Violent rage, uncontrollable breathing and shaking

[yungahdubz]

I've calmed down now.

About 10 minutes ago though i got into a violent rage and i couldn't breathe right, it was very heavy and really hard to control and i started shaking.

It all started with me going to a wedding, i said i wasn't going to go but i got forced into last minute.

My washing machine is broken and has been for the past few years so my mom always goes to the laundry to do it because we have no money to buy a washing machine. My mom told me to get my clothes together two weeks ago cos she was doing the laundry. So i did. 2 weeks later, she hasn't gone to the laundry and the reeking, sweat ridden clothes she has gathered and put in black bags has the clothes i need to where to this wedding.

So i turn up to this wedding, looking really good, but stinking like ****. Someone even said "something smells really bad" whilst speaking to me.

This isn't what pissed me off, but it is the fact that she gets on my case to put get my clothes together and doesn't wash them for 2 weeks and this happens ALL the time.

Then at the wedding she told me not to speak to certain people, my abusive, alcoholic fathers sister and her kids. She said they did bad things to her which she wont tell me about.

They then came upto us and started speaking to us, and she was all lovey dovey with them. Her fakeness angered me even more.

On the drive home we argued about things and that got me even more riled up.

As soon as we arrived home i was in an uncontrollable rage. I started thinking of all the things i hate about her.

A few tears of pure anger ran down my face, my breathing became uncontrollable and i was shaking. I then punched a glass door and a wall twice. I then shouted that i hated her.

And she goes "you hate me over me not washing your clothes". It wasn't even about that anymore.

I shouted that i hate the fact, we have a broken dishwasher, washing machine, fridge and microwave and that we have no money to get new ones. I then i said i hated the fact she's £10,000 - £15,000 in debt. After, i shouted that i hate her because i have to say no so many times to my friends that i can't go out because i have no money whatsoever and that i hate trying to convince them to do something that costs no money. Finally, i said that she has 2 kids, 1 in uni who has uni bills to pay and i said how am i going to pay for my future when i go to uni and how am i going to get money when we have none and there are no jobs. i have been looking non stop for the past 9 months. all of this magnified by the fact that anything she says or does really pis ses me off.

then i told her to get the **** away from me and i punched 2 more walls.

She has a condition called fibromyalgia which means she has agony in her muscles all the time and it prevents her from doing things that require the least physical strength. It also affects her sleeping and she has irregular sleep patterns. All this means she cant work and our only source of money is form the government, she's not even on ****ing disability even thought she is disables because of the fact she hasnt worked in the last 5 years...because she is ****ing disabled.

I don't think ive ever got this angery and im pretty sure i dont have anger problems. It's just the fact ive been thinkin this for so long but i just didn't want 2 say this 2 her and upset her and ive kept it bottled up for months and it just all exploded at once.

I know its not completely her fault we're in such a bad financial situation but it doesn't stop the fact that my current situation sucks a complete load of balls.

I'm gonna work so ****ing hard for my exams. My worst nightmare would be to end up like her.

 

[DJDamage]

I think you have displaced anger over your situation and your mother does not deserve the brunt of it due to her condition because she is in the same boat as you are.

Instead of being angry, why don't you take a little control of things. You need money? then go find yourself a part time job. You want to go to a good university? study your ass off and hopefully they will pay you to go. If not, you can always start off in a small college and work your way up. There are always solutions and alternatives to every situation.

You need your washing done? do them yourself. As a matter of fact try to make the best of your situation by getting things done, instead of complaining and not being in control. Its not like you are on the streets, in an abusive situation or you don't have anything to eat or wear.

 

[Interceptor]

Yung, your situation IS very bad.
It is perfectly fine for you to be angry.
Your mother DID drop the ball.

But this is how life is.

You cannot CONTROL other people. What they do, how they speak, how they act...etc..


You can only control yourSELF.

It's not wrong to be angry.

And it is perfectly understandable to be angry at your mother for the clothes washing issue.

But I don't agree that you should be angry at your mother for your financial situation.
It's not that she is not accountable.
But she is disabled. And many, many people don't really have the means or understanding to be truly financially secure and have a lot of disposable income.
The fact is MOST people ARE IN DEBT.
MOST people do NOT have that disposable income.
MOST people are spending money they do not have.
And salaries are either stagnant or dropping, while the cost of living has increased dramatically.

Your mother was not able to find a way to have a massive amount of money or be able to earn it somehow.
This is not a moral failing.
It's not ideal. And she is responsible for her finances, but perhaps she didn't receive the guidance and/or encouragement that she needed to get to a place where she could make a lot of money.

So it is important to step back and get some perspective on this thing.
Don't focus your anger in this area towards her.

I understand your anger, and you have every right to be angry.
But what you DO with your anger will be either a sign of maturity or immaturity.
Many people preach that feeling anger is wrong.
I disagree.
Feeling anger is not wrong. It does not reveal a moral weakness or lack of strong character.
Feeling anger is perfectly normal.
What is destructive is the external manifestation that CAUSES HARM and DISHARMONY.
You need to KNOW how to channel your anger. And how to properly express it. It's not easy.
And physical violence resulting from anger may only be defendable in the case of defending a loved one who is being assaulted somehow or in self defense. But even that can/should be transcended if you were to participate in RBSD and/or martial art training. As experiencing anger in a life or death situation is not practical nor ideal.

When you feel anger towards someone or something..they OWN YOU.

This is why anger must be controlled and channeled correctly.

For now, you will have to see how you can change your perspective on things.

And one of those things is how you deal with your friends.
You're still very young and impressionable. At your age most young adults still seek approval, acceptance, and validation from their peers. Hence why you feel ashamed and embarassed for not having enough money to 'roll' with your friends.
But those feelings are not yours to keep. You have no reason to keep them.
You gain nothing beneficial from making yourself experience them.This is a very important lesson to learn.
To learn how to enjoy genuine friendship from good, genuine friends who accept you for WHO you are, not how much money you can spend. To let go of needing their acceptance or approval.
You must let go of those things because they are not self respecting, smart, prudent, practical and they WILL BRING YOU HARM in the future if you continue to do so.

You also have another lesson to learn as a young man.
And that lesson is a lesson in SELF MANAGEMENT.

And that includes how to wash your own clothes. And take care of things that ultimately ARE your responsibility.
This is a very difficult lesson for many men.
And your situation is extremely common.
Men who do not learn how to take care of themselves SUFFER in life.
They continue to be DEPENDENT on others to take care of them.
They dont take the time to say, take some aspirin to work with them if they get a headache at work. They dont go to buy toothpaste or a new toothbrush, or buy hangers to hang their clothes, or get their food ready for the next day, iron their clothes, set their alarm clocks , or mark their calendars to remind them of important dates, etc..
do you understand this???
Many men do not do these things for themselves.
They lack organizational skills.
Missing these things is called Lack of Self Management SKILLS.

You are experiencing the situation that arises when you dont take care of what ultimately was your responsibility.
Im not saying you are inept or stupid, or a fool, etc..
No.
But this is a lesson to you for you to realize the VALUE of having these skills for you to ENJOY for yourself. To take care of yourself and the things YOU NEED for yourself.

So use this event as a lesson for you. To deepen your maturing process.
And become a more self sufficient man.
This is for you.
Self discipline to do these things for yourself all the time is an Assurance of a HIGHER QUALITY of Life for you.This is key.


Please Apologize to your mother.She deserves that.
And go even further, ask for her Forgiveness.

Please take the time to fully explain,with no anger, exactly WHY you reacted that way. And ask her to please understand you, and help you help her and you avoid these kinds of situations in the future.
Finally, become more aware of situations like this one that come up and make the decision to take care of what you personally can for yourself, and ask for help in the things you cant do for yourself.
If you do these things your quality of life will improve despite your lack of financial abundance.
Use this event as motivating fuel for you to be succesful in life. To let go of fear and fear of risk, etc. And use it for you benefit.
Good luck.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

I'm gonna work so ****ing hard for my exams. My worst nightmare would be to end up like her.

Remember this feeling. anytime you feel yourself drifting away from succeeding in school, remember this feeling. Anytime you lose motivation for finding any legal means you can to make money, remember this feeling. Anytime something threatens to pull you of course of the life you want to create, remember this feeling.

You know what you don't want. The next step is to figure out what you do want.

 

[iqqi]

Dude. Do your own ****ing laundry. What, are you three years old?!

 

[Desert Fox]

Wow...yung bro you basically acted on everything I ever thought of doing/saying not to my parents, but to certain people in my life and I'm very glad I didn't carry though and kind of just let it simmer down or release through other means like screaming alone or rigorous running until I collapse in the middle of nowhere.

But thanks for posting that because it got this solid post from interceptor...jesus christ man you hit the nail on the head and a trigger just went off in my brain.

MATURITY

THAT WORD

I AM RESPONSIBLE

THOSE WORDS

It's like a dagger going through the lazy FVCKER in my head...I have not tapped into my full potential. I have been WASTING AWAY the opportunities I've had. True, I have accomplished a lot for my age, but there is still SO MUCH MORE to do and aspire to.

Remember this feeling. anytime you feel yourself drifting away from succeeding in school, remember this feeling. Anytime you lose motivation for finding any legal means you can to make money, remember this feeling. Anytime something threatens to pull you of course of the life you want to create, remember this feeling.

You know what you don't want. The next step is to figure out what you do want.

Very good advice!!

 

[darkstarrr]

Dude. Do your own ****ing laundry. What, are you three years old?!

I started doing my own laundry around 14 when I got made fun of in the locker room for having slightly pink undies. How difficult is it to not wash anything red with the whites, Ma?! Never again!

 

[Jaggs]

Interceptors post was spot on.

He explained everything I was thinking while reading your post, in a very polite manner also. The only thing I do not agree with is that your situation is bad. Yes, it is an unfortunate series of events, but it is not THAT BAD. Consider your situation against the millions who struggle to live every single day and face many more challenges than you can imagine.

But seriously, all I hear in this situation is me, me, me. One thing you have to accept (As Interceptor said), is that YOU are not the center of the world.

You need to AWAKE to the reality of life.

stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you), and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

Learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and not everyone will always be there for you and it's not always about you. Words are just words, learn to sense the meaning and reasoning behind why people say these things (For example, your mother trying to protect you from 'bad people'. Even if it is the wrong action, it stems from good intention. Appreciate this instead of getting angry about the actual situation)

So, you learn to stand on your own two feet and to take care of yourself fully. In the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance. You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and overlook their shortcomings and human frailties.

Learn life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to make things personal.

learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

Honestly, acceptance is the only way to peace of mind and stopping situations like this arising.

Think about this.

And please, PLEASE apologize to your poor mother. I imagine she is trying to do her best for you, and acting out in this way has probably made her feel terrible. Sympathize with her situation, even if she frustrates you.

 

[Monster]

Hey kid, study hard, go to school on scholly, and get the life you want. I have friends who were in the same boat as you and they lifted themselves up. Good luck.

 

[randomshinichi]

Maybe it's just me being an Asian, but I wouldn't dare do that to my parents. Granted, I do get a bit pissed when I get home and it's the worse for wear since we haven't had money to renovate it.

There was one time I bought the last volume of Death Note in a bookstore in the airport, and my mom and dad were really angry over it. But what was most surprising was that my mom said she was ashamed that she had to admonish me so. Because she felt it was her responsibility to make sure that I led a life that would not require me to obsess over such relatively small expenditures.

That was the first time I had ever avoided an item I bought. I kept it buried deeply in some drawer at home, still in its shrink wrap.

I have no idea why I typed this.

 

[mpimpin]

maybe you get a job find some way to hustle... make that change and go to the laundry mat yourself...

But like the other posters said study hard, make those grades and get out of the situation. Good luck bro.

It's never to early to start. Hard work and you can better yourself

 

[OzyBoy]

Just go to a laundromat. It will cost just spare change to wash and dry your clothes.

 

[penkitten]

when i was a kid , our family was poor.
i was the dishwasher, we had no machine.
we had gas stove and furnace that i learned how to light all by myself when i was like 6.
i babysat my siblings since i was 6 because my family couldn't afford a babysitter.
we had no car at times. we had nothing to eat but crap.
there was no college fund when you don't have working heat.
there was no such thing as air conditioning.
there were no friends staying over.

and it is all water under the bridge now.
i grew up and got a good job and i have enough money to allow my children the things i didnt have.
i am grateful for that.

perhaps you should look at the things you want in life, and figure out how to get those once you are grown.

 

[yungahdubz]

I think you have displaced anger over your situation and your mother does not deserve the brunt of it due to her condition because she is in the same boat as you are.

Instead of being angry, why don't you take a little control of things. You need money? then go find yourself a part time job. You want to go to a good university? study your ass off and hopefully they will pay you to go. If not, you can always start off in a small college and work your way up. There are always solutions and alternatives to every situation.

You need your washing done? do them yourself. As a matter of fact try to make the best of your situation by getting things done, instead of complaining and not being in control. Its not like you are on the streets, in an abusive situation or you don't have anything to eat or wear.

I agree with what you say, she didn't deserve the reaction she got from me and she's not fully at fault for our financial situation, she is disabled after all. But still, I've been feeling this way for a while now but have stopped myself from screwing so as not to upset her. I guess the feelings i had bottled up just all erupted at once. And at the end of the day, she is accountable for our households finance, or lack of it, so i guess this is why my displaced anger was unleashed on her.

Also, you say i should take control. I think i'm doing so. I've been looking for a part-time job for months now, i've only recently stopped to focus on revision for my exams. I've frequently been round the 3 main shopping centres asking for vacancies, i've searched hard on the internet. I even walked to every business around my house within a 1 mile radius when we got let off school early due to the heating breaking. Instead of going out with my mates i chose to look for a job during the week England has its worst weather conditions for decades.

Furthermore, I've been studying hard. I've been going to revision sessions during my holidays in school.

And i know it will probably sound like i'm making excuses, but it would be impractical for me to do my own washing. I cant drive so i'd have to get 2 or 3 buses there and the same back and paying for my washing would just end up costing more than doing it together.


penkitten, Interceptor, Jaggs - thanks for putting it into perspective.

thanks everyone else aswell