alpha can get due to my job - dangerous).

I try to keep my distance from women, until I can get on my feet better financially, house-wise. This is my MAIN hangup/mental block. I'm not as stable financially as I'd like to be; therefore, I wait longer to ask a woman than I normally would. We're in a recession.

I know people say, Well you're suppose to start out and grow/struggle together with your woman (financially) having a baby, living in apartments and everything, but I would rather have a more solid footing starting out, which is why I'm holding out atm for that long-term job.

 

[Mr. Wolf]

Reading you poonani scares me.. You come across as a guy who wants to find a first girl and marry her.. Perhaps I've misread you.. No big deal..


It is dangerous for me in a sense that everywhere I go, everything I do, I am alpha male, and I assert dominance.. Just my sole presence asserts dominance.. This gets other people do things.. Such as other men assert their dominance.. Women do what you described.. I have women in company of their men turn heads.. I have bald men try to out alpha me.. .....and I ain't saying a word most of the time, just my sheer presence..

The latest thing that's happening are WARPIGS, extremely unattractive fat women, hating my guts..


I am trying to discover for myself at this point, am I intimidating in a good way or bad way.

 

[Poonani Maker]

What I've found is that if "warpigs" or moderately unattractive chicks show interest in me (I mean dribble all over herself ga-ga-ing interest), then if I show the slightest amount of disinterest, she'll REALLY get upset and want to attack me in some way: rumors, physically, financially.

Now, I HATE politics, but it's all up in my church and men (even married and old farts) get jealous of me ALL the time. I'm beginning to lose hope in my church as being TRUE Christians. I'll have the young girls flirt and definitely eye the sh1t out of me and guys will see this and start framing a bad image of me to the chicks who WERE interested, given their own thoughts. Gossiping sucks, and I'm about to renounce my Christianity, at least in the church that I've been apart of for the past 3 years. There's been a shakeup. My oneitis has always been to another church, but I can't get myself to start attending her church because doing so would show me as following her around and I can't do that. I could always buy a house near her church and then use proximity as an excuse to start going there, and leave my hateful church.

This is the problem. Chicks can't make up their minds, and always defer to someone else's point of view because they are weak and conditioned to do so. Me, as the alpha male, know what I'm doing and where I'm going always, and no wishy-washy dame is going to change that, except for my oneitis maybe, but probably not.

 

[jd782]

Thanks for the responses. Alot of good info.

Looking back on my experiences. I noticed. Before I asked them out. I was fun and relaxed. Then, when I was trying to set an actual date. At first I was casual. But over time, I got more and more needy and desperate. Looking back. This was probably the vibe I gave off. The energy that people feel. Like if an angry person walks into a room. You can "feel" it, before you even talk to them. I'm sure I came across as desperate. And then, When I kept trying, I probably came across kind of pushy.

And I probably did wait too long. Some, I knew for several months. As a customer. Before I made any moves. So, looking back. This was a bad idea. I should have moved faster.

But, I with these reponses, I've got something to use.

 

[decadentdestruction]

How true.

I just lost a girl from waiting too long. She used to be all over me, figuratively. She asks me for my phone number and email. Gives me hugs every time she sees me with a big smile. Talks to me with great excitement when I see her. Tells me she has a boyfriend but they have stopped living together. He has moved out.

What did I do, I waited about 2 months to see what would happen with her and her boyfriend. I saw here yesterday and there are no more hugs, no real smiles, and very little conversation. She had given up on me asking her out.

The crazy thing is, she just gave up one day. One day she was still nice and happy and then when I saw her a week later she was cold.

I think we as men, when we make the mistake to wait it out, believe that we are doing the right thing. In actuality we are probably getting the women more upset with every missed opportunity. I think we also believe we will have the time to wait it out. We don't realize that it's a closing door. We see it as a wide open door until it suddenly slams shut.

Reminds me of a saying about dating. Rule 1) Wait to ask her out. Rule 2) Don't wait too long.

As for the experience, I am feeling crappy today because I missed out on asking her out but I realize that I am learning. I was actually going to post a rant about this here today.

I know that waiting IS my biggest sticking point with women. That's why I have the Gretzky quote in my sig. I need to learn that for myself.

I had the same happened to me , my new years resolution is not to lag it anymore.

 

[Chaotixxx]

The latest thing that's happening are WARPIGS, extremely unattractive fat women, hating my guts..

Haha, so true. Especially at the workplace.

 

[Who is John Gault?]

Then after a while, she wants to know why I'm not being as nice to her as I once was?

Translation:
Why aren't you giving me attention anymore... i really enjoyed being validated.

Now look again at what you're doing, you're being a simp. You jump at the first chance to validate her.