Views on saying "I love you" before she does.

[Nex]

Greetings fellow DJs, after a while without posting I've come with a question.

First off, let's not start with why long term-long distance relationships generally do not work. Back in my rAFC days I carried a little checklist in my pocket with the exact description of the "perfect girl", and now, two years later after, I've found a girl who meets almost every criteria on that list, and so am quickly falling in love.

The deal is this, we have been together for TWO MONTHS (short time, I know), and she will be going back to her country in about two-three weeks. We have decided to continue our relationship (please don't comment as to why I shouldn't do this, I know very well, but I'm willing to try).

Last Saturday I took her for a little trip in Venice, which is when I really noticed that she is madly in love with me -- hey, she couldn't stand the whole "DJ" stuff - who can?

There, she asked me "Is this love?", and even though my inner-AFC would have said "Yes." (which was probably the better answer), I froze for a second and almost forgot all that I've learnt the past two years, forgot that the rules are guideless, and in certain circumstances (like if she's going away, or I'm going away indefinetely) they must be broken.

If you're wondering I gave the canned "I don't know yet, I like you very much, this is something special but when I'm sure I will tell you", to only see the look of disappoint in her face.

What are your views on saying "I Love you?" when you actually do? What about in this situation, in which she does love me, and is going to move away? Is it an excuse to be a little AFC? Should I try to nurture only postive things on these last three weeks together? These last three weeks will be how she remembers me, and also how I remember her (before we actually meet again), so it needs to be something special.

EDIT: Some additional questions and comments:

From what I've seen, when the AFC does get the girl and initiates a long term relationship, they will usually split only about 6 months later, as the girl DOES in fact enjoy the company of the AFC (when there was initial attraction for whatever reason), but only to get bored by him. The point here is that for the next three weeks I want to ease up on the whole attitude and be a little softer and let her know some of my emotions (look, I'm not a chump, by AFC I'm not saying that I'll puke anything disgusting), but I'm saying about actually making her feel more appreciated, because I really care for her and don't want to risk her getting hurt by leaving with doubt of whether or not I really do care for her.

Thanks in advance.

Cheers,
Nex

 

[sexy_kuta]

if u been dating for 2 months then are both commit.. just be straight up... i love you..

be true always

i think people get mixed up with clingy and saying i love you..

clingy is saying i love you way more than she is

 

[Nex]

Thanks sexy_kuta.

Any ideas on the right time and place?

 

[lebRambo]

dude, i'll tell you a story.

with my current ltr (its been 9 months on thursday), i waited to say it. I don't know why, it was obvious i had her hooked. When i said it (after 5 months), she was so releaved she called her best friend (who i'm also friends with and is way cool) and was like 'yeah, he FINALLY said it'.

anyway, she said she had felt it for a couple of weeks, but didn't want to say it first cause she just thinks that a guy should always say it first. I said it soon after i felt it and i was glad.

Dude, just be true. If it doesn't work it, it never was going to. Make your own luck, but you shouldn't have to force it.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

Thanks sexy_kuta.

Any ideas on the right time and place?

Why do you need to plan when to say "I love you"?

When the moment is right you will know it? You had the perfect setup earlier, but you let this DJ trash fk you up.

 

[sexy_kuta]

Dude, just be true. If it doesn't work it, it never was going to. Make your own luck, but you shouldn't have to force it.

i dont know what so say.. cant stress enough on how True that is! good way of layin it down

if doesnt work it never was going to work in the first place..

just dont be the one that says i love u first all the time she should be sayin it too..if ur the one whos always sayin it first then thats a problem

 

[Local Celebrity]

I wouldn't have answered that question like that, PERSONALLY when she said "is this love?" I would've said "what do you think?" and maybe smirked a bit.

And i'm cautious as hell on saying "I love you" simply because when I was an AFC, i've said it and was like "why in the fvck did I say that to her?" Recently my boy had a relationship with this chick, things were going semi-bad, so he says "I love you" it made everything ALL better, but I knew it wouldn't work. We both came to find it's good to be an ******* to hot chicks, this is semi-irrelevant, but getting to the point, he says to her a month later "You know what, I don't love you"

They're still together, but that by itself really messed things up.

 

[MattS]

wait for the girl to say it first cause you wont look as needy. i know it sucks but it just works like that. just show her by your actions first. dude if a girl loves you she will say it. then you say it back if you feel the same.

 

[sexy_kuta]

wait for the girl to say it first cause you wont look as needy. i know it sucks but it just works like that. just show her by your actions first. dude if a girl loves you she will say it. then you say it back if you feel the same.

how is that needy dude.. the guy is speaking based on his TRUE feelings

its not about how amny times hes gonna say love you.

its based on if hes Allowed to say it..

its only needy if hes always saying it and says it more than her.. by saying it once and first it will open her up
and if she dumps him for that then shes a biitch and she was gonna leave him anyways simple is that

 

[MattS]

sexy kuta you ever been in love/ltr? its another challenge for the girl which will make them like you even more. hard to explain but its better if the girl says it first. If youve been hanging out with a girl does the guy ask if they are together or not? if he does the girl will see weakness = turn off. girls decide where you are in a relationship. I dont know its hard to explain youll know if youve been at that point. it makes them think does he love me or not what can i do to make him love me. get what im saying if they want it to get to that next level the will do what it takes.

yea an ugly girl whose never had a guy will totally be into him but if shes hot chances are she wont.
dude it would be nice to be able to speak your true feelings all the time. but the way the world works espically with a hot girl it doesnt work like that. so i wanna speak my true feelings to a hot girl i see at the bar never met before. "hey youre really hot and i wanna fvck tonight" so if she denies me shes a b1tch right cause i was just showing my true feelings. obviously its alright to reveal your true feelings if you guys are in a ltr and its super serious but in the begining you dont reveal all your cards.

 

[sexy_kuta]

sexy kuta you ever been in love/ltr? its another challenge for the girl which will make them like you even more. hard to explain but its better if the girl says it first. If youve been hanging out with a girl does the guy ask if they are together or not? if he does the girl will see weakness = turn off. girls decide where you are in a relationship. I dont know its hard to explain youll know if youve been at that point. it makes them think does he love me or not what can i do to make him love me. get what im saying if they want it to get to that next level the will do what it takes.

yea an ugly girl whose never had a guy will totally be into him but if shes hot chances are she wont.
dude it would be nice to be able to speak your true feelings all the time. but the way the world works espically with a hot girl it doesnt work like that. so i wanna speak my true feelings to a hot girl i see at the bar never met before. "hey youre really hot and i wanna fvck tonight" so if she denies me shes a b1tch right cause i was just showing my true feelings. obviously its alright to reveal your true feelings if you guys are in a ltr and its super serious but in the begining you dont reveal all your cards.

thats also true

but dont u think 2 months is a lil later? thats 2 months of commitement i believe

most LTR last aorund 8 weeks his is still going, if my girlfriend would take me for granted like that i would find her not worth to keep and would be happy to end it there.. the way i see it, its a test but im still caught up on ur reason.. ur also right lol

i guess it depends on the girl if she the type to take u for granted...

but if its 4 months down the road and she didnt say anything i'd say it
and as for love.. i'd rather show it by action.
im all about actions

 

[MattS]

yea but if a girl after 2 months doesnt say anything usually it will take only 1 month you must be doing something wrong. basically if you have to say it first about being together or i love you your not turning her on and by saying first then you kind of give her the upper hand

 

[Nex]

yea but if a girl after 2 months doesnt say anything usually it will take only 1 month you must be doing something wrong. basically if you have to say it first about being together or i love you your not turning her on and by saying first then you kind of give her the upper hand

The thing is she DOES say it, however she doesn't word it as "I love you", because she's probably afraid that it'll scare me away.

She hugs me real tight and says, almost crying,

"You have no idea how much you mean to me."
"You can't possibily imagine how much you mean to me."

The deal is, I would never reveal my feelings if it was a relationship that I knew I had time, get it? But this one that will have the greatest possible test in three weeks, in which she will move to another country, so really, if we're both not true to each other now, we never will be.

The reason she probably hasn't said much is because we've been having a long distance relationship from almost the start, she lives about 30 miles away and I don't drive, so I get to see her about 1-2 a week, and when we're not together we send SMS and call, but now it'll become a really damn far away relationship. I've told her many times that it'll probably not work, or that it'll be extremely hard making it work since we'll be seeing each other once a month and I'll have to be brushing away all the other girls (and she the men), to which I actually said to her that it's unlikely and rarely ever works. She begged me that we continue.

I even said to her "Maybe we can just be friends" to which she replied "NO!!!"

 

[LouBrication]

I dont understand why we all make "I love you" such a big deal... people spit those words out all the time, people say it so much, it almost loses it's meaning. hell, it pretty much doesnt mean anything to me anymore, once in a while i'll tell girls "i love you" in a playful way, when i'm just sociallizing with them.

i didn't really like saying it before, but girls usually react positively to the phrase "i love you"... so i say it, but i just say it like i'm not really that serious, like if i tease her and she gets upset i'll say "i'm just playing, you know i love you." ...now that i think of it, i say "i love you" more than i should... eeewww... but i guess if you say it a few times when you're just getting to know her, it'll be easier to say when you're actually in love with her... maybe...

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

I think there is nothing wrong with saying it first, as long as you've been together long enough that it is implied. You both know it, and her hearing you say it will change everything for the better. It's like the next step in an ever growing relationship.

Now, here's a story that deals with saying it when the time isn't right.

I was dating this girl last year, and we really hit it off. I don't think I ever met someone who i jived with so well (up to that point). We'd been together for about a month and a half and one night we were just cuddled up on the couch, watching a movie and talking... somehow the convo steered to "us" and I still, to this day, don't know how it happened... but those three words "I love you" slipped out of my mouth. I was shocked. I never mean't to say it, but it came out. She sorta gave me a surprised look and half-assedly said it back to me, and after that day things went downhill.

It went from us being cool, to me appearing to be way more invested into our relationship than she was and that was a bad thing.

 

[Nex]

Thanks for all the replies.

Hahaha, this emotions crap really fcked up my game, today after she sent me an SMS asking if I could come tonight, I sent her a reply saying that I had to let her know something. What a fck up, now basically she's going to be asking what was that I wanted to say, even if tonight I don't feel it's the right time or place.

Hmmmmmmmmm. I'll just make up something up to get the whole pressure of both of us -- and only then I will see if I will tell her I love her, when she reaches the moment that she becomes pudding and her eyes are bright and glittery, without being turned on sexually. This is what I call emotionally horny.

Any other thoughts?

 

[Nex]

Anyway, I said it yesterday. It was a real fck up too, when I said it she was actually kind of surprised, and took a long time to actually say she loves me too... hahahaha - then I told her that I would have never said that to a girl I'm only with two months, but we don't have much time since she's leaving in 3 weeks.

Well, although it was fck up and now I realize I probably shouldn't have said, I don't think it'll really hurt our relationship since we're hitting it off pretty well and I can basically do/say anything I want.

Needless to say afterwards I get the best blowj0b of my life.