Violated Iron Rule of Tomassi #2

[mikeraw]

I thought I had this clear, but for some reason I violated Tomassi's Iron Rule #2:

Iron Rule of Tomassi # 2

NEVER, under pain of death, honestly or dishonsetly reveal the number of women you've slept with or explain any detail of your sexual experiences with them to a current lover.

Basically, I've been dating this Venezuelan chick for the past few weeks and this Memorial Day we didn't do anything but screw for about 7 hours. In between bouts, of course, there was pillow talk and all that. I was pretty good in deflecting most of her questions, especially this one, but somehow, I either gave in or just said Fak It and told her...

Well, she just asked questions:

V: "More than 10?"
M: "More"
V: "More than 20?"
M: "More"
V: "More than 30?"
M: "More"
V: "More than 50?"
M: "More"

Then she stopped. Of course, before this I had told her that she wasn't going to like any answer I gave her and as the numbers got bigger my tone became more impatient... not TOO impatient, just barely to get my point across...

Then the next day she went through my pictures on Facebook and texted me that she didn't like the fact that most of them are just me with girls.

How would you guys handle future conversations on this topic? I can't stop kicking myself over this violation, but I know I can find a way to downplay this...

Thanks!

Mikeraw

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Sucker.

The single most disastrous AFC move a man can make is to OVERTLY describe past sexual experiences and/or give a number (accurate or not) to how many women he's been with prior to the one he's with. This simple act ALWAYS comes off as pretensiousness and is often the catalyst for an avalanche of emotional resentment, if not outright emotional blackmail from an insecure woman. Women are natural "stamp collectors"; she may not have a problem with your sexual past at the time you honestly tell her about it, but rest assured that all of this is being sandbagged for use in the first (or next) fight you find yourself in. This is a rookie mistake that will only take you once to learn.

If a woman puts you on the spot by directly asking you for this information always sidestep this COVERTLY. C&F works wonders in this situation and still keeps the air of mystery and challenge about you.

Her: "So how many girls have you been with?"
You: "You're my first actually"
Her: "Really, how many girls have you been with?"
You:" Oh, you meant tonight?"
Her: "C'mon, how many girls have you been with?"
You: "You know, I really lost count after 150" (or something outrageous).

When a woman asks you this question she is seeking confirmation of what she already suspects - NEVER give her this satisfaction. When a woman resorts to OVERT communication (COVERT being her native language) she's generally exhausted her patience to be COVERT and this is a desperation tactic for an insecure woman.

Fall back on C&F and steer the conversation to be about her.

HER: "when was the last time you had sex?"
YOU: (look at her, then your watch or a clock, it's 7pm) Well I'm planning on that being about 10pm tonight.

HER: "when was the last time you had sex?"
YOU: You mean today?

HER: "No really, when was the last time you had sex?"
YOU: When I was 16. (or something suitably outrageous depending on your age)

HER: "C'mon, when was the last time you had sex?"
YOU: That all depends on what you consider sex. Does a blow job count?
HER: "Yes."
YOU: "Oh good, we should definitely have sex then"

The idea is that she's supposed to get the message that she's bordering on desperate insecurity for OVERTLY asking you several times. Bear in mind that women who resort to OVERT communication (rather than women's preferred means; COVERT communication) are generally perceived as being desperate or lacking control. Draw attention to this gently, but firmly with C&F.

 

[NewMan]

How would you guys handle future conversations on this topic? I can't stop kicking myself over this violation, but I know I can find a way to downplay this...

The cat's out of the bag.

If she can't ahndle it you can only move on. It will save you in the long term.

 

[Colossus]

Ahh, pillow talk. Many an unsuspecting man has dug himself a proper hole in these moments. I know I have.

You've already told her, so the best you can do is not ever bring it up again. But you can take it to the bank that anything you say---especially stuff about your sexual past---can and WILL be used against you at a later date.

Any guy who's been in an LTR knows that sh!t he said YEARS ago and completely forgot about somehow comes up verbatim when he is least expecting it, usually in an argument or jealousy episode.

 

[Nutz]

Good stuff on how to handle this. I know I've been there and lost lays because of it. Wish I'd known then what I know now.

 

[godofanxiety]

What do you do when she knows you from before you hooked up and she knows that the number is laughably small? In that case the cool C&F evasion technique gets pretty sad. Or not?

 

[Darles Chickens]

What do you do when she knows you from before you hooked up and she knows that the number is laughably small? In that case the cool C&F evasion technique gets pretty sad. Or not?

You think fvuck it!

It's not really any of her business. If you keep in mind that this is being done, as Rollo pointed out to be used against you in the future or to maintain her position on a pedastool, then you should have fun with it or just flat out tell her it's none of her business...which it really isn't.

If you position your frame of mind that you are allowing her to run through this selection of games/sh!t tests etc and that it's not going to affect how you view yourself as a man, or more importantly provide value in other areas then it shouldn't really matter.

DC

 

[ketostix]

Engaging in pillow talk huh? Don't you know you're supposed to pretend like your falling asleep afterwards and aren't coherent enough to engage in pillow talk? At least that's how I play it lol.

 

[Frenchconnection]

Good replies but that still doesn't answer the question. You may side step but I think some type of answer needs to be given.

Not a specific number how about a range?

 

[Sandow]

Good stuff Rollo.

Nothing good can ever come out of telling a girl the number of girls you've slept with. Especially if its a high number. Though, I don't think you did that bad because you never told her your exact number. Nearly every girl I've been with has asked me that question and I always joke around with it like Rollo said. On the other hand, I never ask the same question back. Doing so will make you appear insecure. So hopefully you didn't do that.

Anyways, my advice is to never bring it up again. Obviously, she will. Just tell her that it's not important and change the subject. if you must, give her a broad range. Eventually she'll let it go.

 

[Warrior74]

Good replies but that still doesn't answer the question. You may side step but I think some type of answer needs to be given.

Not a specific number how about a range?

No. Nothing. It's not up for discussion or debate. C&F, ignore, change subject. Don't get drawn into the conversation.

 

[Jitterbug]

Last time I had that conversation, I used Rollo's response with my own little modification at the end:

Her: "So how many girls have you been with?"
You: "You're my first actually"
Her: "Really, how many girls have you been with?"
You:" Oh, you meant tonight?"
Her: "C'mon, how many girls have you been with?"
You: "I don't know, I've forgotten all about them after I met you *smiles* Come here *kiss*"

I wasn't with her long enough (only dated for 2 weeks before she went overseas) for that topic to come up again though.

 

[Da Realist]

Yep, I'll admit I violated that rule and is so true! Women will get so worked up despite the fact they will tell you how many guys they were with. The thing is not to ever, EVER allow them to make you feel bad for it. It is their problem and theirs to deal with alone. I remember when I did it, one said she would never talk to me again. She called back to brow beat me some more that night. Best not to do it, but if you slip up, stand by your d?ck! He will never let you down and you shouldn't abandon him under any circumstances!